Date: 23 May 2009 14:23 Title: Chapter 20
Daren takes a gamble and it doesn't work out here. Great plan pity about the execution! ;)
The action is upped a gear and our doc has decided to fight. This should make things a little dicier for all concerned. It takes a lot to compel Daren from the relative safety of his life to take the fight to the Romulans.
Date: 23 May 2009 14:15 Title: Chapter 19
Oh nice turn of events. Thought a war footing with the Romulans was bad enough but now we have interlopers too. This should make for some interesting developments.
Date: 19 May 2009 04:31 Title: Chapter 9
OUCH! I think I'm starting to see why you said Hank has been playing the "Captain in Distress" role a lot--I mean, thinking that was a simulation? That had to be embarrassing, if anybody else realized it.
I did like the way you showed the Cardassians here, taking time to show their differences as individuals. Nvrell seems--at least to me--like he could be a good guy. That you let him actually show his regret over the incident (and what also reads like his pain regarding the general situation of his people) really made him ring true to me. :-)
Author's Response:
You know, I never got to play with Nvrell as much as I originally planned. But I am glad the resident Cardassian expert finds my small Cardassian character a good guy. Much obligied and thanks for taking the time to read!
Date: 19 May 2009 04:25 Title: Chapter 8
Ha...I like the story about Hank's name!
But mainly...wow, it kinda seemed like Fulton was blowing off the Dominion's attempt to exterminate the Cardassian race. He's lucky my Spirodopoulos isn't serving on the ship with him or there seriously could've been an altercation right there.
Date: 29 Apr 2009 03:47 Title: Chapter 20
Oh, geez. I would probably get teary if Daren and his friends ended like this. I think the psychology Daren was practicing (forcing someone to face on depression) was probably bad juju (my best friend is a psychologist!) but I would really like to see them live to find out whether or not that's the truth. But it's a brave move -- I love that he was an engineer and a doctor, those are hard disciplines to bridge, even though at heart they follow some of the same practices. ::laughs:: I guess in part because the mental makeup of engineers and doctors tend to be rather different, on a core level.
But it's a good chapter; it squeezed my heart to think of them dying, and that takes some talent.
Date: 29 Apr 2009 01:32 Title: Chapter 19
Well, I am now all caught up! The revelation of the nanoprobes was just very, very cool; it made sense, and then there's this very, "Oh, shit!" factor that goes with it. I thought Nick was a bit hard on Chris, but seeing the kind of pressure he was under, that's entirely forgivable. I think that the hostage negotiation (which was surprisingly light-hearted) was also a lot of fun.
The battle with the Warbirds was well-played, especially the slamming impact of the last line of Chapter 19. Overall, it's still a great story -- you do have a lot of minor spelling issues, ie, words that the spellchecker wouldn't catch (fair instead of fare) and that sort of thing, but it's still entirely well written. If you were to go back through and catch those word misuses, I could easily see this being published; while the Pocketbooks tend to be rather lackadaisical at best much of the time, this is a genuinely fun story that would win a lot of people over if given the chance.
Of course, getting that chance is hard. But regardless, you've done a marvelous job so far.
Date: 29 Apr 2009 01:31 Title: Chapter 14
Copied from the Omega Sector...
Well, I'm getting there...
More mysteries; seems to me that the EPS conduit would somehow be related to the mole hanging around, but it could be a red herring, too. Chris is still entirely cool, but that's no surprise. Good work!
Date: 27 Apr 2009 21:38 Title: Chapter 18
I sure as hell don't have a clue as to what they can do about it. That's a fairly formidable enemy there trekfan. As if Hank didn't have his hands full as is. I hope they are allergic to carrots or something like that!
Date: 27 Apr 2009 21:33 Title: Chapter 17
Oh!
...
Well talk about new revelations and mysteries. That is a bit of a puzzler. Wow I really don't know where this is going.
Date: 27 Apr 2009 20:54 Title: Chapter 16
Talk about upping the ante on the reprecussions of this mission. Quite a side wipe to the story. What a way to stir things up!
Date: 25 Apr 2009 17:25 Title: Chapter 15
What a mystery we have here. It seems to make no sense but then isn't that the case with all diabolical plans? Great intrigue and the muddy motivations and origins of our enemy is a great hook.
Daren's beef with Starfleet is startling and one could also say given his grief understandbale. The fact that he is so willing to believe this is a Federation plot or biological weapon, demonstrates how alienated he is with Starfleet. It'll be interesting to see if he can actually make it work with the crew of the Pearl. A lot of emotional wrangles for him to contend with and it adds another tension and wrinkle for the crew to contend with. And they have enough to contend with as is.
Date: 23 Apr 2009 23:18 Title: Chapter 14
Damn it, now I want to know what's causing that 3% discrepancy! And it sounds damned fishy and all I can think of is the Enterprise
Author's Response:
Much thanks for all the reviews, and I had NO idea you elected me as the feature story! :)
I didn't notice until I saw the little ribbon on my summary page here. It boggled me to death.
Anyways, thanks and Ch. 15 is up. I'll upload more over the weekend.
Date: 23 Apr 2009 23:14 Title: Chapter 13
I like how hank recalls his former CO and seeks inspiration and guidance from Kerling's experience and advice. It's a nice touch and it adds to hank's character and the sense of the learning curve he is on.
Date: 23 Apr 2009 23:09 Title: Chapter 12
Jeekers! The political intrigue ramps up even further and the mystery on the ground doesn't top at the changing grass colour [a detail I love]. If S31 had dealings with this then there's poltical minefield and trouble written all over just as the intergalactic politics appears to go nova.
Date: 23 Apr 2009 23:03 Title: Chapter 11
Great dynamics with Leo and Tony and they have differing approaches to their fields of interest and skill sets. Tony is the definition of a flyboy though, that much is for sure.
Date: 23 Apr 2009 22:57 Title: Chapter 10
Awesome chapter. Daren I've gotten to know a little in the Round Robin adventure but to see him here drawn for the first time, a family man, a council man, a simple man really. A world set on being simple too and yet this spectre looms over them. It's a foreboding chapter too for the lovely happy setting you give us.
Date: 23 Apr 2009 22:50 Title: Chapter 9
Oh that was a near pickle. And just as well it worked out ok because I'd have hated to be Hank trying to explain heavy losses opening his statement with 'I thought it was a simulation'.
The political tensions have ramped up and the dire reality of the situation is beginning to dawn on all concerned. But more questions now lie before us.
Date: 23 Apr 2009 22:43 Title: Chapter 8
What a reason not to be called Henry. Nice bonding exercise to boot.
Some interpersonnel issues for our Walker brothers to contend with. One brings some of it upon himself and the other by virtue of the a wonder kid tag.
Oh and awkward moment in the briefing. Way to put the cat among the pigeons Fullon.
Date: 23 Apr 2009 22:34 Title: Chapter 7
Heh heh. Neat banter. And an old flame enters the fray stage left. Hmmm ... there may indeed be trouble ahead plus a diverse background for her too. You're certainly building up a lot of interesting characters to bounce off one another. I love reading that in a fanfic.
Date: 23 Apr 2009 22:28 Title: Chapter 6
For a minute I thought Paul would order one of Hank's drinks. He is a strange little fish isn't he. He almost would prefer to be around Vulcans and T'Kel would sooner be around humans. An interesting juxtaposition indeed. I expect plenty of scope for drama surrounding these two.
And Hank's approach is probably quite different to most other ships' commanding officers. A good thing but difficult for people to get use to.
Date: 23 Apr 2009 22:18 Title: Chapter 5
Heck what a way to depart. Hank might get on with a certain rock guitar playing captain I know, no wait McGregor never gets on with anyone. But I like Hank's style and the first steps in a crew trying to gel. Nicely done. It's not one big happy family but nor is it a broken home.
However, we're again reminded of the terrible facts that await them at New Haven and the mystery that is in store sure is a puzzler. And one that could end badly for all. Nice balanced chapter with a novel departure. [McGregor oly ever plays his guitar on a quiet shift and would never afford a departure any ceremony or pomp]. Hank is an all round nice guy - just some issues to work out himself.
Date: 23 Apr 2009 22:04 Title: Chapter 4
Terrific insight to Hank. Is he really ready and fit for the job. When your own mate and XO can't say yes straight out you have to start worrying. Class dialogue and an interesting partnership already exists and continues to build between the commanding officers. A crew needs their leadership to be be able to work together. Mind it also needs an XO who can trust their captain is up to the mark and Nick doesn't exactly inspire on that score.
And when you think about it Kirk does have a lot to be blamed for. Talk about trying to live up to a memory. Neat to hear a character vocalise it so well in the 24thC
P.S. sorry it has taken me so long to post these reviews.
Date: 23 Apr 2009 21:53 Title: Chapter 3
Great to see the pairing in the brothers and their easy banter and style with one another. Hank may have a blessing in them or trouble galore!
Date: 01 Apr 2009 17:28 Title: Chapter 13
Kerling continues to own bigtime; talk about a great lesson he played out. Hank remains as endearing as ever, and the intrigue just continues on, though Nick and Bethany talking with Hank still had a neat kind of camaraderie to it, even as they speculated. May just be that I suck at mysteries, but I am still clueless as to who it could be. But that's a good thing!
Date: 01 Apr 2009 17:23 Title: Chapter 12
Woot! Intrigue! Well-written intrigue, too; you bring up a whole lot of interesting points with it, and make your reader cast about trying to grasp what's going on. Who could be the mole, who could have really engineered the virus, who's beaming the bodies down. Fascinating!