Date: 30 Apr 2014 01:11 Title: Chapter 1
Kobayashi Maru, huh? Love!
Author's Response:
Aw, thank you!
Date: 02 Apr 2014 18:33 Title: Chapter 1
perfectly highlights hardships of life on a starship as small as Enterprise, in that hard to find love, to deal with fallout and all the surging emotions. Nice litle story, Jesph
Author's Response:
Aw, thank you!
Date: 26 Mar 2014 00:51 Title: Chapter 1
Oh and I should say again jespah, I just love your way of telling a story between characters through dialogue. Such an approach is not always workable, such an approach often does not quite get the reader to relate to the scene quite readily. But you always define the character voices through your dialogue and the painting of the how and where of the characters saying the parts. All adds to the effect.
Author's Response:
Thanks - I suppose it's a hybrid of showing and telling. The characters do the telling.
Date: 26 Mar 2014 00:03 Title: Chapter 1
Well my-oh-my jespah. That note hit it perfect. That was a wondrous little piece of poetry and a fitting culmination after the build up to its reveal. It was poetic and like the best poems, had a sad, lamenting feel at the end with hinted layers. And wow, talk about an origin story. So that's where the Kobaysi Maru came from then? I like actually that it was a thought up exercise in light of those no-win war scenarios they face as opposed to bsed on some historical incident and then adjusted for Academy Training. Super.
Author's Response:
Thank you very much. I like elliptical, unexpected origin tales. :)
Date: 25 Mar 2014 03:56 Title: Chapter 1
Hehe. Pumpkin pie. This made me want to watch some Enterprise, I like Lili and I think the "Lower Decks" feel was awesome. I like peeks into the lives of normal crew, and I loved the addition of an Ensign Kobayashi Maru and the poem. Awesome story, Jespah.
Author's Response:
Oh, you are so very kind. Thank you!
I love the lower decks. There are a lot more than 7 - 10 people on a starship.
Lili is all over my writing; it's hard to find a story that she's not in. I have a story where she's imprisoned and she lies to her captor, telling him that the ship is run on cilantro.
Date: 23 Mar 2014 17:49 Title: Chapter 1
Aww, that was so sweet. I love the writing style here - the hesitant, stuttering speech as Luke struggles to make some coherent sense out of his thoughts. The poem was great - even if the last stanza was bittersweet - and the origin story for the KM was just perfect. After all, *someone* had to think it up, right? ;-)
Author's Response:
Thank you - I kinda had in mind that whoever came up with the KM had to have been pretty upset about something, to inflict that on Starfleet cadets through time immemorial. Why not a lovesick guy? :)
Date: 22 Mar 2014 01:51 Title: Chapter 1
Cute story. Finding love on a starship, especially one as small as the Enterprise cannot be easy. The KM twist at the end was a neat surprise reveal I didn't see coming. And the poem was a great way to close out this story, hitting just the right mood at the end.
Author's Response:
Oh, thank you so much! Hey, I figure whoever created the problem in the first place had to be pretty peeved at the universe. :)
Date: 21 Mar 2014 23:10 Title: Chapter 1
An alternate version of how the Kobayashi Maru came about? Interesting. Spock usually gets the blame for that one. You can bet Spock would not have found inspiration for it through a love note. Good writing!
Author's Response:
Thank you - I figured, what the hell - maybe it's not what we thought after all.
Date: 21 Mar 2014 12:01 Title: Chapter 1
Well thanks for taking part in the challenge and doing such as sterling effort despite your other time constraints.
As always you paint a wonderful slice of life on board Enterprise
I think you have done a nice job with Luke; his interactions with Lili are both realistic and yet still drive the story forward. Using the idea of him trying to write the perfect note with poem was a nice way to incorporate the story challenge sentence.
The conversation with Ethan while they watch the automatic weapon loading about whether the Starfleet training was actually adequate was an interest scene and a good way for Ethan to tell Luke that Dave Constantine already had another date
Which you use to top off the story with a nice realization that chasing perfection had left him with nothing.
PS: I did like your hint at the origin of the Kobayashi Maru test ;-)
Author's Response:
Oh, thank you for the review! A most welcome site (I was really starting to panic about my schoolwork yesterday).
Yes, there's no such thing as the perfect note. But for someone who is obsessed with perfection and control, the Kobayashi Maru test is about as close as someone can get.