Date: 28 Sep 2013 18:23 Title: How Long is Long Enough?
Was a nice opening scene between Dossu and Jessica, help set the STO scene well and show why Jessica is a ship captain.
It a nice short scene well paced and with a element of fun in it.
Justine must have had one heck of a dream to realise that the time to grieve might be over and want to come up to the Captian and plant a kiss on her to express her love.
I enjoy the line about acting like she wanting to run out the room, we know why now.
I do wonder if it the declaration of love or the forward nature of it that surprise Jessica the most?
Good job.
Date: 28 Sep 2013 18:13 Title: Drawing a ________
Opps, see Nizeri Sano that why you should read your warnings before accepting them. Still I like how you convey the sense of frustration and boredom of working in Astrometrics lab to cover the ill Benzite officer. It was a nice idea to see a minor illness for once being the background reason for a different officer been on duty.
Still perhaps Nizeri Sano should spend a bit more time working with her junior officers.
Well it was done well and another believable slip up.
Date: 28 Sep 2013 18:04 Title: I Dreamt of You
Sounds like interesting dreams and then the harsh wake up of reality.
Date: 28 Sep 2013 18:02 Title: Break in Command
O I remember this WFW, it made me smile then and the clean up and tidy up is better. I do like Admiral Emory Fortin of the USS Ticonderoga commander of the lucky Seventh Fleet. Sad to see Lt. Seymour Sonia complaints about Jessica circumventing the chain of command by circumventing the chain of command, I was almost hoping for the Admiral to start discipline action against Sonia.
Yes Act like a Starfleet officer, so true.
Date: 28 Sep 2013 17:55 Title: Scars
Dossu looking upon the Majestic scars and wondering how many had died and how many had been saved feel a nice short story. You did a good job describing the damage as the ship docked.
I feel that last line was perfect for ending this story of physical and mental scars.
Date: 28 Sep 2013 17:51 Title: Burnt Offerings
Specialist Keesha Laisure bumping into the captain does feel the sort of awkward thing that could happen on a busy starbase. Then Ken poor attempt at cooking because he want to do something for Keesha and so doesn’t note her message about bring a brought dinner to celebrate.
Still I think Ken seeing logic and then accepting the better idea and end up on the question wine?
Date: 28 Sep 2013 17:44 Title: Pink Leopards
A launder facilities mix up story I did like you using the Vulcan Yaaras to be the straight man to Julian was good choice. Still we now know that Commander Elaina Seurer has pink leopard print under garments.
Yaaras last line is brilliant and I can understand Elaina laughing and Julian running.
Date: 28 Sep 2013 17:34 Title: A Problem With Authority
Mister Sonia attitude problem towards Captain Jessica St. Peter continues. As Lt. Wirstowx tries to mentorship sessions and get thought to Mister Sonia that his behaviour is falling short of expect Starfleet standards.
He is such a whiner and the fact that he can’t see why Jessica is in command not him, despite his personnel failings.
Date: 27 May 2013 16:27 Title: How Long is Long Enough?
No! No, no, no! This is so wrong!
Doesn't Justine know she is kissing the captain, the commander of the Rafale? So yes Justine and Jessica are friendly but surely they know there are personal limits in the line of duty, especially now that Jessica is captain of the Rafale.
I would have been okay with Jessica telling Justine to break off and to tell Justine that they cannot be this friendly or something. But Jessica just goes along with it and it is a scene half reminiscent of two teenage girls unsure of both their friendship, their feelings and even their sexuality.
My problem is not that Justine has the hots for Jessica. The problem is the whole scene destroyed Jessica's image as a captain of a starship, it just shows how immature she is and it smacks to me of a lot of implausibility. Maybe if Justine and Jessica were just ensigns it would work, but as I keep on saying Jessica is the captain of the Rafale, she's supposed to ascend above her personal feelings and keep some manner of detachment from the crew.
I know that the key character in your Rafale series is Jessica, and you just get away with promoting her to lieutenant commander and captain of the U.S.S Rafale. But a scene like that really stretches the plausibility and likelihood of this happening to breaking point.
To sum up, the first six chapters were great snapshots into the various characters of your series, you've got some solid characters there I can tell you; in particular Obruz and Seymour. But as for the last chapter, it has really damaged the credibility of Jessica being a captain and for me that was a disappointment. It is a shame to because I do like Jessica as a character, but this... This is getting a little too soap-like and illogical for Jessica's character development!
Date: 27 May 2013 16:11 Title: Drawing a ________
Computer troubles and deleted files. A curse of this century and in the 24th it seems!
Date: 27 May 2013 16:08 Title: I Dreamt of You
Poor Justine, still thinking about the death of her loved one...
Date: 27 May 2013 16:07 Title: Scars
Obruz... The thing which I really like about this particular character is his waivering faith in the Prophets. Yes he is a believer but he doesn't seem to have blind faith in them (unlike other canon Bajoran characters, Kira Nerys in particular), and it's this spiritual side which I find the most appealing about Obruz.
Date: 27 May 2013 16:04 Title: Burnt Offerings
Poor Ken, clearly decent cooking was something he didn't pick up from his father. Though at least Keesha had the wisdom to anticipate this and save the evening. Why is it that most of these Starfleet types can't cook?
Date: 27 May 2013 15:59 Title: Pink Leopards
Oops! You write comedy and humour really well! And also pink panties... This must Elaina must be a real fox...
Date: 27 May 2013 15:55 Title: A Problem With Authority
Yes, yes, yes! I'm glad someone is questioning Jessica's suitability to be captain of the Rafale! Though she has shown some command talent and Seymour here also explains about how Starfleet is running short of commanders and captains, so you've done well to utilise the manpower shortage Starfleet faces right after the end of the Dominion war.
Date: 26 May 2013 06:45 Title: How Long is Long Enough?
Wow! Didn't really see that coming. I thought in the dream sequence Justine was just superimposing Jessiy on her dead lover. She even said the colors were all wrong...
It'll be interesting to see how Jessiy responds. No matter the answer, it'll irrevocably change the dynamic of their friendship.
You are planning to continue this, right?
Author's Response: Perhaps? ;)
Date: 26 May 2013 06:38 Title: Drawing a ________
Poor Nizeri. We've all been in her shoes, and it's not an enviable position...
Date: 26 May 2013 06:34 Title: I Dreamt of You
Again, a poignant reminder of the lives lost in Dossu's remembering of the battle from the previous chapter. The one that took the life of Justine's lover. Heartbreakingly sad.
Date: 26 May 2013 06:30 Title: Scars
This was very powerful and evocative. The scene came to life under your skillful prose. I wanted to weep right along with Dossu, for the Majestic and the battle he was remembering where so many lives were lost. The battle where Jess' ship saved the majority of the Merville's crew if I'm not mistaken. I was transported right back there with Dossu.
Date: 26 May 2013 06:23 Title: Burnt Offerings
This made me grin from ear to ear! A small moment of levity. At least Ken's heart was in the right place, even if his skills weren't. Lucky he didn't set off the smoke alarms, or worse yet have the Hazmat team show up at Keesha's cabin. ;-)
Date: 26 May 2013 04:52 Title: How Long is Long Enough?
Oh, my.
*beat*
Okay, So Justine likes Jessiy? This doesn't surprise me but it does surprise me that she tells her NOW. Poor Jess, now what's she to do? Caught between in an impossible situation, how does she respond without doing serious damage? How does SHE feel?
I don't know. But I hope these two find some way to be all right, no matter what.
Date: 26 May 2013 03:13 Title: A Problem With Authority
Somebody needs a trip out the goddamn airlock, post haste!
Man, I hate that guy.
Author's Response: Good, then he's doing his job. I hate him too, even in game (and he doesn't DO anything in game!) Be on the lookout for me to launch him, and just don't get in the way.
Date: 26 May 2013 02:55 Title: How Long is Long Enough?
A glimmer of light and love at the end of the tunnel. Nice collection you've woven Temp, very nice.
Date: 26 May 2013 02:00 Title: How Long is Long Enough?
Well, I can't say it totally surprises me, given their history and given what you have written of them. Sweet nonetheless. Looking for more! :)
Date: 26 May 2013 01:28 Title: How Long is Long Enough?
Oh my. How sweet a way to finish things. And of course, we have the brave step of deciding to move forwards. The brave step of trying to make dreams come true. Lovely character work here. Even in the brevity of the pieces we get such a sense of realised persons and stories. Well done TS.