[Report This]Date: 20 May 2015 13:00 Title: Maria
Oh, boy, as Dr. Sam Beckett would say.
I just had this vision of Henry trying to ward off her advances by reciting the Designated Hitter Rule to himself. Please let this be the case. ;)
Date: 20 May 2015 08:44 Title: Maria
Oooo-kay .... now I know about people with daddy issues but this is taking it to the next level. Man, this is messed up. Also how'd he turn out to be so seemingly normal with these kind of genes? This cray-cray, yo.
Date: 20 May 2015 04:06 Title: Maria
Oh, ewwww. That is gross. She is so gross. Now she's not just a mindfucker; she's an incestuous mindfucker. The multiple ways in which this is wrong are so hard to count that I feel like I'VE been mindscrewed. You have created one hell of a villain in Maria. Creepy to see her going after the next generations. That's not a legacy anyone wants.
Hank must be doing 9,999,999 RPM in his grave.
Date: 19 May 2015 22:39 Title: Hello
Hello. Well I'm pretty sure this is who I think it is and thought it might be behind all this. It seems the perfectly twisted scheme type of hers. Not to mention the particular focus and attention on Harrison, chosen right down to the DNA level. She's got it twisted and bad.
Date: 19 May 2015 16:23 Title: Hello
Yikes. Could it be? I mean, I know she's obsessed, but this is just creepy.
Date: 19 May 2015 12:08 Title: Hello
Oh, is this Maria, by chance?
Off to antagonize the next generation?
[Report This]Date: 19 May 2015 09:20 Title: Hello
What?!!! I mean... What?! Ok, confused...
Great job upping the ante once again. This little interrogating scene played out really well, reminiscent of the Borg Queen and Data in First Contact, I thought. Of course still have more questions than anything else at this point, but it's certainly an intriguing ride! :)
Date: 19 May 2015 08:34 Title: Hello
This is messing with my head. I admit, I haven't got the slightest idea what's going on here. Is that his mom? Or is his mother also his father? No, that doesn't make any sense. One hell of a creepy mystery alright.
Date: 18 May 2015 19:54 Title: Darkness
End of the road? Most likely not but things clearly didn't quite go as planned. A lot of questions here, the biggest one: what now?
Date: 18 May 2015 15:59 Title: Darkness
Great tension building and quite atmospheric and all of it building up to whatever the reveal is going to be. Very intriguing and especially effective with the 500 words, using their brevity to tease it out without it becoming dragged out. You also manage the skip in time effectively to propel the series along. Well done.
Author's Response:
*bows* Thank you. I had to trim nearly a hundred words to get it under 500 this time around; this really could be expanded into a full-type of scene with little issue, but I'm glad the brevity came off well.
Date: 18 May 2015 12:41 Title: Darkness
Oooh this is not good.
Methinks Henry's a bit foolish to be doing such things on his own. Will he get out?
/bites nails/
Author's Response:
It certainly isn't SOP to be going about this alone but this is an extremely personal mission for Henry. He has to do this on his own and doesn't want anyone else involved ... the answers he seeks are ones that he needs to hear first.
Date: 18 May 2015 12:27 Title: Darkness
Oh man, nightmare fodder much! Great laying down of the atmosphere here. The One. By. One. worked really well, a clever use of punctuation to really create the spine-tingling sensation you would expect from a horror movie. Then the laughter following him down the corridor... [shiver]. Good job, look forward to seeing what the Romulans have to do - if anything - with Henry's birth.
Author's Response:
Yes, this one was fun to write. Stirking the tone was the most difficult thing, but I'm glad it came through. As for the Romulans and Henry ... well, we'll see, won't we? ;)
Date: 18 May 2015 04:20 Title: Darkness
HOLY *&^*(!! Wow, you brought the creep this time. Great use of the one-word paragraph, and the intense level of messed up here is just candy. I'm biting my nails for Henry, and I can't help but think it's tied all the way back to Hank's adventures somehow. O.O Terrifying. Well done!
Author's Response:
Thank you. I really wanted to emphasize the creep level and I'm glad it worked.
Date: 18 May 2015 04:07 Title: Darkness
Oh, hell no. Lights out and laughing? Noooooooo. And dropping the phaser was a BAD PLAN, Henry. BAD PLAN.
I'm reminded of that episode "Fear" from VOY, with the scary clown dude. I hate clowns. I'm sure that has nothing to do with that, it's just that I'm reading this in the dark and there's laughing and my mind just went there.
Thanks for contributing to my insomnia. I'm sure the pharmeceutical company that makes my sleep aid appreciates the extra business.
Author's Response:
Yes, the clown guy was creepy as hell. Definitely has nothing to do with that, but the mood is similar. Wanted it to be foreboding (accomplished). Dropping the phaser was a bad idea (dude, you could overload it, maybe?) but he did. Maybe there's a reason he isn't Starfleet. ;)
Date: 17 May 2015 21:47 Title: Broken
LOST meets Fringe meet Trek meets Orphan Black. This should prove quite interesting trekfan (as per usual). A mad scheme is in progress with some nefarious and convoluted plan in motion, no doubt with circles within circles.
[Report This]Date: 17 May 2015 13:12 Title: Broken
Woah! Intense and mysterious. This is seriously messed up, but intriguing nevertheless. Tailored DNA? I wonder who is behind it. Nice start, look forward to seeing where this goes next.
Author's Response:
It's WAYYYYYYYYYYYY more messed up than it appears on the surface. That's all I'll say, but this could be the most messed up thing I've ever done.
Date: 17 May 2015 12:31 Title: Broken
Intriguing! This has gone off with a bang!
Author's Response:
Yeah, the opening was the firing shot. That shot has caused wounds, which will cause more things down the line ... we're far from seeing the end of this.
Date: 17 May 2015 08:35 Title: Broken
Oh, intense stuff right off the bat here. How about that for an orgin story?
That's tough and worst vacation ever doesn't even start to describe it. The fact that all this was planned and meticulously designed makes it even worse (counteracted birth control? Yikes) and seriously mysterious. I like it. Now the quest for answers begins.
Author's Response:
Oh, yeah, this is definitely an intense start (more intense than I originally planned), but it works well between Henry and his mother, Sarah. The two are intense people -- they take after one another -- and this is really the only way it could have gone for them. Henry's adventure will take him places ... the ride is gonna be fun.
Date: 17 May 2015 06:18 Title: Broken
Oh, wow. This is emotionally gripping stuff, and also a mystery ... kind of Fringe-y in a way (or maybe that's just because I binge-watched that tonight and one of the episodes was about coordinates). I am absolutely fascinated to see where you're going with this. I'm also wondering exactly how far into the future this is, and who the players will be. Nicely done.
Author's Response:
It does have a Fringe feel to it (I'm drawing from more from comic book inspiration, though -- keep that in mind as we go on). As for the when this is, my rough math puts that at somewhere in the 2450s (based on Sarah's likely age of 30 something when she had Henry), and Henry is just 20/21 at this point, so we're looking at 50+ years. We'll get some more hints as to where certain things fell, but this story is all about the personal touches. ;)
Date: 17 May 2015 04:05 Title: Broken
HOLY CRAP! Wow, you know how to write a hook of an opener. Painful for the subject matter, but the chance to see the Harrison family on down the line is an opportunity never to be missed. Now you've got me all kinds of intrigued. XD
Author's Response:
I was quite happy with the opener -- it sets up this not-so-merry adventure, where the answers will be tough and the questions asked tougher. But this has been in the works for a long time, as far as plotting for Harrisons go ... should be fun. :)