Date: 30 Jul 2013 04:36 Title: New Orders
Wow, I can only see this going down with much, much nail-biting and rockiness. It almost has to -- a bitter captain and crew, working with people who were their very recent enemies? This chapter was a lot easier for me to get into, though it still doesn't quite have that breathlessly dashing quality a lot of the others have. But it does read good, and it does have lovely grammar, and I liked the TNT. Because it is one line and one nick, but sets up a heck of an expectation, which I think is fabulous.
Date: 30 Jul 2013 04:29 Title: Ashes
All right. What I like: The clean and neat grammar. The different style's somewhat jarring from your usual, but it definitely shows your versatility as an author that you can tackle it anyway. I like your little details in the background, and I liked the way that you put in neat little cultural hints too.
What didn't work for me: It was really, really hard for me to get into. I don't think that's your fault, but I've never been terribly good at reading political machinations, and the chapter ran very long without much in the way of action or motion or forward momentum and I had to fight to keep in it. Like I said, it's definitely not a failing. Just hard for me to grab hold of.
That being said, it's quite delightfully ambitious and I hope you continue it. And your grammar here is stellar.
Date: 20 Jul 2013 22:01 Title: New Orders
Bold choice there Miranda Fave, I think the story well well having both the Cardassian and Federation officers not like the orders for a joint colony mission.
The war scars are dealt with realistically and you do well to cast the Cardassian distaste as been different from the Federation distaste.
Do feel the imagery in chapter one does a good job of showing how wounded the Cardassia are in truth.
While Chapter 2 shows the Federation wound now seem more in their head than on their ships.
Date: 16 Jul 2013 22:40 Title: New Orders
And so the conflict is set up. Not only will Ramon have to lose his ship and go on a mission that he is less than thrilled about, he is going to have to work with a former enemy. The culture clash alone is going to be worrisome. I hope he is diplomatically up to the challenge.
Date: 16 Jul 2013 22:30 Title: Ashes
Of course this makes me think of the mythological Phoenix, rising from the ashes. Garon is no fool, but he also has few reasons to hang around where he is. He's hard to convince, and that is frustrating to Peotic. Garon is right to be cautious, I suspect.
It is a bit like settlers of America going past the Mississippi River maybe 200 or so years ago. You recognize, intellectually, that there is something there. But getting there is a lot of work, and you will likely sustain casualties as you travel. But you need the space, and the land to grow crops, so you go. But if you're smart, you also resign yourself to the fact that there is a very real possibility that you will be digging some graves along the way. I suspect that Garon fears something like that.
Date: 15 Jul 2013 00:12 Title: New Orders
First of all, "TNT", that's an awesome nickname for a Starfleet commodore. Explosive. Albeit she was quite civilized here.
In fact the contrast between the first chapter and the second, and the manner in which the two parties received their new orders was quite telling.
Clearly nobody is happy about them, but TNT was esentially correct, I think. Sometimes you simply gotta do what's right, no matter how you feel about it personally.
I was waiting for Estrada to get to the part where he had to work with the Cardassians. That reaction told us everything. This is going to be an uphill battle from the start.
Date: 11 Jul 2013 19:02 Title: Ashes
A great start to what promises to be an interesting and thought-provoking series. Very sly, that Legate Garon, to be able to see through Peotic's machinations to get him very far from the real decision-making and power struggles that will be inherent as Cardassia attempts to rebuild itself. I'll be curious to see if he can truly disregard/refuse those orders, and where he ultimately winds up in the scheme of things.
Garon's rankling at accepting help from their former enemies rings so true, and is borne out by the history of all defeated people having to rely on their conquerers to help reconstruct their society and/or physical living space. A necessary evil, methinks, but handled properly it can lead to unbreakable bonds of friendship between former adversaries. Glad to see that thinking back on what his wife would have said helped Garon to realize this for himself, no matter how difficult it is to reconcile.
A totally different direction from your tales of the Border Dogs, or Rhapsody Rabbit Gavilan, but again one full of so much promise and potetial, which should be handled skillfully in your capable hands. Very nice work, MF. :D
Author's Response:
Yes it is a different fare but I'm glad you liked it Cuppy and delighted that you read it. Thank you for the words of encouragement and the liking of the tone of this particular story seeing as how it is different.
Garon is a skilled politician himself to have made it to the rank and position he has within Cardassia. It takes careful ministrations of career to do so, to not exactly fester emnity or incur the wrath of Command, especially for a man of principle and ideals such as Garon to do so and not to lose much of those strongly held beliefs. As for working with Starfleet, yes the memory and counsel of his wife is what spurs him and directs Garon. She is his compass when he could easily have lost his way. Working with Starfleet is going to be an extremely difficult challenge but perhaps Garon of all Cardassians might just be the best choice - or he may be the choice of Command for an ulterior reason. Thank you again for reading.
Date: 02 Jul 2013 22:55 Title: Ashes
Well that was a combative meeting. But you did a great job not only to introduce who I presume is going to be a central character, if not the protagonist, to this tale but also setting the scene of a defeated, depressed and angry post war Cardassia.
Like many Cardassians Garon is a fiercely proud and loyal man who cannot stand seeing Cardassia in its current state, being reduced to accepting hand outs from its former enemies.
His somewhat belligerent attitude toward the Federation promises to be story telling gold once he is forced to work with Starfleet to establish this new colony, if it indeed comes to that.
And the there are of course the politics. Garon is clearly no fool and immedialtey gleams that something else is up with this offer to ship him deep beyond the hinterlands of the Union.
Great and auspicious start to what sounds like an exciting tale of not so mutual cooperation between former enemies.
Author's Response:
Thank you CeJay for the read and the review (and the rec in the Review Square Dance). Yes, Garon is a proud and indeed stubborn Cardassian and it galls him to have to now go cap in hand to the Federation for assistance. He will have to swallow some of that pride if he is going to work with a Starfleet crew. He knows, that for now at least, he has to cooperate for the sake of Cardassia. It won't be easy and his attitude may need to change. However, he has good cause to hold his attitude so the difficulty will indeed be finding that middle ground where cooperation for mutual benefit can be found. Hope you continue to read and that the story can hold up to the promise you find in this first chapter. Thank you for the kind words and encouragement.