Date: 03 Aug 2012 22:24 Title: Fifteen
Oh, no! This is why I usually don't read incomplete stories!
Anyway, thoughts so far. You could have this published. You might have to tone down the slash elements, subtle as they are, but I have no doubt that PocketBooks would accept it. If you ever need an editor, let me know.
You've made excellent use of this dynamic we see so often between Kirk and Spock (also fully present with McCoy, though that's not the point here). It's this absolute loyalty each has toward the other, this almost irrational need to protect the other--even if it means betraying the other for his own sake. And yet, neither can understand that the worst betrayal of all would be for the other to allow himself to be hurt. Did that makes sense?
I'm kind of doing a few chapters at once here...I'm glad you addressed the aftermath of Spock stealing the ship to take Capt. Pike to Talos IV. There just had to be some repercussions of that that we didn't see, and you address them here, making them a slow-growing seed of doubt, resulting from an action that Spock saw as protecting Jim and Jim saw as betrayal. Again, Spock protecting Jim at the risk of losing Jim's trust. So typical and the source of so many of their problems! You really explore that with wonderful angst and intensity.
The only suggestion I have is that every now and then you could be a little less oblique about what's happening. When Spock caressed-then-attacked Kirk, I wasn't entirely sure what was going on, because you gave us the lead-in and then the reaction, but actually skipped over the action itself. Was Spock going in for a nerve-pinch? Then with Spock's deal with the Cardassian, I wasn't quite sure what it was. At first I thought he was bargaining with his body, but even when Kirk figured it out, I didn't. I got the point, that Spock was making a major sacrifice for this information, but not the details.
But that's really a minor critique, and I've been enjoying this story immensely. I've actually lost sleep and blown off quite a bit of work to read it--and put one of my Star Trek novels on hold to read this instead. It's better.
I'll be eagerly waiting for updates!
Date: 03 Aug 2012 10:51 Title: Eleven
Lots of good stuff in here, but I especially loved the peek into McCoy's fears about telepathy. Thank you!
Date: 02 Aug 2012 16:53 Title: Ten
Spock's struggle is so painful to watch, but I liked how he and Jim were both awkward and relaxed when they were finally able to be together.
Date: 02 Aug 2012 16:38 Title: Nine
Love love love how Kirk immediately gets the problem with offering counseling to Spock. He doesn't need it explained. Love the tension that comes from having these 3, but especially these 2, separated.
Date: 02 Aug 2012 10:01 Title: Six
I also really like the characterization of Uhura in this. And this torture you've devised for Spock is awful! It's painful to even read! Good job!
Date: 02 Aug 2012 09:49 Title: Five
"Because you like him." Leave it to Bones to cut right to the heart of it all. It's okay just to like someone. I do like Jim's discomfort at being vulnerable, even as he chases Spock across the galaxy.
Date: 02 Aug 2012 09:27 Title: Four
Spock is so awesome...for figuring out Luca's lie and for declaring his trust in Kirk. Awesome.
Date: 02 Aug 2012 09:10 Title: Three
I'm sorry I haven't reviewed before now. I'm enjoying this story a great deal. I like the tinge of jealousy between Kirk and Spock, and you've done a great job of making us feel how completely set adrift Spock is with these circumstances. And I liked the fight between Kirk and Spock. I liked how Jim accused him of secretly finding Jim inferior, and how confused Spock was by that accusation. Well done so far! Reading on...
Date: 13 Jan 2010 14:39 Title: Fifteen
Eek! Captured or rescued! Cliffhanger ....
Date: 13 Jan 2010 14:29 Title: Fourteen
Great action sequence Anna! Of course Kirk was never going to let Spock go so easily and Spock should have known it. The question remains whether the escape pod can escape the blast from Radak's tactics. A clever use of the nebula and a daring one at that. Oh and i love how Radak remarks on McCoy's being on the bridge was unusual. Hee hee. Yeah McCoy, you're a doctor not a bridge officer. I guess Kirk indulges him. :)
Date: 13 Jan 2010 14:16 Title: Thirteen
That is really intense and dynamic character interaction between Kirk and Spock. And absolutely brilliantly crafted and executed piece of writing. Kirk and Spock going toe-to-toe and trying to out blff one another. Kirk is shown to play a good poker face on the bridge but he finds it harder to do with Spock. Cannot believe Spock thought to do the Vulcan pinch on him! I have a nagging suspicion that Spock intends to sacrifice himself willingly into the Cardassian hands in order to achieve the Enterprise's safety. But I can't see Kirk allowing that to happen. Now enter the Cardassians....
Date: 13 Jan 2010 13:24 Title: Twelve
Oh wow. You sure do know how to write scenes Anna. This was excellent. Absorbing and complex in the character ineractions, the shifting emotional balance of different people. From Kerr and Spock's interchange at the end with the possibility tat Spock will not return to the Enterprise and secrets revealed about his childhood and previous activities. Then we come to Kirk being undermined and put off-balance by Radak and his seeding doubts in Kirk's mind. It really does raise the question of why Spock trusts Radak so and what is Radak's true motivation in all of this. Playing Radak and Kirk off one another with Spock caught in the middle is a terrific piece of storytelling and plot intrigue. It creates all sorts of dynamics and conflict - which we see spill over into the briefing.
They now have a mad plan to consider but the Cardassians are in the mix and it makes everything so murky and difficult to decipher. Legourians or Cardassians or secret agencies within Starfleet. Compelling and frustrating as we wait to discover the truth. And of course Kirk seems to have anticipated the answer all along.
Date: 13 Jan 2010 13:03 Title: Eleven
This is a wondrous piece of writing. You take canon events but enrich them to no end - added a derth of emotion and thought behind it all. I never ever considered how much of an impact Spock's telepathy and mind melds would have had on McCoy outside of TWoK and TSFS where Spock places his katra in McCoy's mind. I guess having only really seen TOS in my younger days, I'm not as familar but even if I were I imagine the complexity of emotion that you develop from these instances as well as framing them as part of a larger story is wherein lies your undoubted skill and labour. It makes for a fascinating read to see McCoy view mindmelds - whihc probably seem more hocus pocus that than the bleeping flashing medical instruments he uses. Moreover, his troubled thoughts and analysis about the link that exists between Spock and Kirk. He is almost appalled at it, very confused and troubled by it, heck maybe even a little jealous at being left out. But it is so intriguing seeing him analyise their friendship and consider their motivations and thinking processes and wondering whether they are impaired or hampered. Terrific.
Then we see Scotty work his magic in engineering but rather than just a click and a whizz and all is sorted you build the scene and add some drama to it, especially as we discover just how badly effected Spock is as he tries to handle the emotions of those around him. His stubborness to seek help and to try and handle things on his own strikes me as crazy and as sure to land them all in deeper trouble at some point.
Mind, after the startling news Uhura brings, they can hardly be in any more trouble. The Legorians blame them for the attacks. Someone is setting them up good and centre. Meanwhile, Starfleet is now going on the hunt for the ship and the crew as outlaws will have to find a way to prove their innocence and discover what lies at the bottom of it all. An enthralling mystery and it still seems like Radak is up to his neck in it.
Date: 01 Aug 2009 15:16 Title: Ten
Terrific stuff Anna again. The writing is very tight and I get the impression that you deliberate over every phrase and word carefully. Everything is for effect and drives either the story or the emotion of the characters. Very well done. I'm really envious with the skill and that's no mere words of flattery. All of the emotional rollercoaster going on and a mystery mixed up with it and some terrific moments of humour too - Spock around the table in the canteen was one moment after another. Very deflty handled and well written.
Date: 01 Aug 2009 14:24 Title: Nine
Wonderful again. The dialogue, the testing situations straining relationships, and the reactions from the different characters, particularly our big three. Spock's introspection about command and his science studies revealled a bit about his own take on his nature. A lot of introspection is to be expected after his ordeal, but even then he steers himself away from what actually happened.
The fact Kirk understand just why McCoy's attempt at counselling provoked so strong a response from Spock is telling too. They have come a long way in forging their relationship.
McCoy again is my hero because he's trying to do his job and walk a fine balance in helping Spock but perhaps without the insight Kirk has. And he ends up on the receiving end from both Kirk and Spock who opt to stay away from each other in these tense times.
Loved too Scotty and his method of working. I think Spock's analysis summed up a lot about Scotty and his love for engineering. Gotta love that he is thinking outside the box and at all times is trying to remain respectful to the captain but knows the game better than him.
And on top of all that, we have a continuing and deepening mystery. Glorious.
Date: 22 Jul 2009 20:29 Title: Eight
Oh quite traumatic and dramatic seeing Spock ready to rip Kirk apart. But their respect and friendship was enough to quell the monster in Spock and help him reassert some control. But the way this is playing out, how Kirk is being kicked about by Spock's behaviour and predictiment, Kirk is almost out of control himself taking on a crazy assed Vulcan. I'm sure it's not reccommended.
On top of which, Kirk has to contend with Radek. He positively grates on Kirk's nerves, probably the jealousy and uncomfortable comparisons he is making too. I hope Kirk can see that he is better than Radek but he needs to get a handle on the situation soon. Plus, I'm not convinced I trust Radek just yet, or at least whomever he was working for.
Author's Response: LOL. I have discovered that comparing oneself to someone usually brings nothing but trouble. We all do it, yet we all suffer when we do, because the other's grass is always somehow greener. I'm merely postulating that on a personal level the great James T. Kirk can be no more confident than any other human being at times.
Date: 21 Jul 2009 22:38 Title: Seven
Fab stuff Anna! Loved the caged pacing Kirk trying to keep it together and playing the game he hates most of all - the waiting game. But better still how you wrap it all up and connect it to angst about his brother and guilt there and make this exploration of Kirk and Spock quite fascinating.
Again, love the characterisation of the different characters, Uhura, Chekov and Scotty. Wonderfully portrayed and realised with some fab lines and sterling scenes. Great stuff.
Author's Response: Thank you! Kirk is a complex character, it's intriguing to explore him, past and future. :)
Date: 21 Jul 2009 22:23 Title: Six
Flip that was an intense torture and especially suited and cruel for our Spock. Ingenious methods - you cruel and wicked person Anna! - and portrayed very effectively.
Love the warmth and humour and appreciation between Uhura and Kirk in the first section which set us up all the more for the harshness of the second part. Nice tactics Anna! Very sneaky.
Author's Response: Yeah, I am cruel when I want to be, it seems. And no, it wasn't a stunt, the first part, just something that helped me through the second. ;-)
Date: 15 Jul 2009 21:43 Title: One
I'm sticking around for it Anna. So don't try to scare me away. LOL. And I want to keep reading. Love your style and how you hook into the characters.
Author's Response: You're just bad. :D Just remember that I warned you, okay? I did my very best, I honestly did. It's girl-style writing. Beware!
Date: 15 Jul 2009 18:29 Title: Five
First off; glorious use of language in my book Anna. An early example is:
But as the morning hours evaporated slowly, the tension nesting on her shoulders had grown so much...
But only one of many examples. Writing like that makes it an enjoyable exercise in itself to read, nevermind the building tension and intrigue. Also the glimpses we see into how various people react to the tense situation and thier perceptions of the situation. For example when Kerr sees how Spock must be hiding in the Legorion ship. How Scotty comes to rescue Kerr from the tension and outsider syndrome on the bridge and how he infers that had Uhura been there, she'd have already rectified the situation. How Sulu recognises too how hard it must be on her. All wonderful little observations and thought processes that are enlightening and revealing to read. Enlightening about the charcters and about the skill of the author to fully create and realise this world.
Then there's the combustive scene between Kirk and wesley. I wasn't sure what way that was going to go down. For a moment I thought maybe Wesley has it it in for Spock after the whole M5 thing. Good to see this Big Game is keeping everyone on their toes and making everybody off-balance.
This includes Kirk viewed through McCoy's eyes. I love this perspective, especially when it is you writing it Anna. very visereal in even the mundane details he recounts, very McCoyian. You channel him so well. Plus your's and McCoy's assessment of Kirk is enlightening too. Stuff you think of him in the back of your brain comes to the fore when you read how McCoy views it and you say of course and that's the way to explain it. Those are the words that best fit to describe him.
And for all concerned, I do hope Spocka nd Kirk are playing on the same side becuase if they are at cross purposes their skills and determination would mean disaster for one or both.
Spock's situation is a bad one in the end up. A great little set up and I wonder what is to become. Yay for upping the ante.
Author's Response: ::blushes:: Oh, thanks! You do know that any fancy use of language is more of a lucky hit for me than anything else? And it doesn't compensate for all the errors I make, I'm afraid, either. Sometimes, apparently, I do get lucky. :) Wesley seemed a bit single-minded to me in TOS, but not unreasonable. I took it from there. McCoy, oh dear. It surprises me no end when people say I channel him. Of the Big Three, he's the one I understand the least. It's just strange that he should be the one I right best. ::shakes her head:: Guess I must be weird that way. :) And yep, if Kirk and Spock played against each other, oh my. Let the galaxy beware. LOL. Thank you so much for commenting!
Date: 15 Jul 2009 18:03 Title: Four
:: raised eyebrows :: Wow wee. What a thrill ride. And what a Big Game. had no idea of the term or its meaning, was a bit like Kerr in that regard, but I loved the reactions of everyone to that and to Closed Doors. All very 'cloak and dagger' and therefore very apt. Coolness.
Loved the mystery about the secret orders and how Kirk sizes it all up. Like putting puzzle pieces together and he he does it wiht some style. Scotty of course is irreppressible, as is the doctor. Really enjoyed the meeting and the exchanges between Kirk and Uhura. How he recognises and respects her professionalism and acuity. It is striking and great to read. Uhura rocks and deserves more attention in my own and humble opinion.
Then of course we come to Spock and the order to get him dead or alive. They are truly getting mixed up in this now and Spock is an unwitting pawn in larger orchestrations. I wonder who is behind it all as the big game complicates matters. is someone within Starfleet or an outside enemy. Fascinating stuff altogether that keeps me rivetted. Brillant Anna.
Author's Response: You know you don't have to do this, right? Just checking. ;-) No wonder you didn't know of the Big Game, I totally made it up. LOL. Yep, it is cloak-and-dagger. Had to be going somewhere. ;-) They're at the beginning of adding pieces. A long way before everything falls into place. Be warned. ;-)
Date: 12 Jul 2009 23:07 Title: Three
“Never argue with doctors, Commander,” he said lamely. “It’s bad for your health.”
Especially McCoy. Loved his rant about quoting chapter and verse of the medical regulations.
It is great to have Wesley here. Feels as though they have someone else in thier corner. Particularly with Barns about - she is something else - the impudence of her to argue with Kirk and the others is just outright ridiculous. She has some nerve and is definitely trying to swing above her rank in my opinion. Anyways, as if Kirk is not going to visit any of his crews accussed in the wrong? Especially if it is Spock! Damn she's a bitch but doesn't appreciate Kirk or Spock. As for her line:
“You’re letting a sense of false gratitude obscure your vision,” she said angrily. “That is not becoming an officer of command rank.”
It sums up everything that makes me mad about her. Her belief she can tell Kirk waht is becoming and the fact that she says it is a false gratitude. How could it be false. Bitch! Hate her.
And what great emotion is driving this story all the way. All of the underlying unsaid stuff adds so much to this. Nevermind the out there emotions and frustrations. With McCoy coming across the most levelheaded of the trio you know things must be heated and or bad.
Terrific stuff, with lots going on. How bad were the Starbase medical examiners not to catch the drugs in Spock's blood. McCoy might rib them apart if not so focused on other concerns. We also have Scotty's little visit. A gulp moment potentially?
Then of course, there's the missing Luca, the breakout, and the fact Spock is willing to do so. What the hell is going on indeed. Bloody marvellous Anna.
Author's Response: ::chuckles:: It's not marvelous, but thank you. :D Yep, poor Bones acting as a referee, it's not his designated role at all, but when things turn dire there's not much left for him to do but what he must. Yeah, Barns lecturing Kirk was annoying, but alas, most of lawyers/PR-people would do that, with no regard to rank. Sometimes (not in this case) it's their job to do just that. And oh yes, Jim's pretty unstoppable when one of his crew gets into trouble. Good luck to those who try! ;-)
Date: 12 Jul 2009 22:35 Title: Two
Damn Anna, that is some fine writing. You take a what might be a mundane amnesia murder mystery but make it first Trekkish, and then very TOS and make it compelling by the spot on characterisation, superb writing style, great dialogue and fantastic scenes packed with tension and drama.
The wonderful JAG 'interrogation' scene with Spock is just pure dynamite. Spock waging his own logical war can understand Barns' arguments but similarly is remaining unconvinced but perturbed by the circumstances he finds himself in.
Barns herself is a bitch and I cannot help disliking her and whatever her motivations are. They don't appear clear cut but then again very clear cut if a bitch full stop.
Atop of this, there is the wonderful scene on the bridge with Kirk and Uhura. The friendship or should I say the camraderie built up over their service together is something that comes across in how she reads him and how he feels it is a brick wall to even try to get her back into line.
And can I say, the budgetry concerns are fascinating, world building, revealing and damn right funny! Bravo Anna, bravo.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! LOL, poor lieutenant Barns, she's only doing her job... well, and bitching a little while she's at it, but who's above sin? Wonderful comments, MF. ;-)
[Report This]Date: 12 Jul 2009 14:34 Title: Seven
"just another officer"... no, Kirk, not for you... Spock's anything BUT just another officer... ;) Awww. Loved the chapter! Especially Scott's "engineering dilemma". LOL!
Author's Response: LOL! He finally found one he could solve, at least not alone. :D
[Report This]Date: 12 Jul 2009 14:19 Title: Six
Ooooooh I very much enjoyed the whole torture scene (now why does this sound so wrong?)!!! Very well-written! I also loved the Winnie-The-Pooh reference (lol) and how worried Kirk is.
Author's Response: How wrong will it sound then that I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it? LOL. We are all so bad. ;-)