[Report This]Date: 01 Sep 2022 23:29 Title: Chapter 12
Looking back from under a frizzled rat's nest of red hair...
Nice word painting - both visuals and various dark inner realities:
...it seemed those ghosts stood among the crew, maybe in silent protest...
Jellico doesn't come out well in this tale. I'm actually in the minority who consider him an underrated captain. But what a kick with the interactions between him and Aubrey, then Aubrey and Adol, then Jellico and Hiroko.
Hoping you post more soon so I can find out what's going on with Katorn...
Thanks!! rbs
Author's Response: It's funny, I hated Jellico when I was younger but appreciated the character later. There was a reason he was put in charge of the Cardassian situation. Yes, he was an ass, but no more so than a real military officer in the real world. It was the STTNG crew that came off looking bad, by whining so much about him. We're seeing him here at a near breaking point, so some of his weaknesses are on display, but hopefully so are his strengths. You'll get to see more of that in the next installment! Great feedback!
[Report This]Date: 25 Aug 2022 01:22 Title: Chapter 11
Jellico begging for mercy for the cardassians - that's a classic moment that Ronnie Cox would love to portray. Really liking the character development for Hiroko and the opening sequence with her headed resolutely in the wrong direction to the bridge.
More unholy happenings on the Intrepid. I liked the scene sticking with Adol's POV until Aubery was reasonably conscious. So evidently the Intrepid and crew are now entangled with the Inth at some almost existential level.
Cool idea using the probe - those are potentials that were underused and all too often overlooked in the franchise.
Thanks!! rbs
Author's Response: I'd like to believe Ronnie Cox would like this interpretation of Jellico. Canon characters are hard to do justice. I'm lucky that most readers have responded well to this part of the story. Thanks!
[Report This]Date: 16 Aug 2022 23:30 Title: Chapter 10
Such sweethearts these cardassians. You almost have me rooting for Katorn.
"This was how it felt to be in the presence of life so utterly foreign that one rejected it on a primal level." - nice line.
Okay - these inth are some righteously unholy shit - I definitely want to see more of this series.
and "COMPLETE US." - wtf??
Thanks!! rbs
Author's Response: Yep, our heroes are definitely having a bad day at the office! Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment!
[Report This]Date: 09 Aug 2022 00:11 Title: Chapter 9
Really liking the portrayal of both Hiroko and Jellico. The test of a hero is the ability to recover from a punch and adapt to new circumstances. Their struggle coming to terms with it and working their way through it provides verisimilitude.
Really great story design with the Fermi Paradox (and one of the most disturbing great filters - we'll call it the "Whack-a-Mole" filter... Even better that Aubrey is the proximate cause and has to find the solution. To the point that this would make a great plot for a standalone scifi story that you could sell if you were to wash the Trek elements out of it. (A massive undertaking, but one worth considering to reach a wider audience and possibly turn a buck.)
His rebound moment is a far more spiritual moment than that of Jellico and Hiroko - they're not culpable. He is. And if nebulae are known as potential exotic habitats, it's worse than genocide - it's ecocide - destroying the entire ecology. He definitely has a big sin to atone for - which sets up a great character arc.
As I'm nearing the end of this, which appears to be the only posting for the series on Ad Astra, I'm hoping it is lodged somewhere else that I can interact with it without committing the sin of necroposting over on Trek BBS.
Thanks!! rbs
Author's Response: A very thoughtful and detailed review. Much appreciated! It's true that Trek has a glaring Fermi Paradox of its own which has always bugged me. The Inth were my answer to that as you've seen. The Inth were also meant to satisfy an unfulfilled promise made by those who created the Borg---that we would see an unstoppable and truly alien superpower that can affect galactic history. I consider it high praise that you feel the core story material could support an original standalone tale. I may consider it some day! And yes, I need to get cracking on posting the next installment, "Preemptive Maneuvers", on Ad Astra. I'm way behind. But I'll notify you when I have that started. Obliged!
[Report This]Date: 01 Aug 2022 05:19 Title: Chapter 8
"What if we reverse polarity on the aft tractor beam so it repels..." Rule #1 in engineering: NEVER reverse the polarity... very fun to see that idea being shot down.
Sweet use of Katorn again to give us an outside view of Intrepid. I'm guessing this is the ship's Voyager moment - being swept off to somewhere else where they will be tested within an inth of their sanity...
It would be fun to see Katorn stuck with Timitt forever - one assignment after another.
Thanks!! rbs
Author's Response: Another ST rule is don’t mess with nebulas! Things are about to get even weirder. Thanks again for the comments.
[Report This]Date: 28 Jul 2022 19:01 Title: Chapter 7
I think I've mentioned before that I really like the against-type casting of an orion counselor. Nice muddle with this character and another way to show the leadership characters in reverse angle. And it does seem like something is screwing with him...
Liking the triage in the wake of the battle, particularly the bit about dermal regeneration being secondary to life-saving. Very interesting that Peboda's first instinct wasn't sick bay.
And loving the character of Zorek - the hero vulcan. Suprised that I haven't encountered his like in any other fanfic as he seems a logical potential in vulcan culture. (A bit envious I didn't create such a creature myself.)
Thanks!! rbs
Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words. You may recall Captain Zorek and the Nagasaki also appeared in Treacherous Waters, which is set a few years ahead of this story. This was his first appearance. Thanks!
[Report This]Date: 26 Jul 2022 23:21 Title: Chapter 6
Ahh - so Pal has been tormented within an inth of his wits (yeah... more puns coming...) I've seen the end of the inth war, but I'm not completely sure what they're about. Gotta see them from the start to get the full measure of them.
Good mysterious sequence with Adol in inth space.
Sweet reverse angle with the cardassians. Katorn learned too late that he needed to be on his game. Interesting how he was distracted by the cardassians' collective disgrace as Dominion lackeys. Always deadly to allow such distractions. He thought he was clever - was looking for a challenge - be careful what you wish for!
Thanks!! rbs
Author's Response: Ah yes, there's a lot going on with our friendly Cardassian. He's carrying a lot more than baggage, which is bad news for our heroes!
[Report This]Date: 20 Jul 2022 01:10 Title: Chapter 5
Several gripping scenes, but most interesting the alien communication with Pal. Looks like the galaxy is about to pay for this big war between the Dominion and the Alpha Quadrant.
Jellico losing his mind - did not see that coming. Looks like everyone's on the edge of a big psychic break. But a few captains managing to hold on.
So Hiroko might be done for as well...
Thanks!! rbs
Author's Response: Yes, things are going more and more sideways by the moment. Thanks again for the input.
[Report This]Date: 14 Jul 2022 23:58 Title: Chapter 4
Okay - if the Federation president were orange, I might believe it was the Anti-Christ...
A Genesis misfire? No - someone is definitely screwing with it. And that doesn't seem like Dominion work...
Nice clif hanger...
Thanks!! rbs
Author's Response: "if the Federation president were orange," LMAO. That was priceless. Thanks! The next chapter runs a bit long, FYI. My chapter lengths were all over the place back then.
[Report This]Date: 07 Jul 2022 00:04 Title: Chapter 3
Looks like you reversed the Chekov "v" (although not something that actually happens with Russian accents - which Anton Yeltzen (RIP) made fun of.)
And Hiroko's love life disentigrates - another didn't make it...
Really liking your handling of Jellico and Zorek - not putting up with any intimation that the order will not go forward, but willing to change the plan a little to increase chances of success.
Nice portrait of Aubrey and crew at the moment of engagement.
Thanks!! rbs
Author's Response: Glad you're loving the Not-Russian Accent! Because you'll be getting more of it later! :) Seriously though, your thoughts are appreciated. Thanks again for taking the time for a review.
[Report This]Date: 02 Jul 2022 01:58 Title: Chapter 2
Always enjoy seeing Jellico in full form with his catchphrase. Interesting plan - but as Tyson said - you always have a plan until the other guy hits you.
Amusing relationship and backstories, particularly the rocky friendship between Pal and Adol. Romantic relationships are always tricky to depict. For some reason, ST fan fiction is replete with doomed same sex relationships - here's hoping that Hiroko/Kantrovitch isn't one of them.
Thanks!! rbs
Author's Response: More food for thought. I have to admit, I never gave much thought to tropes when I wrote this. Later in life, I became aware of the "Bury Your Gays" trope in TV and movies which I was previously oblivious to. At least I can say I've approached all of my fictional relationships in the same way, regardless of their orientation. Still, always good to remember!
[Report This]Date: 27 Jun 2022 18:02 Title: Chapter 1
Nice intro to Aubrey - can't have a better foil than Jellico - easily one of my favorite series irregulars. I'm a big Ronnie Cox fan as well and I think he would be quite pleased that he created a character that reverberated so well that he's been utilitzed in countless fanfictions.
Really enjoying the reveal on Perboda and Kella and kudos for casting an orion as ship's counselor - not an idea that had occurred to me. Perhaps the only more counterintuitive casting would be a tellerite counselor - which gives me an idea...
And it seems like Perboda might have a haunting...
Reasonable chapter length - not quite bite-sized but a well-focused introduction to three characters.
Thanks!! rbs
Author's Response: As always, I appreciate your generous feedback! I know it must be weird reading the first part of a story you already finished. Glad to hear my older prose is still serviceable. Yeah, I think my chapter lengths were a bit too long at times, something I'm more conscious of today. Thanks again.
[Report This]Date: 22 Jun 2022 00:57 Title: Prologue
Sweet critter design on the Inth - bird-like aliens (that jitter through space - or maybe subspace.) Nice and creepy. At first the doomed empire seems like maybe a backward civilization - but they put up quite a fight against these guys.
The answer to the Great Filter that no one wants to consider. We've considered the Steep Steps answer and the Grabby Aliens answer. BUt then there's the Psychotic Killer Aliens - which is an entirely plausible answer to the Great Filter.
And the PKA are on the rise again...
Thanks!! rbs
Author's Response: Oh crap, you’ve started reading the Double Edge now. And I haven’t looked this story over in a long time! I hope these chapters still hold up! But seriously thank you for the feedback. As you probably know, this is the first part of the Inth story arc that completed with Preemptive Maneuvers. Have a great one!
Date: 31 Mar 2011 21:07 Title: Chapter 7
Wowzers. Well, seems the battle took it's toll on lives and emotions, and poor Jellico. Not an easy man to get along with, but I feel for him here...so wanting to do something yet unable to without sacrificing everything and even then, on a gambit with a very small chance for success.
Nice chapter. Look forward to seeing what's going on inside the Nebula.
Author's Response: Yes, it's enough to make us feel a little sorry for Jellico...on the other hand, maybe we should hold off on that until the ending, ha ha.
Date: 21 Dec 2010 12:09 Title: Chapter 7
Another hefty Dominion War dose - again with compelling details and character povs, shifting scenes and only their narrow perspective to glean information about what is happening. It adds to the mystery and to the revelation of whatever is happening here, which is continuing to be puzzling and dangerous in feel and then compounded by the losses of the Battle and the imminient victory for Betazed. Terrific.
Author's Response: Here's hoping you like the pending climax! And thanks again for taking the time to write!
Date: 21 Dec 2010 11:50 Title: Chapter 6
I gotta say - this feels at the moment like two different stories - two very compelling stories at that! We have a terrific Dominion War battle waging and this time given from a Cardassian pov that was fascinating and brilliantly conveyed. You got the sense of the starship captain playing gambits ala our canon heroes to out fox the enemy - only we see it played out from this intriguing opposing perspective with characters who come to life within one chapter. This is brilliant.
The the other story is this curious TOS like alien presence - that is confounding, strange, and ominous. Especially wiht the ending - the Inth are coming! Wow. Great.
So the question remains to be seen how this will all tie in together - which is quite compelling to wait and see. Very well written creating a top notch atmosphere.
Author's Response: Nice to hear from you again, Miranda. And thanks as always for such a well thought review. I'm happy you like this enough to keep coming back.
Date: 02 Dec 2010 14:45 Title: Chapter 6
Damn-I was kinda sad to see Katorn die. He was a riot of awesomeness. I hope he found a way out of there-he's too good a character to die on the spot.
As for Adol and Doug-dude, it's looking bad. I don't know who these Inth are, but they seem pretty angry if they messed Doug up as bad. I hope the two get out of there before any permanent damage is done. As always, good stuff.
I want more. :)
Author's Response: Well, I can only promise escalation...broo ha ha... Concerning Katorn, well, you never know. Some Cardassians are like bad pennies. Thanks for taking the time to leave feedback!
Date: 24 Oct 2010 23:56 Title: Chapter 5
Man oh man. The ending scene is troubling. What the heck have they wandered into in the nebula. Something NOT good that is for sure.
As for the depiction of Jellico and the battle of Betazed. Wow. Awesome details and sense of carnage and destruction along with a sense of seeing a glimpse of history. Very well done.
Author's Response: I suppose you could say everyone's having a bad day at the office at this point. To paraphrase Saavik: "And what is yet to come." Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. Always appreciated.
Date: 24 Oct 2010 23:46 Title: Chapter 4
Well calamity has indeed descended upon them - the disaster I sensed waiting in the air has come - though I'll be damned as to what to make of it! Brilliant stuff. The brillian, fun banter between the two quickly becomes shorthand communication in a battle of wills to beat the odds and the elements. Great interaction portrayed here as well as great drama of the unfolding ... whatever.
Author's Response: Thanks, Miranda Fave. I'm glad the character work is ringing true. As we all know, without interesting characters even the most compelling story falls flat.
Date: 06 Jul 2010 18:53 Title: Chapter 5
Wow-Jellico goes hardcore, and Pal is alive! But mother of pearl, what has he discovered? What's this alien species that strikes such terror into his heart?
Great chapter and well worth the wait. Look forward to more!
Author's Response: I'm glad you're still enjoying it! More is on the way!
Date: 23 May 2010 16:18 Title: Chapter 4
Man, what is going on in that nebula?! First the Genesis device seemingly misfires and then a terporal vortex? This can't be good.
Love the banter between the two characters featured here and I hope they don't die...but it seems they're right in the thick of something and it doesn't look good. Look forward to the next chapter. :)
Author's Response: Our two friends are indeed up to their eyebrows in trouble! Thanks for your comments! More to come.
Date: 24 Mar 2010 17:02 Title: Chapter 3
Whew, action packed Chapter. Sad to see the death of the Russian chick, she was cool...and poor Captain Hiroko.
Man...looking forward to more. Great chapter
Date: 21 Mar 2010 22:24 Title: Chapter 3
Tally-ho indeed. Into the fray they go. It seems awful that such little faith has been put in the crew of Intrepid's shuttle to complete the mission. Oh ye of little faith ... I am hoping that they do indeed show the rest of the fleet what they are made of. I guess rooting for the underdog is going to be a theme in this tale. I like the description of the Intrepid as the experimental test bed that makes it one powerful but ultimately problematic ship. It seems Aubrey has his hands full regardless of the mission and the added complication of command of the Excelsior wing.
What really impresses me are the details that pepper the dialogue and the scenery. Details about ship movements, attack patterns and the engineering reports. All done so as not to intrude on the story telling but add so much flavour and authenicity to the tale. Very well rendered and brilliant realisation onto paper without being gimmicky or techno-babble like. This is seen most especially in the combat between the fighters and the Montreal runabout. Great action stuff that was of course then followed up with the heart stuff as Hiroko silently grieves her loss.
I am also liking our Vulcan friend Shantok. Her interesting background makes for her to be one formidable Vulcan and character. I'll be interested to see how she develops.
And to note, I like the detail that Aubrey prefers to command from the secondardy bridge. A wonder it wasn't standard procedure in the war. Continued great stuff and a bumper of a chapter.
Author's Response: As always, I appreciate your reviews. I do strive for the right balance of technical detail and story pacing. I'm pleased that so far, it's working out. Thanks for commenting on the numerous details that I added.
Date: 13 Mar 2010 06:09 Title: Chapter 2
Wowzers...the Genesis device. I have a haunting feeling that things are gonna go from bad to worse once that thing is exploded. Genesis always leads to problems. Nice chapter, great work.
Author's Response: Thanks. We'll see just how more complicated this gets...
Date: 03 Mar 2010 21:11 Title: Chapter 2
Ok so a genesis device weapon being fired into a mysterious nebula shows the type of gambits Starfleet is willing to take in war time. Once upon a time this would have had more than Intrepid's Operations Officer, Lt. Douglas Pal showing a guilty conscience about the act they are baout to commit. Compare his attitude to that of his best friend Adol and to Jellico's willingness to use the wepon in the first place you can see just how much the war is taking a toll on Starfleet - the cost of lives and moral principles too.
You've used good choices of characters to explore the situations and to add an emotional investment to the story. Everything hasa feel of hanging in the air awaiting some sort of disaster. I wonder what it will be. I figure the nebula is connected to the enemy that took out the O’lantia. Hence the ion storms that are attracted to it - maybe a long ago weapon or a sleeping enemy. That's my two pennies worth. Great stuff.