Date: 21 Jul 2013 19:09 Title: Extreme Measures
Damn!! It's not ended!
You held onto the suspense for a good, long time, and the reader has no choice but to believe that it's all going to go one horrible way.
But it does beg the question - will they get out of this? Right now, it's not looking that good.
Great situation, great scene-setting and world-building here!
Author's Response:
No not ended, the Accipiter series got a little derailed. However, this story still has a plan and outline and I had been thinking of retweaking and relaunching it. This might be the perfect jumping off point and your words are words of encouragement to try to do so. Thanking you jespah.
Date: 21 Jul 2013 18:51 Title: Extreme Measures
Oh, man, there's a ton of stuff happening here, all in the span of less than 8000 words.
Donna' introduction is good and elliptical - something happened on Accipiter and the reader is not yet permitted to know. But there was some sort of an ethical problem, and then the ship was destroyed, and a lot of the crew were killed. How did Donna survive? Kudos to you for not revealing that just yet.
Similar with the issues on the ground. Loved seeing the backhanded way that you got across that Bishop and the Colonel have been less than ethical, and have been patching together their soldiers and throwing them back out there, as just so much modern cannon fodder.
Dagon is lovely, he's right now the most positive character in the story. Donna is somewhat positive, but she's got a sharp tongue and seems to be one of those people in stories who nobody seems to get along with too well until the chips are down.
Let's see what Part II holds in store!
Author's Response:
Aw man, having a review on this is a trip down memory lane. Accipiter being my first fanfic and all that with ALL the newbie fanfic ambitions for it in the grand epic scheme of things. I laugh at some of that now. But Donna, Donna I always liked as a character and I quite liked that this story was going to give her some big attention and put her in a hard position.
Thank you for the positive comments. Very interesting perspectives on this coming at it from a completely unknowing point of view which is very informative and useful for me to take onboard.
[Report This]Date: 08 Apr 2009 04:46 Title: Extreme Measures
Oh, yeah! Go Barnes! I have one medical quibble: " It was weak and he had already lost up to nine pints of blood." If this were a human, he would be utterly dead at this point. So you might wanna note it's a non-human or change your numbers to three instead of nine. But otherwise, a great chapter -- breathless and fascinating and a damn good read. Donna held up well and the Colonel did too. You've got my vote.
Author's Response:
Heh heh. Yeah that would be why Donna's the medical hero and I stick only to putting plasters over cut knees. I'll go fix that. Thanks for the vote. And yeah go Barnes! Glad it held some excitement and knuckle drama. To fit the timeframe for the challenge, the story obviously didn't get the full work up, so I had to stick to the bones of the drama for now.
[Report This]Date: 08 Apr 2009 04:34 Title: Extreme Measures
What an awesome start! I wasn't sure I liked your Donna at first, but as time went on and she interacted with Dagon, she got more and more endearing. I mean, I rooted for her, mind, but didn't get a chance to know her too well at first. But you masterfully turned the tables and brought her around in this first part, painting an awesome scene for combat and a very neat mission. Excellent stuff, Miranda!
Author's Response:
Thanks Steff. I really enjoy writing Donna. She's all thunder and righteousness, even if she's in the wrong. I'm actually surprised that Dagon brought out a certain degree of respect from Donna. She would normally abhorr any one made for violence or who makes violence. And Dagon is certainly that. Thanks for saying that the tables turned for her.