Date: 11 Sep 2011 09:50 Title: The Fire's Tears
Again, reading this with the Romulan flavour to it I am reminded of my own Romulan stories/characters in development and itch to get back into them after being immersed into things here. Details like the fourth name, etc all add a nice Romulan touch to the proceedings. Now Sahs'kei has honour, a name, and death to avenge.
Date: 11 Sep 2011 09:44 Title: Blood on the Senate Floor
Wow. This got very sci-fi with the tractoring of a planet into a new system. It seems highly impossible but it is sci-fi and I can by-pass that for the sake of the story and for all I know could in fact happen.
I rather enjoy Romulan senate intrigues and word wars. We got an inkling of some of that here. The thing with Romulan settings is always in conveying the political machinations and undercurrents, where every word and sentence can carry a hidden meaning or threat. Things are a little more open here, with a declaration of fault at the feet of the Tal Shiar but perhaps given the dramatic changes to the Empire it is to be expected that not everything remains veiled anymore.
The prodigy warriors are obviously mistrusted for good reason and then given their abilities and self-confidence or insolence they don't exactly win favour for themselves too readily either.
Just watch again, there was a line about carrying the Empire only it said care. You might want to double check and amend that.
Date: 11 Sep 2011 09:30 Title: Lovesick Puppies
You might want to go back and fix the line at the start, "That night, he had not sleep at all." There were also a few instances with gaze that did not read correctly either.
Liking the mystery and the sense of discovery for our character here, looking at everything with new eyes and marvelling at what they see. I liked too the use of the underground and underwater setting as it lent the secretive air to the project as well as giving a rather cinematic scope of transisting from one locale to another via the shuttle.
The chapter title made no sense to me until the end and I assume it relates to the seeming spark between the Tr'Lagga and The Creator, and the unknowing jealousy felt by Sahs'kei. I wonder how this plays into everything.
Date: 15 Nov 2009 22:01 Title: When the Stars Don't Shine
Oh! That is a startling development. And Kzinti antics! Cool. Hope we see more of them. Really do. Things are really spicing up with the political situation and it seems something very dangerous is loose. As much as things change, Romulan politics and the machinations of advancement remain the same.
Author's Response: The Kzinti are coming... Mwahahaha... Thanks! As for politics, you'll have to wait for the next chapter.
Date: 15 Nov 2009 21:07 Title: Studies
Fantastic! I loved this. The style. The unfolding point of view. The growing sense of his world. The mystery of his upbringing. The devotion to his Creator. The growing skill and mastery of his training and killer instinct.
I loved how you achieved all of this. I liked the progression to his studies and the oversight he received and how it all developed in quite a logical way. I also liked how you described him and the weakness inherent in his character is his child-like view of the world. It is a tempering factor on one so skilled and formidable.
I like too the little tidbits that hint at things greater than his little scope of the world. The others who have met with mysterious fates. How and why? Who killed them? The political situation - Federation as their enemy and the Klingons as per usual. And the little throw away line about the First Generation. Hmmm. Lots to mull over. Great stuff to keep me interested and entertained.
Atop of which is the rich vocabulary /language and world building you are doing with the Romulan world. I know you may have canon and non-canon [the novels] to maybe draw upon and I wouldn't know enough to say if you are correct in your details or not. Alls I can say is if it feels right, and that it most certainly does. The world you are building is rich in detail and language and I particularly remarked the comment on Ruling Passion and how it ruled our protagonist. You really emoted that well.
Author's Response: Thanks! Yeah, not all of the words are canon, since the canon sources don't have every word. I'll be building up his character and the mystery, so I hope you keep reading Miranda!
Date: 15 Nov 2009 20:34 Title: As It Is
A very dark opening to your tale. It promises to be an interesting take on what happens to the Romulans post Red Nova. Very ominious and forboding feel to it but great little touches that sho a very Romulan take on things *ahem* sorry Rihannsu. A great feel to it that is seeting up a promising premise. I'm left thinking where is this going to go? Of course the little line, 'and it may be added that the Federation refused to help until the war’s last days' hints at some very dark and dangerous times for the Federation after the fate that befell Romulus. Lots of intriguing pieces - not least of which the Khellian Squad. They should provide some real teeth to the new and dangerous Romulus.
Author's Response: After I saw XI, I was left wondering what happened to the Romulans afterwords. Trouble is going to be brewing in the Romulan Empire, that's for sure. Thanks for the read!