Date: 11 Sep 2011 09:57 Title: Interlude One: Combat Date 43625
Quite a visceral piece here Mike. Callisto faces a horror on the bridge of the Enterprise C. To see such a mighty and imperial ship so devasted has to be horrifying for the brave man, earth shattering to his psyche and then atop of that he finds among the many victims the seemingly dead body of his captain. That's a stab to the gut and so very hard to get over in the situation to try and make some good out of it. Of course, finding that Garrett is still alive has to cheer him some, give him some semblence of hope amid the devastation. Now we known in canon that his call is heard but let's continue to see how things play out down this rabbit hole.
Date: 10 Sep 2011 15:15 Title: Interlude One: Combat Date 43625
Wow...gritty and visceral indeed! You have captured the fire and fury of space combat in a way that the show only hinted at, and that I think we may only have seen on DS9 with the demise of the Saratoga, Defiant (first one), and the Valiant. And even then, this takes it to a whole other level.
You make a very interesting choice by not naming the first officer, and one that I think is very effective in this section: by not naming him, even though we know this is a specific ship with a specific captain that we have seen before in "Yesterday's Enterprise," the implication is that scenes like this are playing out all over the Federation. He becomes a stand-in for all of the casualties of a brutal war.
There are a couple of sentences that might need a second look, but other than that, this was pretty much perfect.
"Breathing a sigh of thanks, it responded, though barely functional."
While your preceding sentence refers to our nameless combat survivor, the way this sentence is structured could make it seem as though it--the console--breathed a sigh of relief. I can see why you didn't want to repeat "He accessed..." "He breathed..." and you changed up the structure of the sentence; that does get boring after awhile. But might that objective be satisfied by saying something like, "Though barely functional, it responded, and he breathed a sigh of relief." That way you avoid the parallelism you were trying to avoid, and it's also clear what piece of the sentence modifies what subject.
Here, I think there may be a word left out: "When he touched the turbolift doors, he realized then that he had thrown clear across the bridge..." Looks like maybe you intended the word "been" to be in there.
Overall, though, I know I brought up a couple of nitpicky points but those are certainly not major issues. What jumps out most to a reader is how tightly written, well described, and well paced this passage is.
Great work!
Date: 08 Sep 2011 01:42 Title: Chapter Two
These hostile incidents prior to the declaration of war...I was amazed that the Federation took so long to declare war with those repeated assaults. Was it that their diplomats thought some sort of naive appeasement tactics were going to get the Klingons to settle down--or was it a political gambit, perhaps, to try and get the Klingons to declare war first (to make them look like the aggressors), or they were instead buying their time for something?
(Given that I suspect the Klingons subscribe to a total war policy, one option that would make a lot of sense to me would be that Starfleet wants time to reorganize its patrols and get civilian starships to safety wherever possible, since you could easily get Klingons deciding that anything they see is a valid target, kind of analogous to what the Germans did to passenger liners in World War I.)
So far, Romanov strikes me as someone who's going to be an able commander, at least in terms of his relationships with his subordinates. It would be so easy for someone with a bigger ego or worse emotional intelligence to see someone who's nervous, like Aggie is, and decide harsher treatment is the way to go--especially with a war on the horizon, where someone might think that "toughening her up" is the way to go. He's definitely opted for the smarter route here: make sure she knows she's supported, because there's no doubt the impending war will give her (and everyone) all the "toughening up" they need and then some.
Which of course we definitely saw in "Yesterday's Enterprise."
I hope that behind closed doors--though it's not a good idea to "condemn in public," someone addressed Ronnie for that remark.
I am definitely going to be following this story, and I hope you'll be posting more!
Date: 08 Sep 2011 01:34 Title: Chapter One
Quite a change of pace here from the last scene; going from such a tense situation to one that begins that cheerfully is jarring, and I get the feeling it was very much intentionally so.
The pinning-on ceremony was very nicely done here. I do have one question, because I don't know if things are done differently in the Navy than they are in the Air Force: is there a reason why that was not done back home or on a starbase where Jacobs' family could be present? I know for my dad, at least, it was a big deal to have family there, so I was wondering if there is a reason or a difference in military traditions that accounts for that absence.
I'm not sure whether this is the feeling you're aiming for here, but I'm kind of reminded of reading Red Storm Rising, the way you're going back and forth between characters and locations, and then into this AU Defcon One scenario. Given that I like earlier Tom Clancy works (not so much a fan of his later stuff, unfortunately), that's a good thing for me. Part of it was also the look into Romanov's head. He had the kind of analytical approach with all the data he was getting that reminded me a bit of Toland or Jack Ryan.
And now, with this Condition Yellow order, I definitely feel like we're headed towards Defcon One with the Klingons. Good place for a chapter break.
Author's Response:
To answer your question regarding promotions in the Navy, it is a big deal for promotion in any branch of the service. My sisters are both Air Force, my cousins are Marines, and my great uncle was a naval officer, my closest friend is a chief in the Coast Guard. My own personal studies of military history notwithstanding, I hear about stories in the service almost all of the time plus the times when I actually ask to hear them. That being said, traditionally, officers in the Navy didn't have the benefit of having their families aboard the ship when they received their promotion or were informed of their selection for promotion. In the age of sail, even, officers in the Royal Navy receiving their notification of passed their examination for lieutenant would receive missives from the local admiral addressed by their new rank of Lieutenant with orders to proceed to their next assignment. With a forward-deployed ship, it may not be feasible to have family present all the time. Given that Lexington was deployed, before a time when families joined a ship's crew for long voyages, the needs of the service dictated that she received her promotion and transfer by the most expeditious means.
I will admit to being a fan of Clancy's works, as well as the works of W.E.B. Griffin and Vince Flynn. Sometimes, you never know what piece of literature might inspire you in presenting a narrative and in this case, while I wasn't going for any sort of homage to Clancy, I suppose imitation is the highest form of flattery. At least, I hope Mister Clancy feels that way.
Thank you for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
-- MDg
Date: 08 Sep 2011 01:26 Title: Prologue
The brutal universe of "Yesterday's Enterprise" being such an interesting counterpoint to the overly-placid TNG, you've already drawn my attention in simply with the premise.
Out of curiosity, to what extent do you accept Diane Duane's works as canon?
Also, do you see the dynamic between the Galae and the Tal Shiar as anything analogous to that of Central Command and the Obsidian Order, or do you see differences? I'd be interested to hear how you compare and contrast that one.
Author's Response:
Where No One Has Gone Before is an online Trek-based RPG at http://www.wnohgb.org to which Tides is a story from. WNOHGB accepts Diane Duane's works as canon to the story, therefore, I have to employ it as a consequence of setting the story within that alternate universe.
In that, I sort of take the relationship between the Galae and the Tal Shiar to be that of "Face of the Enemy," where the antagonistic side to the Romulan military and intelligence organization was, at best, a cool relationship and at worst, quite adversarial. I had to try and extrapolate that against the Duane-created Rihannsu culture, but it didn't seem too much of a stretch to do so. As far as it's correlation to the Cardassian counterparts, I don't think so. While their functions are similar, I've always found the Cardassian dymanic to be far more subtle than the overt hostilities portrayed in the show. "Defiant" was a great episode to watch in terms of demonstrating the thinly-held masks of mutual contempt that Central Command and the Obsidian Order tended to express in their dealings with one another. The Galae officers often felt there was no need for their loyalties to be questioned as they felt it was absolute, while I think Central Command had a grudging admission that the Order had merit and a respected function. I just felt the they always wanted the Order to fall under Central Command's authority rather than allowing them to operate autonomously.
Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
-- MDg
Date: 31 May 2010 18:15 Title: Chapter Two
Tut tut. What girl talk! Anyway, with Yates' judgement in on Jacobs one wonders whether she is right and if Jacobs will be up to the actual task. So far, she has indeed been personable. Will that continue if the pressure builds up to get the ship going?
So far everyone is gettign along well. No personal conflicts or woefully bad first impressions. Nice to see a crew getting along but I wonder how long this might last. Though if professional they really ought to be able to make it work. Looking forward to some developments of the crew interpersonnel relationships and how they gel together in the coming days and weeks.
Date: 25 Mar 2010 19:43 Title: Chapter One
Hope more is coming-this is interesting so far
Date: 25 Mar 2010 19:35 Title: Prologue
Cool so far-kinda what you'd expect, given the synopsis.
Date: 22 Mar 2010 22:10 Title: Chapter One
Oh great introductions to the crew. The Miranda has a new smell to it and it comes across in the details and in the captain taking up command. With the civilian clothes and relaxed comportment coming aboard, I've a feeling Romanov is going to be a little bit of a character. He also seems to have impressed his superiors big time in Border Patrol.
The two officers we are introduced to asides the captain also strike as warm and open and easily likeable. Loved the XO to newly minted XO chat. Hee hee. Likewise the Chief Engineer, Yates, the conversations between her and the captain are good - especially the one request bit.
Again, nice details that are not laboured painting the scene and routine of life. I also like the war drums tension that is building up. Very good.
Date: 22 Mar 2010 19:21 Title: Prologue
Oh what a brilliantly intriguing premise you have here. One I was sold on the Border Patrol vessel. Two, I was sold on the Miranda class hero starship. Three, the altered timeline that resulted seemed too good an opportunity not to be followed up again. Finally, I've found a story that explores it and with you at the helm Mike it will be a first class tale and will be superbly written. The start is already a strong indication of this with the immediate feel given of being onboard a Romulan vessel and the wariness of raising one's head lest it draws attention. Can't wait to see where this goes.