Date: 17 Feb 2015 15:22 Title: Enjoy the Ride
I never knew Ariel's full name. That's quite a mouthful! And OMG, I'm sure she'd be an AMAZING bounty hunter. Plenty of talents at her disposal to get that job done.
This was a fun read. I've been playing a lot of Halo lately with my kids and it reminded me of that, what with the combat suits and the rifles and the grenades and the running through metal corridors. Their quarry was more Grunt than Elite, though. :)
Date: 12 Dec 2013 22:57 Title: Enjoy the Ride
Interesting AU take on both of your regular characters, was interesting to see how the life of bounty Hunters affected both, was interesting take and you did a fine job as always of showing the problems of Bounty Hunting in the depth of space.
Date: 07 Dec 2013 08:34 Title: Bellerophon
I really liked seeing how Randy managed to find his feet. And he stuck with his own crew, too! Which I think speaks well of him, and frankly, I think that it will do a lot for his ability to lead them through the rest of this. Or, at least, I hope it does. A terrific little story.
Date: 07 Dec 2013 08:25 Title: Bellerophon
Dominic is a darling here. Charismatic and genuinely helpful, all at once. I pretty sort of love how he goes and talks to Randy and tries to bolster his confidence some, especially by appealing to what it is that he's good at and pointing how just how relevant it is to what he thinks he isn't.
Date: 07 Dec 2013 08:18 Title: Bellerophon
Oh, man. Leanne got spanked. Mind, I kind of knew that was going to happen, because no matter how you feel, taking over command like that without so much as requesting permission (which is its own can of worms) is just not kosher. But even so, it was kind of delightful to read her getting a smack down. Regardless of how she feels about his command abilities, she was in the wrong -- further, though, who knew how good or bad he did the first time around? This is the fifth, of course she can program the computer to do what she wants it to. But in real life, there aren't any do-overs.
Well played so far. Let's see where this goes.
Date: 08 Sep 2013 18:23 Title: The Sacrifice of Agamemnon
I was please to see that this follow up story to your original Agamemnon story exists and I do hope you’ll find time after your next full speed ahead novel to do more.
While the writing is a bit jumpy for more liking I note the story age and your previous comments in the Agamemnon response and so I wouldn’t count it against the story.
Using t’Aimne personnel log from the end of the original story to open this is a good idea as it establishes no time has pass between the two stories. Plus t’Aimne thoughts and feelings as she looks around the Starfleet quarters and compares it to what she would get on a Romulan ship. I have to agree with her that Richard skill with spoken Romulan is a little to good for his explanation.
The new officers seem to be setting the scene for more story in the future, as the doctor especially seems to be a walk on part, though the spaceport security been talking into moving medical supplies without the right paperwork, didn’t seem to sit right for me. I wonder if this is going to come back and force a certain Ensign to drink his future meals?
Jesara reaction to the Romulan on the bridge felt at first right, but on reflection shouldn’t someone of told her there was a Romulan exchange officer onboard before she assume her post?
Still enjoyable read, more please?
Date: 08 Sep 2013 15:42 Title: Agamemnon
Well that was interesting choice to skip the actually raid, but I can understand it very hard to write a good space battle raid and focusing on the aftermath was a good way to close this story.
So Grayum got his Captain pip and a marriage to Missy, something tells me he’s got a nice retirement to look forward to.
Richard and Halley little hart to hart at the end of the party, show how two very different officers in the fleet can have very different experiences and how the Captains you serve under affect the members of the crew mindset.
Ending the story with t’Amnie personal log on serving with the Agamemnon was remarkable but inspired choice as it shows that she beginning to see from her Tal Shair master propaganda messages and see the reality of the Federation. Though I think her last line is the most telling hope for peace but preparing for war.
Cheers for the Author words at the end, I see they a follow up story, which is good as I think this cast/crew have more stories in them.
Date: 08 Sep 2013 15:25 Title: Agamemnon
Now to see Grayum views via his personnel log makes clear how his imminent retirement is so to the forefront of his mind. Plus Grayum views of Richard as his new first officer when he compares it to Halley acting XO might show why the discipline problems might of a risen in the first place.
Good to see that he still has the sense not to full trust t’Anmine yet despite her impressive performance in the battle.
Though just slip shot a damaged enemy vessel in the direction of the federation Border seems slight risky as they a chance another Breen ship could rescue it first. Plus the whole action while I understand ahead of an assault, it does strike me as a little more aggressive than I of expect from a federation ship especially as the Breen ship was technical doing nothing wrong other than defending it realm from an intruder (the Agamemnon).
Date: 08 Sep 2013 15:15 Title: Agamemnon
Again good use of the official and private logs to open the chapter, Interesting that t’Aimne seems to want to make friends and integrate herself into the team.
Thou the Captain and the XO uneasy with having her in the chain of command does seem that they are second guessing themselves, never a good thing.
So it would seem that the cloaking device clearly isn’t working correctly for the Breen ship to discover them so easily. Still it would seem t'Aimne is a very good shot, plus she despite her Romulan mind set she try to anticipate Grayum wishes for the engagement.
Nicely done.
Date: 08 Sep 2013 15:01 Title: Agamemnon
I do like the use of contrasting Richard first officer log with his personnel log for the same day. Including the earlier hint of the return of discipline by the captain was a good idea.
The effect of a Romulan Star Navy officer on the Bridge especially one assign to tactical is very unorthodox situation and it was interesting to see Richard discipline help him while Halley’s show her up.
The briefing room is a good scene and I think you lay the first hints about khre'Arrain personality but her note not to under estimate the first officer again. Is her decision to use the Federation rank of Lt. commander a mechanism to lay her new shipmates into a false sense of security I wonder? The voice sealed crates for personal items does seem OTT but thinking what the Tal Shiar and the common level of Romulan paranoid is like perhaps it just a common sense security habit for a Romulan officer.
I think it was a nice touch to add that the people who are not familiar with the commander Grayum accent drawl do not always quite catch what he is saying. Shall be interesting/curious to see how t’ 'Aimne fits in with the command structure going forward.
Date: 08 Sep 2013 14:40 Title: Agamemnon
Good opening to chapter two, Heather and Halley in the mess hall, allowing Gage resentment to be spelt out, and then the arrival of Rich and the PADDs, given them a chance to try and make peace only for it to lead to further arguments and hopefully a forward working solution.
The odd call-sign names for Admiral Davis and Admiral Porter add depth to the story, as does commander Grayum feeling of nervousness around them.
I do wonder if it telling that on hearing his x-ray mission that his first thoughts are if he make him a an captain and what stretch of beach to buy on Risa.
Seeming a risk chance mission by the federation to see what the rogue Breen are up to. Be interesting to see how the Romulan operative fits in with the ill discipline crew.
Author's Response:
Even on encrypted frequencies, ships and bases use callsigns. The addition of 'Six' to end of a callsign on a base or ground support unit usually means that they're the commanding officer. On ships, it's 'One' (ie: Agamemnon-One). I know in Battlestar Galactica, they used 'Actual' but that's Army usage, and I'm all Navy/Coast Guard.
Grayum's disposition has to do with his intent to retire as a post Captain. All of his classmates at the Academy have either retired or outrank him. In military organizations, if you're standing still, you're getting passed up by other officers. Grayum's been in command of Agamemnon for too long.
Thanks for reading!
-- MDg
Date: 08 Sep 2013 13:41 Title: Agamemnon
Interest opening, clearly something is not right on the Agamemnon discipline. You've done a good job a setting up this one, from the former acting first officer Halley dislike/resentment of Richard arrival.
I felt the description of the Apollo class bridge was well thought out and felt believable and logically.
I wonder if we found out more about Richard time on the fearless.
The underlying implication that Captain Hank is letting things slip out on the border and is seeming reliance on Yeoman Missy to keep things in order, seem to go with all the other small things like non regulation uniforms and hair outside of regulations.
Good Job
Author's Response:
Last note first, it's actually not unusual for a yeoman to take care of the captain's business to a certain extent. In the US Navy, yeomen are senior NCOs (a captain's yeoman might even be a chief or senior chief, depending on the size of the ship and the rank of the captain). Missy being a third-class petty officer was meant to indicate that Hank's status and ship didn't merit a senior NCO to look after him, but it doesn't make her any less capable.
Thanks for reading!
-- MDg
Date: 03 Sep 2013 22:48 Title: Agamemnon
(Since you wrote this some time ago, I realize some of what I have to say may be less relevant compared to your current style. With that in mind...)
This is an interesting piece, but I think one thing that needs work is the level of exposition.
For example, at the beginning, you have a good arrival situation, with conflict and unmet expectations right off the bat. This is great because it's a good way to suck everyone in: James' reactions show us things about him, rather than telling them, and likewise their reactions to him show us things about them.
However, we have to wade through two expository paragraphs to get to that. I think chopping that up and sprinkling it over the scene would open up the throttle and made for a more engaging introduction, letting us get right to the real meat of James' arrival: that his posting is not going to be smooth sailing for him.
This is in contrast to t'Aimne's introduction. We get a quick description of her in between some action going on, and don't linger. It's a really good flow.
Speaking of t'Aimne. I liked her a lot because she was far less the prototypical Romulan woman you see in so much of the Trek series. It's easy to see how the crew might react negatively (or not) to her, but some of the things she does indicate (to us, the readers) they should withhold judgement and get to know her. The 'viinerine' scene comes to mind here. I loved that as an interaction scene; it made me want to see more of her, as a contrast to James. They're both out of their element, and reacting to one another and everyone else in a variety of interesting ways.
I also think this is a piece that, given the length (shortish), might have done better with a more limited POV. I don't mind seeing everyone's views, because they all have fascinating outlooks on their situations, but given the nature of the story, it might make it punchier. For example, if it was all from t'Aimne's and James' POVs, you would have a direct comparison of two fish out of water who conflict with everyone for different reasons.
Author's Response:
First, it's not really a story. :) This is a four-character sketch in 15,000 words.
Yeah, I would say this is pre-workshop for me, since it was written in 2002 (wow, over a decade ago). Agamemnon is definitely not indicative of learned lessons, professional mentoring, and other improvements I've made to my craft. But, I don't like revising past pieces because it's a neat thing to read what I wrote to see the differences.
I intentionally chose four points of view for a reason (James, Hank, t'Aimne, and Halley). It might've been pushing it, but I remember feeling it needed a fuller perspective to really tell the story. Essentially, the entire theme is change. Change for James in venue, change for Hank in retirement with the honors he felt he was deserved, change for t'Aimne for obvious reasons, and change for Halley in conflicting ideologies. Maybe I bit off more than I could chew at the time, but I was happy with the result and I still am. There's a reason why I wanted to spend more time with t'Aimne, and did so a little in Sacrifice and To Triumph.
t'Aimne is the typical Rihannsu from the Duane quadrilogy. You say prototrypical Romulan like there was one in the Trek series... I always felt they got the short end of the writing stick, because it seemed like all their posturing and plotting was handed over to the Cardassians in DS9.
Thanks for reading and I hope you'll check out my more recent pieces, which I think is markedly improved over my very old stuff :)
-- MDg
Date: 23 Aug 2013 03:37 Title: The Sacrifice of Agamemnon
So far, so good.
I notice you have to recap the earlier story, and I have had to do it, and, honestly, it's sometimes the kind of exposition that has got to get out there but it can be difficult to make it look good. But you got it out there quickly, and now it's done.
Similarly to the previous story, a lot of the action is taking place in a more expository fashion.
I like how Low handled the foul-up; that was good thinking on his part. And Jesara, James is right; it's best for her to be on high alert but he could have avoided the incident by keeping her better informed. He's also right to give her the bit of extra work to do, and to keep it off the record.
Date: 22 Aug 2013 21:33 Title: Agamemnon
Well, I'm glad that my suspicions were unfounded. Personally, I would have liked to have seen the party more, rather than being told what had happened after the fact. Party scenes can be a bear, though, as the POV keeps switching as you move from one knot of people to another one.
Then again, I have a lot of trouble writing space battles. So a chacon son goute.
I like your characters, but I'm not so sure that I know them much. It was wise to concentrate on only a few people, but the unfamiliarity meant that I, the reader, was more dependent upon exposition. I was told that Missy has a warm smile, but it didn't seem like I felt Rick (or anyone else) feeling its effects, if that makes any sense.
The plot is a good one, a standard fish tossed into a new pond sort of tale. And in this case, there were two new fish, but we really only get a handle on one of them and not so much the other. Is there more of a back story around for t'Aimne?
Also, are the stories intended to be self-contained vignettes? I confess I have not read much of your work, but I am curious as to whether/when the vignettes perhaps begin to meet.
Author's Response:
t'Aimne gets a better treatment in Sacrifice of Agamemnon, and To Triumph, for sure.
TQB is intended to be self-contained (somewhat), though I do namedrops in the other stories (Dallas, for example).
Thanks for reading!
-- MDg
Date: 22 Aug 2013 21:24 Title: Agamemnon
Oh, you never relax, Hank!
I'm reminded of a thousand different old cop shows, where the guy who's about to retire is always the one who gets it.
But I agree with him that t'Aimne's work gained Rick's admiration and respect. She does too many things far too perfectly.
Date: 22 Aug 2013 21:19 Title: Agamemnon
They were discovered, I feel, way too quickly. The beam seems to have been tailor-made for that purpose, telling me there is a leak somewhere, although not necessarily on the Agamemnon itself.
Also, the spice mix? It struck me as a test and maybe even a chemical one, but I'm a skeptical soul.
Date: 22 Aug 2013 21:08 Title: Agamemnon
So far, there are 3 people who were hoping for easy times of it, and they're not getting that - Halley, Hank and Rick. And maybe t'Aimne, too. It's probably a step down for her. And of course they are on edge and are concerned, but not necessarily crossing the line into out and out suspicion.
For Halley, this has got to be even worse, that she's been shoved down even further in the chain of command. Since she and Rick are making nice, that makes me wonder about anything beyond friendship.
One thing in your style that strikes me as odd is your skipping over some things, e. g. the statement of, "Halley described several buoys and probes, all modified with cloaking devices and all of them appearing to be primarily used for various ranges of surveillance missions." I agree that the reader doesn't need to get all the hairy details on that, but it does strike me as a bit of skipping.
We have differing styles; the way I would have handled that bit of information would have probably been something more like Halley providing a list on a PADD or passing a written message and then commenting something along the lines of, "the specifics are enclosed; it's any number of buoys and probes, and they're all modified with cloaking devices. I believe they're used for various ranges of surveillance missions."
Same info, but more conversational. It's not wrong; it's just a dissimilar stylistic convention.
Date: 22 Aug 2013 20:15 Title: Agamemnon
Cloaking devices! Well, that's a little violator of the Treaty of Algeron, isn't it?
And - eek - a little someone to tag along and watch over 'em? That should prove difficult.
And speaking of difficult, things are still a bit wobbly between Rick and the chief engineer. But they seem to be (maybe) improving.
Also, I take it Davies is mother or sister or aunt to Missy?
Author's Response:
I got around that by mentioning that it's the reason t'Aimne was posted to the ship; she was there to monitor it's function to deal with the Breen threat that both governments faced. A minor exception to the Treaty in face of a larger threat. You might notice that's a theme in some of my other stories.
Missy is Davies' youngest daughter.
Date: 22 Aug 2013 20:05 Title: Agamemnon
Well, Rick's gotten himself into it already.
I like how his ambitions are already biting him in the ass - he gets his transfer in order to, he thinks, get on the fast track to command. But Halley was there first, so of course she's going to be difficult. And then he's the only one, it seems (maybe Missy is, too), to care at all about what's needed to report back to base. Not fun, to be sure, but paperwork still has to get done, even in the future.
Date: 09 Aug 2013 22:26 Title: Dallas
Really enjoyed the tale Mike. Was very fascinated by Emoni the captain. I was grabbed by the premise of the story. The secret information gathering that made the stand and fight option a no-no and made it a race to the border. Then you flipped it in short order by making them take shelter in an asteroid belt. Then get boarded. Then escape and flee to the border. All that in five chapters, covering so many different set pieces and action sequences and cycling through the different characters. You have skills with writing short stories that is for sure.
Date: 09 Aug 2013 22:11 Title: Dallas
Well I reached the end. To answer the author honestly, the XO and CO dynamic did add something to the story, though in a longer story might have had more build up and pay off. The one issue with it is that given how you wanted to write a female captain the XO pair up meant the focus shifted to Ken so we got more of Ken in the story as a person than Emoni. So in a way, you cheated on having the female captain perspective as she could have been anyone in the end as a generic character. And yet, I had started out quite liking her. She seemed tough and resolute but not cold and aloof. She was professional but personable but then when the action started she rather relegated in role and importance in the story and until the banter with Hank at the end, we lost out on some of her personality.
As a story, it is an interesting and attention grabbing short. Your shorts keep wanting me to have more from them. For example, I'd love to know the secret of the Jem'Hadar presence in ships and on board. To know if the secrets gathered by the ship had a vital importance. It feels more like a slice of the story than a full story and certain dynamics like the CO/XO relationship and command difficulties didn't get to be fully exploited.
However, like many of your shorts it is good enough to merit follow up - sequels, prequels and everything else.
Date: 09 Aug 2013 21:48 Title: Dallas
It's going to be a close run thing as they jog for the border. And I love the dangling possibility that the Aggy might come to the rescue. In the meantime, it looks like there may be a greater secret stumbled upon by the Dallas in that system given the appearance of the three ships from nowhere.
Date: 09 Aug 2013 21:41 Title: Dallas
Ship under siege. Lots of tense stalking down corridors. Lots of signature Mike details about command structures, marine control points, military go to procedures, all add to the authentic feel of this particular take over situation and makes it stand out. Liking it a lot.
Date: 09 Aug 2013 21:34 Title: Dallas
Yipes. I expected the Jem'Hadar to show up but I hadn't counted on a boarding party. Damn. Well maybe it is the case of ending the speculation as to why the Jem'Hadar overlooked this system - they hadn't. They hadn't. They were already there. Nice turnabout. Though of course, I now see that the chapter title gives it away and given how cool it was to be surprised by it I'd consider changing the chapter titles. However, it still plays out unexpectedly.