Date: 30 May 2014 01:53 Title: Star Trek Raven#3 The Andromedan Threat
There’s a lot of action in this fic Mac. Although I could get into the characters head (Hooker), I felt that the action jumped around a bit. It felt a little disjointed at times reading both chapters. Despite that though, I could see through the eyes of (Hooker) and see all the action of the battle from him as if I was there. You’ve done a great job pulling this all together. Maybe you can flesh this out a little more. The ending feels like it could go on. But that’s just me. Thanks for sharing this.
Author's Response: It's alright. I was sixteen when I wrote these and now I'm twenty-eight so my writing style has changed. The series lasted all that time so hopefully if you stick with it, it'll get better :) My thanks for reading.
Date: 29 May 2014 00:35 Title: Star Trek Raven#3 The Andromedan Threat
(Hooker? Meant to ask was that a call out to TJ Hooker) Forgive my being remiss Mac, I thought I had started on the Raven series first episode but I see I haven't reviewed it. These stories are raw by comparison to your later writing where you allow yourself greater introspection and your skill at world building and atmosphere is allowed to be displayed. There's a ton of action here and it is all greatly rushed and manic. However, it does lend to the chaos of the battle and the frustrations felt by the various characters. The reslotuion to the Andromedians method of thought projection was funny and a bit clever too. Seeing Kirk pop up was a neat moment. But the last moment, is a little bit perturbing here - Did it scream? What? The station? Is there more to this than meets the eye?
The resolution is again very quick. There's a ton of stuff here that nowadays you'd definitely expand upon. However, the brisk style is commendable as you get through a lot of story in short order. In many ways, these are terrific outlines that could be enriched, expanded and ellaborated to give a fuller realisation of the stories. That's not to be dismissive of these, rather to see the merit of the story and also a sign of just where you are as a writer now too.
Author's Response: Thanks MF. I almost wish I could re-write the entire series but I don't have energy or time unfortunately. I take forever (it seems) as it is to write a story nowadays (Beverly Crusher Investigates#3 has been ongoing for almost a year I think). I know you're not being dismissive but this stuff was a kiddy thing, I was fifteen/sixteen when I started and they now are no more. God-willing, with LBD's help and others, I'll get Raven's 4-63 up in no time :) My thanks for reading.
Date: 29 May 2014 00:29 Title: Star Trek Raven#3 The Andromedan Threat
(Hooker? Meant to ask was that a call out to TJ Hooker) Forgive my being remiss Mac, I thought I had started on the Raven series first episode but I see I haven't reviewed it. These stories are raw by comparison to your later writing where you allow yourself greater introspection and your skill at world building and atmosphere is allowed to be displayed. There's a ton of action here and it is all greatly rushed and manic. However, it does lend to the chaos of the battle and the frustrations felt by the various characters. The reslotuion to the Andromedians method of thought projection was funny and a bit clever too. Seeing Kirk pop up was a neat moment. But the last moment, is a little bit perturbing here - Did it scream? What? The station? Is there more to this than meets the eye?
Author's Response: No worries, part of me half wishes people wouldn't review because some of this stuff reads cringeworthy to me (being first written in 2002-04). Trouble is I've long lost the thread of these stories, what I was doing with them. As you say it's a bit thin on the ground. Later stories I did for Raven went a bit deeper. And yes, Hooker was TJ Hooker.
Date: 27 May 2014 00:24 Title: Star Trek Raven#2 Tempest, Andromeda
How cool to see someone else writing about Andromeda! I have just started a new series about the first mission to the Andromeda Galaxy, looks like Raven beat me there! :)
I enjoyed the interplay of the different characters here. You did a good job creating distinct people through small brush strokes - Matt being bored, Marc's irreverence towards his commanding officer, Jennifer recognising the cry as being animalistic: all of these elements go to make rounded characters without extraneous information. Even though I had never read anything else about the Raven, you provided me with what I needed to be able to understand who these people are and basically what is going on.
I like the Raven as a ship - Sovereign-class is one of the most beautiful created in recent years. Unfortunately, we never got a real sense of Raven as being Sovereign-class: it felt like quite a small ship despite the size of this class normally, and we never really got to see it do what it could do.
An interesting idea to have the Klingons already be here, gives the crew a frame of reference before the newcomers arrive and I liked the wink back to Janeway. Is the Mogh reference intentional or just a character with the same name?
There were some editing errors sprinkled throughout: A "2" in the place of a speech bracket, two question marks that kind of came out of nowhere in one sentence, a handful of other things. These dragged me out of the story somewhat, which is a shame. It might be worth reediting the submission to clear those up.
Overall, I enjoyed the story and am intrigued to know what the Andromedan Threat is. So, well done!
Author's Response: May I say thank you purely for reading this alone. But I think you'll do better for Andromeda than this twelve year-old fluff. I wrote this when I was 16 and now...28 I look back on this as one would an errant child.
Filling in about the characters is something I did most stories, an old trick I was told in case someone had never read one before :)
I always struggled with the Sovereign-class aspect. Early on anyway.
I've tweaked those errors you spotted, seemed I left in one of LBD's beta bits :)
Date: 18 Apr 2014 20:02 Title: Star Trek Raven#1 Taking Flight
Nice conclusion, and nice introduction to these characters. Why do I get the feeling that Matt Horn has taken a page from Jim Kirk's book when it comes to dealing with orders from on high? ;-) We'll see if this I'll-do-it-my-way-and-the-hell-with-orders trend continues.
Author's Response: thank you LBD. We'll see, it's no proper series but it'll change as we go. :)
Date: 18 Apr 2014 19:52 Title: Star Trek Raven#1 Taking Flight
Off to a good start. The minor changes have tightened up the plot and make for a satisfying, nail-biting story. It'll be interesting to see this crew grow and evolve throughout the remainder of the series. Good stuff, especially given the age you were when it was first written. :) I don't have a gift for original characters, but it seems you do, on many levels.