Date: 21 Aug 2012 06:37 Title: Spectator
This was really powerful and poignant. You built to an excellent climax in the scene between the two in sickbay, where there was somehow both tension and affection. They worry about each other, they try to alleviate the other's worry, and they care just a little more about each other than about anyone else, and all that came through in just a few terse sentences. Well done, and thank you!
Date: 07 May 2009 19:54 Title: Spectator
Very well done! The frustration a man of action must feel in those situations really came out.
Date: 25 Apr 2009 16:31 Title: Spectator
"Because in the end control was an illusion."
Oh, yes. Parents do learn fast this truth...
Give them wings and just sit to watch.Watch and wait. The same as Kirk. Biting your nails to have something to do with your hands.
V.
PS. BTW, this story was at 1001 tales.
[Report This]Date: 29 Mar 2009 08:31 Title: Spectator
I'm sure I must have commented on this way, waaaaay back when I think you posted this on the K&S group on Yahoo... but it's definitely worth another review.
You have a way of writing which is intense, sucking you right in from the first paragraph. At the start of this fic, I really love how the first paragraph is innocuous - the phrasing is gentle, sensual; we have no inkling that Spock is in any danger. But then, a couple of lines down, we immediately see that Kirk is tense, worried. The sentences are shorter, more clipped, and you're using words like 'forcing' and 'attack'.
So, without you directly saying "Kirk felt this" and "Spock thought that", we immediately have an impression of Spock's innate calmness, Kirk's innate need to protect - and to be in control - and the perpetual dilemma inherent in their relationship with the kind of existence they live.
So, bravo on a masterful display of language, and a damned fantastic story all round.
Author's Response: Oh, wow, thanks for such a detailed comment :D
Which K&S group? And do I know you by another name? (I have a horrific memory for different names for the same friends on different sites - I get confuzzled too easy :D)
Thanks so much for reading and leaving such great feedback. You feed my pen.
Nutty
(off track, but cutting a new one)
Date: 25 Mar 2009 03:20 Title: Spectator
That was incredibly touching. To see how each man worries about the other, and what their deepest fear is regarding their inability to help the other in certain situations. It speaks volumes about the depth of the friendship, and how little control they really have when trying to protect one another. And that's really the root of the fear for each of them - lack of control with respect to keeping the other from harm. A very insightful look at the friendship. Thanks for sharing it.
Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed it :D I have to admit to being a Kirk fan who loves playing with the big three and their relationships. Thanks so much for reading, you feed my pen. Nutty
(who starting writing this about five hours ago and got interrupted)
Date: 24 Mar 2009 01:47 Title: Spectator
I love all your stories. When are you going to finish it went bang? :):)
Author's Response: Ah ha! So you've read my current WIP :D Time is scarce for me these days with my 13 month old little girl taking up a great deal of my time and when I get free time, the muse doesn't always obey me. But! I'm all enthused after discovering this site, so I'm hoping to do something soon.
Thanks so much for your lovely feedback.
Nutty
(who hasn't introduced herself over at the forum yet...hmmm)
[Report This]Date: 24 Mar 2009 00:38 Title: Spectator
This was fantastic! You had me from the first paragraph and I was drawn in! Excellent!
Author's Response: I am so glad you enjoyed it! And thanks so much for telling me :D
Nutty
(finally at her computer and its 11pm)
[Report This]Date: 23 Mar 2009 22:24 Title: Spectator
God. I don't remember where was the first time I read this story, and if I commented or not. But I love it. I really have no other words. The poignant nature of it, the fragile balance of this scpecial relationship that you write so well, it just gets me every time. But I think the most touching thing here is Jim's naive egoism. He only knows when he hurts, not when he hurts others. Spock nails him with his reply beautifully. And very truthfully, there is no resolution.
Masterful dialogue. Great story.
Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you for such wonderful feedback :D I checked back over at FF.net and you have commented there :D and had also said that you saw it somewhere else...I seem to be posting in multiple places (my journal, FF.net and TOSfic were the main ones) and I think it is because I have a home for all my other fandom fics, but haven't yet quite found a spot for my Trek fics where I can play in the community and get to really know other TOS writers. I think TOSfic was good for a while, but then it faded somewhat and I drift from fandom to fandom...and now I'm babbling...maybe I'll find a home here :D
Anyways, thanks so much for reading and commenting, you feed my pen.
Nutty
(suffering from babblitis)