Date: 12 Sep 2011 14:13 Title: The Ventus Rose-Flower
That was a sad story.
Though, it left me with more questions than answers. You have set up an interesting culture, in which children ar valued and adults become "useless." I wonder if there is something happening to people the older they get to diminish their intellectual abilities, or it's some kind of bias against not being free any longer--something that happens to people as their obligations and chores expand and free time limits.
I also wonder who made the decision of sending the infected ones in the shuttle. Adults? But aren't they considered useless and lose their right to speak? Or children? Who teaches those kids if there are not adult guardians? That way or another it looks like a very cruel solution to me.
Like I said, a sad story with a sad end.
Date: 10 Sep 2011 20:16 Title: The Ventus Rose-Flower
There's something I really wanted to comment on here, compared to the first time I read this story. I'm not sure if I was the one who said something the first time around, I think you made a good choice by giving the story itself a new title; I think "The Children of Valerii" sounds far less awkward than "The Ventus Rose-Flower," which to an outside reader has no sense to it. "The Children of Valerii" conveys a comprehensible idea, though one that still has some mystery to it.
I think you got McCoy's tone, and the veiled emotions and care that Spock showed, down quite well. That would be just like Spock to act to others like he doesn't care but be blindingly obvious to someone who has no preconceptions.
One detail I think was quite interesting was the way the Valerii keep track of age--that a year is not a solar or lunar year, as I've seen most descriptions of societies reckon, but something that allows children to claim massive numbers of years that lets them inflate their value above and beyond that of the adults.
What I wonder is how the Valerii children are able to learn so quickly, and if the adults actually become senile at an early age (sort of like early-onset Alzheimer's). I can see from an evolutionary standpoint how that might've happened, since if you go strictly by reproductive capability, adults "only" need to live long enough to bear children. But how are the children raised, since presumably they take time to grow up just like a human? Are they raised, rather than parents, by older brothers and sisters in more of a mentor than parent relationship? I wonder if that's the case how the lack of firm boundaries would affect their mentality. A race of spoiled brats might not make good allies for the Federation where they'd have to deal with mature adults.
As to this disease...I find myself wondering if the fact that they bury the victims rather than cremating them actually perpetuates the disease. It may not spread from person to person, but when you talk about spores, I can't help but think of anthrax, which comes in spore form and has an incredibly long life in the soil, which is where it naturally comes from. And the self-destructive death practices--if that's what's indeed happening--reminds me of what used to happen among the Fore people with kuru. Similar to mad cow disease, kuru is a prion disorder that destroys the brain, and the Fore practiced cannibalism--which meant eating the brain and therefore spreading the disease.
The one thing I am a bit confused on...where did this fact come from at the end, about Spock's name meaning rose-flower. That kind of came out of nowhere. And do you mean that his name always coincidentally sounded like the Valerii word? Or that it came to mean that somehow, after this incident?
Author's Response:
Woa, that was quite the review! Let's see...
First, thanks! McCoy and Spock are - for me, anyways - two of the easiest characters to fall into character for, so I'm glad they sounded right to you!
Yeah, in a society where being an adult is much less than ideal, the children would want their years to seem longer, thus the overly inflated way of keeping track of time.
As for the children and how they're raised, and even the disease itself, well you'll just have to wait and see! (I decided to continue on with this, but unfortunately forgot about it for some time)
But that last part I /can/ speak on! Now that I think about, I guess it wasn't very well phrased, but Spock's name means something near 'Rose Flower' in Valeriian (perhaps I'll have someone bring it up?). I had it in my head that Rose Flower would be something like Spohh'keht, which if you say it aloud, sounds like Spock. I hope I'll answer more of your questions later! :)