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Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 15 Feb 2021 17:32 Title: 13x05 - "Elvis Has Re-Entered the Building"

Okay - the Ferengi news story is quite amusing - Thanks!! rbs



Author's Response:

About time for a bit of levity after so much misery, I thought. :-) 

thanks -MD

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 11 Feb 2021 14:50 Title: 13x04 - "Truth Hurts"

Intriguing. Could the evidence have been fabricated? 

 

Good opening premise.

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 09 Feb 2021 14:09 Title: 13x04 - "Truth Hurts"

Nice to see a planetary governor in an actual functionary role instead of as a general antagonist. 

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 01 Feb 2021 11:41 Title: 13x03 - "Troublemaker"

I'm not sure if these are summaries from previous entries? 

They seem like stories that need screen time. 

Thanks!! rbs



Author's Response:

The "Meanwhile" parts are just what is going on on the other Star Trek series that are "airing" simultaneously.

The idea is that there are four Star Trek series running concurrently - TNG, DS9, VOY and the Riker-and-Troi post-Nemesis spin-off, Titan (now seen in Lower Decks and Picard). While i have only written a full script for the DS9 'episodes', i wanted people to know what was going on in the other shows at the same time, because in some cases the storylines will overlap and be relevant to each other. 

I began this with Season 12, when all four series had their vital roles to play in the massive over-arching Borg Invasion storyline. This year in Season 13, the TNG and DS9 storylines are quite close together, dealing with some of the same issues, while Voyager and Titan are pretty much off to their own corners of the galaxy and doing their own thing. 

Thanks

-MD

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 29 Jan 2021 17:40 Title: 13x03 - "Troublemaker"

Good play against stereotype with Bellis and another good Trek moment between him and Kira. Classic DS9 fare.

Good quick read. Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 28 Jan 2021 16:16 Title: 13x03 - "Troublemaker"

Superb chapter. Straight up kudos on the discussion and I can definitely hear Nana Visitor delivering those lines.

This is what Star Trek is for. All the space battles, technobabble, uncomfortable and generally poorly written love stories, quirky humor and nifty odds and ends of biology are just window dressing.

Thanks!! rbs



Author's Response:

Thank you, that's very much appreciated. I was definitely thinking here about the Syrian refugees and other similar groups, spreading out across Europe, and how so many governments were trying to use technicalities of law and "we've got our own problems" and just straight-up racism to weasel out of simply helping people who needed help, and wondering how those people can possibly claim any kind of moral superiority. Glad it worked for you! 

In fact I'd like to quote this (anonymously) on my Twitter to help promote the episode, if i may? 

thanks! -MD

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 27 Jan 2021 13:32 Title: 13x03 - "Troublemaker"

Good speech by Kira. A very oddly terrestrial and contemporary news broadcast program. I felt the best projection of what news might be in the future was in the 2-part DS9 story with Gabriel Bell.

Still, quite an amusing visual - Bajoran bloviators.

Thanks!! rbs



Author's Response:

Yeah a bit... pedestrian perhaps. But i've used those particular characters before - the newsreader and the commentators - in previous episodes, so i felt it was best to stick with what had already been established. A Federation News Service has been established in canon (Jake wrote for them in the war) but i think it makes sense that each planet would still have their own news services as well 

 

-MD

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 26 Jan 2021 17:39 Title: 13x03 - "Troublemaker"

"Godsend" seems an odd term for Kira to use, especially as a vedic. And one that would probably elicit a confused boggle from another bajoran.

Very much like Kira to take advantage of being squirreled away in a remote monastary to begin taking in refugees.

Thanks!! rbs

 

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 25 Jan 2021 13:29 Title: 13x03 - "Troublemaker"

Classic Kira the troublemaker. Nice rule of aquisition callback. 

Interesting details about the monastary architecture and tech.

Thanks! rbs

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 22 Jan 2021 18:47 Title: 13x03 - "Troublemaker"

Nothing like a few ad hominem fallacies and appeals to tradition for an opening. Especially in a religious gathering.

Thanks!! rbs



Author's Response:

 

Particularly galling that the "more pressing matter" than helping the homeless is that they have to plan a party... 

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 21 Jan 2021 12:48 Title: 13x02 - "Live and Let Die"

Situations such as these described almost always devolve into brushfire wars.. 

 

Thanks! rbs

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 20 Jan 2021 13:13 Title: 13x02 - "Live and Let Die"

Interesting development with Sisko. 

Best line: "I may be a telepath, but I’m not a counsellor. Quantum torpedo yields, I’m your guy..."

Thanks! rbs

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 19 Jan 2021 14:15 Title: 13x02 - "Live and Let Die"

Somber fare. But a good description of a New Orleans wake. 64 billion - I assume that's not counting the borg?

Thanks!! rbs



Author's Response:

No, that's just casualties from the Federation, the Klingons, the Romulans and non-aligned worlds. Aside from the drones that were killed in battle, the Borg didn't die per se - they were "transformed" and went elsewhere. That's part of what's feeding people's angst - there was no commensurate body count, and no-one left to get revenge on. It's all in the last half of season 12! -MD

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 18 Jan 2021 10:30 Title: 13x02 - "Live and Let Die"

Nice bit of hot yoga and grab ass - something we didn't get in the original show to my recollection. Fun.

Good use of the flashback as a storytelling device. 

I am hearing Avery Brooks delivering these lines - getting the actor's voice to come throgh is critical when writing series characters into fanfics.

The tension wiht Tenmei in denial is fairly standard Trek fare.

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 15 Jan 2021 14:12 Title: 13x02 - "Live and Let Die"

Fairly classic DS9 character treatments for OC characters. And a somber time was had by all...

I appreciate the character descriptions provided in response to my comment. You might consider appending some sort of standard, copied descriptions below the tease as a kind of opening credit roll for readers. TV shows do that with face-shots and name tags.

I did something similar for every episode of Star Trek Hunter - not descriptions of the characters but an org-chart of the STH crew placed after the opening scene(s).

If I were writing in a format that did not allow me to occasionally tell you that Lt. Tauk is ferengi or Napoleon Boles is half-bolian, half human, I would have included that information in my credit roll.

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 14 Jan 2021 16:23 Title: 13x02 - "Live and Let Die"

Enjoyable interaction between Tenmei and Candlewood. One of the drawbacks of this format is that it is difficult to picture any of the characters other than the series regulars as the format doesn't present a lot of opportunities to remind the reader what these original or walk-on characters look like. 

Interesting ploy by Jake. Psychological tricks generally don't go down well with family no matter how well intended.

Thanks!! rbs



Author's Response:

Prynn Tenmei - Caucasian / Japanese human female, Defiant's helm officer (picture somebody like Ally Maki)

John Candlewood - Jewish human male, gay, DS9's (current) science officer (picture maybe Jesse Eisenberg)

They and Nog are basically best friends, so they can get away with stuff with each other that others couldn't :-) 

Also it wasn't really meant to be a ploy by Jake exactly, just that things happened and they weren't prepared for it

 

-MD

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 13 Jan 2021 15:51 Title: 13x02 - "Live and Let Die"

Nice teaser. Definitely has a classic DS9 open feel to it. 

Now that I am more accustomed to this format there is some appeal to its lack of internal dialogue, often overused in prose.

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 12 Jan 2021 14:20 Title: 13x01 - "The Recovery Position"

Forgot to hit the "Liked" button - Thanks!! rbs



Author's Response:

thanks! -MD

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed [Report This]
Date: 12 Jan 2021 14:20 Title: 13x01 - "The Recovery Position"

Lots of backstory here, presented succinctly and in an easy to follow format. 

I very much appreciate the summation, which helps me catch up without having to go back to the beginning of the story to track.

I'm a big fan of series writing that allows a viewer/reader to jump in and start enjoying the series without being completely lost in the previous history. Which is why clip shows and "previously on" are superb storytelling devices as long as they aren't overused.

Thanks!! rbs



Author's Response:

I think you have to be careful with previouslies. While they're obviously useful for catching somebody up quickly with the back story, you have to make sure you don't go too far into spoiler territory. Saying "this is what you have to remember to understand this episode" is basically saying "this is what's going to happen in this episode", so if you can get the back story in organically as and when the reader / viewer needs to know it, that's the safer bet. Tricky to do though! -MD

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 11 Jan 2021 15:27 Title: 13x01 - "The Recovery Position"

Interesting Ro speech. Evidently some character development there. 

Good emotional spiral with Sisko and nicely developed with a number of beats.

Thanks! rbs

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 08 Jan 2021 15:18 Title: 13x01 - "The Recovery Position"

Interesting psychological ploy. A friend of mine was in a car wreck (years before I met her.) She was still angry about the doctor who rode with her in the ambulance nattering on about how irresponsible young people were especially behind the wheel and that she had probably brought this on herself. 

It was a ploy to keep her alive by engaging her adreneline through rage - and it worked.

Nice to see that used in a story plot. Thanks!! rbs



Author's Response:

Glad you liked it. I have a tendency to have a lot of my conclusions basically come down to one big conversation, and i was happy with how this one came out, yes. -MD

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 07 Jan 2021 14:08 Title: 13x01 - "The Recovery Position"

Good job capturing Nog and Quark's voices. 

I can easily hear Aron Eisenberg and Arman Shimmerman delivering those lines. 

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 06 Jan 2021 14:07 Title: 13x01 - "The Recovery Position"

Science note: Given the laws of momentum and lack of friction in a vacuum, a spacship cutting its engines will continue to move at the same rate. Engines in space provide accelleration. It would be more believable if the ship were ordered to cut its momentum and go to station-keeping. This would require reversing engines and the ship would continue moving forward until the engines could overcome the forward momentum. It's a bit more to explain both in dialogue and narration but always important to keep a little science in the science fiction.

One advantage this format does have is it is very straightforward. I was following another story here that became unreadable because the language became too florid to decode. Your writing is very descriptive and easy to follow - which places the emphasis on the story and makes the writer transparent - one of my goals as a writer.

Thanks!! rbs

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 05 Jan 2021 16:50 Title: 13x01 - "The Recovery Position"

Rather grim situation - at least 6 cubes..

I can definitely hear Michelle Forbes reading the Ro Laren lines, but not hearing Avory Brooks' unique rhythms in the Sisko lines. 

I'm not generally a fan of this format, but it is easy enough to read and provides sufficient visuals. And is very easy to track (which is what the format was designed for). Probably the reason I'm not a fan is that I have seen a few attempts at this format that were pretty much unreadable. You seem to be handling it well.

Thanks!! rbs



Author's Response:

I'm not sure if you're familiar with the backstory taken from the novels, but the Federation has just been through the most apocalyptic, all-out, once-and-for-all invasion by the Borg. The Borg were eventually defeated (in a manner of speaking) but the Federation was pretty devastated and this is picking up in the aftermath. That and some other things that will be revealed are why Sisko is in the beaten down state he is... 

thanks! 

Reviewer: Robert Bruce Scott Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 04 Jan 2021 07:18 Title: 13x01 - "The Recovery Position"

Ah - a Commander Ro story. One of my favs from STNG. 

It looks like this is set out in some sort of screenplay format.

Good story tease.

Thanks! rbs



Author's Response:

Hi Robert - I started doing the screenplay format way back in the day to adapt the official post-finale novels as if they were more "episodes" of the TV show. Then i just stuck with it, and it's been going on for six "seasons" now. I know it's not what most people do and it can take some getting used to, but I'm hoping it provides a comparately quick and "visual" reading experience. I hope you'll stick with them! Thanks

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