Date: 07 Mar 2010 23:39 Title: Chapter 18
So the potential mole is uncovered. That may be a step in the right direction but it also means that a great many Federation vessels may have faults within that make them vulnerable.
The enemy is seemingly all powerful and all evil. I'm still at a loss as to how they are going to be stopped. It seems an all out war will be a loss for the Federation. And the intent of the enemy is not political entities such as the Federation but mere humanoid species it seems. Maria sees them as play things, and many of the prisoners were toyed with and experimented on. So they see themeselves as superior and more powerful. the sad fact of the matter is that in some ways they are indeed superior in strength, power and abilities and have worked on weakening the Federation with lies, mistrust, deceit and mysteries abounding to confound. How the heck are you planning on sorting out this mess??!!
Author's Response:
How the heck am I planning on sorting it out....
It's a mystery ;)
Date: 07 Mar 2010 23:16 Title: Chapter 17
Ok so now we have Maxwell thrown into the mix. That should make for some interesting times ahead. Another moment of confrontation for Hank. At times he is better at getting along with other power nations such as our Klingon and Romulan friend than he is Starfleet officers. The two of them dicking it out over command is rather petty and highly dangerous. You like throwing in the wild card and the madness that's for sure, trekfan. Oh and of course needless to say, it makes for a lot of fun to read. One little quibble, it's they're as in they are not their. A few typos in there, of that.
Date: 07 Mar 2010 22:49 Title: Chapter 16
OH Gallos seems to have a greater mystery around it. Could this be the site of an earlier incursion by the enemy or the enemy's enemy? We've the impression that they have been around a lot longer - but as far back as a thousand years?? Hmmm ... very interesting and worrying too because whatever it is that happened there seems to have raised the shackles of our Romulan Ambassador.
Funny how Worf and Nick were very much on the smae page as each other. Normally Worf can be anti the other security guy but he seems to recognise a comrade in Nick. All credit then to Nick.
When I was reading the opening part with Spock the ddest thing was I imagined Nimoy reading it like an internal monologue. Something about the way you phrased, pitched and paced it helped to get that into my head. The only thing that distracted was too much use of logically. It was very effective at the start to hook inot the POV of Spock but down later it threw me a little. After all logic is not the be all and end all of a Vulcan - Spock least of all. But the considered movements, his keen observations and deductions, those were all very Spock and Vulcan like. Sela was deliciously evil and over the top. I suppose all too often she was written that way in TNG so this actually fits perfectly. Her plans are far reaching but could only work because of the xenophobic and paranoid Romulan nature - so much so that they'll trust a half-breed over any alliance with the Federation.
Great thrust to the story and new mysteries develop to deepen the overall scheme of things. Well done.
Date: 06 Mar 2010 17:00 Title: Chapter 15
Fixed a few typos, mostly commas with fullstops. However, to me, this sentence makes no sense and I think is missing a word or two. She grinned. "No. We're going to fight the species the Federation is. We've found them."
Likewise when, Leo responds to his caller, he says he doesn't want any. Any what? Great instalment though.Here's hoping Hank has escaped and of course survived his own escape route. Yipes.
Date: 06 Mar 2010 16:47 Title: Chapter 15
Leo's attempted suicide I feel is probably not a real attempt. I thought at the start it was. However, he ability to set the gun down makes me feel that he is really looking for help in some way. And therapy must be having some effect if he can come up with the thought of redeeming himself on a day by day basis.Hank rescued? Well it might be hard to say. Certainly, we've been left hanging and there's nothing to say that this isn't all an illusion too. If not, it is startling that the enemy had so many prisoners. And I wonder why it would be under attack seemingly with the explosions going off. If an enemy is behind that it adds a whole other dimension to this. Way to tell a story. I'm going to go through and fix a few errors and typos mind. Oops.
Date: 06 Mar 2010 16:35 Title: Chapter 14
I know from reading Nerys' review that she talked of some of your characters being abrasive. I cna see why she might make that comment on the heels of this chapter. It starts off with Winsor reflecting on Thomas being cut from the same cloth as him and yet they are so quick to go to each other's throats. So that is a little perturbing. However, from Thomas' POV that is to be expected as he is a captain and he wants answers if he is going to willingly place lives on the line. Lives he is responsible for. Winsor is a little reckless in being so headstrong and he needs to realise being that way will only repeat some of the mistakes of his past. I think he is silly to blame himself for Garrett's death. But it is still fitting for the character to think so. But it adds a dangerous instability to this whole scenario. Barash seems intriguing. What species is he again?
Date: 06 Mar 2010 16:16 Title: Chapter 13
Wow! I thought this chapter was going to be all Hank's mind being messed with. But no, it turns out that you pull the rug from uder us with throwing Sela into the fray and her attempts to break off any alliance that is the best possible hope for all concerned. Taking Spock as well only drives up the MAD factor of it all. Great surprises. And now it seems the Pearl might have a more direct mission to contend with. Though, in honesty they might prefer to act rather than await answers that are less than forthcoming. Great stuff, trekfan.
Date: 25 Feb 2010 21:15 Title: Chapter 12
Reconciliation does not seem to be on the cards then for that pair. Obviously, Paul as the doctor tends to have a different prism through which to view the captain or any officer aboard. It is one reason why doctors can tend to get themselves into more trouble and strife. Especially as part of Starfleet Medical they are part of Starfleet and yet not of it. So it is interesting to see his take on Hank here.
It is also interesting to read more with T'Kel. Obviously, with writing a sometimes emotional Vulcan myself, I am always hooked and intrigued by those other Vulcans who also have issues around mental discipline and or showing emotions. To see a glimmer of the pain that has scarred her is to help gain a better picture on her nature. Good stuff.
Date: 25 Feb 2010 21:02 Title: Chapter 11
So we have Worf and it seems Riker is en route too. Meaning Troi will be there also. I wonder will you have Tuvok as well? Oh canon special guests. Well you did a good job with Crusher [albeit appearing a bit of a bitch] so this should be interesting.
Date: 25 Feb 2010 20:54 Title: Chapter 10
Hmm ... I know Paul only has everyone's best interests at heart, and to a degree he is right about what Nick had said to all about needing them, however, he can go kiss my ass - as can the others. Nick is captain now and it is about time they all started acting like officers. It doesn't make much sense to those of us who don't serve, but a chain of command is a chain of command! They don't need to like the captain's orders, they don't even need to understand them, they jsut need to follow them and to follow them without question. The crew seems to think Nick should be another Hank - but if he tried that approach they'd be remonstrating him for that. For another matter, saying he was grand as an XO but holding doubts about his ability to be a captain is a whole load of croc! If he is XO the point is a rockfall, an accurate phaser shot, a transporter malfunction away is he from the command chair at any time. If Hank thought to choose Nick for the XO position in the first place then he thought him able to replace him if tragedy, as it has, should strike. Time for the team to amn up and indeed for Nick to maybe man up to and slap them all into line. Sorry, that all just snuck up on me but I guess it shows the story sticks with ye as you read it.
Date: 25 Feb 2010 20:19 Title: Chapter 9
Wow! Rachel Garret speaking back from the dead. Upping the mystery stakes now. Can't wait to find out more.
Date: 25 Feb 2010 20:06 Title: Chapter 8
Again, more quiet introspection and thoughts shared here. But you right it well and one doesn't tire of it. You are adaopt at revealing the thoughts and feelingss of your characters in these one on one monologues. A very effective manner to be sure to explore the characters and tease out the story development too.
In this you manage to introduce the rather traumatised transporter chief and the new XO who appears to be hard as nails and then friendly. It will be hard to make her out. I wonder how she'll fit in considering that the likes of Mark and co. are finding it difficult enough to accept Nick as their new CO how are the going to react to a complete outsider?
Date: 24 Feb 2010 23:53 Title: Chapter 7
Crikey. Hank being put through the wrangler again and then only to be confronted with a death by suicide or suicide by glorious death seekign Klingon as he tries to recuperate! Yipes. The Bethany waking upt o some of her feeling s towards Hank is a nice moment to see - and of course it all seems so much more obvious to friends than it does to those more directly involved. Hee hee.
Date: 24 Feb 2010 23:38 Title: Chapter 6
Nick isn't going to get it too handy to deal with the crew as I thought. I liekt hough that there is a potential for some conflict in amongst this mix. Still I wanted to slap Chris in the face for his comments. Great introspection on Nick's part about the changes to his life at present and how things are panning put for him.
It was also a neat look at Tony and how he has memoires of others who were scarred by past horrors and didn't allow themselves to move on with their lives. Good stuff.
Date: 24 Feb 2010 23:18 Title: Chapter 5
Ack damn it. I want to know who'll be the captain too! Damn trickery this is. Just trying to get us to read on. Huh, no way. I'm going to resist it ... ok maybe I ain't. Hmm ... a tough call to make. It is an essential role obviously and no matter who gets it, the role will be hard to fill because most of the senior staff are going back in as were and all will be thinking of Hank. So the new captian will only be left stewing on being a second choice. In that way, it might be best if it is Nick who gets it - but his command experience cries out that he shouldn't get it. Kevin Mitchell would be an interesting choice and different to Hank and maybe his perspective on things might help with the Romulan handholding situation as well as the mystery enemy. But you gotta admire the story of Morris though. Am I biased with her story incuding a Miranda - of course! Her survival skills might come in very handy here. Oh interesting all round. And if not Morris by the way - hows about writing her story in the Dominion War sometime?
Date: 24 Feb 2010 23:06 Title: Chapter 4
Ho, ho. I love this story of how Daren and Mary got together. It is sweet and kind of cringing at the same time. How wrong it all could have turned out. Bleedin' hell. Anyway, great chapter with a little humour to brighten after Hank's and Paul's instalments.
Date: 24 Feb 2010 22:58 Title: Chapter 3
An intriguing and fascinating little insight into Hank's captivity. The use of the Romulan and Klingon prisoners is a nice touch as Hank learns more about their enemy. I wonder too, whether the enemy learns from watching the prisoners. Their motivations remain mysterious and it is troubling when there is evidence that they have been around for a long time indeed. What are they playing at and how have they been manipulating things in the background and what do they want with the prisoners. I like how we learn something of Hank in his dealings with the two prisoners - his pride, his humour, etc. I also like the odd couple friendship that has developed between the two should be foes. Excellent story telling. [Again a few typos fixed up here and there]
Date: 24 Feb 2010 22:40 Title: Chapter 2
Awesome chapter. Bethany mulling over Hank and the impact he had played in her life is just so, especially after reading the RR. Paul has a fantastic part here. He is there for the well being of his crew and yet he knows however bad it is for them, returning to the Pearl might be the least worst idea for them. Of course, he is running into obstacles in the form of Admiralty and Starfleet Medical. You've made Crusher quite the figure of hate in Paul's eyes. Maybe that might be justified and certainly viewing like Paul does he has good reason to be angry with her. Of course, she can argue clearly that the crew are highly damaged by the events and not yet fit to return to duty. But as Paul said himself, as their CMO he knows them and wants the best for them and sometimes as their colleague and their friend it is ahrd to view matters objectively. So although Crusher comes across a bit bitchy here, it works because we are viewing her through Paul. [Fixed a few typos in there too.]
Date: 24 Nov 2009 08:22 Title: Chapter 27
Charles' story is just one that I heard in passing sometime ago from a good friend of mine. I'm not sure where the origin is, but I'm sure there is some truth in it. I thought it would be fitting if Charles would deliver that tale.
As for T'Kel, your intial suspicions may well be correct. She really is quite sensitive about what happened to her and having the chance to restore that peace that she lost when her child died...well, it's a tempting offer, wouldn't you say?
Paul may end up finding a better way, or talking her out of it; but his worst fear is that he'll find that having her memory selectively erased is her best option.
There is so much more to write with those two.
Date: 24 Nov 2009 05:57 Title: Chapter 30
Damn...Hank saved Maxwell? Noble, perhaps, but misguided, as a certain character I took on would have said.
SO GLAD to see Hank reunited with the rest of the crew!
And I hope in the next book, they'll take the fight to the Del'Vreer.
(One last thing: "drug" is not the past tense of "drag." "Dragged" is.)
Author's Response:
^Ah, I knew that grammer sounded off. couldn't quite place it though-I'll correct that. Thanks Nerys.
As for saving Maxwell...as much as I would have liked the poetic justice of him going out on top, it just didn't seem to be Hank's way. Maxwell was as much a victim as Hank was, though neither of them would admit it out loud. Maxwell's offer to die with the ship was miguided-guilt, perhaps desperation for his actions-but Hank would have never allowed that.
Be assured, the Del'Vreer will get what they've had coming for a long time in Book 3.
Date: 24 Nov 2009 05:54 Title: Chapter 29
Hm...I guess Maxwell did something decent in the end--however, he still received the justice he deserved too. Let God sort his soul out in the end, I suppose.
I hope that Hank is able to see the good in himself now, like Berat in the RR wanted him to!
Date: 24 Nov 2009 05:52 Title: Chapter 28
How utterly warped, for Sela to announce the genocide, make the reader think she's not as bad as we think, and then tell the Romulan people this was a GOOD thing! She sounds a LOT like the canon Dukat, if you ask me...
I am very glad for G'rull's compliment to Hank, calling him a true warrior and not seeming to be sarcastic about it.
And Oron's comment about not being able to use the sensors to find their way out of a box--I LOVE his sense of humor!
As for Maxwell, would somebody PLEASE get a hypo with some deep sedative and knock him the hell OUT???
Date: 24 Nov 2009 05:48 Title: Chapter 27
I like what Charles said there, about the angel on the battlefield. Very, very moving. Did that story happen to come from your family, or someone that you know?
As for T'Kel...having her memories removed instead of, perhaps, investigating a different way to cope? I wonder if bringing a human along means that subconsciously she's trying to talk herself out of it, and try the emotional species' ways of coping instead?
Date: 24 Nov 2009 05:38 Title: Chapter 26
Cain's laughter at the ideal of a TRIAL for him, and the weakness it showed? Hate to say it, but he's totally, 100% right to laugh in their faces there. Maybe I'm showing my scales a bit, but you don't TRY enemy combatants. You KILL them, or at least give them a military tribunal and let them rot in their hole for life!
(Sorry, I'm a bit hot about some stuff right now.)
And I hope Kovo takes Greg's advice. That is some DAMN intense stuff.
Date: 23 Nov 2009 15:37 Title: Chapter 1
Very good..I liked this. I like how you are letting us try to think ahead as to what will happen next without tipping your hand yet.
I miss Bethany and Frank Grayson hanging out together in the muliverse story. Good to see some of her past here as well.
Rob
Author's Response:
ROB! Much thanks for the review. Made me smile.