ACT THREE

FADE IN:

11 INT. DS9 – QUARK’S BAR

Ro is perched on a stool at the bar, watching the crowd go about their business. After a moment, QUARK sidles up, bringing her a drink from a tray. She smiles warmly.

RO
What, no private table under the
stairs this time?

QUARK
You’re not the station commander
anymore.

RO
(feigns indignation)
I’m still the first officer!

QUARK
Ah, but that gets you the
privileged position of being up
here at the bar with me.
(grin)
So are you plotting your coup
to seize back power yet?

RO
Hardly. I’m used to bouncing up
and down the ranks like a spring
ball. Doesn’t bother me. And I
don’t think I was really ready to
be in charge anyway.

QUARK
You’ll get there soon enough.

RO
And when I do... what happens to us?

QUARK
What do you mean?

RO
Just that... my relationship with
you as first officer is going to be
different to the one I had with
you as chief security officer.

QUARK
And what relationship is that, exactly?

RO
I guess that’s the real question,
isn’t it? Who knows?

QUARK
Well, I can tell you one thing for
certain. Whatever rank or position
she is, Ro Laren will always be
welcome at Quark’s.
(expression sours)
Unlike them.

Ro turns to see what Quark is looking at, and sees the Aarruri family stepping over the threshold into the bar. She sighs with exasperation.

RO
Oh, Quark. Sooner or later, you’re
going to have get over it. They’re
not going anywhere.

QUARK
Why is always me who has to get
over it? Worf trashes the place,
but I’m the bad guy. Taran’atar
trashes the place and breaks your
back, I’m the one with the problem.
And now those things! You know,
I thought the Federation was
supposed to be about accepting
people as they are. Well, this is how
I am. Stop trying to change me.

RO
It’s not intolerance to be intolerant
of intolerance, Quark.

QUARK
(blank look)
Do you want to try that again?

RO
It means they’ve done nothing
wrong. They’re not hurting anyone.
You’re the one trying to ban them
just for being who they are. The
one is not equivalent to the other.

QUARK
Bah! Whatever. Enjoy your drink.

Quark turns away, annoyed.

12 EXT. DEEP SPACE NINE - ESTABLISHING

A moment to express some time passing.

13 INT. DS9 – CANDLEWOOD’S QUARTERS

A mezuzah by the door, candlesticks on the windowsill. A small framed picture of him and Hetik on their date in Vic’s lounge. Some nice picture books on the coffee table, and a huge bank of computers to one side.

The replicator generates two delicate glasses of brightly coloured liquid, and a small plate of tiny biscuits. Candlewood reaches in and brings them over to the couches, where Nog and Prynn sit around the coffee table.

PRYNN
Ooh, those look yummy.

CANDLEWOOD
New recipe of my own design. I’m
quite the culinary whizz, you know.
If you count programming a
computer as cooking. Which my
mother certainly wouldn’t.

He hands the drinks over and sits down. Prynn takes a sip.

PRYNN
Nice. What’s in it?

CANDLEWOOD
Fortified Ashalla spring wine,
real Mexican tequila, rokassa
fruit liqueur and my own secret
special ingredient. I call it
Candlewood’s Curiosity.

NOG
It’s not going to make my tongue
turn purple and triple in size, is it?

CANDLEWOOD
If it does, it won’t be my doing.
Try it.

Wary of a possible prank, Nog takes a sip. Nothing bad happens, and it’s actually really nice.

NOG
Reminds me of the rotten fruit
from my uncle’s store room.

CANDLEWOOD
Oh, thanks a lot.

NOG
That’s a compliment. I liked the
fruit from my uncle’s store room.
(picks up padd)
So, let’s take a look at this job
description.

CANDLEWOOD
(settles in)
I’ve studied all of Commander Dax
and Lieutenant ch’Thane’s official
reports to get an idea of what they
expect from a chief science officer.
But I need you to read out those
requirements and competencies, and
I’ll come up with proof I can do them.

Nog reaches for one of the biscuits and begins to nibble at it. Candlewood reacts...

CANDLEWOOD
Careful. Those things are really
crumbly.

Nog brings his cocktail glass closer, eats over it. But as the crumbs fall into the drink, a chemical reaction causes foam to BURST up in a huge explosion out of the glass, hitting Nog in the face with a big messy splat.

Candlewood and Prynn burst into laughter at Nog’s expense, while he splutters and tries to wipe the still-growing foam off his face. It’s bubbling up and out all over his lap. Candlewood gets up and grabs a towel.

PRYNN
He got you, Nog. He got you good.

In retaliation, Nog grabs another biscuit and tosses it into Prynn’s own drink, which also explodes in a massive tower of foam, smacking Prynn with an even bigger face-full of gooey goodness. They all laugh. Candlewood hands Nog the towel, goes to get another for Prynn.

CANDLEWOOD
This is proof I can be science
officer! That secret ingredient –
it’s the starch in the biscuits, it
reacts with the enzymes in the
juice. That’s science, that is!

NOG
It’s abuse of a senior officer,
that’s what it is. This is how
you ask for help?

CANDLEWOOD
This is how I show respect and
affection. When I need help, I
use my big sad puppy eyes.

Candlewood demonstrates his big sad puppy eyes.

CANDLEWOOD (cont)
But seriously, it’s perfectly safe.
It’s not going to hurt you. And
I do need your help.

PRYNN
(playing along)
I’m not sure you deserve our help
now, after the ritual humiliation.

The door chime sounds, and Candlewood goes to the door. It opens, and Pif is sat there, spines erect and tail wagging.

PIF
Am I too late?

Candlewood gets down in a crouch, turns to face the others, puts his face next to Pif’s and does the puppy dog eyes again right next to Pif’s own sad puppy face. Nog and Prynn burst into laughter again. Pif has no idea what’s going on.

CROSS-FADE INTO:

14 INT. DS9 – CANDLEWOOD’S QUARTERS (LATER)

Candlewood is up and pacing around the room, while Prynn, Nog and Pif sit on the couches. Pif is next to Nog, and Nog is visibly uncomfortable about it, but holding his tongue.

PRYNN
(from padd)
Okay, next question. The chief
science officer must be able to
show familiarity and competence
in a range of scientific disciplines.
Please demonstrate how you
would do this.

CANDLEWOOD
Hoooo-kay. Let’s see. My primary
experience is in computers, but
I completed the full range of
engineering courses at the Academy -

NOG
Science. Not engineering.

CANDLEWOOD
Engineering is a part of science
though, right? You can’t fix a
machine unless you understand
how it works.

NOG
I guess.

CANDLEWOOD
So I have that experience. I’ve
studied the previous science
officers’ logs, like I said.

PRYNN
Good - that shows an ability to
use all the resources at your
disposal, to not necessarily
assume you know it all already.

CANDLEWOOD
Lord, no. I definitely don’t. But
I’ve been part of the Defiant crew
on several important missions, not
least the only exploratory mission
into the Gamma Quadrant in years.

NOG
Didn’t you help in sickbay during
that ‘cathedral’ business?

PRYNN
There you go. Medicine is science.

PIF
You’re all over-thinking it.

CANDLEWOOD
What do you mean?

PIF
All they want to know is that you
want the job, you believe you can
do it, and you’d fit into the team.

NOG
I think it’s a bit more complex
than that, Pif.

PIF
I don’t. Nobody knows everything,
and nobody expects them to. It’s
all on-the-job. And you’ve been a
part of Nog’s team already for
years, so you can obviously do
that. The biggest question is just
this - why do you want it?

Candlewood stops and ponders the question.

CANDLEWOOD
Because I can do more. I’m sorry,
Nog, I’m not saying I’m bored or
anything. And if I don’t get it, I’ll
still be quite happy being your
computer specialist. But I’m
capable of being more. I want a
challenge. Maybe I’ll fail, but
I’ll never know if I don’t try.

Prynn and Nog smile proudly. Pif wags his tail happily.

PRYNN
Just don’t put a whoopee cushion
on their seats or make their padds
explode in their faces.

CANDLEWOOD
I’ll try to control myself.

Pif’s wagging tail finally comes too close to Nog’s face for his comfort. Before he can stop himself, he bats the tail away, probably harder than he needed to.

PIF
Oww!

PRYNN
(admonishing)
Nog!

NOG
I’m sorry. Pif, I’m sorry. It’s
just... oh, this is going to sound
terrible. But my people have an
instinctive discomfort with all
furry things. I’m trying not to
react, I really am. But sometimes
I just can’t stop myself. You
creep me out, Pif. I’m sorry.

PIF
I understand, I guess.

NOG
You do? I’m not sure I would in
your place. I’ve been laughed at
and pointed at for being what I
am myself. I should know better.

PIF
Hey, it takes everyone a while to
get used to new things. When
Taran’atar first came on board the
Even, nobody was comfortable
with that.

NOG
(chuckle)
I hear that.

PIF
One question, though. If Ferengi
don’t like Aarruri, how come your
uncle has never said anything?

Nog, Prynn and Candlewood all exchange awkward looks.

15 INT. DS9 – QUARK’S BAR

Quark is carrying a tray of drinks around his bar. He comes to one table of guests, places half the drinks on their table. He looks behind him, and sees one of the puppies sitting behind him, looking up at him happily.

He grits his teeth and tries to ignore it. He carries on to another table. But the puppy follows his every step. He gets to the other table, delivers the rest of the drinks. The puppy stops right behind him and waits, tail thumping.

He turns away again and mutters under his breath...

QUARK
Leave. Me. Alone.

But as he walks away again, the puppy happily follows again. Quark tries to lose it by taking a circuitous route, winding between the tables, but the puppy dogs his every step (ahem). Quark is getting more and more annoyed.

Finally he decides the only way to escape is to take the stairs. He jogs up one of the spiral staircases, thinking the puppy can’t follow. But as he reaches the top, he looks behind him, and the puppy is climbing the stairs as well.

It hops up one step at a time, each step almost as big as its entire body. But it keeps trying, determined not to give up. Quark actually begins to feel sorry for it.

With an exasperated and reluctant sigh, he waits at the top of the stairs for the puppy to catch up.

QUARK
Well, come on then.

Finally the poor puppy makes it the next-to-top step. Quark sets off walking again, letting the puppy follow. As Quark walks on, he sees HETIK was there, and saw the whole thing.

QUARK
(growl)
Tell anyone and you’re fired.

Hetik smiles at the weak threat. See, Quark can be nice.

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT THREE