Date: 25 Apr 2014 14:29 Title: Chapter 1
Again, you have a good means of introducing crew and setting. You imbue Knight with a sharp mind and a sharp tongue as he is cutting and to the point on certain matters. There's a little info dump in parts here and some of the fandom link ups are a little too overt for my own tastes. I like the nods to be more subtle. Fans will know the nods or will seek out more information on them without putting it across too plainly. Also so early on, I think such nods such as friendships with canon characters can detract from the original characters. You gave Knight a personality from the get go with his response to the shuttle pilot request that you don't need to use canon characters to support him.
Date: 16 Jan 2012 23:57 Title: Chapter 3
Alright we're off! This next chapter is going to be interesting, as it will have to be something to propel the plot forwards. Can't wait to see what you come up with next!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. My goal this chapter was to sort of wrap up the mini introduction arc. The original draft was 5 chapters, I'd say it was pretty good to cut it to three. There will be little moments that I left out spread all over the rest of the story. I think you'll like where it's going to go.
Date: 06 Jan 2012 17:56 Title: Chapter 2
You have the arrogant Vulcan's down to the letter! And what are those pesky Cardassians up to now? Great segment, keep 'em coming...
Rob
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. We've only seen Solok one time in "Take Me Out to the Holosuite" and he seemed so arrogant that I actually found him pretty easy to write when setting up Stavek. You'll have to wait and see on the Cardassians.
Date: 05 Jan 2012 23:43 Title: Chapter 2
Wow! Even though that was a lot of introductory material you kept it really interesting by what I think is a very clever use of conflict, current and future. I particularly enjoyed Elena Ortega being seperated from her husband; she will be pretty narked off with Knight due to this!
There's this hint of trouble with the Cardassians... That was a nice way to end the chapter, and with most of the crew pieces in place, the plot can begin... Keep up the good (and gripping) work!
One last thing; I can't put my finger on it, but something about your writing draws the reader in (despite some of the small mistakes and errors in the prose). Maybe you've got the writer's gene...
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. My goal with this chapter was to introduce more of the crew, but for it to flow from one to the other. Rather than give each one an individual segment I wanted to see if I couldn't put them together in a way that would lead into the big, ongoing plot, but at the same time give each character their own moment,
I know there's a few mistakes, and I do apologize for that. Hopefully, it should not distract from the plot. Hope you keep reading.
[Report This]Date: 02 Jan 2012 23:15 Title: Chapter 1
Wow! I was lost in your prose, and that is a good sign. I'm glad you are using the Knight character; and you're writing again. By the looks of it this seems to be a big story (and perhaps a a series?). You have a knack for writing scenes, and making the reader visualize them. Usually these sorts of introductions are dry or drab stuff, but this somehow grabbed me, and I don't know why...
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I had cut a lot out so that it wouldn't seem so boring and drab as I get this series started. Knight is a combination of several of characters from when I did rpg's. My goal was to make the introductions a part of the plot, and it really does work in this case. Hope you stick around for more.
[Report This]Date: 02 Jan 2012 23:12 Title: Chapter 1
Very good start. Felt like I was reading a "pilot" episode for a new TREK series. Great cameo by Dax, and I like Zarv's anger at having to all the extra duties. Keep it going!!!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I am trying to treat this as sort of a pilot since I intend to go forward with more stories involving the characters. I was hoping to get Jadzia in there since she is my favorite of the Dax's, but I wanted there to be a reason for it, not just to do it for the sake of doing it. I already like writing Zarv, it'll be interesting to see where he goes.