Date: 03 Jun 2013 18:08 Title: Act Five
"I think the first thing you need to do is head down to the ship's stores and requisition yourself a sense of humor."
LOL! I love that line and the whole scene with Leone toying with Kincaid. However, she seemed to be doing her best to get on terms with Jesse. Whatever anyone might charge with Leone with she wants to create a well working team. And her XO is going to be key to that. Should prove very interesting to see how this pans out and who learns from who as they continue to work with one another.
And then no sooner has the mission begun than the Milk Run finds itself in ruin. One of the vessels is destroyed and destroyed without any premable. The manner of the reveal is abrupt and of course happens so soon after they have just left. They surely couldn't have travelled far in that time but regardless this is going to be fodder for Hargreaves no doubt and trouble for Leone and crew. Questions now as to what happened to the cargo freighter...
Date: 03 Jun 2013 18:00 Title: Act Four
Oh and talking of talks and dynamics the opening scene between Leone and T'Cirya is brilliant. Admiral T'Cirya is trying to give Leone some sort of leeway or heads up but at the same time is laying things on the line for Leone and telling her she has very clear duty to perform. It's a very tense scene in many ways - one feels T'Cirya is hand tied but at the same time I get the impression she is not pleased at having to deal with any Leone crap either. She's very pointed in some of her lines but Leone too is pointed in kind. I really like the dynamics of their interactions and just how far Leone will try to press things but T'Cirya knows better than to allow her and simply cuts her off. A very interesting dynamic but of course it could turn out to be a dynamic that could be damning down the line.
Date: 03 Jun 2013 17:54 Title: Act Four
The Talk.
Oh look forward to that. Hee, hee. I have a feeling Leone is going to lay matters out for Jesse. Mind you, I rather think Kincaid will make his own points too.
I have to comment on the dialogue and the interactions here, as elsewhere, very flowing and very natural.We get a good sense of things from the character interactions and the dialogue and what is not said gives a good idea of how the various characters view each other. The Jesse, Abby, Ishira scene was very well done and hints at quite a few interesting dynamics.
I also very much like the run down of the taking up formation scene with the leaving dock procedure handled in a very by the book manner. Was any of that scene important to the plot? Seemingly not one might have presumed other than a writerly exercise to show the motions of departing spacedock but actually yes it is. But on the basis of exploring the day to day of operating a vessel and the mechanics of departing and taking up a formation I actually loved the itty bitty details that to me makes things all the more real and tangible and realised. I love this aspect to your writing.
Why yes it is important to the plot because, firstly, we saw just how by the book and officious Kincaid is. Secondly, we get the reveal of the highly dangerous materials being carried by the cargo freighters. Seems this is definitely not going to be a mere milk run (but of course we knew that already but now we know just how combustive things could turn out to be).
First though, it seems we will get the combustive The Talk...
Date: 19 Jun 2012 15:53 Title: Act Four
Mister for Ariel? Mister is a title for a man! Unless it's some quirk of Starfleet command structure which I'm missing...
So far Hargreaves doesn't seem much of a threat, I mean surely Starfleet Commands knows she has a personal history with Leone and so she can be far from objective or impartial? Unless of course certain admirals have a grudge against Leone and her family, so what better way of slinging some mud on the Leone family? Intriguing stuff when you stop to really think about it.
Date: 19 Jun 2012 15:26 Title: Act Three
Poor Jesse... I would say Jesse is a bit Jellico-like, but then he's right by saying things are too informal amongst the senior officers. Plus Ariel uncorks her pheromones, which is always cool.
It was also nice seeing Wilson put down that Hargreaves hag as well...
Date: 19 Jun 2012 15:03 Title: Act One
Wait a seccy! Is Tommy a man or woman?
"Good morning, ladies," said engineering Ensign Tommy O'Day as she strode confidently toward them from the entrance.
And:
Tommy sat back into his chair, folded his arms, and frowned.
So Hargreaves and Leone have some history between them, here's hoping this won't end up as some petty catfight or pointless nonprofessional bickering...
Date: 19 Jun 2012 14:51 Title: Teaser
Hargreaves = Remmick?
This will be interesting, and I imagine a crescendo of tension and conflict building up as Hargreaves sticks her nose into everything on the Farragut!
Glad to see some continuity, follow-up and consequences in this series!
Date: 29 Jun 2009 23:54 Title: Act Three
Flip they really aren't hitting it off.
First off, I like that you used this chapter to show two different battle of wills going on. Wilson could see, and perhaps may have knowledge of the captain's connection with this woman, but it was great to see him try to squirm his way out of trouble and score a few points too. Alas, we do see Hargreaves as quite hard assed and determined to find fault.
Then we come to Kincaid and Ariel. And boys is their meeting combustive. The two almost could have made ammends and seen eye to eye. But alas, both are far too stubborn and both have far too diverging opinions on protocol, authority and command. This is going to be compelling and combustive pairing. Looking forward to seeing how they act around one another and how they can settle their differences for the sake of the crew and the captain.
Date: 29 Jun 2009 23:37 Title: Act Two
Oh I can see teething problems between Kincaid and Ariel - teething problems such as Ariel ripping his neck out with her teeth! Ha! This could cause all manner of difficulties. Not to mention Kincaid's obvious 'dissonance' with the degree of informality aboard.
Slightly shocked by Counsellor Otex and the degree to which she read Abbie's mind so freely. Maybe it's more to do with Abbie's mind frame at the time or perhaps this is a better study of Betazoids and their abilities than others have attempted in fanfics. Alas, that she has to be counsellor. I do think a Betazoid is capable of doing other roles. That said, I'm curious to see where you might go with this character.
Another character that interests is our science officer, who has a pained past revealed. Being called to see the Commander makes her have a hook into her character making me want to know more.
And the continued mix of enlisted crewpersonnel in amongst the story adds a little colour and grit to the story. Further authentic feeling touches are those like the turbolifts and delays at this peak busy time. Liked too Kincaid's assessment of taking his turn so as not to put out a bad impression of himself.
Date: 29 Jun 2009 23:22 Title: Act One
Ouch! I thought Hargreaves was going to be trouble, but I hadn't anticipated that she would be out for payback. That makes this quite a mess for Leone. Her crew were all too willing to back her up to the extent she had to issue an order to cooperate [surprise, surprise, Ariel didn't move on that one!]. But she might sooner have people covering her ass considering Hargreaves' motives. However, one cannot say that Leone blinks when it comes to a confrontation. She stood toe-to-toe with the woman who could bring down her career.
Still not sure what to expect of Kincaid. Liking the working him out phase as it heightens the drama of whether he will be an opponent in Leone's case or a supporter for her cause.
One little nitpick is that hargreaves mentions that almost all of her classmates are commanders and captains by now. Considering that Kincaid remarked in the previous segment that Leone's posting was surprising she'd only been in the service fifteen years. Reading it just meant it didn't tally.
Liking the continued banter and informal atmosphere aboard. Although many fanfics do go this route, it often doesn't scan right or befitting the characters. Here we know the style comes from the captain down and so it does. Plus the banter is quite easy going and free flowing.
Credit too, to Leone. When she turns to Wilson and says:
"No, Wilson... thank you. You might not have been my first choice, but you are the correct one."
I like that she is big enough to say so. When the mission started out in episode one, I figured he'd end up sticking around but I like that Krys acknowledges his contribution and her own misstep in not appointing his before. Kudos to Wilson for accepting it so graciously too. I might also add, kudos to the author for not trying to make his captain too perfect either. It makes for a much more interesting read.
Author's Response:
The easy answer for Leone's class and Hargreaves' class is that they did not graduate from the Academy at the same time. Hargreaes is actually older than Leone by four years. And I'll address what happened on Victory later in the series (unwritten as of this time).
Yeah, I'm actually trying to make Leone appear perfect because she's trying to be. She's got a lot to live up to in being a known Starfleet legacy and having a perceived aura of royalty surrounding her. For this first season of FSA, we're all still trying to watch these guys feel their way around the ship and the readers are also trying to feel their war around the characters. I have plans to expose the tiny flaws hinted to right now as severe flaws later on. :)
Thanks for reading and I'm glad you're enjoying it.
-- MDg
Date: 29 Jun 2009 23:05 Title: Teaser
Oh great teaser. In with the knife from Hargreaves and Kincaid is hardly Leone's number one fan considering his blunt assessment of the captain for having lost the Farragut.
So Leone is going to have trouble from the bureaucrats and Admiralty, a strange twist of fate considering that many believed [like Kincaid alludes to] she only got her post by virtue of being an Admiral's daughter.
Sadly, with such an assessment and strong held beliefs in some quarters, it means to say that if they believe Leone to have acted outside of her remit then they will chase her all the harder and bring her down. People who'd hold such suspicious tend to love bringing down those with the silver spoons.
With this opener, you leave it open as to what the rest of Admiralty think but cast suspicion upon Leone's chances. You also paint Hargreaves as one cool customer who one suspects would be devilish in her tricks and ploys. I'm anticipating her going up against Ariel! She'll soon see what hits her. This opener also places a question mark of Kincaid and just how loyal and supportive he might be to Leone, especially braced with this information before he even steps aboard and meets his captain. That's an ugly little seed to plant in his head.
On another note, I like how with the economy of the first paragraph paint a perfect little glimpse into the frontier life, with armed crewmembers and patrolling vessels. A nice and effective touch.