Reviewer: CaptainSarine Signed [Report This]
Date: 25 May 2015 21:19 Title: Personal Logs

Personal log stories are hard to pull off - it is a fine line to walk between the informal tone needed for the type, the need to give information without making it seem as if you are just dumping information on the reader, and the requirement in any work to actually tell a story, with all that entails. I thought you pulled it off pretty damned well in this, providing a necessary event to set off the log, which allowed you then to bring in lots of different pieces of information. The mental state of the character obviously bring about a lot of the tone of the piece, having him work through the obvious emotions he must be feeling. You did a good job of giving Marshall a voice, giving us the impression of a slightly curmudgeonly, edge of the road captain, not too enamored of the brass and with a lot of anger from his past.

It was nice to see all of the little nods to Star Trek canon - the destruction of the Odyssey, obviously, but also the way that Marshall and his wife's lives intersected with the crew of the Enterprise. I love the fact that his marriage comes about because Riker refused the job on the Monitor: it really enlarges the canvas, showing that the actions of the characters we all love from the TV show and/or movies have impacts beyond what we saw, that there are a million other people whose lives are going on at the same time and that what people like Picard, Riker, Kirk, Sisko, Dax, Janeway and others do would have an effect on them. I think that is an important part of fan fic that you really nailed through this story.

I did think that the ending could have been a little bit more polished - it seemed like Marshall's voice lagged a little in those last few paragraphs, losing some of the bite and flavour it had in the earlier ones. All of that, of course, is only my opinion! :)

A great glimpse at the mindset and past of an interesting character. Nicely done!

Author's Response:

Thank you for the review I appreciate the feedback.  I put the fingers to the keyboard, and knew what events i wanted to cover.  I let Marshall take there.  I found I actually enjoyed writing this, I started out doing it as a challege to myself.  I am very pleased with it, and wanted to share it.  I knew the character's backstory, so I knew what events I had to cover, and had found moments where things could've taken place to fit it within the Star Trek canon.  It was actually the Aries that Riker turned down, but I knew what you meant.  The idea of who took command of the Aries when Riker turned it down is something I've been toying with for several years, so I decided to go ahead and include it here.  You're right, the actions of what the characters do on screen can absolutely have an impact on the fan fic universe, and that's one thing I wanted to show.  I'm glad you liked it.

Maybe the ending wasn't as good as the other portions, but it's the journey the character took me on.  I got to know Marshall a little bit as I prepare to write a larger story.  I appreciate your opinion, and I'm glad you said something.

Thanks for reading.