You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 01 Oct 2013 23:11 Title: Movie Night

So Malcolm can’t be with the one he wants outside of his dreams and yet he still prepare to look out for his pregnant friend, I felt the choice of avoiding blue was a good story idea and underline his words to Trip that despite apperance his relationship with Melissa isn’t serious it just a place holder for those he can’t be with.

I think that scene with Trip says a lot with it silences.

Still you get the best side of Reed out by shown by the fact that he stops he selves from nagging Melissa about her morning sickness or reaction to the fruit. You’ve made both of them believable and yes in those dark times it good to see the fun of their friendship.

Author's Response:

Thank you for reading! This was a little bit on fraternization, done as a WFW originally.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 01 Oct 2013 23:03 Title: The Conspiracy

So Hoshi family is under threat as Hoshi has play to many people to often.
Seems that a small cabal has big plans but can they actually trust each other, even for the sake of their children, the plan has some merit but I can help feel something has been overlooked by the conspiraciers.

Still you’ve as always done a good job of selecting the right characters and giving them believable reasons for joining the cabal and try to use their pool knowledge information. I’m surprise they can see the risk in Hoshi plan in punching a hole into another universe more then Hoshi does.

Another got story let see how their trip from the frying pan to the fire goes.

Author's Response:

Things are never easy with the Empress. This is why she had kids with different fathers; she's created obligations and issues where they would not have otherwise existed. Thank you for reading!

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 19:54 Title: The Gift

Now Doug found a way to give his wife the news about the gift he has been arranging for her. Thought I do agree in his excitement that he was making much sense about explaining his gift to his wife.

Still what a nice last line to end the story on.

Author's Response:

Oh, I thank you!

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 19:49 Title: Pacing

Well Doug clearly been planning this big surprise for Lili for some time, It shows his love for his wife, he want to do something so major for her and built her a new family home in the hills, is a major gift.
Then you skilful outline in his thoughts in that last paragraph what he perceives he has gained from his relationship with Lili and why he wants to make such an effort on the new family home.

Author's Response:

One thing he has figured out already, in the still short time they have known each other, is that the best gift for Lili will be to give her a home. She needs roots and a solid foundation. And he's finding out that he does, too.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 19:26 Title: Friday Visit

Only you can write about something as mundane as Lili visiting Yipran at home and still make it full of fun and an interesting read. Glad to see the Reversal business is doing well for Lili and Doug.

Chelben is such a joyful youth in this story, and I can picture his fascination with the kept water animals during his visit.

I like that typical Lili, that she can talk for the Coalition and soon uses up her one-hour visit time. Still I find Yipran giving Lili the cuff a very moving and touch little gesture in recognition of the past aid given.

Lili & Doug reaction to the prophecy of a third child was wonderfully human.

Author's Response:

I like writing little children and so Chelben is going to go running around, showing off his artwork, etc. And yeah, Lili kinda yakked through the whole visit. :)

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 18:44 Title: The Tribe

Talk of an eventful trip home after day one.
Glad you show that even in the future they’re is still Public Transport problems. It was interesting to see how the people of maglev car number 42753 tribe reacted, from running to the next carriage, to conducting the driver to see if a doctor can be found, to timing contractions.

Good old fashion story by Mary to distract and comfort Penda while they await for the train to get to the next station. Plus you do show it from his Mum that Malcolm get his kind heart and it was sweet of her to offer if she want someone to go with Penda to the Hospital.

Another top story.

Author's Response:

Oh, you're very kind. I liked the idea of the train to the woman to the fleeing passengers to the timing to eventually her being put on a stretcher to Mary getting home.

Thank you for reading.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 18:36 Title: Gainful

Malcolm Mum has got a job, answering a music star fan mail!
Clearly not something I would have though of as key to the war effort, still every job needs filling in those dark times.
Well this was an interesting job choice and the work in coming up with the characters and the example mail questions and answers.

Still we see that Stuart Reed is an old stick in the mud even at home with his love one.
I think we should have a follow up story of Malcolm reaction to his mum finally getting a job.

Still I do wonder how working in Germany and living in Malaysia Kota Bharu must play havoc with Malcolm mum body clock.

Author's Response:

I think she'll be okay - but yeah, it's work! She's got a job!

I had thought about, particularly, the Second World War, and all of those calls for people to entertain the troops. It doesn't seem like the war effort, but it is. Someone has to field all of those inquiries. Thank you for reading.

Reviewer: TemplarSora Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 17:18 Title: A Single Step


Oh Lily...that was really sad. I remember in some other book I had read (years ago now, jeeze) that Lily's mother had died of cancer near the beginning of the war, only a year or so before a cure had been found. I doubt it was intentional, but the tie in to that got me a little excited.

And a neat way to meet the Caitians. I mean...incredibly sad what happened, and it could have gone all kinds of sideways after Lily's death, but it was a neat little introduction to the race, for both us and Zefram. It was very appropriate to have Lily and Zefram together, as well, I thought at least.

Nice and short, with a hint at more to come for humanity and Caitians, as well as for Zefram and M'Roan. This would be cool to see more of later on down the line.

Author's Response:

Thank you - I never really thought about a sequel for them but of course they would have some adventures. And then, eventually, Zef ends up on that planet, in TOS.

I never read that book, BTW - the tie-in is to ENT; there is an episode where Phlox easily cures someone of lung cancer so I liked the idea of it being her malady and there could be a small connection there.

Reviewer: TemplarSora Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 16:55 Title: Detroit Rock City

Wow...not a great end to Loomis. Granted, probably better than going to jail, at least for him. I always found it funny when characters like Loomis get rolled up on and start telling the truth...but it's so unbelievable the cops are just like "yeah yeah, and I'm the King of England." He's telling the truth, and it's getting him in a jail of sorts, but he's not actually being punished. And he was a definite sleaze ball in the episode, so the talking about the broom closet fit pretty well with the rest of the character.

Another fun read!

Author's Response:

Thank you - I figured he ended up at One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, but slightly nicer. Slightly.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 14:49 Title: Apple

I’m glad to see there was an aftermath to the all-orange day. Nice to see you give Shelby Pike a bit of screen text time. After all even the second sugar plum fairy on the right have good stories in them.

Good to see the botanist is one of those who find their career excellence take them into space not because they got a dream of being an interstellar explorer.

Did felt right it was Trip calling out for no more oranges and Reed being interested in English Cheddar and Lili, still caught staring. Nice little touch’s as always.

Plus the use of a “reversal’” touchstone, from Lili lack of sleep due to mental contact with Doug creating somewhat earthly dreams was well worked in.

Since Travis poor reaction to the offer of an apple from Shelby I felt was over harsh and so I was glad to see Lili go after him and give him the talking to and sent him back.

Still that last line has the hard truth that all who had to deal with rejecting someone you care about but not in that way can empathise with.

An excellent all round story.

Author's Response:

Aw, thank you.

Yeah, I realized that there were little bits of Reversal that were never really told. Of course people would complain about all that orange food!

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 14:32 Title: An Announcement

Interesting take on what could be a very awkward scene.
The homecomings return of the opening gay daughter, having met someone she cares about at the academy. I do like the joke scene with her younger brother as she tries to pick him a sister out.

I’m glad you shown that even in a neo-utopia of Prime Trek Earth, some people still haven’t been able to shake their old prejudices. Still I enjoy the mother Belinda pointing out the battle he had with her parents over not been their idea of a good husband.

Somehow I feel 2157 will indeed be Lenora and Melissa best year.

Author's Response:

It will and it is. :)

And yeah, I don't think people will fully shake prejudice. Not even, specifically, necessarily, anti-gay. Some of it is more of a prejudging of people who are different.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 14:21 Title: Waiting

An interested double waiting scene from you here.

First up we’ve Andy Miller unable to wait for Karin Bernstein and the promised third dated award, to the extent he is inhaling his food more than eating it. I like that Azar suggest some alternative date sights. Though Andy replies while embarrassing Karin does make it clear what his real intentions are.

Then we have the hidden waiting revealed at the end of Ethan hoping for a late chance with Karin, While Azar is prepare to wait and meet Crewman Haroun family, so he left to wait and admire from a far.

An excellent double bill of waiting showing some are waiting for the near future rewards and those who have the longer wait for perhaps a great reward.

Author's Response:

It's all about patience. And, of course, about who is worth waiting for.

Thank you for reading!

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 14:09 Title: Bribery

Interest scene to show what this Calafan family was like in the past and also helps to show Polloria despite being named a delicate serving girl of Lo, always has had a dark heart overfilled with ambition shown by her attempting to bribe the children to like her. Still good to show even at a young age they prepare to throw the gifts in a hole and then claim to have lost them.

Author's Response:

This is the background, on the Calafan end, for some of what happens in Reversal. Here are these children who are being pulled along with their father's infidelity. They know it's wrong, and this is the only way that they can protest it.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 13:59 Title: Letters from Home

Ha Ha O LOL!

Wonderful exchange of letters, you can feel Trip annoyance with the E-Z Finance Company, having lost so much to the Xindi sneak attack, he finds the heartless finance company still wants payment.

That final response from Trip was just pure gold.

Author's Response:

Aw, thank you! I had wanted to riff on a scene in the old film, Stalag 17, where one guy gets a ton of mail and claims that it's from girls. It turns out it's from a finance company.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 12:39 Title: Detached Curiosity & Idle Speculation

This is what I do like about your stories is that you can create minor characters to explore the aftermath of odd situations in better details. I can imagine that the curiosity and idle speculation from meeting a ship crew by your descendants and the implications and discovers about various people sexuality and future personal relationships must have been quite shocking to the NX-01 crew.

I like how you use it as a catalyse for Dave Constantine to act on his hope of love for Frank Todd.

So well done yet again for yet another great Enterprise story from your keyboard.

Author's Response:

Aw, thank you.

I like to think that E2 decided a lot of things for people, and they suddenly learned all of this ... stuff. And someone was bound to act on it.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 12:28 Title: Demotion

Well-done Major Jay Hayes for busting that Corporal back to private.

Still it’s a different story from your usual type and yet you give Chang a semi-believable reason to try and be creative with his interpretation of orders and what he is after from Sandra.

Still Major angry is handle well and you use the unexpected arrival to get Chang to talk himself into further trouble, loss of rank and pay bonus.

So he pretty much lost everything, his rank, his pay and his fancy woman for not been prepare to go into the Xindi insectoid hatchery.

As always an easy to read prose that sets the scene well.

Author's Response:

Chang's done something horribly stupid here, and he has chucked away a lot of work for, really, not much. Poor judgment on his part.

Thank you for reading.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 12:18 Title: Penicillin

Clever Lili, so she is the keeper of the ship personal secrets and even such a fantastic cook that she manages to provide all those dishes as cover for her giving Jay some Penicillin.

They’re times that reading Lili adventures I get hungry and would love to try some of her fantastic sounding cooking, which I think is a credit to the effort and thought you put into writing her cooking and meals.

Still I think Lili was right in the corridors and Jay is wrong about needing to appear strong. I mean spreading the illness around the ship by not alert the good Doctor.

Still it’s Lili O’Day to the rescue again.

Author's Response:

Whenever we have an Ad Astra con, I promise I will cook! :)

The thing about this incident is, Jay remembers it at the end of his life.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 28 Sep 2013 23:30 Title: Onions

Well it nice to see Chef Will final try to improve his relationship with Lili but sadly he put his foot right in it.

Still Lili trying to hide the tears of her parents death behind chopping the onions and been unsure that she can confide the truth in chef Will seemed spot on.

Still it was nice to see the human side of the Chef come out, even if it’s only for Christmas and yet it does make sense that it be at the Holidays that she miss her parents the most.

Top draw story as always and you cover the revelation in a believable way without over lengthening the piece.

Author's Response:

Oh I thank you.

He definitely screws up a lot in their relationship. In the E2 stories, he ends up asking her out, and he is pretty bad at that, too. Things do not come easily between them - their first meeting (in Voracious) is a good one. After that, it's kinda downhill.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 28 Sep 2013 22:59 Title: The Mess

Poor Lili, I can imagine that was a shock and half for the poor lady meeting She Who Almost Didn’t Breed in Time in the kitchen, so she used the cast iron skillet and not the meat cleaver like she promised previously, still it did the job.

However her reaction to the shock of killing somebody seem believable and her obsessive need in the style of Lady Macbeth to clean the bugs stain off the skillet.

Then her shock that she killed somebody Mother, show that she is just a sous-chef and not a soldier, thou Chef Will joke about coming out of her Salary seem a bit misplaced to me. I can’t decide if he being a donkey on purpose or not.

Despite that one very minor miss-fired line for me, it was still an enjoyable read as always.

Author's Response:

He's definitely a donkey.

Will is, eh, he's often pretty insensitive. This behavior is a bit typical for him.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 28 Sep 2013 22:47 Title: Protocols

There is a big smile here after reading that.
Do like that it is Lili who notes who takes what jam for their toast.

I’m glad you manage to keep the hostile balance between Reed and Hayes over MACO vs. Tactical, it adds to the flavour of that third series of Enterprise.

I like the decoration idea and that Lili makes the effort to make it a vegan strawberry cake, so T’Pol can have some. I found it interesting that Chef felt the text was to formal and in fact Jonathan prefer the less formal writing as it show she remember he is an individual as well as the Captain.

Another enjoyable short story.

Author's Response:

She understands that Archer is a person, first and foremost. Will is more interested in following the rules. Another way that they deviate. And yeah, she watches who likes what. It's her job, but it's also how she shows her interest.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 28 Sep 2013 22:37 Title: Before the Fall

Iron Chef off on the Nx-01 what an excellent and innovate idea for a story, as always you did a creative job describing the cooking scenes and the rushing around of the two assistants. The dishes all sound a creative use of almonds. I’m presuming you had to do a bit of research for all six dishes.

I’m glad Lili extra preparation paid off but I’m glad you made it a close run thing, I can’t believe that only three crew members prediction a win for Lili whoever is the Enterprise bookmaker must of clean up on that one.

But of course it was Jay vote on the baklava that gave her the win, still was nice to see the chef Will reaction, when he realize that he be serving later.

Author's Response:

Well, the crew doesn't know her that well. 

Lili's relationship with Will is somewhat up and down. He is something of a tyrant in the kitchen, and he has to get used to the fact that she has a lot more skills than Preston Jennings (and before him, Richard Daniels) ever did, so she's got an opinion on how to do things and he might not necessarily agree to it. On Lili's side of things, she doesn't always keep her mouth shut like she probably should.

Will's laziness is what does him in. If he had spent more time on the chicken dish, he likely would have won, but he rested on his laurels and so, as they say, pride goeth before the fall.

Jay voting for the baklava didn't hurt, either.

PS About the only one of their dishes I have ever actually made is couscous, but I could probably make the cod and the risotto. Risotto is a very slow dish and it requires a lot of attention from the person making it - a terrible choice for a timed competiton. Couscous, by contrast, takes about 5 minutes; you just toss the grain with boiling water or chicken broth and let it sit while you do other things.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 28 Sep 2013 21:47 Title: Harvest

What a nice introduction story for Lili O’Day on her first day on the NX-01. I felt that it was nice gesture by Captain Archer and Chef Will to have a special lunchtime meet and greet.
So Malcolm got his wish a pretty little blond sous-chef ;)

I do love that line by Jay, if we have to wrestle the Xindi ultimate weapon to the ground we will.

I think you got Doctor Phlox interest in the Red Sox and baseball from her cap despite knowing nothing and yes I bet that extra wide smile could startle those not use to it.

The gesture of offering to make sweet potato pie to help remind him of his destroyed home, show the kindness that I associate with Lili.

I did enjoy Travis light heart flirting with Lili and the start of her infatuation with Jay that will lead her to Doug in the arc end.

T’Pol “Naturally” to the offer of plomeek broth customises to her preferences felt logical.

Last but not least Malcolm Reed, who has the honestly to admit his mother cooking of plum pudding is bad, and fit in that series tic bit that he likes pineapple.

Another excellent short story from your keyboard.

Author's Response:

You are so very kind.

I love first meetings and of course this is a rather auspicious one. Lili looks this way, Jay looks that way, Malcolm looks another way. Blink you'll miss it, but this is how it all starts. 

I think Phlox's grins would startle me, too.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 28 Sep 2013 21:19 Title: Voracious

How typical of Lili O’Day get on with doing the real work when everybody else is running back to their love ones and beds after the Xindi Attack, not doing their jobs.

I like how down to Earth you make the chef.
Then you give him a believable reason to seek someone else to cook for him and going on a published review to go to the Voracious makes sense to me. Plus you give him a realistic headache by needing him to change his past staff requirements and get one person who can do three people jobs. All of which seems believable to me.

I like how it just one of her excellent Harvest salads that get the Chef Will to meet her.

Then they both so down to earth, he has no problem helping her tidy up when the rest of her staff have gone home and then do the proper talk over cheesecake.

An excellent story all round.

Author's Response:

Aw, thanks! She's a chef so they get to bond over salad and cheesecake.

I wanted a very post-9/11 vibe. Even here in Boston, people felt weird for a while. I can't recall folks shirking their responsibilities although it wouldn't shock me. Lili doesn't have anyone to run home to, and others have to be fed, so she does what needs to be done and, in the meantime, fulfills Will's requirements perfectly.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Reviewer: TemplarSora Signed [Report This]
Date: 27 Sep 2013 20:06 Title: The Facts


It's awkward enough walking in on your parents, or even just hearing it happen in the house...

But you have created such an odd dynamic on Lafa with the multiple families with the day lovers and the night lovers and the open marriages and just...There is so much confusion for someone so used to the "normal" definition of a marriage - let along a RELATIONSHIP - that it's a wonder you can even keep it straight while writing it! Which, speaking of straight...way to throw ANOTHER kink (ha! get it? no? ok, that was weak) into the mix and having two of the kid's moms with each other.

This kid is, A) taking things REALLY well and B) way too smart for his own good already. I love the simple way they explain what was going on (talking about all the moms and dads and what not) that he gets it; mom plus dad equals kid. So, logically, Norri and Melissa don't equal kid because she's not a boy. It's so funny the way that's delivered, and then left alone as the explanation by Melissa. "He get's it, leave him alone, don't say more and traumatize him even more today. Give him more juice." lol

That was really fun to read. The whole family dynamic of your Lafa characters is so wonderful to explore, and it offers so much for you to do. Great stuff, Jespah.

Author's Response:

You're home early!

Here, have some more juice ....

Much later in life, Tommy and his siblings discuss when they learned what a certain number signifies. Everybody else says age 18 or whatever. Tom says age 6, and it's from this.

And then, yeah, were you making babies? 

I'll probably write a sequel to this at some point, something where he explains to his fellow classmates a very incorrect way that babies are made. ;)

Thank you!!

Reviewer: TemplarSora Signed [Report This]
Date: 27 Sep 2013 19:57 Title: The Play at the Plate

HA! This was a great juxtaposition of the Captain's woman with now the Empress's man. Figured it would happen with Hoshi, and this is a neat look at guy in that role.

But that ending was perfectly done. So wonderfully witty and just great. Awesome job!

And, note to self - bring a knife to the next baseball game I play. lol

Author's Response:

Ha! Thanks - but will there be four bases? Two pitchers? Two catchers? ;)

Thank you for reviewing!

You must login (register) to review.