Date: 14 Apr 2013 23:34 Title: Chapter 4
Nice development and of course nice way to give some info on the sharks and world build the Trek history in little ways with references to WW3 etc.
Date: 14 Apr 2013 23:30 Title: Chapter 3
Why it's Carol Marcus and the The Cetacean Institute of Sausalito. Love details like that in an AU, subtle but effective nods to the canon.
Author's Response: I probably got that from Peter David. Knowing nods and details from the canon. Then again I always like that little detail all the way through.
Date: 14 Apr 2013 23:25 Title: Chapter 2
OMG. Straight into the chill factor. Very jawsesian in the feel and set up, quite a skill to give an homage to that and set it in Trek times. And Speilbergian to pull the rug on us like that too.
Date: 14 Apr 2013 23:22 Title: Chapter 1
Ok, I don't normally key into AUs that are so alternate - Kirk and Mitchell as lifeguards - but hey the challenge has brought me here and so has Cuppy's recommendation. From the first chapter however I can say despite the fact the life Kirk is now leading in this AU is quite pedestrian by his standards, you somehow managed to ground things so that I buy into it.
Particularly smart is having the focus here on Mitchell and his inclusion makes things familiar and safe allowing for the buying into this AU and makes for an interesting exploration of what of for this character. Also one has to appreciate the humour that follows with this.
Author's Response: The idea came in a roundabout way that I don't recall. Deep into bashing the Beach Boys' "That's Why God Made the Radio" album I suspect. I don't think San Francisco has lifeguards as how I thought them. Not even in 2257.
Date: 17 Mar 2013 06:16 Title: Epilogue
You should keep this going - forget Baywatch, we now have Mitchell instead of Hasselhoff.
But seriously, this could be a good AU fit for Mitchell. In TOS he was killed off before we had a chance to know him. This could be his chance to shine...
This was a good fit for the challenge, and completely different from the approach the rest of us took. While we showed 'what might have been' within the context of the 'real' universe, you were the only one who took the bold step to place a character firmly in an alternate universe and leave him there. Bravo, sir. :D
Author's Response: Thank you most kindly as always LBD. Mitchell needed exposing and well...he got it here. :)
Date: 17 Mar 2013 05:58 Title: Chapter 8
A satisfying end - but we knew they'd prevail. Quite a good team, the three of them. It'd be interesting to see where they'd go, were their adventures to continue...
Date: 17 Mar 2013 05:43 Title: Chapter 7
A tense, nail-biting chapter. Will they get the beast?
And, of course, Kirk got the girl...;-) Some things never change.
Date: 17 Mar 2013 03:41 Title: Chapter 6
I'm really liking this. Besides the obvious nod to 'Jaws' (as TS said, the 'bigger boat' line would've rocked) the little, subtle nods - to Roy Scheider, to Robert Ballard, to ENT - just make this mesh really well, with our reality, and with the Trek world. Keep up the good work. :D
Author's Response: looking at it after Temp's comment, I think the closest I got was Kirk's "We're going to need a better gun" in Chapter...7 or whenever Mitchell faces down the shark.
Date: 17 Mar 2013 03:29 Title: Chapter 5
Man, the mayor wants the beach open. Some things never change, even in the 23rd century, like valuing money over the lives of tourists. Glad to see that cooler heads (Mitchell and Kirk) prevailed, and the beach was closed.
And is Mithcell right - are Kirk and the Cetacean biologist getting 'cozy'? Again, some things never change...;-)
Author's Response: Yeah, I figured if one thing was constant it was Kirk and Carol. Though Carol remains frosty on Gary.
Date: 17 Mar 2013 03:19 Title: Chapter 4
Interesting opposing points of view here - bait the shark so they can kill it, or assume it's already left the area and that no one else is at risk.
And poor Gary - you're already getting me to feel for the guy. I'd started watching TOS in the middle of the second season, so was already quite fond of members of the crew by the time WNMHGB rolled around. Not that I wanted Gary dead, but given a choice between him or Kirk, or Spock...but again, you've made him a sympathetic character - brought him to life if you will - and I'll never be able to watch that episode again without thinking of this and feeling more for Gary than I did before...
Author's Response: I think, what you see of Mitchell before the Barrier shows he's a good man. He's Kirk's womanising and bravado side ramped up a bit more but like Kirk he has good intentions perhaps. Imagine if Mitchell had stayed as a sort of first officer, right through into the movies.
Author's Response: I think, what you see of Mitchell before the Barrier shows he's a good man. He's Kirk's womanising and bravado side ramped up a bit more but like Kirk he has good intentions perhaps. Imagine if Mitchell had stayed as a sort of first officer, right through into the movies.
Date: 17 Mar 2013 03:03 Title: Chapter 3
Loved the surprise Cetacean biologist. Great way to get people we know together in this universe as well, albeit with different jobs and for different reasons.
The flow of dialogue in this chapter was so good - I could so hear Mitchell and Kirk bantering back and forth like that. And the biologist - some great one-liners there. It'll be interesting to see if/how these three come together to tackle the bigger problem.
Date: 17 Mar 2013 02:52 Title: Chapter 2
Man oh - poor Kate. Your attention to detail is great BTW - the fog, the cold water, the currents, the bridge being partially swallowed by the fog.
And this was so tense - great way to set the mood for the rest of the piece.
Date: 17 Mar 2013 02:39 Title: Chapter 1
Nice start. And I like that the focus is more on Mitchell than Kirk. He was a character with potential, and as you seem to have a soft spot for the underdeveloped characters, I'm sure he'll come through bigger than life at the end of your virtual pen. :D
Date: 15 Mar 2013 07:02 Title: Chapter 1
Just when you thought it was safe to go in the water...
It was a pretty well done story, the setting was great. Never could picture Kirk as the surfer/life guard type, but you did a pretty good job sticking him in that role. Would have liked to see a line about needing a bigger boat (unless I went blind somewhere in there and missed it), but that would have just been bonus. Very nice job, bud!
Author's Response: thank ye. A younger Kirk might've done well as a surfer type. The Shatner career that wasn't. I think I was consciously avoiding doing Jaws too much, hence no 'boat' line :)
Date: 05 Mar 2013 08:05 Title: Chapter 2
The dialog is very good in this story. And you do a great job setting the scene!...Gary comes off as a real person here and will be fun to watch where you take him. I can see Gary Lockwood (was that his name) clearing in these scenes in my mind.
Author's Response: thanks, I'm glad Lockwood is coming through. Great actor in so much of what he's done.
Date: 04 Mar 2013 20:44 Title: Epilogue
Beautifully done.
I've always liked Gary Mitchell, and the viewer should wonder - how/why are he and Jim friends? There must be a history there. And lo, you have supplied it, along with what is naturally a great deal of trauma.
And of course there's Carol's own history as well.
Great shout-outs to The Voyage Home and also a smidge of ENT.
Author's Response: thank you Jesph. I too have always liked Mitch and watching the second pilot makes me wish we saw more of him before he met his end. The theory is that he was a ladies man and though the story didn't do that much of it, it did its best. TVH and ENT tended to draw themselves in without realising. Carol seemed a natural fit for the biologist...Gillian would've taken too much explaining :)
Date: 04 Mar 2013 19:46 Title: Chapter 1
Love the Jaw reference (one of my favorite movies of all time). I like how you mention common items (Jaws--Pizza) things like that. It makes the story all that more real so that the reader can identify with it...great job!