Date: 02 Aug 2014 03:31 Title: Ghost Ship
Wow. That was a fiery encounter in the mess. Things aboard the Rafale are very tense and acromonious. This does not bode well. The crew needs to work together. As Dossau says, they are all Starfleet officers and need to be able to step up to the plate. However, there's lots of pain aboard and the Merv replacements make it hard for the Rafale old guard and vice versa. Perhaps they'd best focus on the fact they survived and honour those that died by being the best they can be. But that's an inspiring speech that's going to have to come at some point otherwise hard lessons are going to teach them that. But given that they can blame the others and feel grief and loss it is no wonder this is going to be a hard task to bring the crew together.
Yet the challenges ahead as they arrive at the Bassen Rift are clear. Not so apparent to our heroes are the other threats just waiting for them in there where they will have no one else for support but themselves. Ohh shivers. I love set ups like this. Fantastic.
Date: 02 Aug 2014 03:19 Title: Ghost Ship
It was never going to be easy and it was never going to be nice but I have to say, I did not expect Elaina to be as harsh, wicked and unprofessional as that. That was downright insubordinate. She needs to be slapped down hard. She's served in Starfleet enough to understand the protocols and the chain of command and that regardless of rank, Jessica as the commanding officer is CAPTAIN on the ship. God that is galling.
And again, as much as Elaina is at fault here, St. Peter hardly redeems herself or covers her command in flowers. She reacts to Elaina and takes the verbal abuse and fails to stamp her authority on the situation or on Elaina. This of course can only leads to dire complications later. Although Elaina at least will not put the ship in harm's way - who is to say she will not do a Jessica and act over her head as she did in the belief she's doing the right thing? Cross purposes on the one side can be more deadly than the enemies' agenda.
When it then comes to the enemy here, the Hirogen are in for a frightful discovery. It would be easy to remark, the hunters become the hunted but that certainly seems to be the way things are panning out. And it seems this foe is a considerable one. Will St Peter and the Rafale have to cooperate with the Hirogen to find answers? Or will things be too late? Very interersting developments all round.
Date: 02 Aug 2014 03:05 Title: Ghost Ship
Ok, so we've just had our first staff meeting. And boys wasn't it a doozy. Not for what was said, because essentially it was standard Trek fare. Assemble everyone and tell them the mission in a line or two (Really in an age of visual communication, there surely could be more efficient means of conducting such a meeting - I digress).
As I say, the real meat is in the undercurrents between the senior staff. Particularly, how we see them as filtered through the eyes of Wirstowx. Of all the senior staff, he seems the most adjusted, most loyal to the chain of command and respectful of the captain. He clearly is a tactican given how he observes and analyses the various crewmembers and their interactions to decipher the powerplays and bases within the ship. It's a little thing but it adds to his character and lends to his tactical role. It is also a very useful tool for the reader too as we get a feel for the various characters with a mini run down on them. It's a terrific way of catching readers up to speed without it being info dump or exposition.
The approach shows again the fluid and efficient style of your writing. You get to the thrust of things but we get so many broad brush strokes to fill in most of the picture that we are not left wondering what is going on or who is who. Nicely done.
What we learn from the briefing is quite telling. There are a few problems among the senior staff and alarmingly her chief engineer and operations chief seem to totally disregard St. Peter. These are key areas and linked areas at that. The two of them have the ability to cloud the judgements of those working in their departments and almost run a banana republic between them onboard. And if fault lies with Sinclair and with Elaina for their attitudes, I do think Jessica has part of the blame to share for giving leeway to disrespect her.
Of course, she's in a difficult position and new to the command post so it is hard for her to adjust never mind the likes of Sinclair and Elaina. Without command experience how can she navigate such politics? This mission I feel will test that greatly but hopefully will serve up lessons for Jessica about command - hopefully just not costly lessons.
Date: 02 Aug 2014 02:44 Title: Ghost Ship
Oh spooky proceedings here with the ominous opener. I return to complete the story and refresh myself on the opening chapter. I like how efficient you are in your writing. I commented before about the three parts to the chapter
1) the mysterious opener, which on re-read I figure to be the flash of radiation on the lifeless Miranda class but its eerie and mysterious begging lots of questions and so provides a terrific hook into the story.
2) the introduction of the Hirogen hunt. Firstly, they are here in the Aplha Quadrant! Eek. And in alliance with Empress Sela. Sometimes I wonder if the Star Trek Online storylines are crazy or just a bit inspired. It's wonderful way to tie in lots of facets of the Trekverse and of course offer the gamers an opportunity to explore them all. However, here we see that it adds a deeper threat to the Hirogen presence and bgs the qquestion what is Sela up to - well no good obviously. And on personal grounds - why would you do that to a Miranda!!!!
3) we turn to Jessica, hovering over the command chair, unwilling to sit in it, haunted by the ghost of her former commander. It's a neat nod to the title of course but again I return to the opening visitor and speculate they'll have a part to play in the ghost story aspect. Who is this ghost? I'm betting on Jessica having to discover that and running into the Hirogen. Cutting her teeth for a first mission? I've a feeling that it is going to be more than that. And Jessica will sorely have to face sitting in that chair - and coming to terms with it and coming to own it and belong there because we know she has her detractors onboard who'd sooner see her out of the chair.
Date: 11 Jul 2014 22:33 Title: When the Skies Fell
Nice twist here. A greater conspiracy is at work and Etam's death has always been a foregone conclusion. This certainly helps to soften the blow for Sonia who finds himself with a new purpose and new masters.
Jessica and the rest of the crew remain ignorant however so it'll be tougher for them. But if Drake is right, something tells me they won't be in the dark for long. Their enemy is going to make another move. Only a question of when. And then what? Will they be forced to make a deal with the devil themselves?
This was a tough story to read at times but the ending tied it in nicely into the bigger picture and giving us plenty more to expect from Rafale and crew. Let's hope it won't all be this devastating. Jessica will need some wins after this.
Date: 11 Jul 2014 21:59 Title: When the Skies Fell
Ah ha ha well there's an interesting twist. But he's desperate, so that makes perfect sense. Interested to see where you will be going with this. Well done!
Date: 10 Jul 2014 22:13 Title: When the Skies Fell
This story turned really, really dark. Can't say I expected that. And a charge of negligent genocide for Seymour. Man, how do you live with that? He'd have to be put on suicide watch for pretty much the rest of his life.
Not a feel good story, this one.
Date: 10 Jul 2014 00:59 Title: When the Skies Fell
Oh, man, that's a harsh statement. The whole thing is harsh.
Date: 08 Jul 2014 19:42 Title: When the Skies Fell
Wow, this is super bad. If the damage is really going to be as total as it's been implied, the fallout for Rafale is going to be immense. You just killed a planet. Sonia, if he survives is through for sure and even Jessica will have to carry some of the blame as she picked him to lead the mission.
And then of course there are the emotional consequences. I probably wouldn't sleep well for at least a couple of years if I had been part of this debacle.
Date: 08 Jul 2014 00:54 Title: When the Skies Fell
Oh God, that took a helluva turn.
I have to tell you, I got to the last word and I realized I was holding my breath. Very, very affecting.
Date: 04 Jul 2014 14:17 Title: When the Skies Fell
Well, that's a conundrum if there ever was one. While trying to save a planet from destruction by meteor, either risk causing small scale destruction and thousands of deaths or save yourself. It's a no-win scenario worthy to be taught at the Academy.
We already know the outcome. At least part of it. Rafale survives. That means a bunch of other people are going to get killed. No happy endings here.
Good stuff.
Date: 03 Jul 2014 04:57 Title: When the Skies Fell
Oooh insubordinate but he is right; Jess is cold and may not be thinking straight. Following orders from someone who may be compromised, particularly suicidal ones? I wouldn't want to be his attorney at his Court Martial, but he might have a defense.
Date: 30 Jun 2014 23:34 Title: When the Skies Fell
Definitely pulling no punches here - you've got some real danger for the crew. I like that it's not perfect or easy.
Date: 30 Jun 2014 21:14 Title: When the Skies Fell
Well, I guess it'd be wrong to say that the stakes have just gone up, considering an entire planet is in danger but things just got personal now that Rafale is on the line too.
And Sonia is picking his team by hotness? Way to go dude. It may not be super professional but I can't really fault him on that one.
Date: 29 Jun 2014 10:49 Title: When the Skies Fell
Landing on a meteor and drilling holes into it in hopes of blowing it up? Me thinks Sonia has been watching Armageddon on the holo deck. Still, if they can actually manage to land on the thing, it just may work.
I admittedly wouldn't start a Sonia fan club any time soon but Obruz seems too hard on him. Okay, the guy's a total douche but still, he's got a plan which is more than anyone else can say. So let the man work.
It does strike me though that his poor dynamic with the rest of the senior staff is really hurting the chances of success. If this were the Enterprise for example you'd probably see everyone working together to try and make this work, instead of Sonia sitting (almost) alone in his quarters sweating over a solution to save an entire planet.
Author's Response: Yeah, I'll admit...I sorta did have some inspiration for this. I promise I stopped short of calling the shuttle "Freedom" or "Independence," and there's no ragtag group of oil drillers, either. As for him working alone, I had a lot of things happen in the background. I imagined him being a lot like I can be, where you chose to do a lot of the admin work yourself because you don't trust someone else to get it right. He worked with the various departments (like he was told to) to formulate the plan; he just took it upon himself to get the proposal in order.
Date: 29 Jun 2014 00:54 Title: When the Skies Fell
In ENT, there is a landing on a comet. I believe it wasn't meant to be as close to its sun as this one is, but there is precedent for this.
Still, whatever Sonia's motivations are, this is useful. And for Jess and the others, it's also useful. Not to be wholly mercenary about this, but if he even comes close to succeeding, a different commander could take an interest in him, and she could be rid of him that way. Or they could at least have the opportunity for him to be a bit better at working with her. This is a good option for her, and although success would be best for the Etambians, for Jess, it's almost an afterthought.
Date: 27 Jun 2014 10:35 Title: When the Skies Fell
Very interesting, a warp program born out of desperate necessity and based on the observation of Romulan starships passing by.
Prime Directive concerns are always a pain but considering this is a warp capable species, I'd say that Jessica has enough of a reason to justify getting involved. Not sure if Starfleet Command will agree.
Really liked the alien perspective here even if Gorem needs to work on his manners. Looks like the man has never asked for a favor in his life. And this is a pretty big one.
Author's Response: I pictured Gorem being a bit...xenophobic. Which...yeah...why send the xenophobe out on a First Contact mission?
Date: 27 Jun 2014 01:36 Title: When the Skies Fell
What I particularly love here (and it's a very small part of the piece), is that the gestures are unknown and alien, and they may very well mean their opposites. This is very true of human culture. Hold up your index and pinky fingers in Italy, in the US, etc., and you'll get far different interpretations. There is no reason at all to believe that smiles, nods, etc. would ever be interpreted the same way.
And, yay, they can communicate.
And even better, this may be something that Sonia and Jess can actually work together on. It's not friendship, but it's a start.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the gestures! It was hard keeping them all in check; I think I proofread it fifty times before I even sent it to my wife for a beta-read. I didn't want to have to build an entire language from scratch (thus the aliens speaking English in the text...subtitles?) but I figured I could still make them alien enough. And yeah...Sonia and Jess...*sigh*
Date: 25 Jun 2014 00:47 Title: When the Skies Fell
Interesting. Looks like the alien's warp flight may have been prompted by their observation of starships. And they are clearly desperate to make some sort of contact.
I really enjoyed the imagery of the Rafale suddenly appearing. It's a bird, not it's a plane. No it's ... Okay, I know, wrong franchise.
Jessica needs to work on keeping her emotions for her lover/friend in check while on duty. I'm sure Nizeri didn't mind too much, but it was still pretty awkward and could get downright inappropriate if somebody else had been in the room.
By the way, I'm really hoping Justine isn't the one who buys the farm in this story. That would be just awful.
Date: 24 Jun 2014 19:02 Title: When the Skies Fell
There is absolutely nothing more that they could have done. There are going to be sentient species that we don't even recognize as being alive. Even this is better than that.
As for Sonia, his previous behaviors are not helping him. I do hope Jess can look past that a bit, and try to be fair with him. Otherwise, his complaints about her are going to start to hold some water.
Date: 22 Jun 2014 19:15 Title: When the Skies Fell
That was a hard opening and yet it suit Jessica style of command to have that sort of service for lost crew though you have got me worry you're going to take someone else Jessica loves away from her.
Now you give us an interesting opening, and signs that Seymour might have found a good women but with the foreshadowing it does seem might be all for nowt. I do wonder what Jessica put in his performance report about his many shortcoming.
Good Job.
Date: 22 Jun 2014 18:05 Title: When the Skies Fell
Ah, will Trin change our bad boy Ops Officer? And who's responsible for those deaths?
I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that Seymour's innocent in all of this. But he'll be rather easy to suspect....
Date: 22 Jun 2014 12:11 Title: When the Skies Fell
I love me a good in medias res opening and this one strikes hard. Somebody important died and in a very bad way. Like poor Jessica has not enough of a hard time already.
I like the first hints of the other plot lines as well. Jessica getting a chance at a possible first contact and everyone knows those are always fun. Especially the many ways they can go horribly wrong.
And then there is the ongoing Sonia problem who much to Jessica's added misfortunes has suddenly found himself another reason to stay on the Rafale.
This is promising to be a fun story. Looking forward to it.
Date: 10 Jun 2014 23:56 Title: Vega Colony
What a cool idea, and perfectly executed. I didn't see that reveal coming at all, but once I did the references to the injuries and surroundings fit perfectly with it. Great jobm trekfan!
Date: 08 Jun 2014 22:46 Title: Vega Colony
I wasn't expecting that at all. Nice take on this story. Totally wasn't expected. I honestly thought it was one of the crew members. Good work. Thanks for sharing.