Date: 27 Jan 2012 21:51 Title: First Place
I guess the swooping in between the saucer and nacelle move was akin to smart footmanship on the football field. Like football, the pathway here was dribbled through a football final, to the captain's new command and choosing his ship to their I presume first battle. Maybe a stronger path of greater significance might have worked better. However, I like the fact you did something different and of course liked the different little historical bits about Earth history too. I'd be mindful not to do that too much but you mostly restrained yourself to making those connections to do with the ship, its name and the engineers who built it making its own internal logic.
Date: 26 Jan 2012 20:27 Title: First Place
Not sure what to say about this piece, JLP. It was very well written, and engaging, but I really struggled with a captain flashing back to soccer games during the heat of a space battle. Flashbacks to classes or historical examples of battlefield tactics, a look back at the first battle he was involved in, probably as a junior officer and maybe his take on what his then-captain did right or wrong, yes, but a sporting match...
As for the naming of the ships after German WWII generals, I would hope that by the 24th century perhaps we can look at these men for their merits on the battlefield (Rommel and Guderian were some of the finest tank tacticians the world has ever known), and understand that being on the wrong side (essentially being in the wrong place at the wrong time) didn't diminish their contributions as military pioneers. I would especially hope that was true in the case of Rommel, who was a participant in the plot to kill Hitler - an association which ultimately cost him his life.
On the other hand, the premise of this story is no one remembers those who came in second...which is certainly true for these generals.
[Report This]Date: 26 Jan 2012 18:36 Title: First Place
An interesting story. More so the fact that starships are named for German generals from WWII considering how they are percieved in history, extroadinary generalship perhaps but instruments of a Nazi war machine. I can't see Starfleet naming their ships after men some of whom were tried or accused of war crimes against humanity.
Date: 17 Jan 2012 17:21 Title: First Place
This story was well-written, but I fear it seems incomplete. It makes me wonder - Raheesh is in the midst of a battle, and he doesn't have time to reflect. It also makes me wonder where the first scene really comes into play - as a memory for later? Or is the reflection about the Islamic Cup meant to be recalled then? I'd love to see more tie-together with the theme. Just how is the championship game really relating back to what could be Raheesh's final day? All I can think of is him saying to the Jewish captain that Starfleet doesn't accept second place. True, but, then what?
[Report This]Date: 14 Jan 2012 22:28 Title: First Place
I like all the references to Earth: Haifa being an Israeli city, and the Germans, that was funny. Since Germans produce some of the best manufactured goods on Earth, I find it amusing that they (in this story) make some of the best Defiant class ships in the fleet.
Now I do see the relevance of the plot, and that teenager saying you will only be remembered for being first. It's some sort of metaphor for being on top of everything, to outshine the rest of the competition.
However this story jumped from all sorts of times and places, and I thought the message you were trying to convey (if there was a message) was a little lost. Which dragged the conclusion down somewhat.
In terms of the dialogue, the prose and the exposition was all decent and spot on. But the real thing that matters to the story is the plot, and I felt the plot was light at best. Maybe you were trying to add signifance to this space battle, and how it brought to Raheesh these important memories, but somehow I just did not see the emotional and personal importance to this for Raheesh.
I know there are many types of plots and some meander or get somewhere in very different ways. But sometimes it felt like I was reading four seperate mini stories. Perhaps that was your intention and how they loosely related to each other, but it sort of explained why I felt the conclusion was somewhat of an anticlimax.
What I'm trying to say is that you wanted to explore Raheesh's character, but the way it was explored did not quite work. Anyway that's just my thoughts on this story. Don't think from this review that this story is substandard or not very good, but its just I personally saw a few issues with it and if these issues weren't there the story would have been more moving.