Date: 02 Jun 2013 06:21 Title: Chapter 8
Oh, time travel missions and now the real fun starts. I’m instantly intrigued by the mirror universe one. I know that’s it old hat, but I loved that episode to pieces and the way the women in the ship are all like “need to workout more” is hilarious to me. I have that feeling a lot though won’t see me baring my midriff … ever. Just no. Levi is completely oblivious to chicks in showy outfits however, absorbed into his PADD and the data there. I wonder what the rest of that message is and it it’ll be worth the time Levi’s putting into it?
Then we join up with Kevin and Tom, who are enjoying a nice cruise to the beginning of WWIII. Colonel Green is an SOB, in both his appearances in Trek, he’s not a nice man and the uniforms are pretty gosh darn ugly. Kevin makes a valid point here about the ethics of time travel, and how they can stop all those innocents from dying with just one action. But I don’t see that happening here and I certainly don’t see anyone of the new recruits trying it, but it’s nice to see Kevin voicing that thought.
And then we have Rick, who copes with getting lonely and having to watch those people die many times, by nailing some pretty ladies in his holodeck bachelor pad (COOL). I like how Bernstein just doesn’t let him go on the matter and how he tells her, without revealing he’s the reason why, a birth control shot is absolutely needed before any mission. Can’t be polluting the timeline with kids, can we Rick?
Author's Response:
Nope! A temporally paradoxical child, a la John Connor from the Terminator films - that's Jun Sato. And, of course, that's why they all have to take the shot.
But yeah, the holographic bachelor pad; I HAD to go there!
Date: 02 Jun 2013 06:09 Title: Chapter 7
Well, it seems the new recruits and their vets are about ready to head out on a training mission. But I have to say, some of this tech doesn’t give me a very safe feeling. For instance, the time portals make we worried that if someone uses them they’ll end up in a very wrong place. Or time. Or both. Kevin doesn’t do much to make we want to hop into one of those things. I got a very McCoy vide about them … don’t trust them.
I love how all the time ships are named after time traveling things. Favorite, hands down, is the Flux Capacitor (which, as I recall, is an actual piece of Trek tech mentioned in conjunction with the transporters in TNG).
The breakfast scene and the explanation about Daniels very complicated long history was well done and paced. Bernstein is right to question all this now as opposed to later as, later, they’ll in the middle of the mission. I’m still liking the dynamics between these two. There wasn’t a whole lot said here but I just like how they read together. It worked for me and the option to visit your mirror counterpart intrigues me to no end … it’s weird thinking of a future where I can visit an alternate version of myself in another universe.
Author's Response:
I figure, eventually, the deep future means that a lot of the things that are one-time or rare in Trek suddenly become very, very commonplace. Crosses over to and from the mirror; transporting; augmentation, etc.
I never liked the time portal idea and it always seemed too pat. I like time ships because they can break and they can also carry a lot of people, plus they have weaponry, and they can take a little, well, time, to get from place to place.
The Flux Capacitor is the activator in Doc Brown's DeLorean time machine in Back to the Future. Jack Finney is the writer of Time and Again. HG Wells of course is the author of The Time Machine. Audrey Niffenegger (the original Audrey) wrote The Time Traveler's Wife.
Audrey II is an outlier, named after the man-eating plant in Little Shop of Horrors.
Date: 02 Jun 2013 06:00 Title: Chapter 6
Ah, the temporal agency seems like a fun place to work. But I feel bad for Levi here. He seems to have a bad rep, which I suppose is easy to get considering he’s obsessive compulsive, has a number of conditions, and isn’t much of a conversationalist. I also feel bad for Rick here, who is obviously quite lonely. His parents moving around like people half their age and the fact he’s coming off yet another bad relationship in what seems like a long line of bad relationships (or should I say, short relationships) makes the fact he’s alone pretty loud and clear. His sister is fine with settling for deep like but Rick is driven to find someone to really truly, be in love with. Not settling but so over the hill in love with that he’d go to the ends of the Earth for them. The key, inherited from Malcolm and Lili, serves as a poignant reminder of that.
Getting outfitted for the mission, the 1970s, was a nice scene and an entertaining one as Crystal went to work doing her thing. She’s a fashion girl, loves her stuff, and the deaging gel works wonder. Rick obviously enjoyed the miniskirt and getting dressed in the retro clothes was pretty cool. I don’t know much about fashion but I’ll trust Cyrstal here.
Author's Response:
Crystal is outfitting them like Linc (Michael Cole) and Julie (Peggy Lipton) from The Mod Squad. So they're hip but not too overly so, and should blend in well.
And yes, Tina (this is why Rick is down), and Eleanor's statement about deep like. Plus of course the key charm and the reference to Lili and Malcolm. Rick's been settling for a lot of fast food (and so has Eleanor), when they both crave, shall we say, full meals.
Date: 02 Jun 2013 05:47 Title: Chapter 5
Well, it seems Otra and Levi might have a thing going on here. I’m not sure, but Levi tends to do things for Otra with one asking than he does for others in multiple askings, so I feel confident in starting up my shipping bandwagon on those two. They both seem to have some feelings for one another (at least Levi has for her, that arm touch sure sent shockwaves through his system). I feel bad for Rick watching that happen before his eyes though. Mr. Heartbreak really has had it bad with women in the past, and watching coworkers be able to find meaning with one another while he has no meaning … it has to be tough.
The surgical procedures were very detailed and well written in that they explained to me what was going on. I was wondering how all that stuff fit in there and though I’m not squeamish by any means, hearing about all the cutting and slicing and implanting … yesh, this is why I’m not a doctor. I don’t like hearing about that. I can visualize it all too well and though I did that here, it was necessary to get the point I across. It takes skill to do that in writing, to communicate an idea like that without resorting to broad strokes. I like details. Even if they make me kinda ill, lol.
Author's Response:
Ah, thank you. I think.
I confess I'm squeamish, too, but I wanted to get across the attention being paid.
Have you been following the music? Venus = Marisol. But no more hint dropping!
Date: 02 Jun 2013 05:38 Title: Chapter 4
Well, what happened to Rick’s other ship? Besides getting stolen and rough upped for years on end by Daniels himself, it seems that something went down on that trip to Iowa circa 1959. Daniels has a history (PUN) of bedding women in different time periods, but this doesn’t seem like that. Those other events that he alluded to in the previous chapters were in the past as well (PUN) and he copped up to them, at least in narration. But he glazed over the fact here and seems extra worried that something is bound to go wrong with the timeship.
Does he know something others don’t? Can he be part of his own paradox?
The big part of this chapter was the introduction to Levi, which I instantly like as a character. I mean, his dad’s a mean SOB who wanted to make him a carbon copy of himself (Boooo. Especially being named Zach, shame on you, sir) but Levi is interesting to me. He has a number of disorders and, some may even say, disabilities working against him but he has to be quite good at his job. Otherwise, why would the temporal Integrity commission keep him around?
I’m glad he doesn’t care what his old man thinks and is confident enough in himself not to feel like a failure. That’s a common thing for kids left like he was and it’s good to see him not give in to that.
Author's Response:
Yep, things happened in Clear Lake - Rick saw something/someone.
Levi is ... he was originally going to be a wholly unsympathetic character. But I decided I liked him, so I wanted to support him. He never looks like he's paying attention (and he often isn't), but when he is, watch out.
Date: 02 Jun 2013 05:28 Title: Chapter 3
I’m worried about all these new recruits. Why is the Temporal Integrity Commission hiring so many people? What happened to all the previous people who held their jobs? I feel like something big has gone down, some guys have gone MIA or KIA, and the commission is keeping things on the down low. Bernstein isn’t the only new recruit, which is good I guess. She can find other newbies, make some new friends, and allow herself some time to settle in. But the sheer number of new recruits makes me think that something bad has happened before.
But I could be wrong. I mean, the two doctors are really into one another (so much so that they’re going to sneak quickies at work and then start doing it while their boss is in the room? Wow, they really have the hots for one another) and they don’t seem to be too concerned about the surgeries. I’m glad the patients are though because somethings should be scary, no matter what year it is. I hate hospitals and surgeries, I despite them, and I’m glad that there is some of that here. Maybe not hatred, but def worry.
Now, I’m wondering where all this is leading too. Are these new recruits gonna play a big role in the future? I’m not sure. But I hope we get to see more of Crystal. I remember her from before. She was fun.
Author's Response:
Yes, Crystal is here, and you'll see two of the three character I've put up for the Round Robin.
The hirings are actually because the Commission just got permission to bring in more people - hours have been jiggered, and now they can do some hiring. But it's also for, well, you'll see.
Date: 02 Jun 2013 05:19 Title: Chapter 2
Well, that was quite a sales pitch by Daniels there. Bernstein seemed a bit apprehensive about the Augment thing (even in the 31st century people are still afraid of them, amazing) but Daniel allied her fears quite well here. He explained all the fancy tech in him and I have to say, I buy it wholeheartedly. You did well in describing the tech and their various functions, as well as providing a roadmap if you will of where they were installed throughout his body. Now, I don’t feel Daniels was complete forward with her about how the tech affects him outside the job: there have to be drawbacks, more than just the massive pain healing with the stem cell growth accelerator would be, however these drawbacks would have to be small for him to skirt around her, right? Right. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt on that count.
The “do I have to sleep with them” question from Bernstein was a pointed one and one in which Daniels answers with a maybe, but a maybe tinged with regret. He’s had a number of women over the years and time periods, he’s probably a bit sad about them all in one way or another. Leaving them behind as it were would have been tough. I suspect he’s suffering from a heartbending this time because he had to leave a girl behind. Good to see that Reed romanticism still going strong, but maybe he needs to take it easy with the ladies.
Author's Response:
Rick definitely needs to take it easy with the ladies.
And yes, it's a sales pitch; he wants her to join them, after all. He's behaving a bit like prospective coworkers sometimes do if you're interviewing for a job and one of the interviews is with a potential peer. Plus he kinda likes her.
Date: 02 Jun 2013 05:08 Title: Chapter 1
Well, after reeding (HAHA) Fortune, I wanted to jump and ahead and see what’s going on with Richard Malcolm Daniels. He took some leave time for some reason (perhaps mentioned in a previous story or later, I’ll find out) and is tuck at his parents house. Listening to them screw each other early and often. It seems the Reed part of the family still is going strong in that respect and poor Richard is kinda heartbent. He must have had to do something pretty hard the last time he went to work, fixing whatever it was he was supposed to fix.
Whatever the case may be he’s not getting any action now but he does have to go scout out a new recruit. His meeting with Bernstein, in a 2300s retro diner, was well played. I liked the interplay between the two in the few moments we had of them in a light mood before Bernstein started asking the hows and whys of the job. This is all new to her (and mostly to me) so I was happy to listen to Daniels explain some things. The self-healing thing is damned cool, I forget what it’s called (you told me before) but it’s pretty sweet tech. Her surprise was expected, but the last line about needing a new knife, that was a nice cherry on top.
Author's Response:
Oh, I thank you!
I felt it was an easier way to put forth exposition, and get the reader into the story.
Date: 30 May 2013 15:02 Title: Chapter 22
The ending at last! You know I wonder why Sheilagh even bothered joining the Temporal Integrity Commission in the first place. She must have known the TIC (Temporal Integrity Commission) preserves the current timeline and fixes any discrepancies. She must have known that the TIC affects trillions upon trillions of people, either now, in the past or in an alternate past. She must have weighed all of this up before she decided to join the TIC, and yet only now does she have strong moral objections to all of this?
Anyway as for the rest of the story it was a good solid time-travelling story with some great details about the intricacies of travelling to the past and everything that is required to ensure temporal agents blend in. To me those parts felt a bit like the Matrix or felt very similar! The three-part story line covering all three training missions at the same time was rather clever and that worked effortlessly and was rather cool to read!
However with all timeline stories, and this is not a problem confined to your story but to nearly all of them, nothing really happened. They restored the original timeline and there's virtually no character development because the temporal agents are completely used to restoring the timeline, it is all part of their job. So all the alternate histories and events, while great, never really happened!
In fact the only thing which really changed was Sheilagh, the rest of the characters still went about their daily lives, this Manifesto bunch are still plotting away and only towards the end -- in the present -- did anything happen which drove the plot forwards.
So I have read your story in full but I've come to the conclusion that time-travelling stories and stories featuring the TIC are not my thing. This has nothing to do with you being a writer, it just comes down to a genre of story-telling which doesn't grab me. Ohio is a story which is perfect for a time-travelling story, it really works but it is not my thing! So having read in its entirety one of your HG Wells books, I've decided to give the series a miss.
But I've tried it out, and I'm certain people who do like time travel and the TIC will most certainly enjoy this story, and it was a good read. It's just I don't think I would read this story again.
Author's Response:
Fair enough, and I greatly appreciate your candor.
Time travel stories, like you said, they tend to be problematic. And they can be one big, fat, reset button at the end. What I have attempted to do with these stories is to give the characters some continuity and changes, and make it so that, in the end, something really did happen after all.
In order to turn the time travel genre on its head (e. g. people trying to improve the past; instead, I've got people restoring it even if it looks like things are getting better) kinda means that it's mostly going to turn into a reset at the end. All a writer can do, I think, is make the agents affected, and give them a reason to continue and give the reader such as yourself a reason to read not about the intricacies of what happens and then what un-happens, but also to care about the agents and what they're going through.
I greatly appreciate your taking the time to read and review. Time travel stories are not for everyone, and these characters are nearly all OCs which makes it an even tougher sell. So, many thanks!
Date: 30 May 2013 14:39 Title: Chapter 21
Ugh! HD is rapidly becoming my least favourite character of this story! He takes up space and right now the thing which keeps me riveted is decrypting that message! Here's hoping your final chapter will go out with a bang!
Author's Response:
HD is meant to be a pain in the ass.
Date: 30 May 2013 14:30 Title: Chapter 20
Everyone has means of coping with such terrible events, and now it makes more sense why Rick is making out with a different lady every time he goes to a different time. It's form of stress relief, so I wonder -- when Sheilagh gets more experience under her belt and performs more missions -- how Sheilagh will eventually cope and how she will find an outlet for this stress?
Date: 30 May 2013 14:24 Title: Chapter 19
So the timeline is restored but the question I always ask myself is whether that alternate timeline which was changed back to the original one. Does that alternate timeline still exist? Is it another thread and another possible universe that has always been? Or has it been forever terminated?
Since you write a lot about time travel I wonder if you have the answers to those questions?
Author's Response:
I'm of two minds about this. In the other story I submitted for review, a character claims that there's only one timeline to a customer. But that is absolutely not true in Trek. I think alternates like as seen in the TNG Parallels episode would indicate that the altered line still exists, somehow, somewhere. And maybe the otric changes aren't so otric after all.
Date: 30 May 2013 14:10 Title: Chapter 18
Can't wait to see what that Manifesto message says! Although the bit with HD Avery was a little confusing and perhaps distracting. I mean if he works for the Temporal Integrity Commission and is protected by temporal shielding, why does he have an alternate self in this altered timeline? Really confusing you know all this temporal alterations!
Date: 30 May 2013 14:04 Title: Chapter 17
Looks like the mystery around the Manifesto and possibly even the Perfectionists is about to be resolved! Rather intriguing I might add!
Date: 30 May 2013 13:58 Title: Chapter 16
Unfortunately Sheilagh can't bring herself to realise that there can only be one timeline, something which seems almost impossible to maintain, and you are playing God whether you seek to restore the timeline or not. If you do nothing you are condemning trillions who will not exist, and if you do something to restore the timeline you have the same effect but the desired outcome. Morality it seems is out of the question for rationalising the work which the Temporal Integrity Commission does.
Date: 30 May 2013 13:49 Title: Chapter 15
So it seems ensuring that Allison dies and Christine Hynde lives (was she really at that protest by the way?) might be enough to restore the timeline? It's confusing stuff but it is rather interesting piecing together the various threads of this altered timeline!
Author's Response:
Yes, Chrissie Hynde really went to Kent State at the time of the 1970 shooting although I don't have information as to whether she was at the actual protest. But the sounding of the campus bell is true to history.
Date: 30 May 2013 13:40 Title: Chapter 14
Looks like the Perfectionists did all of this damage, they did after all temporally transport over to the timelines from where the three temporal training missions were taken place.
I gotta say the stakes have been raised now!
Date: 30 May 2013 13:34 Title: Chapter 13
Weren't there supposed to be four deaths during that student protest? Looks like the timeline has been altered a bit and I feel Rick might have something to do with it! What if Windy was the fourth person to be killed?
So if this was Rick's doing, he is the most sloppiest temporal agent out there! How he is an agent if he is this... prolific?
Author's Response:
Yep, it's four dead in Ohio. So - who's the missing corpse?
Date: 30 May 2013 13:26 Title: Chapter 12
Unless Rick looks full human on the outside, wouldn't Windy notice anything amiss?
Also I like how you are focusing on all three temporal training missions simultaneously. In particular I think the most gripping one is the one in which Tom and Kevin are participating in.
Date: 30 May 2013 13:20 Title: Chapter 11
You know Rick has a really really sad life if he feels the need to sleep with a woman every time he makes a temporal trip back to the past! Seriously! How is this guy still in the Temporal Integrity Commission if he can't keep his hands off the ladies? He oozes temporal contamination everywhere he travels to!
Date: 30 May 2013 13:13 Title: Chapter 10
So I'm halfway through this story and it really reminds me of the Matrix in some places. We have temporal agents going back into time, in the disguise of people looking conformal to this time period, and they mend these timelines or observe history unfold. But there sure are paradoxes to all of this, the birth control shot which while it seems a failsafe measure it also implies that temporal agents are abusing their positions.
They are lonely people travelling upon one time ship with only one member of the crew; themselves. But surely the risk of any temporal contamination goes above all other personal factors and desires? Also these temporal agents go back to ensure history is preserved, but only based around information concerning recorded history. So reliability of the historical data seems to be a big issue here. I take it Starfleet's Temporal Integrity Commission has collected and cross-referenced all the historical sources to ensure they know the precise key events of the timeline. Otherwise they could be preserving events or changing them without all the facts.
And given how delicate the timeline is, once you make one mistake it is near impossible to rectify it so... I think the Temporal Integrity Commission's task to preserve the timeline is A LOT more harder than you make it out to be!
Author's Response:
It is hard. But what I go with is - there are 3 kinds of changes. Otric changes are tiny and really don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Eat the soup instead of the salad at lunch tomorrow and the world will not crumble. Empires will not fall. Really big changes (save the dinosaurs from extinction) are virtually impossible, even at this stage of their technology, to do.
It's the in-between stuff, where President Kennedy is saved, or, in this case, something happens at Kent, that really do a number on the timeline. We have recorded history, but it can't possibly be everything that ever happened. We operate under the assumption that the missing stuff is all otric - it doesn't really matter.
The Perfectionists are bulls in a china shop, upsetting a delicate balance. But this is a story of moral ambiguity. Our people aren't much better.
Date: 30 May 2013 12:45 Title: Chapter 9
Our temporal badguys! Though I think the Perfectionists are deluding themselves if they think they can perfect the timeline, there will be too many unforeseen consequences. Just ask Annorax and the hundreds of years he spent trying to temporally restore his wife!
Date: 30 May 2013 12:38 Title: Chapter 8
Doesn't that defeat the purpose of having temporal agents if they need a birth control drug? It sort of implies they're going to make out with someone in the past and thus contaminate the timeline ever so slightly. In fact, giving how delicate timelines are, would it not make more sense to have robots do all the arduous work of maintaining the timeline? I mean what is more reliable here? Robots or humanoids?
Author's Response:
I write this era as almost a transitional period, where humans and humanoids are still doing the temporal cleaning. Eventually, likely, this will just be done with androids and the like, which will be more responsible, but will also suck all the fun right out of it.
Date: 30 May 2013 12:27 Title: Chapter 7
That's a very good point you bring up about the Mirror Universe. How do so many people in the MU have counterparts in the prime universe? I mean it should be statistically impossible!
Date: 30 May 2013 12:19 Title: Chapter 6
This story has a few Matrix vibes what with Crystal applying all that make-up, clothing and cosmetic alterations to Rick and Sheilagh! I mean that gel Crystal applied to Sheilagh is some powerful stuff if it can make Sheilagh look twenty years younger!