Reviewer: Miranda Fave Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 May 2014 23:58 Title: Unknown Chapter

“You know,” he answered coldly. “Contrary to the opinion of some people, I’m not a complete asshole.” Ostrowski blinked at the brutal honesty of his statement. “Don’t get me wrong,” he continued. “I am an asshole, just not to the severity that some cadets seem to believe.

Hee, hee. Loved that line. 

Man what a tale. The Seth section probably fits better within the context of the story but here in this standalone it is a little jarring as it sticks out from the rest. The rest of which is just a jaw dropper in terms of a zen full circle story type thingy. (I like to use the technical terms you see) But this is indeed a big moment because we see that Carmichael has proved himself to someone he thought among his biggest detractors, and Ostrowski is fairly blunt and open in her revealling assessment of JJ. However, she's also big enough and honest enough to admit her folly, her mistake and to offer J.J. perhaps the biggest compliment he never expected. And it's terrific for him that he gets this opportunity of closure on what happened on his father's ship. 

I really dug too the tequila shot remembrance tradition Ostrowski had for her former shipmates. It's a testament to her. She's an awesome character really and I love this facet revealled about her and that J.J. is the one to see it.

Reviewer: SLWatson Signed [Report This]
Date: 10 Mar 2009 00:11 Title: Unknown Chapter

I liked this; an excellent entry to the challenge, and filled with an atmosphere that makes it almost tangible.

My biggest beef is the question marks, ie:
“How’s your night been,” the bartender asked as Carmichael took a seat in a vacant stool.

Should be:
“How’s your night been?” the bartender asked as Carmichael took a seat in a vacant stool.

I'd be thrilled to bits if you could go back and add those in on the 'asked' statements in here. Unless you'd rather I do, then just let me know and I will. The ending of this was especially poignant; thanks much for posting it! A good little introduction to your universe.

Author's Response: While I hate dumping things off on others... Just this once, would you be able to make the changes? Then I can compare them and learn from it. After all, stronger writing can only help a story.