Date: 02 Dec 2013 05:05 Title: Act Five
Damn the torpedoes! Loved the ending scene...very Picard-esque, a great look at and reason to be proud in your ship's history.
And yup...Barris is in trouble. That was pretty awesome, though I guess I shouldn't be surprised. What did surprise me, somewhat, was Ariel's thoughts of the matter. I really did first read this expecting her to be acting almost like a spy, or trying to manipulate Barris to do what she and Leone wanted, but this seriously was just a vacation.
Poor Barris though...the scene on the bridge was priceless
Date: 02 Dec 2013 04:55 Title: Act Four
Uh oh...Barris is in trouble.
Certainly an interesting way to get what you need. But, as a captain, you do have to make all available resources...um...available?
I almost wonder if this was Ariel's plan all along...
Date: 02 Dec 2013 04:49 Title: Act Three
I love the dynamic between Leone and Ariel. They make a great team. I really wish I had read through this series before Gibraltar, because now I just get sad whenever I see awesome Ariel/Leone stuff. Ariel is definitely a wonderful match, and I'm glad she reminded Leone that, despite their best efforts, the moment of self defense at the start of this episode dug them a hole; they're involved.
Date: 02 Dec 2013 04:41 Title: Act Two
And so, in response to my previous review...I love this. Leone is in a difficult situation, stuck between her duty as a Starfleet captain and her duty as her crew's captain. Her duty to Starfleet - and the Prime Directive - conflicting with her duty to keep her crew safe and do what she can to get them back home. Very different from Voyager's plight, in that there is a very real possibility of being able to get home quickly, but it's dependent on them dragging the Federation into a conflict they have no part in.
While I feel Voyager might have just plunged right in (I guess I don't have that great of an opinion for that show, but that's for another time), I like seeing Leone very torn about what she's supposed to do, and not willing to immediately jump to the aid of the Kasui, despite Saleb's hopes that the Federation would help them blindly.
Date: 02 Dec 2013 04:34 Title: Teaser
Yes, because the best way to make new friends is by picking them up and throwing them into the middle of war they didn't even know was going on. What could possibly go wrong?
I love the almost...childish way Saleb and Belkis see the Federation, as if they will just drop everything they are doing and come to the rescue of anyone who asks. Watching Star Trek now, aside from the one or two morality episodes that dealt heavily with the Prime Directive, it would be easy to see that kind of misconception constantly being spread.
Date: 28 Apr 2013 02:06 Title: Teaser
Wha...? Didn't see that coming at all...
Date: 13 Jun 2012 12:47 Title: Teaser
I'll still be reading these stories, but I was just making a prediction for Ariel's character. I really like Ariel, and I'm really into a character when I start thinking about how they may develop; you know reading any subtle signs from the story.
Just to clarify on Leone's speech, it was a good idea (clever in tying together some historical parallels) but it just felt cringeworthy to me; it sort of brought to mind a teacher telling a story to a class of enraptured children.
But the rest of the story was solid; I especially enjoy the Leone and Ariel characters, while I also enjoy the TNG feel to the story; it feels lighter and there's a certain innocence in the air...
Date: 13 Jun 2012 00:34 Title: Act Five
Go Ariel! That scene was a pleasure to read. Having said that, even though Ariel is a man-eater I think she will eventually tire of it. I mean how long can this woman just go on her hormones instead of real feelings; actual love for somebody? The day when Ariel grows up in your stories will be very interesting indeed... Half Orion or not!
Leone's speech... My God that was so vain! I mean even Picard (THE legendary Picard) never stooped so low in such an embarrassing way. Well unless you count him spouting off love poetry to that Ferengi whose was holding Lwaxana hostage! Seriously Leone's speech was like she was on drugs or something!
This story was a bit more interesting than the last one, but one or two scenes were just plain silly: Gregory and Tommy fantasizing about woman, and Leone's little story. I mean we're 40000 light years in the Delta Quadrant, some serious **** has happened and I get the feeling Leone's head is in the clouds. She's way to optimistic and cheerful giving the dire situation they're in.
It's almost as if this story is not taking itself seriously...
Author's Response:
So... it was a pleasure to read, but you think she'll tire of it... or are you saying that you will tire of it? Ariel's character is literally being fleshed out in exposition in this episode, and because it is a pilot and a method toward planting the idea of her personality in the minds of readers, it's not going to be perfect, as I was also kind of trying to get my head around that kind of character as well. I'm not making excuses, but I don't think Damn the Torpedoes! is the strongest FSA story. Then again, I don't feel that "Encounter at Farpoint" or "Caretaker" were particularly strong pilots, either, so I feel I'm in good company. And "Farpoint" was written by Roddenberry and Fontana.
As for Leone's speech, I actually took that note from a professional author (with ten books published), who felt that the original ending, which was a simple push in the captain's ready room with Ariel, Wilson, and Greg, needed to be more dramatic and out in the open. Because of the fact that the crew was in a very odd situation and needed to be rallied to fight under the circumstances of being outnumbered, tired, and overworked. The note I got was, "You need a St. Crispin's Day speech." I'm no Shakespeare, but I know my naval history very well, and decided to talk about the idea of rallying behind the ship's name, which was something they all had in common (outside of their obvious peril). In the age of sail, when ships went into action ashore, they would call themselves by their ship's name, "Enterprises" or "Farraguts." I was pursuing this idea when I wrote the speech. Others found the rhetoric perfect, you're the first to say otherwise.
Greg and Tom are young men and young men talk about sex. It's a constant in high school and college locker rooms all across the United States.
Intrepret it as you will, but I get the feeling there's a cultural or experience disconnect, here That might lead to further issues you may have with the plots I'm putting forth, as FSA is intended to be a antithesis to TNG, not a parallel.
Thanks for reading!
- MDg
Date: 13 Jun 2012 00:18 Title: Act Four
I'm surprised Prime Barris is leading this rebel movement for he is a very weak-minded man to be so easily distracted by feminine wiles... I mean it seems to me that he can be bribed very easily or coerced. Unless Ariel somehow has pheromones and she erm... uncorked them. Seriously if Ariel weren't a Starfleet officer she would be a floozy!
Author's Response:
To each their own.
Many "strong-minded" men were distrracted by feminine wiles in history:
- Lord Admiral Nelson had a famous affair with Lady Emma Hamilton (though her husband approved, since he was a huge fan of Nelson's).
- Napoleon had countless affairs during his Italian campaign that led to the dissolution of his marriage to Josephine de Beauharnais. He ended up marrying his last mistress, Pauline Bellisle Foures, because she bore him a male heir.
- More recently, General Eisenhower has a famous affair during his command of the European theater in WW2. He even commissioned her a Captain (though this is disputed by everyone who didn't serve over there).
It may not suit your idea of a strong leader, but it's actually very common, and I chose to exploit explore that as TNG did in "Code of Honor," "Menage a Troi," and "The Outcast." I went much further, but the whole point of FSA is an exercise in pushing boundaries for my professional craft.
Thanks for reading!
- MDg
Date: 13 Jun 2012 00:11 Title: Act Three
Man Tommy is awful when it comes to woman! He's as bad as Greg lusting over Leone and Petra. I also get the feeling that Tommy/Greg is isomorphic to Kim/Tom from VOY. I liked the cherry remark to!
Ariel... She is one trigger-happy maniac! Either she's seen some combat and still maintains an upbeat tone, or she's way to gungho...
Date: 13 Jun 2012 00:02 Title: Act Two
Hmm... The Tristnor Hegemony has some teeth, but it seems like no Dominion. Good luck Leone trying to find a peaceful way out of this situation!
Date: 12 Jun 2012 23:46 Title: Teaser
Nice way of starting this story off! Cue Saleb and Belkis dramatic entrance! One thing that puzzles me is why Leone always addresses her chief engineer as Petra (the woman's first name). Just struck me as odd...
Date: 24 Mar 2009 20:03 Title: Act Five
A rather dramatic development, but that of course is to be expected. So the two saboteurs turned out to be freedom fighters? That is indeed in Trek's best traditions. ::grins::
Ariel's way of making a point or saying thank you makes me think that she and Will Riker would have been fast friends... ::smirks:: Still, it was refreshing to see her confident stride all across. Though at some point I can't help but wonder if that ship has too many women aboard... LOL.
Powerful rhetoric in the end. Looking forward to the continuation now!
Date: 22 Mar 2009 10:21 Title: Act Five
A heck of an ending! Damn the torpedoes indeed!
Date: 22 Mar 2009 10:12 Title: Act Three
Really like the characters of Greg and Thomas. There's a nice duality to their friendship. They seem to balance one another, a bit like Tom and Harry from Voyager. There's a great witty dialogue between the two. A nice cheerful banter that helps to lighten the mood on the lower decks side.
Greg's faith in the captain is good to see, as is Thomas being fretful about their predicament. It is only natural in light of their circumstances and his being a newbie from the Academy. This is certainly going to be a learning experience for Thomas. As for Greg, his past connections to the Captain could serve him well in the future but it also has to be awkward to be commanded by your one-time babysitter!
Leone and Ariel know the possible cost of their actions but they are in a difficult position. It is only really surprising that Leone has taken to this stage to fully commit to a decision. They have no real choice in the matter, but it doesn't mean it won't bite them in the ass.
Date: 18 Mar 2009 22:21 Title: Act One
Leone in a crisis is calm under fire. Again she impresses and her crew did well in that combat situation. But getting involved in other people's fights tends to land many a Starfleet crew in bother.
Here's hoping the same fate does not befall the crew of the Farragut.
Date: 18 Mar 2009 22:16 Title: Teaser
"We're the ones who brought you here, Captain," explained the lanky man. "You see, we need your help to put an end to this war."
That's one way to explain yourself. Gotta feel for the crew, thrown in at the deep end. But I've a feeling they'll rise to the occassion.