ACT TWO

FADE IN:

6 INT. DS9 – QUARK'S BAR

The breakfast crowd – officers and civilians with coffees, pancakes, bowls of oatmeal. People looking tired, dragging themselves to wakefulness.

Pass over to a table where PRYNN and CANDLEWOOD are sat, or rather slumped. Candlewood is in fact face down, head on the table, groaning in semi-consciousness.

PRYNN
You really haven't got this
'dignity of a senior officer'
thing down yet, have you?

CANDLEWOOD
If I haven't managed waking up
in the morning after twenty-six
years, dignity has little chance.

QUARK arrives, looking down at Candlewood unimpressed.

QUARK
Shall I clear these plates, or do you
need to drool onto them some more?

CANDLEWOOD
It's a dignified drooling.

Prynn starts batting Candlewood gently about the head.

PRYNN
Will you wake up!

CANDLEWOOD
Abuse! Violence in the workplace!

QUARK
You know, if you have this much
trouble in the mornings, I have
several holosuite programs that
know just how to perk a man up.

PRYNN
Always the philanthropist, Quark.
But somehow I don't think your
particular brand of entertainment
will be quite to John's taste.

QUARK
Why not? I have programs for every
taste. Everyone is welcome at Quark's!

A LAUGH comes through the crowd, a warm and rich male voice, and John's head immediately snaps up. It's HETIK, just arriving for his morning shift, laughing with TREIR as they enter together. Prynn notices the change, and smirks.

PRYNN
Well, I think we've found one thing
that perks John up.

John blushes furiously, and slumps back onto the table, his head bonking on the surface.

CANDLEWOOD
Ow.

Quark picks up the empty plates and heads away. He steps behind the bar, places the empties into the reclamator. When he turns around, puppy TIFF is sitting on the bar.

TIFF
Hi!

QUARK
Aah!

Quark jumps and drops the tray; it clatters noisily to the floor. He pauses to catch a breath, then flags down Hetik.

QUARK
Hetik! Take this... delightful
creature... off the counter.

HETIK
Come on, you. You know you're
not supposed to be up there.

Hetik picks up the puppy and carries him away.

At another table Nog sits, tense and uncomfortable. Pif perches opposite still in uniform, with the puppies up and down and all around.

NOG
I'm sorry, Pif. But I just don't
think engineering is going to
work out for you. For your own
sake as well as mine.

PIF
I understand. These paws aren't
really good for manipulating
delicate tools, are they?

NOG
But I've spoken to Major Cenn.
He's willing to give you a go
on security.

PIF
Thanks, Nog. I know yesterday
wasn't easy for you. Thanks for
being nice about it.

Hetik arrives, Tiff cradled in his arms.

HETIK
Pif – I have something of yours.

NOG
You know what? I just had an idea.
Could you do something for us, Hetik?

HETIK
Name it.

NOG
Could you look after the puppies
for the day? Pif's wife is down on
Bajor and he can't really take
them on security patrol...

HETIK
I'd love to. And I'm sure Quark
won't mind at all – he loves the
little fellas!

Nog chuckles at the joke. Hetik moves away, still cradling the puppy. Nog shudders at the furry things all around him.

NOG
I'm curious, Pif. Didn't you live
and work with two Ferengi on
the Even Odds for years?

PIF
(nods)
Feg and Triv. Didn't see much of
them, really. They kept to them
selves. Whenever I managed to
corner one of them, they always
had to rush off to do something.
I guess they were too busy
counting their money.

NOG
Yeah, I'm sure that's what it
was. I'll see you later, Pif.

Nog gets up from the chair and walks stiffly over towards Prynn and Candlewood's table. Once he gets there, he lets loose with a shuddering groan of revulsion that he's been holding in for ages.

NOG
Nnnnnngggggaaaaaaaahhhhh!

CANDLEWOOD
(smile)
Something wrong?

NOG
Shut up. Let's just go before I
tear all my skin off and go for
a trilithium shower.

They all get up and get ready to leave. But before they go, Candlewood looks back across the room towards Hetik.

The hunky Bajoran dabo boy is still cradling the puppy in his big muscular arms. Candlewood's eyes scan the tableau over. Arms. Face. Puppy. Face. Arms. Puppy. Arms.

CANDLEWOOD
Kill me now.

He throws up his hands in surrender and turns away.

7 INT. DS9 – CARGO BAY

A freighter is docked, with its holds open into the cargo bay. Major CENN is in charge, with crewman SEVAK (Vulcan male) present and a couple of other security officers.

Boslic captain RIONOJ, she of the flowing purple hair and aquiline features, stands imperiously with hands on hips.

RIONOJ
Major, I'm offended. I've been
doing business on this station for
more than a decade, since before
the Cardassians left.

CENN
All the more reason to make sure
we're not becoming complacent,
then. Isn't that logical, Sevak?

SEVAK
It is indeed, Major.

From among the crates and boxes strewn around the bay, Pif emerges, in his fitted Bajoran uniform, sniffing every box. He stretches high on his back legs to sniff something. Previously distracted, Rionoj finally sees him and recoils.

RIONOJ
What the hell is that?

CENN
That, Captain, is my new deputy.

RIONOJ
You must really be in trouble.

CENN
Why do you say that?

RIONOJ
Hiring sniffer dogs? If I knew
your security measures were
that weak, I'd have tried getting
around them long before now.

CENN
So you admit you're trying to get
around our security now?

RIONOJ
I never said that.

SEVAK
In fact, as a caninoid species,
Aarruri olfactory senses are much
more sensitive than those of
humanoids. And the instincts of a
living creature can always consider
possibilities purely technological
sensors cannot.

PIF
That's right!

RIONOJ
Aah! It talks?!

PIF
(cheerful)
Of course I talk! Aarruri are
great at talking.

Rionoj breaks out in huge peals of laughter.

SEVAK
I fail to see amusement in our
current circumstances.

RIONOJ
Then you're not paying attention.
Look at this thing! You really
expect me to take it seriously?

CENN
I assure you, Captain, you should
be taking this very seriously.

RIONOJ
This thing as a security officer?
What's he going to do, lick me to
death? All I need is a cookie in
my pocket and I can smuggle in
whatever I want!

Pif growls, his hackles raising. The normally good-natured alien is getting annoyed now.

RIONOJ
(mocking)
Does puppy want a cookie? Want
a tickle behind the ears?

Pif has had enough. Baring his teeth and puffing himself up, he launches and runs straight at Rionoj, opens his jaws wide, and GRABS her hard round the leg.

She SCREAMS as he bites deep into the flesh, thrashing the leg side to side as she tries to fight him off.

CENN
Pif! Stop!

Pif has dragged Rionoj down to the floor now. He's still growling, she's still screaming. Cenn tries to pull the furious dog away, but his jaws are clamped tight.

Finally, Sevak calmly reaches over and gives Pif a Vulcan nerve pinch. The dog slumps unconscious to the deck, letting go of Rionoj's leg.

She pants, hissing her breath through her teeth. She backs away to a bulkhead, holding her torn and bleeding leg.

RIONOJ
Oh, Major. You just wait till my
lawyer gets here.

Cenn looks on worried...

8 INT. DS9 – QUARK'S BAR

Quark stands by a table, collecting empty glasses. Treir stands opposite, patient and long-suffering.

QUARK
I tell you, they're a menace.

TREIR
You're over-reacting.

QUARK
Am I? Broik's already dropped two
glasses today. That's profit out
of my pocket.

TREIR
And you're blaming that on the
puppies?

QUARK
They're a distraction. People tripping
over them, employees tickling their
bellies instead of earning me money.
Shedding all over the place like...
like animals!

TREIR
The customers love them.

QUARK
I don't care. Do you know one of
them follows me around all the
time? I can't escape!

TREIR
Aww, which one?

QUARK
How should I know? They're all
as disgusting as each other.

TREIR
Oh, Quark. What am I going to
do with you?

Sneering, Quark turns away and leaves. With a sigh, Treir turns and walks away the other direction.

But we slowly PAN down to underneath the table they were talking over...

...and the puppy TIFF is sitting on the deck under the table. He heard everything Quark just said. His spines are drooping, his ears flat with sadness, tears in his eyes.

Sniffling, he runs out from under the table, dashes across the bar and out onto the Promenade.

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT TWO