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Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 19 Sep 2020 11:17 Title: Episode 12.11 - Battle Over Rings

Maybe not a Disney vibe, but definitely a Star Wars vibe (which these days may be the same thing)

A lot of action here. Interesting note on the time dilution effect which is practically never referred to in Trek but I would assume would play a big part in real space flight and battles.

The Dolphin/T'Lon/Red scenes were the highlight of this chapter for me, no doubt.

Author's Response:

Glad you enjoyed the odd little triangle and a moment of rom com. 

I do occasionally try to put some science in my science fiction. When Wesley Crusher shows up, there will be some references to the universe being only one dimensional and consisting only of information - which sounds wierd as hell, but is what some physicists are deriving from Stephen Hawking's theories about black holes...

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 19 Sep 2020 11:08 Title: Episode 12.10 - Breaking the Ice

I'm sure there is a Frozen reference here somewhere I could quote ... too bad I can't think of it.

Actually maybe that's a good thing as you were clearly not shooting for a Disney vibe here.

Still, love the imagery.

Author's Response:

Well, there are a couple of princesses in need of rescue... Having never actually seen Frozen, I wouldn't know enough for a reference.

Glad you're enjoying the scene - part of the fun of telling a story on Andoria.

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 17 Sep 2020 19:53 Title: Episode 12.9 - Standing Orders

There are stories out there were characters to though unimaginable hardships that push them near a physical and emotional breaking point.

Leave it to Hunter to give us a story where a character goes though such a strain by .... standing still for a very long time.

Author's Response:

I got the idea from the US Marshal service. These guys escort and capture the most dangerous criminals, but their biggest injury rate comes from standing for long periods in court.

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 17 Sep 2020 19:48 Title: Episode 12.8 - Red Hot

“What???”

My reaction precisely.

Although you'd think I'd be used to expecting the unexpected by now.

Author's Response:

Red is based on a girl I knew in college. Everyone loved her - or they were terrified of her. 

She was expelled for putting a tennis racket through a computer screen and life got a little more predictable. Unfortuantely. 

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 17 Sep 2020 19:43 Title: Episode 12.7 - Shran's Aviary

That's one way to carry out an interrogation ...

Author's Response:

Shran is not exactly a fluffy bunny..

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 12 Sep 2020 12:50 Title: Episode 12.6 - Sister Ship

Among other things, you sure love playing with names. There's always a story there and there aren't many John Smith's in ST Hunter.

Author's Response:

Every culture has a "John." For the bajorans, it's "Garr." For the andorians, "Sin" and "Siev" are common male first names. "Suparman" is a common Indonesian name. I worked actors' name into the names of several of my flag officers. No John Smith.. but there is a George Smith, John Kelley and Johnny Canada...

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 12 Sep 2020 12:45 Title: Episode 12.5 - Canada On Ice

High body count in this chapter.

And more questions. A disease that has befallen Vulcans? Well, that certainly tracks with what we know so far.

Author's Response:

Well... that's one opinion... There are vulcans who would disagree.

You're not the first to remark on the high body count in STH. Which is one reason I dumped the original open and added a new Ep 2.1 in which Geordi LaForge explains that Irons gets the dirty jobs and remarks that "death and destruction follow her around like pet dogs."

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 12 Sep 2020 12:39 Title: Episode 12.4 - Toeing the Line

Okay, I like how the pieces are slowly falling into place here, although not yet quickly enough to get the full picture.

It just struck me as a little odd that Tauk is T'Lon's superior officer and not the other way around. I guess that's just me struggling a bit to think of Ferengi Starfleet officers. I know, I know, must get over those racial hang-ups.

Author's Response:

Ton of backstory that isn't in STH - T'Lok Smith and T'Lon were both SF Academy grads. T'Lok was 2 years older. Tauk is actually a year younger than T'Lon. At age 17 he was awarded the equivalent of a Ph.D. in game theory by the Ferengi Commerce Authority (meaning he made a fortune). He published his theories and was promptly exiled for blasphemy. He became a Federation citizen, went through 6 months SF Officer Candidate School, joined SF as a midshipmen at age 19 and made 1st Lt by age 25. He promoted T'Lon to 2nd Lt. between Ep 7 & 8. His illness causes a big personality shift.

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 12 Sep 2020 12:32 Title: Episode 12.3 - Standing Requirements

Kudos for this truly alien and somewhat bizarre legal system. Makes a lot of sense that even within the Federation legal systems differ quite a bit. Although one would imagine at least some overlap to ensure basic Federation rights are guranteed by all member worlds.

Author's Response:

Glad you liked this. I took my cue from the STE ep that revealed the primary function of antorian antennae is balance. Which seemed a nice tension for thier culture - warriors - but with a sense of balance being their most cherished virtue. Which would include balancing individual rights with the responsibilities of citizenship.

Thanks again for the kind words! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 12 Sep 2020 12:27 Title: Episode 12 - Prisoner in the Ice Castle

I see what you did there with starting us off with a bit of a teaser first. Nicely done.

Also, looks like your version of Andor is a pretty violent place. Not totally suprising considering their warrior nature.

Author's Response:

I recently decided to move the credits/open behind the first few scenes for a number of episodes. I felt that Ep 12 needed a jump start after Ep 11, which doesn't have much action.

Mem Beta has Andor being a democracy, which was boring - I wanted an actual empire within the Federation to play around with. 

Thanks again for the kind words! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 08 Sep 2020 20:25 Title: Episode 12.2 - Investigator Shran Walks Into a Bar

Okay, we're on Andor. That makes sense. Also Shran = one bad mother.

I'm not sure if he's being dishonest here, playing with semantics or if he's not actually with Starfleet.

Author's Response:

Buttans and Shran are private investigators contracted to Star Fleet. And at the moment it's Eliminator Shran, First Class...

Glad you're enjoying his Clint Eastwood moment...

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 08 Sep 2020 20:18 Title: Episode 12.1 - Ice Hole

"It's a trap!" Always evokes a certain sci-fi franchise. I doubt the Empire is behind this one. Though right now I'm not entirely sure what's happening here. Guess I better read on.

Author's Response:

Different empire...

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 06 Sep 2020 12:32 Title: Episode 11.14 - C.D.S. Milithra

Wait, what?

There layers within layers to this tale. Bad things are clearly afoot but at this point I don't really know who is doing what. Is this some S31 shenanigans going on or something far more sinister? I suppose I'll have to keep reading to find out.

Author's Response:

This was the new scene I added. It was in the background and I needed to bring it out to set up plot points later on. And I like the idea of a Federation Justice being a really creepy, frightening thing. Vulcans can be far creepier than anything else in the ST universe. Especially since everyone admires them.

Thanks! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 06 Sep 2020 12:26 Title: Episode 11.13 - Ban Bang Chum Tho Fertility Clinic, Surat Thani, Thailand

The sheer number of characters in this series is really quite amazing. Even more so is the fact that everyone seems to have a backstory or a story arc. I'll admit, I struggle keeping up with all of them occasionally but I'm still pretty impressed.

Author's Response:

Most characters come and go - Dr. Pali is just functionary to the plot line of Lynart and Cantys. STH does have a large cast, which gives me the opportunity to tell a wide variety of stories. I have a comprehensive list of characters, including the walk-on characters like Dr. Pali, just so I can keep track of them all. There are well over 100 of them.

Ep. 11 isn't really an episode - more like a series of vignettes, each of which sets up plot lines and through-lines for the rest of Year 2: The Destroyer of Worlds (Eps 11-19).

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 06 Sep 2020 12:22 Title: Episode 11.12 - The Smith Estate, Kauai Island, Hawaii

Yeah, not surprised we're back to surfing. It had been a while.

I always wondered what it be like if everybody could just live wherever they wanted to. Places like Hawaii would be really crowded, I guess.

Author's Response:

Several of the smalle islands and large parts of Kauai Island are restricted to Hawaiian natives. I suspect that will continue. But what a native Hawaiian family is is driven by whom they marry and accept into their families. The Smiths have adopted Dolphin because he carrys T'Lok's katra (which will get called back in future episodes.)

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 04 Sep 2020 12:02 Title: Episode 11.11 - Executive Conference Room, U.S.S. Hunter

Well, this had hints of Measure of a Man but not nearly as contentious.

It also reminds me of the Voyager episode where the EMH was trying to publish his book. Although, all I can remember of it is that there were all these worker holograms slaving in mine pits or something like that in the end.

I say it again, AI is a tricky thing. Looks like they've got a good handle on it here though.

Author's Response:

Like everything in STH, the enfranchisement of Dr. Kim will return and be a key plot device in a future ep.

I think it will be much harder to handle AI that is not based on human personalities - which we'll definitely have to do first.

I did base it on the Measure ep - and referenced the EMH ep as well. It was those holoslaves that inspired the prohibition against creating self-aware holograms.

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 02 Sep 2020 11:17 Title: Episode 11.10 - Serengeti National Park, Tanzania

Okay this was intense. I had to go back and re-read the beginning to make sure this was taking place on Earth and not some far-flung colony world were wilderness rules prevail.

Quite a different interpretation of a future Earth society. One were there is no such thing as CPS, apparently.

Author's Response:

There are several open questions about a future Star Trek Earth. How would we protect our wildlife and wilderness against aliens with cloaking devices and transporters? And how much autonomy would indiginous people have to manage their affairs and protect their territory? If today's Maasai catch you poaching, they are not very friendly and they carry rifles in addition to spears and knives.

The arms race between poachers and rangers involves layers of technology on both sides. And quite a few poachers manage to make it through all the park services defenses. With dozens of technologically advanced alien races joining the fray, it seems to me encounters between poachers and nomadic populations would be likely to become increasingly deadly. 

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 01 Sep 2020 10:50 Title: Episode 11.9 - Mlady's Cabin, U.S.S. Hunter

Absurd is about right.

But besides the holographic AI avatar of a starship having intercourse with a flesh and blood sentient being, the entire AI thing is a real head scratcher. The fact that humans can create self-aware machines is just such a strange concept particularly since it is beginning to move out of the realm of science fiction and into science reality.

Author's Response:

I strongly suspect we have already given birth to AI and just don't know it yet. If we're going to give AI as much power as Hunter has, then we have to give it a conscience - and the human conscience is the only model we have. Which suggests a need to create an AI that is as human as possible. 

I tend to play most sex scenes for humor and once I had created a space ship with the ability to fall in love with a woman, the idea of having it experience an orgasm was just too funny to leave on the table.

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 01 Sep 2020 10:42 Title: Episode 11.8 - Anna's Egg, Bolshoya Neva River, St. Petersburg, Russia

Looks like Ad Astra doesn't like -- what I'm assuming are supposed to be Russian characters -- either. I know the problem well.

Interesting scene here. I didn't know where this was going until I remembered that Irons is with S31. I'm interested to find out how you portray the controversial agency, since the way it was shown in canon didn't leave me with a positive opinion of it.

It may have changed over time, it may have always been misunderstood, or it just may still be as sinister as it has always been, willing to pay any price to safeguard the Federation. I also wonder into what camp Irons fits in.

Author's Response:

Yeah - I had the Cyrilic characters to spell Anna's Egg (in Russian). Oddly, the platform doesn't seem to have problems with umlots, but doesn't seem to recognize any other accents or letters outside of the standard English alphabet.

This scene was kind of my tribute to James Bond movies - which feature lots of boat rides in European waters. 

Julian Bashir introduced us to Section 31, so I thought it would be fun to portray him as the new director of the agency. I have added a few more Section 31 beats to the story, including the new final scene for Ep 11. Stuff that I knew was going on behind the scenes, but that I really needed to show the reader.

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 30 Aug 2020 09:34 Title: Episode 11.7 - Daystrom Institute Headquarters, New Eden, Mars

Trek needs a healthy does of technobabble to make it Trek.

You have a great ability to make yours sound particularly scientifically plausible, although, I'm the first to admit that I wouldn't have a clue.

Author's Response:

I love the idea that space ships run on math. All this powerful Trek tech is only possible because of a bunch of nerds scrawling arcane equations on chalkboards.

This scene foreshadows some rather nasty things that happen later on involving those subspace instabilities...

And thanks again for the kind words!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 30 Aug 2020 09:20 Title: Episode 11.6 - Central Park, New York City, New York

Nice little scene with some terrific dialogue. Particularly liked the chanting Tellarite priest. That was priceless.

Also, how do we get there? I thought that was a bit of an odd question in the 24th century, but the pay off was great. Of course, with powerful Betazoids around, all you have to do is think really hard. Pretty cool and also, just a little scary.

Author's Response:

Telepathy is a serious problem with the ST universe - one that they almost never played for the real danger it poses. Babylon 5's treatment of it was awesome. I figured I would split the difference. 

That joke about the whole universe being Roman Catholic comes from an observation my wife made about every space opera featuring at least one alien race producing Gregorian chants in something that sounds like Latin. You'll find it in Trek, B5, Stargate, Alien Nation, V and a dozen sci-fi movies. 

Thaks for the kind words!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 27 Aug 2020 20:16 Title: Episode 11.5 - Flight Cabin, B.R. Prophet Motive

I know I keep focusing on the wrong things, I really should be wondering about this insane war the Romulans fought for decades, or this new threat that will wipe out all the known Galaxy, or the Borg who ar the only ones who can stop this, but for some reason I got stuck on the "enormously obese" Bajoran. Don't hear that often in Trek.

I can't help but imagine the restaurant patron in that Monty Python movie who exploded after having that little mint.

Author's Response:

Well.. maybe not THAT obese.. But everyone in Trek is either fit or thin and I thought it would be nice to give a fat guy a chance for a change... And in a later episode he gets to throw his weight around - literally.

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 27 Aug 2020 20:04 Title: Episode 11.4 - Star Fleet Headquarters, Dubuque, Iowa

This made me wonder who the Federation is at war with if that rank is only awarded during war times. Or maybe it doesn't revert back after hostilities end?

Author's Response:

It doesn't revert - similar to the U.S. Navy Fleet Admiral and Field Marshal (5 star general) in the U.S. Army. There aren't any left because the last declared war was WWII. 

I was wrong, however, there was another Fleet Admiral, so I need to correct that. Fleet Admiral Alynna Necheyev, who took over Star Fleet Intelligence. 

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 26 Aug 2020 20:07 Title: Episode 11.3 - Medical Office, U.S.S. Hunter

Hmmm, not sure if this was what Starlfeet had in mind with those disclosure meetings. They feel terribly awkward and bit preachy. Almost like a classroom lecture. Don't blame Hui for losing his (ridged) tongue. Would want to go something like that either.

Author's Response:

Wow - looks like I failed with this one. I was going for light hearted and slightly naughty humor.

Humor is notoriously the most difficult stuff to write. 

I'll have to think about this one to see if there's a way to tune it a little better.

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: CeJay Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 26 Aug 2020 19:59 Title: Episode 11.2 - Federation Council Building (Part 2 of 2)

Oh sure, no problem, go ahead and build the largest ship ever constructed with massive fire power and make sure you don't tell anybody about it.

Things are getting serious.

Author's Response:

Yeah - Ushi doesn't expect much out of people... Turns out the top brass don't have it any easier than the captains.

Thanks!! rbs

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