Date: 28 Sep 2013 18:42 Title: Act 6
Interesting little story, easy and quick to read. works without reading all of the Whiston tale.
I think you dropped the little hints about the Klingons agent well and that was a good way to describe the Klingon bit of virus kit.
easy to read and it al flowed nicely as a story.
Date: 21 Jul 2013 02:09 Title: Act 6
WTF!!
Ok, so totally it built up to this moment. Veyr well played. Nice twist at the end with the Klingon reveal. Should have twigged that. And nice nod to continuity with the ENT Klingon Soong virus effect. No wonder they were able to have an enemy walking among them without knowing it. Great reveal and enemy twist.
It also bodes ill for AOS Klingon/Federation relations if this is the lengths some operatives will go to in order to attack, weaken the Federation. (perhaps a neat way of signalling too the possibility of the third film havign Klingon antagonists in it perhaps)
Damn it when our heroes all split up and go their different ways. You just know bad stuff is going to go down - and boys did it. But I like too that you used the nature of the freighter, the small crew and quite compartmentalised designed of the ship to play into the take down of the ship and crew by isolation and attack. And now ... the big long wait for some kind of resolution. Agh, don't make us wait too long.
Date: 21 Jul 2013 02:02 Title: Act 5
Things are getting dicey. Hard to believe it took so much convincing but it seems at least Paul is now on the same sheet as everyone else. They know bad stuff is happening and suspect it must be somebody onboard - but Baker's little interruption was a little timely. What was the device's new purpose on reactivation? And was Baker checking in on it? Lots of intriguing questions requiring some sort of answer.
I've a feeling that with one act to go we are going to get some answers but even more questions and possible a WTF type question to end the proceedings. Gah! This is getting to a nice climax build up. Nicely done. Good way to raise the tension level and build towards a cliffhanger without any big melodramatics either. Simple, effective, amping up of the situation, the increase in infections, the crew growing slightly mutinous by not helping witht he Vulcans, the saboatage, the gadget (which for some reason had me thinking Cardassian because of the design) and Baker's menacing presence and the tension between the senior officers. All very nicely and effectively done.
Date: 21 Jul 2013 01:54 Title: Act 4
First a deliberate computer virus and now a deliberate contamination of the Vulcans! Yipes. This is getting more serious and darker. Things do not look good here. Who is behind this and what is their agenda? Given the AOS universe setting it could be anyone, a brand new playground even with possible suspects. However, it continues more bad stuff is surely in line. And it seems with Whitson racing off to the colony the Horizon is again on its own with a possible enemy onboard. Perhaps this time thye should have taken onboard a security officer.
Meantime, we continue to grow more leary and wary of Baker. Is this a red herring? Maybe. But it is odd that he seems not too favourably inclined towards the Vulcans and yet he signed on for this run. There's something very up with him. And something very up with this entire situation. Setting up a very tense little story here. Very well done.
Date: 21 Jul 2013 01:43 Title: Act 3
Oh man, things are detoeriating with Talak. It seems to convey the dire circumstances that are there for the Vulcans and how important it is to look after them all and especially leaders who will help shepherd them in their new life.
Back to the ship, I'm liking the feel you give it. The twist on the log reports from department heads was fun. The light and even mocking tone of the reports to show that not everyone agrees with them but will still follow the boss. Hee, hee. Lends to the informal setting of the place as well as the family business angle as well with humour being a good way to diffuse tense situations.
And then Baker again. Hmm. He seems to be soemthing else. Ex-military, a spy? who knows. Look forward to finding out.
Date: 21 Jul 2013 01:04 Title: Act 2
Ha! He's gone and jinxed them! Luckily at least, Hadley is about to be returned to the Whitson before time. Seems her and Candice were about to get to blows. I like the not so simmering tension there between the two women - an engineer is bound to get possessive of their engines and hate anyone getting their nose stuck into them. Never mind when that person is a Starfleeter with an attiude problem regardless.
Being a civvie, Candice is of the type to not rank Starfleeters too highly - thiking them superior, smug, priviledged and basically up their own ... anyway. It's a line of thinking I have some of my civilian characters share and hold strongly because I imagine, especially among the freighter captains and engineers - part envy in a way they don't want to admit and part (a large part I imagine) getting riled by Starfleeters presuming their way is best and they are more knowledgeable and able yet not accounting for their technological advantages.
So what remains for the rest of the journey. They're jinxed now and something bad is bound to happen.
Date: 21 Jul 2013 00:52 Title: Act 1
Ugh, something a bit off about Jordan for sure. Is he a collaborator with the Orions perhaps. And then there is Candice - she seems to be a forceful personality so was always likely to clash with any Starfleeter in her engine room but given the temperment and personality of Hadley their meetings and disputes are bound to be fireworks material.
Liking the shift of story to the freighter point of view here and of course getting a chance to see some AOS civilian life. I've always thought it an interesting angle to explore so looking forward to more here.
Date: 20 Jul 2013 04:31 Title: Act 6
Aak! You can't end it there! Please tell me this tale is continued in another story. I've a pretty good idea who the traitor is.
This was a nail-biter, more so than the Whiston tale, and I like that you weaved bits of canon into it, like the Mayweathers and choriocytosis and the disease that disfigured the TOS-era Klingons. This is a really, really good blending of the original timeline with the JJverse. Well done, TS!
Date: 20 Jul 2013 04:19 Title: Act 5
NOOO! Don't do it, Candice.
Date: 20 Jul 2013 04:09 Title: Act 2
Okay, Hadley is gone and I'm breathing a sigh of relief with Candice, but there's still that niggling feeling that all is not well lingering in the back of my mind...
Whoops. Forgot to hit <submit>. Sorry this is out of order. :O
Date: 20 Jul 2013 04:07 Title: Act 4
They're all alone and vulnerable now...almost afraid to see what happens next.
Date: 20 Jul 2013 03:56 Title: Act 3
I am liking this so far, and the more I read the more I think I'm right about Baker. Why would he need to be down in the cargo hold, poking around the refugees? Up to no good, I'll wager.
One thing I did notice, though which gave me pause. Bethany said if Talak had a heart attack they'd have to get Whiston's doctor over to Horizon, because she wasn't equipped to handle that. It just got me thinking that if Vulcans are so scarce now, surely they'd have sent a doctor well-versed in Vulcan physiology and medicine in order to be able to handle any contingency. It just seemed that the Federation wouldn't want any of them to die due to something as fixable as inadequate medical care.
Date: 20 Jul 2013 03:33 Title: Act 1
Great continuation of the Whiston tale. But methinks I smell a rat, and his name is Baker. We'll see if I'm right. Just something about his imposing size and the fact that he gives Jordan the willies...
Date: 17 Mar 2012 21:16 Title: Act 6
Uh oh.
I love the Mayweather family continuation....
Author's Response: Would you believe I started this stupid thing about a day after I submitted the Whiston story for the October challenge? You would not BELIEVE the writer's block I had before I could finally work out how I wanted things to unfold. I'm still not really happy with all of it, honestly, but I had to finish it and move on. There will be one last part to this whole story that started with Whiston, but it might be some time before it happens. Glad you enjoyed this though!!