Date: 18 Jul 2014 02:23 Title: Chapter 1: Phantoms
You start off your fic with a tense scene of the Abukumba coming apart it seems as its being fired upon by another ship. The emotional response you tended to get across: I imagined a frightened look crossing Captain Isoruku Nagumo. Though trying to hide it. By the end of the chapter I could clearly see in his nightmares the tragedy of losing his family. A thoroughly engaging start to the story so far. I’m looking forward to seeing how this progresses and how you end it. Thanks for sharing this, and now on to chapter 2.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:36 Title: Chapter 61: Night Terrors
Original review:
I think it is always a case of having been sold on a story when a line like 'The Tycho Uprising' gets mentioned and I want to know more about it. I have to say, it is almost lost to the horror of what happens here. The attack is brutal and such a violation. I was scared for Sam and worried as to the lengths of the attack. Well done.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:35 Title: Chapter 45: Point of Attack
Original review:
“general fuck-tastrophes” ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Love it! Should be a tag line. Add to that, “Why be a soldier, if you can't exult in a heart-pounding, balls-out gunfight?” Classic lines of wisdom.
Now if only JJ and co could live up to and pull something magic out of the hat. At this point so rooting for them that anything less than a super miraculous victory is going to disappoint. That said, I have no idea how you can do that. I suppose it would be a learning curve to lose but I think they could learn by winning too! hee hee
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:34 Title: Chapter 44: Deviations
Original review:
Damn Carmichael and his reserve and professionalism! He ought to have punched the fool out! Damn, sometimes people don't see the bleeding obvious. Sometimes they need a good smack to the head to see sense.
Now the question is, what will JJ do when the proverbial hits the fan? He says one thing now, but how far will he play the good little soldier following orders thing. As for Nolte in case I haven't made myself clear - the prick ought to be punched repeatedly so that to be a punching bag would seem to be a better option.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:34 Title: Chapter 43: A Failure to Communicate
Original review:
Damn Nolte needs a smack. very slow on the uptake. Mind one has to feel a certain degree of sympathy for him as his 'best' laid plans are wrecked from the off. I'm so engaged in the swirling events that I keep forgetting that this is 'just' a training exercise. I guess for the cadets in question its mere matter of being a training exercise doesn't come into it as it is very real and carries consequences of its own. The fact you can lend it an air of authenticity, a visereal experience that absorbs the reader and creates a palpable tension and danger is so beyond impressive. Really well done. this is terrific. Love how the answers are fumbled for and how the cadets and having to figure a way out of this mess or to at least put up a fight. Bloody great.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:33 Title: Chapter 42: Elements of Surprise
Original review:
Eek! Badly caught out. A dire situation indeed to be so confident and sure ahead of the exercise only to find that the predicted havoc of the smoke indeed causing consternation. An intriguing insight this one character - is she a one off or will she be returned to? It seems she may well have served a purpose in building up the drama and some illuminating details about pre-Federation Earth. Nicely related historical details sandwiched in amongst the excercise details. Good job at sneaking in such little nuggets of information to entice the reader on. Little gems that make us want more and froth at the mouth. Bravo! And Nolte seems to be starting to get scared? About bleedin' time he realised how badly he may have mucked this up.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:33 Title: Chapter 41: The Very Model of a Modern Major General
Original review:
Quite a succinct assessment by JJ at the end. His dream troubling him adds a different aspect to him. I guess his keen mind is trying to figure out the wrongs and the hows of this strategy. Liking the references with Caesar and how it tallies up with the story. Certainly with the start of the offensive the team has crossed the Rubicon and there is no turning back. Nice parallels too between Nolte and JJ. The two are quite similar but JJ has an ability to listen and to be flexible. And that sets them apart. Big time.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:32 Title: Chapter 40: Into the Mouth of Hell
Original review:
Ah so a mere enlisted is having to poitn out the obvious and sensible courses of action. that's those mustang officers for you. They'll just tell like it is.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:32 Title: Chapter 39: Into the Jaws of Death
Original review:
Like the reference to Black Hawk Down. Can only hope things don't go as badly on this excursion. JJ has a way on winning allies to his side as here with Pitkins. And is rewarded with a tip that could really work in their favour. I guess such an attribute is what makes for a good commanding officer. So this thing is about to kick off. Whoo hoo!
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:31 Title: Chapter 38: Facing the Long Odds
Original review:
I'd like to bet on the the Blue Team myself. Certainly, I'm hoping for such a result. Nice little trip memory lane. Ostrowski had better start remembering the stock from which JJ came. Then she might begin to have a better appreciation of his capabilities. That said, knowing his father and where JJ ended up after going off the rails she probably has cause to doubt his pedigree and potential. Hopefully, this exercise might prove JJ's mettle some. Nagumocotninues to bring a smile to my face. He has such a paternal auora about him that makes him a perfect fit for the Academy. And you've gotta love his humour and style - setting up the betting pool himself. Hee, hee. And maybe he'll make some money out of it too.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:29 Title: Chapter 37: A Change in the Wind
Original review:
Carmichael came up with the goods. I wondered what his alternative would be. That was impressive. Again his mind shows and acute understanding of military thinking and strategy. Which is no mean feat in one so young and relatively inexperienced. His character continues to impress me. Nolte continues to show his lack of a keen mind. He is one sad b****** for not being able to listen. Even if JJ is in the woring about the river his idea to screen their forces is a solid one and an alternative could be worked out I'm sure. But Nolte fails to listen and it is likely going to cost. Liked this development and the expansion of the branches involved - linking the military and scientific aspects that would become Starfleet as we come to know it. Very good. This story remains an impressive feat at exploring these early days and continue to make sense of quite a confusing era. Very grounded and very much character driven as story driven.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:29 Title: Chapter 36: Echoes of the Past
Original review:
Hee hee. Nolte isn't impressing anybody is he with his straightforward plan! That said with the unorthodox moves made by red team perhaps JJ and co. acting a little on their own might shake things up if they can improvise. I'm thinking that they will - but only after things go very wrong. Still, I can't bank on anything with you and even if I am right in theory I doubt I'll think of how you'll *ahem* JJ will pull it off. Oh interesting.
The refective piece slots in perfectly here when one would think with the build up to the battle it wouldn't. You really have a keen sense of the pace of this thing. You know the ebb and flow that makes it work and you let it play out and execute the right story out of it all and develop great moments and character exploration from your approach. Very well done.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:28 Title: Chapter 35: Fields of Fire
Original review:
Ouch! Quite an indignant end at the end but a good fight and her training is becoming clear. Loved the fear of the hunt and the deepset fear of being revealed/discovered. It added an almost claustrophobic feel in the beginning despite the brevity if the chapter. Again, very visceral and engaging. Top notch stuff.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:27 Title: Chapter 34: High Definition Warfare
Original review:
First off, love the title of the chapter. Sounds cool and very fitting to what is told. The description of the Porcupine is again top notch and paints a vivid picture. The description of the fighting from a digital satellite perspective and it resonates very much with a lot of the modern warfare and the remove by which we at home see war related and reported on. Good stuff again.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:22 Title: Chapter 33: The Things They Carried
Original review:
I loved the little details and the descriptions that evoke a little of character's personality or rank or speciality as you state. And the style was reminiscent of a few published authors I couldn't quite recall though Tim O'Brien is not someone I've read but from this chapter I've been intrigued enough to check his works out and I hope to secure myself a copy of his work on the heel of this. Great to see more of Nolte explored and this approach was the best and most effective way to reveal a little of this side that we might not otherwise have gotten or achieved in another form. Very well thought out chapter. And I wonder have you served in the military in some fashion. You are certainly striking me as very knowledgable. I know your own interests are of military historical dent in part but still the level of detail and thought is impressive and very consistent and real and does not remove you from the story but helps a person to be even more involved int he scene that you paint so terrifically.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:21 Title: Chapter 32: By Dawn's Early Light
Original review:
I like how you make JJ a young officer an aficionado of historical battles. Normally, such a trait is reserved but stolid ageing admirals or wisened captains. But really so many young boys are fascinated at a young age by history and by war that it stands to reason some carry some of that knowledge and interest further in their young adult lives. I like the trait and it should help to make JJ a much more rounded individual and a better more informed officer. I've a feeling that Rhee is impressed by it too and might be why he's happy to bend the rules as an observer a little for JJ and co.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:20 Title: Chapter 31: Ghosts in the Darkness
Rhee is being very helpful. Hope that is a good sign. Suspicous much, me? Samantha has some skills and that must be remembered in light of everything else that has happened with her recently. Now its time for some rest and to wonder how JJ can get around Nolte's foolhardy plan.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:20 Title: Chapter 30: Best Laid Plans
Original review:
Hmmm. This is going to unfold in a very interesting manner I believe and I cannot wait for it. Terrific stuff. I'm immersed in it all. I feel the damp cold blowing into my sleeping bag even as I write. You convey these things quite effortlessly. JJ shows that sitting at the knees of his father and Nagumo might pay off if he can learn from the old stories and apply the knowledge as Rhee indicates to be prepared for what is to come.
ETA: huh if only we knew just how poor best laid plans were going to work out?! lol
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:19 Title: Chapter 29: Night of Battle
Original review:
Gotta love the perverse humour of being on challenge like this. Poor JJ's start to being in charge [before he even finds out he is] didn't go too well. Here's hoping that it is not a tailsman for how the rest will work out.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:18 Title: Chapter 28: The Fine Art of Covering Your Ass
Nagumo has a way of telling a person of what he wants done without making it an order and yet getting it done his way. Hee hee. Liked the Lt/lost bit not to mention the covering your own ass aspect to Ostrowski's job.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:18 Title: Chapter 27: Forced March
Hee hee. I can imagine that Ostrowski is going to be pissed. That was a terrific end to the ordeal. Seth and J.J. really helped to show Samantha what to do and to stick with it. really impresive and inspiring.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:17 Title: Chapter 26: Lead the Way
Original review:
Ouch! What a way for such a painful experience to end. One certainly needs endurance and it seems like Samantha is going to need some endurance for whatever will entail from her fall. Again, struck by the detail such as the fact Samantha's upbringing on Lunar colony meant the bars was going to be a huge ordeal for her nevermind the miscalculation at the end.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:16 Title: Chapter 25: Ranger Challenged
Original review:
Ouch! That's all I can say about that. Talk about tough. It certainly would test any cadet's mettle. Great detail and feel for a quite agonising experience.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:16 Title: Chapter 24: Pushing the Limits
Original review:
What really strikes me time and again about your writing is the winning touches of details you manage to fold into the story that enrich and add to the deeper level of the story and characters. From the interchange between Vanessa and Carmichael, with ploobs/plicks jokes and wet t-shirts, the details make it a great story to read and again just adds to the development of the characters and their relationships with each other. the toying flirtation and attraction is nicely conveyed with some grounded reality. Even the two lads chatting about the girls in the dorm with Seth pulling out his St. Christopher medal is wonderfully realised and detailed. I admire that skill as well as keeping the character development true. Kudos.
Date: 03 Jan 2014 17:15 Title: Chapter 23: Dreams of Flight
Original review:
Seth finally finds his calling after a stumbling start. His love for flying is apparent and neat to see it as it dawns.