Date: 21 Jan 2014 19:29 Title: Chapter 1
I don't think Lily was stupid, impulsive maybe, out of line sure...but the pain of the handshake could be interpreted as an aggression on the Centurians part. Interesting that a trade station was set up, through diplomatic channels, yet Lily is banned from the planet. But really, after her treatment would she really want to go back? I also thought it was interesting the contrast between the crappy food served on elegant dinnerware and the pastel colors of the prison cell. A well written, tight story.
Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing the bluesman.
Date: 31 Dec 2013 08:04 Title: Chapter 3
Well, that was some exploration of the "needs of the many" argument. I feel for Lily, yet she really did bring it on herself with that punch. Also, Kulei learned some interesting lessons here but I feel she is missing her own responsibility in the initial diplomatic crisis. She showed her own form of aggression and she doesn't seem to have acknowledged that. She also seems to think that her assumption that the court would pardon Lily puts her in the right, but the fact is, by insisting on her arrest, she made it possible for her to go to prison, which, on this world, is apparently a pretty horrifying fate.
An interesting tale which captures the relative "newness" of interstellar relations to that era well, I think. The final frontier, and all that. :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Yes Lily brought it on herself but she realise and acknowledges she was wrong unlike Kulei. I think the protesters will get the point home that Kulei has own responsibility, I known Jalke'i in the USS Ganges Series as a future Centauran in starfleet view Lily better than Kulei.
Date: 31 Dec 2013 07:56 Title: Chapter 2
Oh, my. I felt bad enough for her with the isolation and crappy food, but that last bit was quite the sucker punch. I hope she'll be all right. I'm a little surprised the food robot seems to be the only supervision prisoners get other than the occasional shave. They must be very sure of their security system and really not care if prisoners die.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Yes they were far to sure of their food robots supervision systems.
Date: 31 Dec 2013 07:51 Title: Chapter 1
Kulei is a total bitch, but Lily shouldn't have punched her. This won't end well, I feel.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review
Date: 16 Dec 2013 19:02 Title: Chapter 3
Story rife with the fraught difficulties of first contact. Lily is a brilliant character in showing the weight of command and of the complexities of any first contact. As first contacts goes it was not the regular type we see in Star Trek but one all too likely, all too plausible. Hints to the past of ENT was nice to see. Good work overall FB.
Author's Response: Thank you Mac,
Glad it felt plausible to you.
Date: 31 Jul 2013 23:55 Title: Chapter 3
And it all worked out in the end. Despite enduring such difficult and inhospitable conditions, at least Lily's treatment has brought awareness to the masses that fundamental changes need to be made to the Centaurans' judicial system. Diplomatic ties have been established, thanks to the profound sacrifice of one individual.
It was a very believable and enjoyable first contact tale. There were still a few grammar hiccups, though - not sure if I missed them initially or you missed them when making corrections. No matter. This is an area where you'll continue to improve the more you write - and I hope you have lots more tales planned! Very nice work for your second effort, FalseBill. :D
Author's Response: Thank you for the feedback LBD, glad you found it believable and enjoyable tale. Yes still more work on the grammar is needed, but then I'm aware it need works, but got plenty more tales to created yet :0)
Date: 31 Jul 2013 23:34 Title: Chapter 2
Yep. Maybe she should have thought things through a little more carefully. But it's got to win her and the Federation some brownie points with the Centaurans that she agreed to trust them, right? That the Federation is going through diplomatic channels to secure Lily's release, rather than resorting to saber-rattling and military threats?
I feel it was poor judgment - due most likely to lack of experience with alien cultures - that led the Centaurans to send only robots to deal with Lily for five weeks, never once checking on her physical well-being. This will prove to be a learning curve for both sides, methinks.
Author's Response: Thanks LBD for further feedback, yes I think the Federation being diplomatic rather than saber rattling does help the medium and long term relationship. Yes a learning curve for both sides.
Date: 31 Jul 2013 23:22 Title: Chapter 1
Man, poor Lily. Things got off to the worst possible start. Might be she needs some remedial courses in diplomacy. ;-)
But seriously, this is very plausible as a first contact event. You never know what the real intentions are of the other side, especially if you are the weaker, more technologically inferior of the two. History is fraught with examples of first contacts gone horribly wrong; of races being enslaved or having their customs usurped or completely wiped out by the newcomers.
Hard to say whether Lily was right or not to punch the Ambassador - after all, she was the one who was being physically threatened initially, and it's always possible that the Centaurans were testing her resolve - looking to see if this new race would, in fact, defend itself or allow the Centaurans to walk all over them so to speak.
But was it wise to trust a judicial system she knows nothing about, relying on Kulei's guarantee that it would be fair and impartial? I suppose Lily could have sent the delegation back to their homeworld and the Argonaut could have high-tailed it out of there, but that would have left the first contact in even more of a shambles, with neither side having a reason to trust of believe the other.
Did she make the right choice? We'll see...
Author's Response: Well I'm sure starfleet will be running some remedial course in diplomacy for Lily, if they get her back ;) Hard to say for sure, but I view Lily as action been one of instinctive defence and knowing how easy first contact can go wrong from History, glad you felt it was plausible. I do think Lily saw it as a risk to herself rather than to her crew or the federation, if they gave up and warp out, As for did she make the right choice? you'll see...
Date: 21 Jul 2013 10:49 Title: Chapter 3
I like the fact that political issues and the way this legal system works is mostly at fault for Lily's fate. In fact everyone on the planet wants to do the right thing, but their hands are tight because of their system. This rings very true and is much more believable then the usual spiel of having powerful rulers make arbitrary decisions about these things.
Thankfully the commodore gets to go home in the end and Starfleet should give her a medal for her sacrifice all in the name of first contact. But I'm sure next time, she may handle such a situation a lot different. Maybe she'll refrain from punching somebody in the face. That would be a good start.
I liked this story. Well done.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading to the end and for providing a review all the separate chapters CeJay.
I'm please you like the story and the problems with the legal system rang true for you.
I'm sure Lily will handle the next first contact a bit differently.
Thank you.
Date: 21 Jul 2013 10:43 Title: Chapter 2
I was afraid of something like this happening. The Centaurans clearly have no frame of reference to deal with aliens. Not only considering their different physiology but they also seem to lack any consideration for diplomatic overtures.
They're lucky they didn't do this to a Klingon or their world would be ash now. Of course a Klingon would probably not haven gotten herself in that position in the first place.
Author's Response: Thanks for another review,
Indeed, Lily took a risk and it didn't turn out well.
Yes I hadn't thought of that but I do think a first contact with a Klingon commander, would of seen the Centaurans Home World take a battering.
Date: 21 Jul 2013 10:41 Title: Chapter 1
First contacts are tough but if you end up punching the delegate in the face, you know something went terribly wrong.
Lily is either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid here. With the Centauran's only just having discovered warp drive, they clearly pose no threat to Argonaut and her crew. Which means her only concern here is to create diplomatic ties with these people. But trusting them without knowing a thing about them, is a huge risk.
Also learned something new today. Didn't know about that history of the handshake. Very interesting.
Author's Response: Cheers for the review CeJay.
Indeed not a great way to start a first contact.
I'm going with she was been brave to try and make up for her mistake, thou I could see the case for stupid, It was a leap of faith to prevent any further violence but yes a huge risk.
Happy to share a odd bit of history, that I remember from somewhere.