Date: 26 Dec 2009 10:04 Title: Star Trek Discovery
You've populated your series with flawed, feeling, 3-dimensional characters whose humanity (even the aliens) comes across remarkably quickly given that we've just been introduced to them.
The political crisis you've outlined seems genuine, serious, and in keeping with the ‘atmosphere' of the first few seasons of TNG. The introduction of the York as a former vassal species of the Romulan Empire is a fascinating twist with wide-ranging political, social, and moral implications for Starfleet and the entire Federation.
I'm intrigued with the situation you've established and the characters you've created, and I'm anxiously awaiting more! :-)
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback Gibraltar, coming from a fanfic author of your talent the positive feedback means a lot! Glad you like the story and the characters, I've tried to make them as 'real' as possible and show that they have lives out of Starfleet as well. Thanks a lot!
Date: 26 Dec 2009 02:41 Title: Star Trek Discovery
Right from the start you've got me engrossed with some terrific characters and some circumstances that I could see many a starship captain falling prey to. Kelland's an experienced hand, but he's allowed his emotions and his growing rage with the Red Dagger to influence his judgment at precisely the wrong moment.
I liked that Kelland and his XO don't see eye-to-eye, and Kelland's not afraid to let Richards know it isn't going to work out. Not that his decision matters much, at this point, with his ship surrounded and under attack inside the Neutral Zone.
Terrific stuff here! Consider me onboard for the duration. :-)
[Report This]Date: 24 Dec 2009 14:22 Title: Star Trek Discovery
Ah it grows more interesting as I read on. With the York and the Federation Council split it adds new layers and nuances to the story, Very good.
Atop of which you created a crew with a great deal of camaraderie demonstrated in the parts here and the magic of constellation class was evident too. Lots of nice touches to help ground the story in its timeframe and I'm left feeling curious as to why you chose that particular era/timeframe for the story. It is an interesting one to take and one I've not seen any Expanded Fanfic take before. Interesting stuff. I'm happy to follow this story.
The crew also appear to have a great affection for their mothball ship, despite its age and lack of being frontline material, they are very proud and indeed nostalgic for the ship. I like the feeling of warmth and cohesiveness you create in the story so early in and without us quite making it onto the ship and seeing the crew in action.
Nice imagery too of passing the Big-E-D hanging in space dock awaiting launch and completion. The imagery evokes the scenes from All Good Things ... when Tasha is bringing Picard to the ship. Nicely done.
Of course, the other question this timeframe evokes is whether you will be sticking to the canon timeline and events or whether things will spiral off. Very intriguing. A strong and promising start.
Author's Response: Thank for the review!! Yes the divide between the Federation Council and Starfleet Command is something I'm quite pleased with and is something that will only increase as the story goes on since both parties wish to deal with the situation in different ways. I hope I've explained the motivations behind the two parties' points of view adequately so that both are equally justified in the mind of the reader - the Federation Council is understandably anxious to avoid a devestating war with the Romulan Empire and to that end is prepared to overlook current events and not engage in hostilities with the York. Starfleet Command does not want a war, but also feels that inaction with regard to the York's actions will invite hostilities in the long term, and is quite understandably reluctant to let one of their state of the art vessels be dissassembled and studied by an enemy power. I want to get across the idea that the Discovery has been in service for a very long time, and unlike the ships we see in the series has had many different captains and crews during the course of her lifetime. Captain Tennant and before her Admiral Sheppard are just the latest in a line of officers to command the Discovery, and the ship itself has had a lot of history before they took over. I've also tried to convey the fact that many people have been aboard the ship for many years, even decades in the case of Doctor Fry, and have built up a genuine affection for the 'Old Lady'! I'm glad you enjoy the concept! Yes, I like Tennant and Rhodes flying past the unfinished Enteprise D as well! With regard to the timeframe and continuity, nothing that happens during the story is intended to conflict with anything seen on screen.
Date: 24 Dec 2009 14:16 Title: Star Trek Discovery
Woah! That's a very effective opener there! A big long introduction to the story that really hooks the reader into the drama.
Loved the little details added in that paint the scene and add to the situation - from the spinning debris, to the vibrations within the ship at high warp, all perfectly pitched to get across the message.
I like the notion of the 'Red Dagger' plaguing shipping lanes - something of a storyline I had considered for my own fanfic - and I definitely loved the feeling you conveyed about the ship and crew working on the border - the isolation and drudgery, etc. Very effective. You also gave a good hook in Kellan the captain of the ship and this despite his seemingly not making it past the opening teaser. Very good.
I think you are on to a winner with the tension you create, the scenes you set, and it seems that there is a larger plot behind it all - so thumbs up on all those fronts.
Looking forward to discovering why the ploy of the Red Dagger and what lies behind it all.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!! Really glad you're enjoying the story so far and that you appreciate the little details I've tried to add!