Date: 26 Jun 2013 00:36 Title: Chapter 2
Strange? It says to be continued in Dawn ... where is this Dawn? Huh?
The first chapter gave an interesting insight into the beginnings of Jimmy's career and a small glimpse of the growth of Starfleet. Here we are rewarded with an even bigger slice of that pie. You make it very earthy and with lots of faithful nods to the canon of ENT you tied in lots of facets and enriched those characters (such as Forrest, Sovel and Archer) by including them here and showing their long running role in Starfleet. Nicely done and great universe building stuff.
I liked too the manner in which you treated things. As I said, very humble down to earth stuff that makes it seem more real as well as the fantastic of space flight. Additionally, there is a vibe of The Right Stuff NASA to this all - between the details, the launch preparations (the sick notes, the different stages and progression of the flight test etc).
And of course, as said the canon of ENT is used here to great effect with Soval irking the hell out of everyone with his calls to call off the mission. And funny how Archer uses Soval's calls to push Jimmy onwards to complete the mission and test.
Then to end it you come largely full circle as it seems that post the Xindi attack Jimmy may have a different future out there awaiting him. Very interesting.
Date: 26 Jun 2013 00:21 Title: Chapter 1
Hey, I'm not sure how I ever missed this but what an intriguing premise here. We both talked before about some of the missed potential of ENT and honestly many argue about them doing a longer lead in to the ship beginning its journey. Seems to me something along this line would have worked really well.
And indeed the character of Jimmy seems to be an attempt to redress some of the lack in the execution of Mayweather. Seems there ought to have been a bit more colour and grit to his character given his Boomer origins. Jimmy so far looks to have plenty more colour and grit.
Date: 08 Oct 2011 02:31 Title: Chapter 2
Here's where I really started getting a 1960s NASA vibe, and I suspect that was intentional on your part, especially given that the ENT Starfleet wore uniforms that were clearly inspired by NASA uniforms.
But the part in your story that really gave me the NASA vibe was the whole NX-Delta sequence. Everything, from the bomber jacket, to the other pilots getting grounded for illness (reminded me of why Mattingly wasn't on Apollo 13 and I started worrying we'd end up with that kind of scenario)
On that note, I would've loved to see Gene Krantz tell the Vulcans to shove it up their ass. But then again, it seems that in your universe, that's exactly the role Archer played. He was the Gene Krantz of the warp program.
Your perspective on Archer also makes his character on ENT more understandable, because one of the things I never got was how someone so lacking in command savvy could've gotten that position. It seems he did have executive experience that they thought would be transferable, though I still don't understand why this wasn't spearheaded by the armed forces given that encounters like the Wildcat had made it clear there were threats to defend against. Anything on that in your writing?
Heading an R & D program--even a highly politicized one like the Warp 5 program that Archer was involved in--is very different from being in command. Do you happen to address how it was that he got put in command and not an experienced boomer? Is it because of his nerve to go up against the oh-so-"logical" Vulcans? Your characterization here makes me think you've considered that and I'd be interested to see more.
A couple more grammar points: it should be "have sworn" instead of "have swore," even though in some parts of the country it is often said that way. Also, I think you may have gotten interrupted in the middle of your revisions, because at one point you say, "Is the Jim home?"
Overall, though, I liked this!
Author's Response: Glad you like it. I was very inspired by the HBO miniseries "From The Earth to the Moon" and that was the vibe I was going for. I wasn't sure if it would work but I think it did. The pilot being grounded I based actually on Alan Shepherd. Archer I was trying to keep close to what he did early on in "First Flight" which is why I had him as Flight Director, I had intended it to be that they all rotated the position. We say have swore in my part of the country, so I seriously thought it was correct. I have been considering giving this story a rewrite.
Date: 08 Oct 2011 02:16 Title: Chapter 1
What an interesting look into Earth's earliest days in space.
I'm not surprised his ship was preyed upon by Orions. Something makes me think that part of the Vulcans' deliberately holding back Earth's technology was the "hope," perverse as it is, that encounters like that would end up demoralizing humanity. As racist and calculating as the early Vulcans are--they seem to have made contact with humanity because they perceived a threat rather than a possible ally--I do suspect they wanted humanity to be at a disadvantage against the "big boys" of space.
I also like seeing the young Archer. Even though I was not a fan of the character on ENT and the way he was written, I definitely like the energy he brings into it.
A few grammatical points I wanted to mention...while it's not that glaring, you've got some run-on sentences. Also, "alright" isn't written that way; it should be "all right."
On to Part II...
Author's Response: Thaks for the review. I was trying to portray the Vulcans as close to what we saw them in "Broken Bow" as possible. I felt like it needed Archer to tie it into Enterprise better. I think it worked out real well. I'm aware of the grammar issues, and I'll try to do beter next time.
Date: 16 Aug 2011 14:38 Title: Chapter 2
... sequel?
Author's Response: Hey thanks for the review. This was going to be the backstory to a Romulan War series set on the starship Daedalus. It's been a long time since I've done anything with these particular characters but I do have some material written for them. I might dust it off and tweak it a little bit. So a sequel, maybe.
Date: 11 Oct 2009 17:31 Title: Chapter 2
I dislike how every one thinks that there was not a human warp six project. That said, this story violates established history about Archer being in the NX Flyer when it broke warp 5.
Author's Response: I know this review has been up for a very long time, and I did not rule out that there was a human warp six project when I wrote this. According to Memory Alpha, Archer broke warp 2.5 as shown in the episode "First Flight." I felt there was a gap to fill in and gave me some wiggle room to launch my series. I'm sorry if you didn't like the story, but it did not violate canon as you claim.
Date: 30 Jun 2009 23:37 Title: Chapter 1
Heya Mick! A good first run! I'd suggest getting someone to give your grammar a go-over; you have some dialogue punctuation that could use some work. I've validated this one, but would love for you to go back over it -- if you need any help, feel free to ask me, or anyone else hanging around. Welcome aboard!