Date: 24 May 2013 01:14 Title: Part Five
Something tells me that even if she escapes, she'll just be exchanging one hell for another. You can see her progression (regression?) from naive, scared ingenue to a hardened shell of a person here. If she's not careful, she'll become the very thing she hates the most.
Date: 23 May 2013 22:40 Title: Part Five
Oh wow. That was cold, man. I was not expecting you to take this in that direction. Still it makes a lot of sense and is the logical (if harsh) direction to go. You describe her feelings very well and we get a true sense of how she has changed. Good job!
Date: 23 May 2013 15:50 Title: Part Five
And now her twist is to shoving every obstacle out of her way. And also to get into a good position. I'm reminded of life under the Soviets, where people were "good" for a while in order to get into some sort of a position where they could be out of the country, whether it was for the Olympics or ballet or just business, and then they'd defect.
Let's see what happens next!
Date: 23 May 2013 07:04 Title: Part Five
She's cold, but so understandably so. After all, he is part of the reason she's in the situation she's in now, and it's an odd mix between kindness and terrible what she does here. I like that ferocity in her. Indeed, now it's time for her to climb back up out of the depths and find her way into the light.
And I do still so very much hope she gets to knock off her so-called master. He really does need to die, and if it's slow and painful, all the better.
Date: 23 May 2013 01:32 Title: Part Four
Dark stuff trekfan. A low low point for her. It seems a natural story telling step to have her consider suicide, it seems the only means of escape for her. A brave choice within an already brave choice of matter to tackle but you do it deftly. You restrain yourself with it and that makes it so effective.
Date: 23 May 2013 00:27 Title: Part Four
As said in the other reviews, you've managed to deal with a subject that could very well be exploitive or trivialized and have been able to tell a story while steering away from those pitfalls. I just hope this is the low point and things will begin to look up for this poor girl.
Date: 23 May 2013 00:24 Title: Part Three
Ouch. That's really tough to give her (and by extension the reader) a glimmer of hope and then tear it away. You describe her fear and hope very well, giving the reader just enough to put ourselves in her shoes. well done!
Date: 22 May 2013 14:36 Title: Part Four
You have picked up on what it's like to be abused, and have done so unflinchingly and also without trivializing it.
Exceptional.
Date: 22 May 2013 07:08 Title: Part Four
Dark. Ouch. Painful. Sad. Get the idea? This is the darkest series you have ever written. Well drawn, but it hurts.
Date: 22 May 2013 07:06 Title: Part Four
The description of her looking at her own burned flesh is very evocative. And the depth of despair she had to reach in order to take such a permanent, desperate way out. We know she doesn't succeed, but it's understandable why she would try. From here, really, I'm not sure there's anywhere else she can go but up, or sideways.
Date: 21 May 2013 23:41 Title: Part Three
Damn. Cruel as life has been to have her hopes dashed has to be crueller still. It will take some fortitude to recover from this set back and no doubt there will be consequences. However, she is using her knowledge and mind to plan escape. Hope remains.
Date: 21 May 2013 14:36 Title: Part Three
King of character torture indeed. Indelible image with the soup.
Date: 21 May 2013 07:11 Title: Part Three
Okay, that was gutwrenching. Her hopes dashed, her dream of escape abandoned for the moment, going in a moment from thinking she's free to realizing she's more screwed than she ever imagined. :(
Date: 21 May 2013 07:04 Title: Part Three
Okay, he needs to die. Good on her for being brave, and I want to beat the ever loving snot out of that security officer. I mean, seriously? How much of a di-- jerk move was that?! He couldn't have just ignored her plea for help?
So, if you want an emotional response to your lass here, you have it. I'd rip out her master's throat with my bare hands. Nicely done!
Date: 21 May 2013 02:51 Title: Part Two
That was better; a ray of hope illuminating the darkness of her world. I hope Tobar does give her the gift of knowledge--it can be a dangerous and powerful weapon.
Date: 21 May 2013 01:15 Title: Part Two
Wow. Two fantastic turns of phrase here:
"This was just another part of her prison, only this part had bars made out of books."
"Knowledge is power... it will lead to great things."
Fantastic! Loved this chapter, especially the hint of hope for this poor girl. I look forward to reading the rest.
Date: 20 May 2013 23:06 Title: Part One
Wow! Moved me almost to tears just reading it. Her fear, and hopelessness, and resignation were palpable. I, too hope things get better for her, not worse.
Date: 20 May 2013 21:48 Title: Part Two
Love the message of hope and the message that knowledge is power and can bring freedom (in so many ways) but let us hope it will help to bring true freedom. Succinct piece that allows a sense of world building in the brevity of it. Well done.
Date: 20 May 2013 21:46 Title: Part One
Ugh. Horrid. Not the writing but the experience you portray here. The details are brief but grim and leave nothing to chance. We know her horrid fate. Hard to write such stuff (I know from my own story) and I commend your approach here and tackling head on the horrible truth for all too many Orion girls.
Date: 20 May 2013 15:32 Title: Part Two
I always hating the go-go dancing, Cecil B. DeMille-style Orion slave girls who are canon, and ENT only went so far in terms of coming to grips with them.
They are slaves. This means that someone owns them, and decides on what happens to them, to their bodies, etc. The reason why African slaves in the US were kept illiterate is because it was obvious that they would foment a revolution.
Let's see what Denera does with this knowledge, where it takes her, and how long it all takes. Well done.
Date: 20 May 2013 07:07 Title: Part Two
Boy, do I hope that she takes that knowledge and find a way to stab her abuser right in the-- and to wreak revenge and escape. Good piece; solid plotting, and a little glimmer of hope.
Date: 20 May 2013 07:07 Title: Part Two
I like that she's evaluating her situation and biding her time, keeping focused on her goal of getting out. This was a much more optimistic piece despite the gilded cage setting.
Date: 20 May 2013 02:43 Title: Part One
Wow...wow wow wow...that is...rough.
Date: 19 May 2013 21:19 Title: Part One
Yikes! As said above, tough stuff. Like Steff, I hope this has a happy ending...
Date: 19 May 2013 18:13 Title: Part One
Egad. Definitely not for the faint of heart.