Date: 27 Jun 2012 15:18 Title: Chapter 10
Death scenes aren't easy to write, but I think you nailed this one. The denial, the weakness, the final request - I think they all went off without a hitch.
Date: 27 Jun 2012 15:17 Title: Two Weeks Later
A hard ending, and I know we haven't seen the end of Jess. Is her father still alive? I'm kind of wondering why he isn't visible more (assuming he is still among the living).
Date: 23 Jun 2012 11:12 Title: Chapter 9
That was an intense battle! Your descriptions of the action captured the drama without overwhelming the narrative, not something easily done.
Kudos to Jessica for stepping up in the face of Elaina’s indecision. Rafale nearly sacrificed itself in saving the crew and patients aboard Merveille, a testament to Jessica’s love for her friends. Fortunately, the ultimate sacrifice though offered was not accepted, and Jess lives to see another day.
I’ll be interested to see how she copes with the aftermath of this terrible battle.
Date: 22 Jun 2012 18:52 Title: Chapter 9
Our gal stepped up, big time. I'm actually kinda surprised that Wirst didn't step in, to fill the leadership gap.
But let's see if her friends really are okay. They might not be ....
Date: 20 Jun 2012 07:50 Title: Chapter 8
That’s pretty much the last thing you want to hear over the PA, aside from, “Abandon ship!”
You really captured the helplessness of those below decks and not immediately involved in the fight from a bridge-perspective. At least Wirstowx is still standing, as I think they’ll be needing a true warrior’s assistance sooner than later.
Really great drama here, and I loved Wirstowx’s reflection on the scent of fear his comrades were unconsciously giving off.
Date: 18 Jun 2012 15:34 Title: Chapter 8
I'm kind of wondering how Wirstowx got there so fast. I'm glad he did - it's just, it feels like a bit of the process or the timing was a little unclear. I think it's more because the last we see of him before he gets to Jess is that he's at his station on the Bridge. Perhaps just a fast line where the captain yells something like, "Wirstowx, get down there!" ? I dunno, just a thought.
Author's Response: yeah...it was a little odd to me too when I was re-reading it before I posted it. My main thing with this was that, if the main couple characters I have (if I haven't spoiled it yet which ones those are, lol) aren't around, they won't know what happened elsewhere...and (unfortunetly, as in this case) neither will we. The best I can offer is that Wirstowx was called out as soon as the conversation with the science officer was finished, and he made his way the couple decks down while the scene in the lab finished and the scene in engineering took place. :( I might revisit it.
Date: 15 Jun 2012 06:46 Title: Chapter 7
Ugh… bad news for Jess wrapped up in tragic and alarming news for the Federation. Vega Colony, well within the Federation’s borders. The fact that it’s under attack that’s seemingly materialized from ‘thin air’ doesn’t bode well for our heroes.
Date: 13 Jun 2012 21:21 Title: Chapter 7
Wow, she really does deserve her nickname, doesn't she?
I was afraid of something like this happening. If Jessica's closest friends really did perish in that attack, I imagine it is going to be a blow from which she will not soon recover. Good job of making us so emotionally invested into your protagonist.
Date: 13 Jun 2012 14:51 Title: Chapter 7
... and now it begins to come together. And our girl isn't at 100%; that's no good.
I liked the transmission at the beginning, in particular. Just enough to be mysterious but not leave the reader too confused.
Author's Response: What's funny is I originally didn't have a stardate or location on that open; my wife (who beta's for me) responded with a bunch of question marks and recommend I add it, lol. And thus, an important lesson is learned; listen to your beta/wife. lol
Date: 11 Jun 2012 00:15 Title: Chapter 6
The three women obviously have a complicated relationship, and some awkward backstory in places. Nonetheless, their friendships have withstood the vagaries of romantic dalliances, and now their careers have started upward trajectories.
I sincerely hope Bridget’s parting words were not a bad omen, given the recent happenings in that sector.
Date: 11 Jun 2012 00:00 Title: Chapter 6
Sounds like there is trouble in paradise. Or at the very least an omen for bad things to come. Things are simply too peaceful at the moment, leading me to believe something big is going to happen soon. Funny thing is, I'm enjoying this almost domestic vibe so much, I wouldn't even mind if nothing out of the ordinary would happen to Jessica and her friends for a while.
Also have been catching up wit Jessica's background story. Very nice and touching stuff.
Date: 10 Jun 2012 18:09 Title: Chapter 6
Ah, I was wondering when you would address this.
Three-part female relationships are often difficult, even when there is no sexual component (and you've amped that up with the history between Bridget and Jess). There is pretty often someone who's the odd gal out, and that's Jess. It's not just that Bridget and Justine are together in a couple, it's not just that she's on a different ship or of a different, unknown, species. There is also a very real third wheel/fifth wheel situation going on there, despite what everyone is saying. It's kind of an elephant in the room that they're all kind of avoiding, it seems.
Date: 07 Jun 2012 22:35 Title: Chapter 5
Ok, so Jessica is not alright after the incident on the bridge but at least she is on her way to recovery and even gets to spend some time with her friends in the holodeck.
I continue to enjoy this story and getting to see much of what is happening from a junior officers perspective. By the way, did you establish what race Jessica hails from and how come she has a human name? Sounds like there's a story waiting to be told there.
Author's Response: Yuppers! Check out "Interlude - Grown" for a bit of backstory on how she got her name. :) And I'm glad you're enjoying the story; my goal was to do from just the perspective of the main characters, who all happen to be junior officers. That's why (later on) some things will happen that might leave you going "wait, what happened elsewhere on the ship?" The answer is...who knows? If the character wasn't there, they don't know, so neither do we. It turned into a neat dynamic (I thought at least) and I hope you continue to enjoy it!
Date: 07 Jun 2012 07:33 Title: Chapter 5
Though I’m glad Jess got some down-time with her friends on the holodeck, it’s certainly not the ‘real’ thing. I’m hoping she can find the time to meet up with them in the flesh in Risa, as the bonds of friendship can salve wounds both physical and psychological.
That was a nice bit of insight with Dr. S’Tel and her acknowledgement of the burdens of a healer. It appears Jess is in good hands.
Date: 07 Jun 2012 02:45 Title: Chapter 5
I do hope the holodeck activities didn't drain too much power. Don't want to get the others in trouble, or place them in any risk.
Good quick thinking on the doctor's part; I imagine the first shot could've killed our gal. Learning her physiology on the fly like that - is that logical?
Author's Response: Unfortunetly, the doc did know she was allergic...it was the helmsman on the bridge, Wirstowx, who didn't know. He kinda just grabbed a kit, took the hypo, and did what he was trained to do. Jess couldn't exactly tell him to stop with her being...you know...unconscious. I originally wanted to do that scene (Wirstowx administering first aid and Jess getting worse), but couldn't think of a way to tell it (my writer's block has been killing me over here) so I went with just a recap in the medical log. Maybe I'll fix it up later, I dunno.
Date: 07 Jun 2012 00:18 Title: Chapter 4
Really enjoying this story, especially the focus on the junior officers and the great, naturally flowing dialogue.
Hope Jess is ok after that battle. Would be a shame if her first bridge assignment turns out to be her last. But I'm sure that's not the first time that has happened. It's a risky job, after all.
Author's Response: Well, sure, people go flipping over the command chair all the time. :) Definitely sucks to be the poor soul stuck withOUT a seat/seat belt, though. This is why our parents tell us to buckle up in the car - in case we get attacked by unknown aliens. :P
Date: 05 Jun 2012 09:34 Title: Chapter 4
Jess survives her first trial by fire, and proves that she has what it takes when the chips are down. Now it remains to be seen if she survived the engagement, and how many pieces Rafale may be in when it’s all over.
Date: 04 Jun 2012 18:30 Title: Chapter 4
Well - she wanted excitement. Careful what you wish for ....
Author's Response: Seriously...lol
Date: 02 Jun 2012 06:33 Title: Chapter 3
Well, hormones are running amok with the junior officers, but it appears Jess can hold her own in that regard. Again, the social dynamics here offer terrific insights into the various characters.
I'm interested to find out what Rafale has discovered.
Date: 02 Jun 2012 03:12 Title: Chapter 3
Way to deflate the ops dude.
'Course this might backfire on our Jes.
Date: 31 May 2012 20:25 Title: Chapter 2
And Jess isn't the only person not getting enough sleep ... I get an impression of medical interns making serious errors. Lapses in judgment might be just below the surface. Hmm.
Date: 31 May 2012 20:18 Title: Chapter 1
Oops, she got caught goofing off a little.
Still - it must be dull.
I really loved the Borg communications display - reminded me of the end of the film, The Andromeda Strain.
Date: 30 May 2012 09:18 Title: Chapter 2
You've got quite the ecclectic crew aboard this ship! It seems that the captain is preparing for the worst-case scenario, though the crew hasn't been let in on precisely what that might be just yet.
The Braidan implants are handy gadgets to have, though I can see where anti-Borg paranoia would lead to some unflattering comparisons by other less cyber-friendly species.
Date: 26 May 2012 09:17 Title: Chapter 1
I enjoyed the terrific 'lower decks' vibe you've created with your characters. Their banter flows naturally and gives the reader excellent insights into their personalities and shared history.
Great work!