Date: 27 May 2013 20:52 Title: Chapter 8
Another great Scotty moment, one that shows just how much more comfortable he is in engineering than he ever was in the command chair. The character of Moira is an interesting one to me and one I hope we see more of. For what little we saw of her here she seems to work well with Scotty and that’s always a good thing. Scotty himself, looking to be the steady presence he was, was smart in recording his thoughts in his office in engineering. I really liked that touch.
McCoy healing Kirk up was also well done and easy for me to see while reading. I could imagine that scene without any difficulty at all. You did well in conveying McCoy’s personal need to heal Kirk and make sure he got the best treatment possible. The rest of his staff understood that and gave him a wide birth. I’m glad to see McCoy knows something’s really up with Kirk with the way the man’s eyes just seem to be dead.
I’m worried for Kirk here. He seems way out of it and I don’t know what McCoy is planning to do medically to help the captain. I’m wondering if Spock is gonna have to step in with some Vulcan stuff. We’ll see I guess but this was well done on all counts. I look forward to more.
Date: 27 May 2013 20:43 Title: Chapter 7
Oh man. Where to start here.
Well, the admiralty is continuing their awesome streak of being thickheaded and stubborn in crisis situations. It seems like all the admirals forget what it’s like to be in command of a starship during tough times but at least this one was easy to convince. Bones and Spock put forth a good, solid, argument and really nailed the admiral. Got him to think clearly.
I don’t know what Spock was planning or is planning to do, but I strongly suspect that psycho-tricorder was going to be involved in trying to locate the captain and figure out where he was. Whatever the case was before, it certainly can’t be the same after Kirk showed up in the transporter room.
Poor Kirk. You don’t pull any punches on the description here as he seemed wrecked in about fifteen different ways and certainly has no real idea where he is. He’s messed up in a lot of ways and I wonder what, if anything, Bones can do to undo some of the damage immediately. It looks like this is gonna be a long recovery for Kirk and that’s really going to take a lot of effort from him to heal.
Date: 27 May 2013 20:35 Title: Chapter 6
Oh, the Romulans are brainwashing Kirk and using him for some devious purpose. They’re repeating the same actions over and over again but Kirk has Spock. He’s got Spock in his back pocket and he used that image, that feeling, that bond to open the link they shared and give Spock some clues. But man, Kirk is in trouble in a big way. Whatever these Romulan chicks are doing they’ve apparently done it many times, are well practiced at it by experimenting on the rest of Kirk’s party.
But that brings up the question on how the Lieutenant escaped. She claims she killed all the other men but then we have one survivor, wrecked, but perhaps he has the key. Maybe he knows where the captain is or maybe he knows how to escape.
Or maybe he’s a plant, which is what I’m figuring. He’s there to help Kirk in whatever devious ploy the Romulans got going on. Whatever the case maybe, I don’t trust the young lieutenant. I just don’t like it now that Kirk is in the final stages of his very rough (but apparently enjoyable) brainwashing routine. These Romulan chicks are bad news though and I can’t help but wish a well placed photon torpedo at them.
Date: 27 May 2013 20:28 Title: Chapter 5
Ah, this chapter was pure Scotty win. He was just sang Scotty here. You’re opening lines, about being self-reliant, was spot on and right on the money. Scotty in command is something we didn’t see a ton of in the Original Series and I always thought that was because he wanted to be back in engineering at all costs. He really didn’t want command and here he once again tries to give it away to Spock. But Spock refuses.
So Scotty steps up and heads to outpost three where they find poor Lieutenant Jefferson. I didn’t think it would be Kirk though McCoy’s not wrong to think that here, because Kirk was the most valuable member of that landing party. Jefferson was one of the first crew to be tortured he looks to be the worst for it. Aged 30 years in one sitting? That’s rough stuff.
Commander Orr tries to be a big dog here but Scotty cuts him down to size fast. He’s not playing, Mr. Scott, and he completely owns Orr like no one’s business. I’m still worried about him though as it seems more and more like Scotty is in the process of breaking down. He’s exhausted, booze is hitting him like a MAC truck, and now he’s got all this command stuff on his plate. I feel like McCoy might just knock Scotty out for the good of the man but only if he can get Spock back.
Date: 27 May 2013 20:18 Title: Chapter 4
Wow, a couple of surprises here. Pon Farr for Spock, which is a nice nod back to The Original Series. You don’t see pon far get mentioned all that much after Spock goes through it then. It’s only hinted at in Star Trek III between him and Saavik in that movie. It gets a few more mentions in Voyager, but I always thought that it should be revisited by Spock again in an official story.
And here it is. McCoy once again is showing just why he’s the best doctor in the fleet. He’s done his due diligence since he got blindsided by pon far last time, he’s done his research, and he knows what he needs to. Spock compliment (and thanks) for McCoy’s efforts should mean a lot to the doctor. Both of them now know the score, thankfully but both are still worried about Kirk.
As well they should be because the Romulans seem to have really, really messed him up. He’s forgotten important things and they’re playing with his mind. They’re using his one weakness, women, to get at him and they’ve done it well. Whatever is going on it seems that they need Kirk to be out of it and not of sound mind to play their game. I’m hoping Kirk can pull through as this type of torture is the worst (I myself have had a character go through a similar torture process) and poor Kirk is gonna be wrecked at the end of it in all likelihood. I hope he manages to pull through but I feel Bones and Spock are gonna have to rescue Kirk from the clutches of his captors.
Date: 27 May 2013 20:07 Title: Chapter 3
Well, looks like McCoy has a plan. The psycho-tricorder is a cool idea and one that vaguely reminds me of the way Spock modified his tricorder in “The City on the Edge of Forever” when he used it recall some of Earth’s history. This is what I imagined it to be and it turned out sort of like that. McCoy and Spock, sharing a private moment in the doctor’s office, was well done. I liked the dynamics between the two here and the wordplay, limited as it was. The two men don’t need to deliver tons of sentences to one another, they just do.
Scotty’s whiskey is an interesting thing. I’m wondering if it’s a red herring or perhaps if it’s been poisoned by a Romulan spy? I don’t know for sure. My first thought was that Scotty was suffering from something to do with his treatment from that wound he suffered earlier. McCoy didn’t seem to think so though and his tricorder scan must have ruled it out. I’m a bit worried about Scotty as he seems the next one to fall.
Spock certainly has fallen though. Something is definitely wrong with him and what it is seems unrelated to the Captain’s disappearance … it started before the Captain reached out to him using the link but maybe this is a result of that. I’m hoping Spock’s all right, but I can’t be sure.
Date: 27 May 2013 19:55 Title: Chapter 2
Whoa, Kirk is in a bad way. It took me a few lines to be sure this was Kirk but the description you provided was more than enough to make me believe it was Kirk. The man in gold, the golden hair … nicely done. The way you describe all the things going through Kirk’s subconscious mind, the way he seems disoriented on some things and yet completely sure about others is what I imagine it would be like. It reminds me of waking up from a very deep sleep, a long nap as it were, and you’re not sure what’s going on or where you are, but you are sure you’re there wherever there is.
Spock’s mental link to Kirk is here as well, a nice touch and one that I like to see in these types of stories. The Kirk/Spock bond is one of the most important bonds of the Original Series and though McCoy is just as important, he’s important in a different way to the other two. Spock has reached out to help Kirk, Scotty is just trying to keep the ship together, and the Romulans are involved.
When the Romulans are involved nothing can be assured. They are some twisted, devious people and one of my favorite species to write because of the constant planning and plotting they do. You never know for sure what their true goals are and I’m wondering if they’re torturing Kirk for information or maybe they’re using him as bait for someone more. We’ll see I guess, won’t we?
Date: 27 May 2013 19:43 Title: Chapter 1
And so begins what looks to be a great story. I love the way you painted the battle wounded and weary Enterprise crew here. McCoy and Scotty, two vets of the ship, just looking tired and feeling it as well. The dialogue between McCoy and Scotty really rings true to me and I have to say I was quite happy to see McCoy doing his doctor thing. The way he sniffed out Scotty’s wound, by taking a guess but making a logical assessment (which I have no doubt Spock would have loved to been there to witness) is just money.
McCoy works his magic here in what look to the movie era, post-TWOK (as the white turtleneck undershirt to the uniforms seems to give that away) but whatever time it is the ship is hurt and pretty bad off. Then we have Spock, who just bursts into the room, throws up an eyebrow and annoys McCoy by his very presence.
I partially agreed with Scotty here that command should have been turned over to Spock, as he’s the ranking officer, but then Spock also a point in that the captain gave command to Scotty. So, I don’t know where to really go there … is that coming into play? No idea. But Spock seems to have refused command due to something going on with him physically. Looking forward to more.
Date: 18 May 2013 08:44 Title: Chapter 5
I'm in the middle of about fifty thousand things, but wanted to leave a quick note that this:
"Wrong, sir. As Acting Captain of the USS Enterprise, I have the same powers as her regular captain. I can even convene a court martial for you or any of your men who choose to interfere with my men during their investigation or any part of the execution of their duties here..."
...is very awesome, and very bada**. Nice!
Author's Response: Thank you, SLW. I am glad you like it. I've always thought that Scotty had that side to his personality, and would be just as capable of command as anyone else, though he preferred puttering around with the engines.
Date: 16 May 2013 19:07 Title: Chapter 4
I like the added sense of vagueness, hinting that it might not be pon farr at all, and the increasing sense of mystery surrounding the captain. It's curious how calm Katrin is after it was hinted that the Enterpirse was involved in some sort of tussle.
And just something to note: pon farr isn't capitalized as Pon Farr. It's not major, and really it's just a nitpick. But just so you know!
Author's Response: Thanks, KobayashiMaru13. Good point about Katrin. I will have to look back at the story and see why that is, though I suspect that there are two reasons for the sense of calm. One, the tussle was not with her people, and two, the Enterprise is there to help her people. If that is not clear in the story, however, I have more work to do to make it so. Thanks for pointing it out. I will check on that right away.
Date: 16 May 2013 05:14 Title: Chapter 1
First, I like your descriptions. And your characterization, right off the bat looks solid. I'm also intrigued by the premise, too. Where could Spock possibly be going more important than the Enterprise? What happened to them, that landed them in such a beaten and battered position? I definitely look forward to finding out!
But, because I'm hopelessly me, I do have some concrit:
Leave off the accent. Scotty's accent wasn't actually all that strong, and layering it on thick really throws me as a reader. Mostly, he uses the usual contractions -- can't, don't, won't, shouldn't. Under stress, as he is here, I could really see it thickening... but not quite to that degree. So, if you'd like a wee suggestion, I'd suggest toning it down a bit, aye?
Otherwise, it's absolutely awesome to see more TOS-era stuff. As always. XD
Author's Response: Thank you for the critique, SLWalker. I agree wholeheartedly about the accent :-). It trips me up to write it, also, though I've heard it most of my life, and still hear it in my head when I write Scotty. At any rate, you should see it toned down considerably in future chapters, as well as future re-writes. I am glad you like the story, and I hope to see more reviews from you. They really help me with my writing, and I really appreciate readers taking the time to critique. So, again, thanks much.
Author's Response: Thank you for the critique, SLWalker. I agree wholeheartedly about the accent :-). It trips me up to write it, also, though I've heard it most of my life, and still hear it in my head when I write Scotty. At any rate, you should see it toned down considerably in future chapters, as well as future re-writes. I am glad you like the story, and I hope to see more reviews from you. They really help me with my writing, and I really appreciate readers taking the time to critique. So, again, thanks much.
Date: 15 May 2013 17:52 Title: Chapter 3
Things are definitely going downhill fast for the senior crew! Even Scotty's in a bit of a mess. I'm eager to see where this all leads. Keep it up!
Date: 14 May 2013 14:54 Title: Chapter 2
A nice start. I'm a big fan of the Romulans, so I'm curious to see where you go from here. On top of that, I'm left wondering what exactly's up with Spock. It sounds suspiciously like pon farr, or maybe even Tuvan Syndrome. Can't wait to see what's next!
Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review, KobayashiMaru13. I've always liked the Romulans. They are more subtle than the Klingons, and therefore more dangerous. As for what's going on with Spock, I can't tell you that without spoiling the story ;-), so I will just thank you again for reading, and hope you continue to follow along.
Date: 12 May 2013 10:21 Title: Chapter 1
Hey there! Would you mind fixing the formatting by putting line-breaks between your lines of dialogue about halfway down, and anywhere else between paragraphs you might have missed?
And as a random aside, I'm not sure exactly why the 'I don't write slash' note. ;-) If it's not marked slash, I'm relatively sure it won't be mistaken.
Author's Response: Thank you, SL Walker. I am still rather new with posting things to this site, and haven't quite figured out how formatting and everything works. And wasn't sure what should go in the story notes section, so was more or less shooting in the dark, to be safe. ;-)