Date: 05 Apr 2014 21:44 Title: Communiques
Finally got around to reading something of yours, and really liked the way it drew me into the young Vulcan's world. Nicely done!
Date: 11 Sep 2011 09:57 Title: The Tides of Time and War
Quite a visceral piece here Mike. Callisto faces a horror on the bridge of the Enterprise C. To see such a mighty and imperial ship so devasted has to be horrifying for the brave man, earth shattering to his psyche and then atop of that he finds among the many victims the seemingly dead body of his captain. That's a stab to the gut and so very hard to get over in the situation to try and make some good out of it. Of course, finding that Garrett is still alive has to cheer him some, give him some semblence of hope amid the devastation. Now we known in canon that his call is heard but let's continue to see how things play out down this rabbit hole.
Date: 10 Sep 2011 15:15 Title: The Tides of Time and War
Wow...gritty and visceral indeed! You have captured the fire and fury of space combat in a way that the show only hinted at, and that I think we may only have seen on DS9 with the demise of the Saratoga, Defiant (first one), and the Valiant. And even then, this takes it to a whole other level.
You make a very interesting choice by not naming the first officer, and one that I think is very effective in this section: by not naming him, even though we know this is a specific ship with a specific captain that we have seen before in "Yesterday's Enterprise," the implication is that scenes like this are playing out all over the Federation. He becomes a stand-in for all of the casualties of a brutal war.
There are a couple of sentences that might need a second look, but other than that, this was pretty much perfect.
"Breathing a sigh of thanks, it responded, though barely functional."
While your preceding sentence refers to our nameless combat survivor, the way this sentence is structured could make it seem as though it--the console--breathed a sigh of relief. I can see why you didn't want to repeat "He accessed..." "He breathed..." and you changed up the structure of the sentence; that does get boring after awhile. But might that objective be satisfied by saying something like, "Though barely functional, it responded, and he breathed a sigh of relief." That way you avoid the parallelism you were trying to avoid, and it's also clear what piece of the sentence modifies what subject.
Here, I think there may be a word left out: "When he touched the turbolift doors, he realized then that he had thrown clear across the bridge..." Looks like maybe you intended the word "been" to be in there.
Overall, though, I know I brought up a couple of nitpicky points but those are certainly not major issues. What jumps out most to a reader is how tightly written, well described, and well paced this passage is.
Great work!
Date: 08 Sep 2011 01:42 Title: The Tides of Time and War
These hostile incidents prior to the declaration of war...I was amazed that the Federation took so long to declare war with those repeated assaults. Was it that their diplomats thought some sort of naive appeasement tactics were going to get the Klingons to settle down--or was it a political gambit, perhaps, to try and get the Klingons to declare war first (to make them look like the aggressors), or they were instead buying their time for something?
(Given that I suspect the Klingons subscribe to a total war policy, one option that would make a lot of sense to me would be that Starfleet wants time to reorganize its patrols and get civilian starships to safety wherever possible, since you could easily get Klingons deciding that anything they see is a valid target, kind of analogous to what the Germans did to passenger liners in World War I.)
So far, Romanov strikes me as someone who's going to be an able commander, at least in terms of his relationships with his subordinates. It would be so easy for someone with a bigger ego or worse emotional intelligence to see someone who's nervous, like Aggie is, and decide harsher treatment is the way to go--especially with a war on the horizon, where someone might think that "toughening her up" is the way to go. He's definitely opted for the smarter route here: make sure she knows she's supported, because there's no doubt the impending war will give her (and everyone) all the "toughening up" they need and then some.
Which of course we definitely saw in "Yesterday's Enterprise."
I hope that behind closed doors--though it's not a good idea to "condemn in public," someone addressed Ronnie for that remark.
I am definitely going to be following this story, and I hope you'll be posting more!
Date: 08 Sep 2011 01:34 Title: The Tides of Time and War
Quite a change of pace here from the last scene; going from such a tense situation to one that begins that cheerfully is jarring, and I get the feeling it was very much intentionally so.
The pinning-on ceremony was very nicely done here. I do have one question, because I don't know if things are done differently in the Navy than they are in the Air Force: is there a reason why that was not done back home or on a starbase where Jacobs' family could be present? I know for my dad, at least, it was a big deal to have family there, so I was wondering if there is a reason or a difference in military traditions that accounts for that absence.
I'm not sure whether this is the feeling you're aiming for here, but I'm kind of reminded of reading Red Storm Rising, the way you're going back and forth between characters and locations, and then into this AU Defcon One scenario. Given that I like earlier Tom Clancy works (not so much a fan of his later stuff, unfortunately), that's a good thing for me. Part of it was also the look into Romanov's head. He had the kind of analytical approach with all the data he was getting that reminded me a bit of Toland or Jack Ryan.
And now, with this Condition Yellow order, I definitely feel like we're headed towards Defcon One with the Klingons. Good place for a chapter break.
Author's Response:
To answer your question regarding promotions in the Navy, it is a big deal for promotion in any branch of the service. My sisters are both Air Force, my cousins are Marines, and my great uncle was a naval officer, my closest friend is a chief in the Coast Guard. My own personal studies of military history notwithstanding, I hear about stories in the service almost all of the time plus the times when I actually ask to hear them. That being said, traditionally, officers in the Navy didn't have the benefit of having their families aboard the ship when they received their promotion or were informed of their selection for promotion. In the age of sail, even, officers in the Royal Navy receiving their notification of passed their examination for lieutenant would receive missives from the local admiral addressed by their new rank of Lieutenant with orders to proceed to their next assignment. With a forward-deployed ship, it may not be feasible to have family present all the time. Given that Lexington was deployed, before a time when families joined a ship's crew for long voyages, the needs of the service dictated that she received her promotion and transfer by the most expeditious means.
I will admit to being a fan of Clancy's works, as well as the works of W.E.B. Griffin and Vince Flynn. Sometimes, you never know what piece of literature might inspire you in presenting a narrative and in this case, while I wasn't going for any sort of homage to Clancy, I suppose imitation is the highest form of flattery. At least, I hope Mister Clancy feels that way.
Thank you for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
-- MDg
Date: 08 Sep 2011 01:26 Title: The Tides of Time and War
The brutal universe of "Yesterday's Enterprise" being such an interesting counterpoint to the overly-placid TNG, you've already drawn my attention in simply with the premise.
Out of curiosity, to what extent do you accept Diane Duane's works as canon?
Also, do you see the dynamic between the Galae and the Tal Shiar as anything analogous to that of Central Command and the Obsidian Order, or do you see differences? I'd be interested to hear how you compare and contrast that one.
Author's Response:
Where No One Has Gone Before is an online Trek-based RPG at http://www.wnohgb.org to which Tides is a story from. WNOHGB accepts Diane Duane's works as canon to the story, therefore, I have to employ it as a consequence of setting the story within that alternate universe.
In that, I sort of take the relationship between the Galae and the Tal Shiar to be that of "Face of the Enemy," where the antagonistic side to the Romulan military and intelligence organization was, at best, a cool relationship and at worst, quite adversarial. I had to try and extrapolate that against the Duane-created Rihannsu culture, but it didn't seem too much of a stretch to do so. As far as it's correlation to the Cardassian counterparts, I don't think so. While their functions are similar, I've always found the Cardassian dymanic to be far more subtle than the overt hostilities portrayed in the show. "Defiant" was a great episode to watch in terms of demonstrating the thinly-held masks of mutual contempt that Central Command and the Obsidian Order tended to express in their dealings with one another. The Galae officers often felt there was no need for their loyalties to be questioned as they felt it was absolute, while I think Central Command had a grudging admission that the Order had merit and a respected function. I just felt the they always wanted the Order to fall under Central Command's authority rather than allowing them to operate autonomously.
Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
-- MDg
Date: 12 Dec 2010 07:55 Title: The Misadventures of January McKenna
An interesting alliance. A common threat made their problems with each other insignificant.
But I wonder... The Cardassians were forced to withdraw from Bajor. Does it mean the Romulans and Klingons also withdrew from the worlds they had conquered? Wouldn't something like that (a sudden political move) weaken the empires and their stability and weakening with the Borg hovering around isn't the best idea?
Author's Response:
In short, yes. And also, the empires are part of the Alliance, so think of it more like they're all joining the Federation. Except it's not the Federation, but a federated political body.
Thanks for reading!
-- MDg
[Report This]Date: 11 Dec 2010 04:15 Title: The Misadventures of January McKenna
Wow Mike! As strictly a TOS girl, much of what happened, in terms of the actual events from the TNG episode and your divergent story were initially unclear, but the story in itself was extremely compelling.
The evolution of January McKenna, from a wet-behind-the-ears, mouthy, critical LTjg to that of a seasoned commander who now understood the reasoning behind chain-of-command and the necessity to follow orders despite one's personal feelings on the matter was very well drawn.
I must admit some disappointment when she decided to 'go rouge' at the Cirrius encounter, but was glad to see her get her thoughts of revenge in check (with the help of her XO) and come back into line with the fleet. Kinda reminded me of a certain Jim Kirk there for a minute...;-)
I also liked very much the idea of one-time enemies of the Federation being forced to work together, to create an Alliance to ensure their own continued survival against the Borg threat.
Overall, a very well-done, well-written piece, striking a good balance between character studies of your major protagonists and intense action scenes that kept me mesmerized. Excellent work!
LBD
Date: 11 Dec 2010 01:54 Title: The Misadventures of January McKenna
I'm not sure "And All I Got Was This T-Shirt" would be the sentiment if in January McKenna's shoes, but I get the context of the expression. I could see McKenna wanting to continue fighting for Earth, but would be self-defeating.
[Report This]Date: 22 Oct 2010 14:44 Title: Communiques
I loved this story to pieces! It transcends time, culture, rings true and resonates on a deep level. A hundred years ago, children were pen-pals with other kids around the world; nowadays they are email or IM buddies, and I'd like to think that in 300 years kids will be able to communicate with those on other worlds in the galaxy.
The technology aspect is great, but it's really the personal element in this story that hits home. What child hasn't grappled with those same issues? And they tend to ask those questions of each other (at least during their younger years) rather than parents or a teacher or other authority figure. You captured those feelings of uncertainty and grudging respect for one who is able to pursue his or her own dreams as opposed to those of parents perfectly. Bravo!
Date: 17 Oct 2010 02:12 Title: Communiques
I could swear I had reviewed this when I read it ages ago. Guess not. This is a really nice, slow-paced, contemplative little story that gives an interesting view into the minds of the two young characters. The contrast between the two young people is really well done -- and it's nice to see an intelligent discussion of ideas between them rather than conflict. The boy seems very open minded, and the girl quite passionate and headstrong. I'd love to know where they took their friendship later, and what becomes of them both.
Date: 16 Oct 2010 14:56 Title: Communiques
Friends emboldening one another with their plans for the future, braver in sharing their hopes and desires for the future than with their own parents. An interesting piece that also looks at why Starfleet is such a prospective career choice for many wihtin the Federation despite the danger of planetside fauna, the colour red, assimilation, Klingon Bat'leths, Jem'Hadar attack ships, transporter malfunctions and the anomaly of the week that claims so many lives!
Date: 31 May 2010 18:15 Title: The Tides of Time and War
Tut tut. What girl talk! Anyway, with Yates' judgement in on Jacobs one wonders whether she is right and if Jacobs will be up to the actual task. So far, she has indeed been personable. Will that continue if the pressure builds up to get the ship going?
So far everyone is gettign along well. No personal conflicts or woefully bad first impressions. Nice to see a crew getting along but I wonder how long this might last. Though if professional they really ought to be able to make it work. Looking forward to some developments of the crew interpersonnel relationships and how they gel together in the coming days and weeks.
Date: 25 Mar 2010 19:43 Title: The Tides of Time and War
Hope more is coming-this is interesting so far
Date: 25 Mar 2010 19:35 Title: The Tides of Time and War
Cool so far-kinda what you'd expect, given the synopsis.
Date: 22 Mar 2010 22:10 Title: The Tides of Time and War
Oh great introductions to the crew. The Miranda has a new smell to it and it comes across in the details and in the captain taking up command. With the civilian clothes and relaxed comportment coming aboard, I've a feeling Romanov is going to be a little bit of a character. He also seems to have impressed his superiors big time in Border Patrol.
The two officers we are introduced to asides the captain also strike as warm and open and easily likeable. Loved the XO to newly minted XO chat. Hee hee. Likewise the Chief Engineer, Yates, the conversations between her and the captain are good - especially the one request bit.
Again, nice details that are not laboured painting the scene and routine of life. I also like the war drums tension that is building up. Very good.
Date: 22 Mar 2010 19:21 Title: The Tides of Time and War
Oh what a brilliantly intriguing premise you have here. One I was sold on the Border Patrol vessel. Two, I was sold on the Miranda class hero starship. Three, the altered timeline that resulted seemed too good an opportunity not to be followed up again. Finally, I've found a story that explores it and with you at the helm Mike it will be a first class tale and will be superbly written. The start is already a strong indication of this with the immediate feel given of being onboard a Romulan vessel and the wariness of raising one's head lest it draws attention. Can't wait to see where this goes.
Date: 08 Jul 2009 20:01 Title: The Misadventures of January McKenna
Depressing but exciting opening, if that makes any sense. Looking forward to more.
Date: 08 Jul 2009 19:47 Title: The Face of the Smiling Vulcan
What the hell was that thing? Jesus, you write very visceral stuff. I'm almost afraid to start January McKenna. God knows how many characters you killed off in that story. This was pretty good-but the bit about the explosions on Cairo came as a surprise-not enough descriptive build-up. Other than that, a great story.
[Report This]Date: 07 Jul 2009 20:36 Title: Final Flight of the starship Venture
That was totally horrific. The brutality of the attacks, the viciousness of the killings combined to stun the reader. I need to read January McKenna, I guess to get a feel for the AU. Great job!
Date: 07 Jul 2009 02:00 Title: The Misadventures of January McKenna
A wonderful coda to this story, though it does conclude things rather abruptly. It's good to see most of the crew lived and loved far into the future after the Borg Wars, and that McKenna went out fighting, as was her nature. Great work on this.
Date: 06 Jul 2009 20:39 Title: The Misadventures of January McKenna
An intense and nail-biting chapter as the Galaxy Alliance finally gets the opportunity to kick the Borg squarely in the jumblies. Excellent detail on the strategy and tactics of this operation without bogging down the narrative, which remained fast paced and especially accessible.
Date: 06 Jul 2009 00:48 Title: The Misadventures of January McKenna
Holy crap! Talk about a cliffhanger! This new Galaxy Alliance is shaping up to have some teeth, though it's yet to be proven if those teeth are sharp enough to injure the Collective.
Date: 05 Jul 2009 13:04 Title: The Misadventures of January McKenna
This was a nice, well-paced break from the action. Our heroes get a chance to catch their collective breath, and McKenna gets to ponder the how's and wherefore's of being a celebrated hero, despite her reservations.
Yamaguchi's growing on me, and it appears there's a real beating heart under the spit and polish Marine exterior. Kudos to him for sucking it up and accepting that the person he loves is marrying another. A lesser man might have tried to put his happiness ahead of hers and upset her special day with making his true feelings known.
Well, here's hoping January gets a choice command.
Date: 05 Jul 2009 10:08 Title: The Misadventures of January McKenna
An exciting and fast paced chapter. McKenna performed especially well in an engagement that looked more and more like a no-win scenario. I like how you've established a Borg 'time-out' in order for the Collective to assimilate the people and raw materials of the planet's they've conquered. It makes sense, seeing as only a single cube was responsible for the seizure of three of the most heavily populated star systems in the Federation.
Continued excellence!