Date: 18 Jul 2013 23:53 Title: Among the Dragons
Interesting opener, give a good feel of what going on a culture exchange to a Cardassian ship would be like.
Did like the Cardassian have a strict timer on the shower. plus the Gul being surprised by sweat.
Date: 18 Jul 2013 23:40 Title: Among the Dragons
This is positively delightful. Gul Rejal! I'm a novice where Cardassians are concerned as well, so I can easily identify with Amrita and Maeva's unease and confusion. I feel like this will be a learning curve for them, and I get to tag along. Can't wait to read more! :D
I do know enough about your world from free writes and challenge stories that I have read to recognize some familiar characters, however, so I feel like this will be a chance for me to learn more about their backstories, and about them as individuals.
Author's Response:
I'm very happy you're liking it so far :) I hope the rest won't be disappointing and as enjoyable.
Thank you for reading.
Date: 19 Mar 2012 17:12 Title: Two Secrets for the Price of One
That was nice! A Cardassian officer with a heart; or was he doing it simply to protect the girl and somehow (even though he couldn't without hurting her) get her affections? Brenok's actions sort of remind me of Dukat taking a shine to Meru, Kira's mother.
Though I do wonder if Brenok never saw that Vulcan girl would he have risked so much to save her and the other female villagers? Good story, and it made me think about Cardassians quite a bit.
Author's Response:
Dukat wanted to own Kira's mother, to use her as his own private comfort woman. Brenok fell in love and wanted absolutely nothing from the Vulcan girl. If he just wanted to rape her, he could do that without consequences, but he chose to save her from such fate. The comparison is nothing but insulting to Brenok.
Date: 15 Jan 2012 19:05 Title: Among the Dragons
Sweet and lovely (I take it this is the ending).
[Report This]Date: 15 Jan 2012 09:06 Title: Among the Dragons
Well I wondered when the end would come to this story, so here it is. It was good fun watching Amrita become steadily more integrated with the Cardies. You have a knack for writing about Cardassians and developing their culture, their physical features and language, which is all rather tricky stuff to do, and pulled off the language part without it sounding cheesy.
The next thing I constantly noticed was your interpretation of the Cardassians. There appears to be mismatch between the arrogantly aggressive Cardassians of TNG and your Cardassians, and a mismatch with the Cardassians who occupied Bajor.
Perhaps the best evidence for this mismatch is in Duet, with Aamin Maritza. He seemed to be the only Cardassian in the Gallitep labour camp who was deeply uncomfortable by what was going on. So from what you could rather confidently conclude that there were very few Cardassians who actually cared for what was happening to the Bajorans, and who thought it was wrong.
The point I'm trying to say is that Cardassians are somewhat xenophobic and when they have control over other humanoids they abuse those humanoids rights if it so suits them (Cardassians). I can see the ordinary Cardassian wishing the Obsidian Order was gone, and Central Command not so encroaching. But I would think your average Cardassian would not like to see outsiders living on Cardassia. Sure they would be tolerated but Cardassians are proud and a bit vain, and they always go on about how their culture is the best and most richest in the Alpha Quadrant. Amrita only fitted in because she tried to emulate the Cardassians, that and her curiosity of them. But she must have know it was mainly SHE who had to really adapt to the Cardies, and not the other way around.
That did come over in your story, but this should have been made stronger, and to really show that Amrita wants to overcome certain Cardassian prejudices because she wants to live with these people, and that she sees the good points, and is prepared to overlook the bad points. This story sometimes rather conveniently glossed over sticky points: the occupation of Bajor, Cardassian Union joining the Dominion, and that coup you referred to in the story.
You portrayed the coup as something bloodless, like one easy transition, and you just snap your fingers and voila! In one week you have a new government, and everyone just accepts this.
I don't buy it, and I know I have commented on this before, but I still don't buy it. I've never heard of a military coup that has been bloodless and not resulted in more instability inside the country. What about Alon Ghemor’s supporters? I cannot believe he had no power base or people who backed him up. In fact the dissident movement in DS9 wanted something like this to happen (democratic government on Cardassia), and they seemed to represent a minority of far more enlightened Cardassians in DS9 (or perhaps a bigger minority than first thought?).
Nah this coup you dealt with would have descended into civil war, it smacked to me of the old order (Central Command) trying to stop the new order (the Cardassian government and all) from growing in power and popularity. I know Cardassians have been conditioned and somewhat brainwashed, but it strikes me that the Cardassia you write will eventually slip back into the tyranny this coup supposedly tried to avoid.
Again Alan Ghemor's supporters would not be happy about this, there would be protests, and how would this new government (Jarol's government) deal with this? I'll tell you how; violence and oppression. Jarol would become the dictator and tyrant she does not want to become. This was such a big plot opportunity that you missed; could Amrita still live with her new found Cardassian friends, despite in the midst of some sort of Cardassian civil war? This no-real-consequences-to-the-coup thing is such a crazy paradox, that I would go as far as to say that you deliberately made the Cardassians civilised and nice.
It is very clever how you moulded Amrita into accepting the Cardassians, and lures the reader in as they get more enraptured by who these Cardassians really are. But if you just step out of it for a minute (and after the coup part) and really examine the story, the feel is wrong and it goes back to that coup.
I still think it was a golden opportunity to really see whose these Cardassians were, and to have two opposing sides and one hell of an interesting conflict. But oh well, what's done is done.
This was enjoyable to read, but the Cardassians seemed a little to perfect and nice, it almost seems to me that you are making a defence of these Cardassians but overlooking their real nature, which may explain why something was slightly amiss in this story.
Don't get me wrong, these are subtle points, and they don't make this story bad, but it does make one think...
Finally on a different note, it would have cool sort of like ending this story when Amrita is on her deathbed or something...
Date: 19 Dec 2011 22:30 Title: Among the Dragons
Ha! And now we find out - kinda - whhy the neck is off-limits before wedlock.
Very nice, very subtle.
Author's Response:
Yeah, there's more to neck ridges than just sexy look ;)
Date: 01 Dec 2011 23:50 Title: Two Secrets for the Price of One
Oh! Gallant Brenok!
Of course his initial motivation is that T'Sara's so pretty, but I love how it turns into more, that what he does for her is a bit of self-sacrifice, knowing that he can never have her, or see her again.
Author's Response:
Yes, it started innocently and then the situation changed and made him make some serious decisions. Brenok was a decent guy in a terrible system and managed to hold to that decency, even at the cost of his career and life, in his actions were found out.
BTW, the planet in this story is the same colony in the beginning of "The Shadow of the Order" ;)
Thanks for reading :)
[Report This]Date: 01 Dec 2011 23:48 Title: Căprul
This story reminds me - a lot - of one of my favorite Twilight Zone episodes, The Obsolete Man.
The gist of it is - a totalitarian state broadcasts the execution of a person who is, to them, a total loose cannon. The "criminal" proves to be far braver and nobler than the state, which falsely prides itself on its courage and nobility. Essentially, the broadcasted execution proves that the Emperor has no clothes. It's a powerful image in the old show, and an equally powerful image in your story - and you achieve it with a beautiful economy of words.
Outstanding. 10.
Author's Response:
Thank you! :)
I don't think I'm familiar with that episode. My inspiration was fairly recent history of my own country and how true patriots were treated by Communist authorities (in fact from another country). Even some of tortures are real and not just a figment of my imagination.
Date: 01 Dec 2011 23:45 Title: Trust and betrayal
Oh, that's harsh. So - I take it that it was exigent circumstances that forced the hit on Nadar, and that an arrest or trial or the like would and could never have happened? Just trying to understand the context as well as I can.
For such a controlled man to lash out and toss the mug was rather powerful, too.
Author's Response:
Nadar was spying his own crew and passing all information to the Dominion, while the Dominion ruled Cardassia. So there was no chance for any trial--he would be decorated by the Dominion for selling his own people to the Founders, if anything. So Jarol gave the order to get rid of him without a sign to be able to finally fight for Cardassia by Damar's side, instead of for the Dominion.
Gul Corak--whose fate you know from the other story--never hid his contempt for the Dominion and it was Nadar who informed the Dominion of Corak's hostility. He brought such a fate to his own gul in the name of loyalty to the Founders.
This story is a filler to "Shaping a Cardassian" story and probably much more clear when one knows all the details.
Karama felt betrayed on many levels, because he trusted Nadar and had never suspected that the Dominion mole was his best friend. The situation was mentioned in "The Shadow of the Order," when he learnt about Sabal's secret. Nadar's betrayal was the reason why Karama reacted so harshly to Sabal's secret. In that story you read a brief explanation, and here you have how it happened.
I hope that it wasn't too confusing, though, because the main focus was on Karama's feelings :)
Date: 29 Nov 2011 23:04 Title: Among the Dragons
Ah, the wedding! The vows remind me a little of my own wedding - my poor husband had to repeat the Hebrew vow about four times before he got it perfectly right! :)
Author's Response:
At least he got it right. I am not sure Kapoor was that successful ;)
Date: 29 Nov 2011 23:03 Title: Among the Dragons
I like the compromising on the food - always a good thing in a relationship.
Author's Response:
They'll have to have a lot of compromises if this is going to work ;) It's like a clash of two cultures.
Date: 29 Nov 2011 23:03 Title: Among the Dragons
Scary recollection of the Order, amidst happiness, it's reminiscent of a broken glass at a Jewish wedding.
Author's Response:
It still is fresh in many Cardassians' memory and there still are things that could remind them of it. A "perfect" mood spoiler.
Date: 29 Nov 2011 23:02 Title: Among the Dragons
I can see why Tavor is upset, but I can also see Amrita's concerns. At least for humans, abuse often runs in families. Even if Tavor doesn't want to repeat his father's behaviors - and even if he does everything he can to prevent that - it's hard to say what he'll do if he's ever truly pushed.
Author's Response:
And that's what she was thinking of--it is a scenario that often repeats with next generations. But her question was so blunt and so sudden that she really hurt him.
Date: 27 Nov 2011 16:01 Title: Among the Dragons
Yes! Yes! Yes! I always like this story, even if half of it doesn't make much sense to me. Now I'm wondering just what else you have in store for Kapoor. I mean are you going to cover all the important events in her life up to when she dies? Great stuff, and keep the chapter acoming!
Date: 17 Nov 2011 02:14 Title: The Shadow of the Order
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!
Saratt has found happiness, and not only that--it's very clear that he's done the exact thing the Order tried to stop: he has influenced at least one young mind to follow in his footsteps and create even more beautiful things for people to enjoy.
And he found his voice. :-)
I wish I could tell him that no one with a heart like his, one that shows so clearly in those eyes and that smile, could possibly be ugly.
But finally, it seems like things are so much more right.
Author's Response:
Saratt took what he had and formed it to bring him happiness. After his experiences, he doesn't search for things to make him happy, instead he takes what he has and is happy.
Thank you for reading the story again, in spite of nightmares it caused the first time ;) And for the detailed reviews :)
Date: 17 Nov 2011 02:11 Title: The Shadow of the Order
Such a sweet resolution for the Karamazov crew--the beginning of healing in Jeto, and th'Arshar and Brenok finally able to get along with each other. The banter between them is priceless. :-)
As for the destruction of the ship--it's about damn time! That was very satisfying watching it happen.
And another satisfying thing...seeing what high spirits Saratt is in, even with all of the terrible challenges he still faces. My goodness, what a lot of nerve he has to sass the commander of the Cardassian Guard that way! You go, Saratt! Make him learn the hard way! ;-)
As for Jarol stepping down, that was much needed, though I would have preferred her not to be in the military anymore. Power is far too tempting for her. But I do love her interactions with Laran and Brenok from a family perspective.
Author's Response:
Th'Arshar and Brenok, in spite of a rough start and their differences, gradually grew to respect each other. They know that deep inside they have more in common than they used to think. And when all tension was gone, they could allow themselves some more joking ;)
Saratt isn't afraid any anything, even powerful people. He feels the world belongs to him now! :D
The original Mar'kuu government is going away, so she felt it was her time to leave too. Now Brenok will be the one giving orders :D
Date: 17 Nov 2011 02:06 Title: The Shadow of the Order
O'Riordan really shows what a nasty, prejudiced jerk she is, that she would essentially accuse Ya'val of deliberate negligence. Fine "doctor" she makes. She should take some lessons from Taret.
Tarub handles O'Riordan's bile quite admirably. (In fact, did he learn that "Ma'am" part from Kapoor?)
It was so fortunate that they were able to get Saratt off the ship--the Order sure tried to prevent it.
What made me so sad, though, was the realization that he would not get one of the things back that I had wanted most for him: his voice. Fortunately it seems like Saratt himself is grateful for having his life back, but it seems like one more nasty indignity inflicted on him by the Obsidian Order that he still can't speak, even in freedom.
At least it doesn't seem to be stopping Saratt from forming a deep friendship with Brenok. Nor does it stop him from celebrating little victories and even starting, it seems, to have a little fun with Brenok. :-)
Author's Response:
O'Riordan showed her real attitude. She cared for her patient in spite of his species, but she didn't care for healthy ones and went as far accusing them of negligence.
As for where Tarub knows that word. That detail is not in any story yet, but in case it'll appear somewhere, let's just say he travelled a lot and probably heard the word used by someone in the Federation.(I can reveal the detail in PM, if you'd like to know.)
Saratt lost his voice, but not his spirit. Right now he's happy not to be in pain and treasures that comfort :)
Date: 17 Nov 2011 02:01 Title: The Shadow of the Order
I had trouble with re-reading this chapter because I knew what was coming. :( Even when I read it the first time I had a bad feeling as soon as Zamarran cut his hand.
Even the first time around, I remembered having a terrible suspicion for what felt like months that such a system could exist, but I did not share that fear in our PM conversations for fear you would incorporate it into the story. Unfortunately, the sickness of the Obsidian Order was so bad that it wasn't hard for the same awful thought to appear independently in both of our minds. :(
I do at least want to comment on a few things.
Poor Taret. His grief here is so deep, and I hope he will not come away from this mission believing he is a failure.
And Bantal's final act was far more noble than anything I ever thought he was still capable of.
I know you had a different soundtrack in mind, but I am still going to post the link again to the music that came to my mind.
"The Stone Table": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvlfOADbwts
Author's Response:
The Obsidian Order never really planned to unplug them, so I don't think they wanted anyone else to be able to do that. Too many traps were in the ship's systems to leave this huge matter safe.
I don't think Taret thinks he's a failure; he probably realises he did everything in his power and he's not to blame, but it doesn't make him feel any better. This wasn't a typical patient and he so wanted to save him.
And Bantal...maybe he wanted to do something really meaningful and good before his death. To even all evil things he did. I didn't want him to easily fall into the black&white category--it would make it very easy to judge him. He's grey. And now it's harder to say, "He got what he deserved," if anyone thought something like that.
Date: 16 Nov 2011 23:32 Title: The Shadow of the Order
I liked the "here's what happened later" aspect of it all, that there is a version of a kind of a happy ending. A good, hopeful conclusion!
Thank you for a fascinating story.
Author's Response:
That epilogue scene was written and ready when I was in still the middle of the main story. I just had to end that way. After all that suffering, death and horror, I needed something brighter.
Thank you for reading and reviewing! :) I really appreciate that!
Date: 16 Nov 2011 23:31 Title: The Shadow of the Order
I like how Jeto is beginning to come around. She saw a sacrifice, and is beginning to understand that looking in black and white isn't fair, productive or accurate in any way.
The creation of the station is an interesting upshot to all of it - essentially, it's two superpowers agreeing to unite in a joint venture to address a common threat.
Is the shadow information (e. g. that shadows are important to Cardassians) canon?
Author's Response:
Yes, Jeto's healing started. It's still a long way before she accepts that one half of her isn't evil and the Cardassians aren't devils from Pah Wraith hell, but she made the first step to see that things aren't exactly as she always thought.
The station section was a kind of introduction of my next story, which takes place on that station. But it also shows that Cardassia is coming out from its isolation and is ready to slowly re-join the rest of the Alpha Quadrant.
The shadow information is not canon. It was inspired by a song by a Polish song :) That's why Brenok sings about it ;)
Date: 16 Nov 2011 23:29 Title: The Shadow of the Order
It makes a lot of sense to use the military to do the cutting, lifting, etc. as they could be counted on to do a set of precise, synchronized movements. It definitely worked like a military drill, almost balletic.
I like the slow recovery, too, the huge victory when Saratt could move his tongue, etc. (that makes sense for spinal cord injury recovery - the tongue is controlled by a specific set of nerves of course). As writers, we can show a kind of slow progression with such things that just isn't available on TV or in films.
Oh - and Av'Roo's gift - lovely - and her understanding - it reminds me of an old Robert Palmer song, "I Didn't Mean to Turn You On".
Author's Response:
Saratt has a long road ahead of him, but he takes bold steps and enjoyed every moment of his freedom.
Av'Roo and Brenok...it had to be awfully embarrassing for him what had happened and that later she actually learnt what had happened, but they both behaved like adults and managed to work it out. And still be able to talk to each other ;)
Date: 16 Nov 2011 23:26 Title: The Shadow of the Order
The blinking signal - I have to say, it's a bit confusing to me. Usually, I've seen it as once for yes, twice for no, and I think you have those reversed. It's certainly not a universal thing, but you might want to clarify that for the reader. I would suggest spellling it out for any chapter in which you're going to use it, e. g. it could be a specific statement, one means no, two means yes or something subtler, like Bantal blinked once, and that meant he disagreed. That would assist the reader, I feel.
What an awful way for Bantal to go! But Jeto was right - it was too easy. Now they'll know better.
Author's Response:
When writing the story, I tried so hard not to mess up with those blinks. Seems, like I didn't fully succeed.
Yes, Bantal's end was sad and horrible. The Obsidian Order wouldn't make things easy for anyone who'd try to do something they didn't like.
Date: 15 Nov 2011 23:26 Title: The Shadow of the Order
The image of the model is lovely and is extremely touching. It's a welcome break from the horrors going on elsewhere in the story.
Author's Response:
For me this was one of the saddest scenes to write, because details of Ma'Kan's hobby are presented at the time of her grieving, but little models of ships is something she likes to spend her free time on. I'm sure she has a collection of cute, little vessels in her quarters ;)
Date: 15 Nov 2011 23:25 Title: The Shadow of the Order
Ah, confirmation of Nagem's background. And - the Lakarian Painter! Awful!
Author's Response:
The Obsidian Order proved what kind of sick "sense of humour" they had naming the ship like that. They probably thought it was funny :(
And Nagem revealed her true face.
Date: 15 Nov 2011 05:43 Title: The Shadow of the Order
I'm not surprised Ma'Kan threw the Karamazov model, even though Sabal worked on it. I can understand for sure how she wants to kill Ha'varra, and I think I'd feel those same murderous feelings in her place. I suspect, though, that the alien ship looked like a scar and a wound to her, too. A hateful thing. It actually kind of surprised me to see that she wanted to put it back together even considering what it represents. (A phrase commonly heard on nuBSG comes to mind: "the harbinger of death.")
With Bantal, the tragedy (to me) is that the Obsidian Order seems to have destroyed him internally as well as externally, and bent his love until it made him willing to kill anybody and everything. And it was rather frightening to "hear" Brenok's thoughts as he thought that he would not resist being warped internally in that same way rather than remaining true to his conscience as Saratt did. I hope that was hyperbole on Brenok's part, or an irrational thought brought on by the horror he saw.
Author's Response:
I think right now the little Karamazov is something that Sabal worked on with her and not a symbol of the place of his death. The ship didn't kill her friend, but a man.
I remember when I was writing that scene with Brenok, it disturbed me. When I was editing it yesterday, it disturbed me again. It disturbs me mostly because it's not what Brenok is like and the fact that he has such thoughts proves how terribly shaken he is after seeing all those horrors. How far from his normal state of mind. How angry. He doesn't have enough cruelty in him to be able to kill everyone in sight, so if he, at that moment, was thinking he would be able, he had to be furious and far from his normal self. Even if he believes that he would do everything for his daughter, when faced with such a situation he wouldn't be able to make himself commit anything that horrible. He always wanted his daughter to be proud of him and becoming a Bantal would not gain him any respect; neither hers nor his own.