Date: 25 Apr 2014 14:22 Title: Chapter 1
A wonderful way with setting scenes and introducing characters and giving little insighs into the potential of their backstory and future stories is laid out in a compact chapter. You made sure to give the protagonist, Marshall, a depth and omplicated backstory without it being anything over the top or superfluous. Nicely done.
There are a few hooks here, such as where is his wife Hightower off to? What is the emergency that requires her departure so quickly and will this play into the future of the story for Marshall? The ending of the chapter however, lacks a certain hook factor to make me rush into the next chapter or give a feel for what is going to happen next. Otherwise though, a strong introduction to captain, ship and some of the crew.
Date: 31 May 2013 03:47 Title: Chapter 1
I served for many years in the US Navy and your change of command ceremony was perfect...You have an interesting mix of original characters that I hope we find out about more as this story continues. Keep it coming!
Author's Response:
Thank you for the review. My conern with that scene was actually getting the change of command ceremony correct because the only tine we had actually seen one portrayed was during the TNG episode Chain of Command. It's nice to know I got it right.
Date: 25 May 2013 05:49 Title: Chapter 1
Well, quite a chapter. Where to start?
The beginning, I suppose. The Constitution ... I like that choice. So many pathfinder ships, the ones built at the beginning, seem to be forgotten about and used as nothing more than test beds. I'm glad to see this ship with its long history get a proper due.
Alex Marshall seems to come from a long line of command officers and it has to be tough to follow in his dad's footsteps, especially after all that happened aboard that ship. The surprise visit by his mother was a nice touch. He seemed to really appreciate that.
The banter between him and Anita (his wife or someone elses? Hmm) was well done. This era is a really rich one to explore, the "Wild West" era of Starfleet where cowboy diplomacy and take charge, hands on captains were the flavor of the day.
The other crew looks interesting and I'd like to see more about them in future chapters. I'd also like to hear more about the former Captain Marshall, who seems like a great guy.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review, I appreciate it.
I chose the Constitution for one simple reason, it was a ship we knew was around, but we never saw it. I felt like it was a very clean slate to work with, more so than choosing one of the other ships in it's class.
I had originally not killed Brad Marshall off in an earlier draft, but I opted to go back to way I orginaly wrote it before the dead father plotline came up in Star Trek (2009). I did have the elder Marshall paralyzed, and as a Dean at Starfleet Academy, I think it works better the way it is now, and gives Alex some internal struggles to contend with. The surprise visit by Nora was originally intended to be Brad, but when I decided to go ahead and kill off Brad, it was an easy rewrite to give those lines to Nora instead. I think it made it better in the end.
I enjoyed writing the banter between Alex and Anita. Yes they are married, and I have made a slight revision to reflect that now. They have a definate backstory which I'm hoping to explore in a future story that I already have outlined. You're right it is a very rich era to explore, and because it's more cowboy diplomacy. The fact that it takes hours or days to get a response from Starfleet Command helps too.
More will be revealed about the crew in later chapters. There will be more revealed about Brad Marshall throughout this story and any future stories.