Date: 14 Jan 2012 03:44 Title: Star Trek: Laughing Sawfish
A few things grabbed me here: Nazar being Muslim, and a nice little backstory about Islam in the 24th century. I like spirituallity, and it is nice you including them in.
I'll read tomorrow and see where this story goes (it's 3:45am right now in Britain). I haven't formed a opinion about this story, though I've noticed you tend to jump from different first person POV's and for me it feels a little disconcerting because it happens so suddenly. Maybe I'm not used to that sort of thing...
One more thing; who is Tarska Hesar? Is he a Xindi, a Cardassian or a Vorta? I could not tell from this chapter.
Date: 16 Aug 2011 14:44 Title: Haven't Met You Yet
Capitals! And protocols ... more please ....
Date: 07 Apr 2011 11:53 Title: Haven't Met You Yet
an interesting start, should be an interest story arc... i like stories seeing things from the other side of view
Date: 07 Apr 2011 11:42 Title: Haven't Met You Yet
Interesting. The Vorta have such good hearing, they can tell if you're saying something capitalized!
Nicely written intro to what will probably be an interesting story arc.
Date: 09 Aug 2010 18:07 Title: Star Trek: Laughing Sawfish
Again, the interest and alien perspective of the Romulan reporter is what tickles me most in this chapter. Her views are Romulan in terms of what should be transmitted and what should be thought of ahead of action duty. So throwing her into a largely human environment is making for a lot of cultural shocks.
I enjoyed the Dominion POV much more this time as there was more to what was its intention. Likewise, the propaganda bit to open it was also well done.
The opening paragraph abord the USS Manstein was a short scene but it provided us with the expertise of Captain Nazar. He really is a very capable officer and tactician. Though the POV on that chpater seemed a little confused, one minute it seemed it was from Solok's POV and then it seemed to switch to Captain Nazar.
Date: 09 Aug 2010 17:58 Title: Star Trek: Laughing Sawfish
There is a lot of interesting elements here. Firstly, there are not that many fanfics, or maybe more accurately not that many that I read, which use the Defiant class as the hero ship. Those that do and I have chosen not to read maybe have the class of ship carrying out missions that it maybe would not be best suited to doing but rather fanboy mentality rules having the kick ass Defiant in the thick of things. The way you make use of and describe the Rommel however is spot on. I like how you flesh out the cramped nature of the vessel and the lack of communal areas etc factoring in on how the crew operates together.
Interesting switching of perspectives too between the Federation and the Dominion characters and settings. It gives us a larger picture of what is going on. Though, I have to say, so far despite the novelty of the Dominion POV, I am much more interested in the Starfleet crew. Particularly with our Romulan friend sharing an opinion on how the crew reacts to going into action.
Date: 09 Aug 2010 17:48 Title: Star Trek: Laughing Sawfish
Ok so I've skipped ahead by reading this chapter as I had been doing so for validation but I liked what I was reading as I read it and had to come along and drop a review whilst I was at it. I like how you cram so much into the one chapter. Normally, I think I wouldn't like such an approach and in fairness I think a little more to the execution of the rescue would have been nice. However, when it switched to the new interceptors attacking the fleeing ships, I figured this was the real purpose and focus of the chapter. That said, I'd have liked a little more on the sudden and real danger the bridge were experiencing as they realised the new weapons were far more formidable than they figured. As it was, the scene build up with the stuka diving interceptor was well on the way to carrying that element of danger on. I guess I just wanted more of what I was liking.
Again, the view of things from both sides continues to be interesting. Eris might not be happy torturing enemies of the Dominion yet she still does so. Showing the warts and all aspect to that side is good, you are not trying to cover over the fact that as the enemy she would be getting her hands dirty.
On the Rommel itself, a nice bit of crew interaction. nOt everyone gets along or has the same opinion as one another. Whilst you don't fully expand on a scene you do give a succinct impression of the characters and what is happening.
This is seen in how you rapidly switch scenes, with the line about the Maquis raiders being a quick introduction to the briefing about the rescue of Maquis prisoners, and Esri not liking torturing enemies another quick scene change. It is actually weirdly effective, though I would denote the changes in the formatting with eother extra line spaces between them or through using asterix or something to ease the readers.
Other than that, I just have to say I love the notion of the captain insisting upon reading replicated newspapers. I love that notion of replicated newspapers to condense down the happenings in the Federation. [mind if I steal that idea?]
Author's Response: Thanks, Miranda! Sure, you can steal that idea. ;) I recently got an iPhone and everyday I post stuff from the BBC or CNN onto Facebook. While it's nice to stay informed, there really is nothing like reading a newspaper. Makes me kind of sad my parents cancelled our circulation. I kind of based the introduction of the interceptors on a WWII video I saw on YouTube which showed a B-17 flight crew having their first encounter with the Me-262. I also introduced them to show that Arjagul Hesar is thinking strategically and developed a new class to counter the Starfleet attack fighters. After all, in a real war, there often is a technological battle going on to get an edge (though the Dominion did do that with the Breen energy dampening weapon).
Date: 07 Jun 2010 13:13 Title: Star Trek: Laughing Sawfish
hehe, see, you had to leave some of the characters out of this one. I really like this, it's nicely paced... and, erm... and... *thinks* carry on?
Date: 04 Jun 2010 18:52 Title: Star Trek: Laughing Sawfish
I like your story and characters (although there are a lot of them). Look forward to reading more.
Date: 13 Mar 2010 20:00 Title: Star Trek: Laughing Sawfish
I agree with Mistral. There are not too many fanfics that deal with this aspect of the war; and I like how you are showing that there are indeed normal people on both sides. I hope there is more to come..
Rob
Date: 22 Feb 2010 19:25 Title: Star Trek: Laughing Sawfish
So we are in the closing stages of the war a dangerous time indeed for any Defiant class crew. A Romulan reporter thrown into the mix is an interesting move. I wonder how that is going to play out. The touches about faith of the captain are nice but so far do not overwhelm the story or belabour the point. I wonder at the inclusion of Liska and Ezris and how they relate to this story. It should be interesting to see how this all plays out. [P.S. I made a few typo corrections but nothing major.]
Author's Response: Essentially this is based on my RPG, which I originally intended to be a mirror of the final chapter of DS9. I'm including/advancing the story of Liska and Eris to essentially show that there are normal people on the other side (one of the lessons from my fiction writing class is "the villains never see themselves as the villains"). I also intend to have a couple parallels to Das Boot and the U-boat Service in general (such as the inclusion of the reporter). Thanks for the feedback!
Date: 19 Feb 2010 20:49 Title: Star Trek: Laughing Sawfish
Quite a varied crew. Not many fan fics cover the Dominion "roll up" period. Well done.