Date: 30 Sep 2013 14:59 Title: Chapter 1
Whew...again with the craziness. And this wasn't even a Scott story.
You have a very incredible way of painting the stories you tell. They are very easy to get lost in and enjoy, and very easy to follow along with and visualize. The despair is very tangible as this woman grows up in a hurry. What was a group of friends soon becomes a group of survivors, soon becomes a group of fighters, transforms into a militia. And in Canada, of all places (I kid, I kid).
And actually, about that; It's always way too easy to pick the US as a setting for anything Star Trek. The Federation WAS the US in TOS, as much as the Klingons were the USSR. It was easy to make that connection, and it still sticks even today. So, picking a new place to set your story, to look at it from one of the "inconsequential" countries that the Supermen ignored, is a refreshing step outside the box.
The scientist - who is he, that Shayna hates him so much? IS he just a collaborator? Is he the one responsible for the Supermen? Or does he represent, to her, the forces that destroyed her life, that forced her to give up being a college co-ed and become a soldier? I'm going with the latter.
And I love how you drive it home at the end. You said the phrase once before, when the Supermen began to lose and Humanity fought back. "All things human rise." It was so very true. But to put it at the end like that was just incredible. Feeling the hate and anger towards this scientist and everything he stands for...and then choosing to keep that part of her soul instead, to be human, was absolutely awesome. That was a great line to end the story with, and so very true of the MU you write, where not everything is about power and assassination. There are still decent people holding onto what makes us human, even in the face of extinction.
Author's Response: Rick was a collaborator in this universe, though he had a change of heart. This story's a long story, but I'm glad you liked it even stand alone. Thank you! Someday, maybe I should go revisit them.
Date: 08 Mar 2010 06:36 Title: Chapter 1
Yeah, I liked this too. I really think Shayna comes off as a real three-dimensional character, which as a writer, is hard to succeed at doing all the time. Great job!
(not sure if i would have had shayna's ability to grow as a person...)
Rob
Date: 01 Mar 2010 22:24 Title: Chapter 1
This calls out for more. I like what you put together but it needs more, I think.
Date: 01 Mar 2010 20:55 Title: Chapter 1
As per usual I am taken aback by how much you seem to pack into a small piece of writing. With this piece you provide a powerful backdrop through the life of one individual to give an illustration of the Eugenics War and make what it portrayed in canon seem so plausible and possible. You give the reader triggers and aids to picture it for themselves to feel for the character and gain a perspective of their life. No mean feat obviously. Especially given the Armageddon scope of this tale. A great patter or rhythm to the writing that builds up the oncoming disaster, the budding resistence and then Shayna overcoming her rage and not pummeling this traitor to within an inch of his life. Brilliant stuff as always.