Date: 14 Sep 2011 18:58 Title: Day 31
Look! Look! More common ground between Kapoor and Kamara!
I started taking a peek a few days ago, when you posted the proposed cover art.
I like how it's all slowly shaping up. I loved Kapoor thinking, hmm, wonder if that spoon goes all the way down, and then pulling herself up short (naughty girl - such a great line).
Everything seems to me to be very natural except for Ullman's complete and utter overreaction. While she saw Kamara as a threat and a potential rapist she was obviously with someone. As we say - duh! I think I would have been more likely to buy even a cinematic-style scream, running out of the room, etc.
I realize this is first-person for Kapoor but there is also a story in Ullman's own first person, e. g. something to the tune of -
Day 73 (or whatever)
I hate it here. I cannot wait to leave. I've put in for a transfer, trying to look as pitiful as possible, hoping against all hope. Perhaps I'll try the dying grandmother dodge. They wouldn't check that.
Would they?
I've been in bad work situations (and this one is the mother of all bad work situations, or at least it seems that way in her own head), but I've rarely volunteered for them. So, how and why is she there? Seems to me that this would be the last place she would ever want to be, or maybe even a slip of back story could be thrown in, e. g. that it was some sort of fabulous, never to be repeated career opportunity, or she was promised a male partner who fell through, or something. Don't rewrite for me - just a few thoughts.
PS Knowing how it (somewhat) turns out (no spoilers!) I am rootin' for those two crazy kids and their Kotra games.
Author's Response:
Ullmann is badly overreacting, no doubt. She never wanted to be there and being forced probably strengthened her fears. She hadn't volunteered for this assignment. In the very beginning of the story Kapoor says she was the only volunteer and that the other officer was appointed, so Ullmann followed orders and she probably had imagined the worst things before arriving on the Cardassian ship and then interpretted everything according to her theory. And Karama didn't help at all.
As for Karama and Kapoor...seems like I must get to my next chapters, re-edit them (I have a lot of material written, just need to work on it some more) and post. And then write more :)
Thanks for reading :)
Date: 11 Sep 2011 10:32 Title: Day 20
Awww. I think I feel in love with the crew here, them all clapping Kapoor's attempts and successes. It all happened so fast, especially after spending so much time in her own company for days, but when Kapoor opened herself up to learn, to access the Cardassian psyche through their language I think they immediately opened up to her. And it was a very true thought expressed that it is through language a person can come to better understand another culture. The particles at the end of sentences speaking volumes about the Cardassian society and innate hierarchial structures that dictate their interactions and manner of expressing respect and indeed familial love, etc.
I have to say, I'm really impressed with how you related it all. I don't know for sure if your word choices for months, numbers, days, etc is canon or not but it really is effective and if not should be. I love it.
Once more, Kapoor impresses with how open she is to discover and experience new things. She kinda exemplifies the Starfleet motto of seeking out new life, new ways, new cultures, new experiences. And despite that or because of it, it makes her ideally suited to make inroads aboard this Cardassian galor and with each new learning she goes a long way further to being even better able to understand and relate to the Cardassians. And yet, she doesn't lose anything of herself in the process. She doesn't become 'Cardassianised'. Probably I think because, well the strength of your writing firstly, but the nature of her being is not to view it simply as being Cardassian or human. She talks about the Cardassians becoming more human but really she is thinking of what all people share in common no matter their Trek species. Terrific stuff.
Author's Response:
I think they appreciate her trying to know them, their culture and their language. And she is an explorer, all right. She embraces every difference and every similarity between Cardassians and humans and she enjoys the process of learning and discovering.It doesn't mean it won't get rocky at some point, though ;)
As to the language, I made it all. We have only a few examples of Cardassian language, so most of it is my own creation. Initially I stole most of numbers from one of Earth languages, but when re-editing the story months after having it written, I decided to change that and create original vocabulary.
Thank you for the thoughtful review :)
Date: 08 Sep 2011 21:17 Title: Day 11
I love how you continue to keep humour lacing the story, just enough to keep a smile on the lips and always illuminating some facet of Cardassian life - so the entire soup thing was joyous. I really liked this slice of life aboard the Galor ship, seeing how Kamara is punished and of course raising the topic of renumeration. Obviously, Starfleet duty has a different feel and slant to it but there is clear and obvious dutiful loyalty among the Cardassians and this impresses Kapoor greatly.
In particular, that of Kamara who she is beginning to realise she has a crush on. Hee, hee. But what I really liked about it is the opinion of Kamara himself about it all, something about hating the fact he disappointed Jarol more than anything else in the matter. I think that stands to him more than anything.
Author's Response:
Kapoor herself approches everything with a big spoon of humour, so she sees a lot of thing through that kind of not-so-serious prism.
Karama needed to be shaken and Jarol did just that; now he comes to realise how stupid his behaviour was and you'll that losing his gul's respect is only one of things that would bother him after his reckless behaviour.
Date: 07 Sep 2011 23:00 Title: Day 10
:puffs out a heavy sigh: I don't know whether to pity Kapoor or to berate her. She showed incredible naiveté bringing Kamara to their quarters. Really stupid. However, I think she was acting innocently and hoping all was resolved.
But then it comes to the report and she feels as if she has so failed in bringing the matter up in the manner she does. When Dragon Lady (lol) comes to their quarters and rebukes her for knowing and not reporting, you can see where Jarol is coming from but likewise relate to Kapoor.
As for Ullman, gah, what a horrible way to overreact. Of course, from her position, feeling fearful she probably had to act in some way and should be applauded for standing up for herself. But ugh what a horrible mess.
Author's Response:
Kapoor sometimes--often--acts before thinking, so she didn't even consider what kind of consequences bringing Karama would have. She felt she had only him--as a friend--to ask for a favour. It didn't occur to her how Ullmann would take it.
I think Ullmann was brought to the edge and while she was overreacting, I can understand why. She also probably felt betrayed by Kapoor: how Kapoor could be friends with someone who threatened her (or so she thinks that he did).
The mess is horrible and it'll take time to clean it. Especially for Karama.
Thanks for reading and reviewing :)
Date: 07 Sep 2011 22:25 Title: Day 7
Wow! Amazing all round the behaviours of everyone here - Karama and Ullman both are acting rather recklessly or needlessly here. She is creeped out by him but her own poor behaviours and suspicions in the beginning showed her prejudice. But his acting in order to provoke her is reckless and stupid. It crosses a line - I know he is acting to make a point with her but in doing so he is only bringing himself down to her level or inadvertently proving her poor ill-informed prejudiced point.
Author's Response:
What Karama does is undoubtedly very stupid. I don't think he really thinks what he's doing and that this kind of behaviour would bring completely opposite results. Ullmann is only more freaked out and even more scared, so whatever he'd do now (if he thought of doing something correct for a difference), it would be too late to fix the situation.
Date: 07 Sep 2011 21:35 Title: Day 3
Oh I knew there was something else I wanted to make specific mention of in this chapter and from the previous chapter. Here I really liked Kapoor's noting of the heirarchial structures and wondering if she would get greeted first or not by the 'ensign'. LOL! That would be a heady moment indeed.
In the previous chapter I know we see Brenok humming/singing here and that makes him different and maybe catches the reader's eye more for that reason. But I love how Zammarman has been so helpful and open to Kapoor.
And where we see the difference with having no science department I LOVE seeing how different the communications department is presented here. Personally, I rather suspect and think of the larger communications department on a Starfleet ship works in a similar intelligience gatheirng way. Certainly, it is how I envision it in my fanfics, especially the Border Patrol Service ones. But the way you approach and present here is terrific, very effective and a great contrast and eye opener to your Cardassian culture.
Author's Response:
Yes, Brenok is one of a kind LOL Zamarran is more of a traditional man, a bit stiff, but it doesn't mean that he's...well...mean. He lets Kapoor make her mistakes and I think at some point he found some of them even amusing. She's like a fresh breeze in a routine.
As for communications, I think it's not the only department that might be misleading if looking only at its name. Those are warships and ultimately everything there ends up as a military report. Talking to other ships is one thing, but what really counts is information. Information is worth more than latinum ;) A Ferengi would probably disagree, but not a Cardassian LOL
I'm glad you like that :)
Date: 07 Sep 2011 21:21 Title: Day 3
The Cardassians were not what I had expected them to be. I knew they couldn’t be as bad as the news went—otherwise no one would make me come here—but I didn’t expect them to be so...human. They weren’t that different from us: they liked to joke; they followed their traditions and their strict social code; they had families and dearly cared for them; they knew what sacrifice meant and were ready to protect their home from dangers at any cost.
I love this paragraph. It is a perfect summation of Kapoor's exploration of the Cardassian galor. I do imagine it is not an atypical crew but at the same time every crew is Cardassian with those 'human' qualities Kapoor admires. I love this about your story, you make the Cardassians 'human' without compromising their character, without making apologies, excuses or twisting canon to make them more palpable. It strikes home and makes a strong story telling point and makes for fascinating observations and differences/tensions.
Also, having read bits about the earlier career of Jarol [excuse how far back I am in my reading - I apologise], I love seeing this other end of her career, a Gul made is she is, 'feared' yet respected and commanding her crew with an imposing stature. Makes for a great image and a great comparison to most Trek Starfleet bridge settings.
Author's Response:
I like to think that Cardassian fleet wasn't filled with only brainless and brutal types we usually encoutered in DS9. There must be Macets and Daros we first met in TNG, too, or Ghemors from DS9. I try to show that they are different, their mentality is different and their culture is different, but it doesn't have to mean they are all are Gul Dukats or Gul Jasads, although those happen, too, unfortunately.
I'm glad it works out :)
And yes, the last time you saw Jarol it wasn't the best time of her life, but she survived and thrived. And here everyone can see her from outside, not outside through her eyes.
Date: 07 Sep 2011 21:08 Title: Day 2
Wow! I have a lot of things to say about this chapter but the ending was totally like 'what the heck?!' Ullmann totally over reacts and is completely unreasonable in her behaviour here. A Cardassian is actually trying to be nice to her and she takes the most sinister angle on it. Gah! Goes to show how far both sides have to go to get over the prejudices of the past.
But the chapter highlights again some of gulf that needs to be bridged for both Starfleet officers and Cardassian Union cofficers to come to an understanding or appreciation of one another's methods. The lack of science department of course is totally alien to us viewing Trek exploring. Of course it doesn't quite make sense to us in many ways but I like how you present it in the Cardassian mould and military setting so that it does make in-universe and Cardassian sense. I like too how it isn't presented as a 'we are better and more efficient than Starfleet' but simply as this is the way we do things, this works and we find it efficient.
I really enjoy Kapoor's enthusiasm and her keen attempts to keep up with the Cardassian ways and prove herself efficient and capable. I like too how she is always watching and observing their ways trying to discern the ins and outs of their ways. She remians positive, open and professional. And of course, proves funny when she makes her few mistakes! Hee, hee.
Author's Response:
Unfortunately, the Cardassians have bad reputation and Ullmann seems to believe it and take that reputation as a fact that applies to each and every Cardassian. By this time it's clear she was no a good choice for this exchange program.
The Cardassians weren't explorers, so they didn't need a department purely for studying all stuff that appears on their way. They were more interested in other things. You'll have a chance to see what their reports about planets look like; while they are not brutal conquerors any more, you will still see that a report is dominated by information on available resources and not just theoretical, scintific data.
And you are right, Kapoor is enthusiastic and she really enjoys discovering all those little things about Cardassians :)
Date: 13 Aug 2011 21:25 Title: Day 1 -- On the Bridge
Hee, hee. There is a lot here to give credit for, the stranger looking into a strange world and having so many questions and the potential to make so many blunders and cause embarrassments. But before all of that is the sheer joy and humour of it all. This is really funny. No wonder I see romance on the cards. Despite the eyes for the impressive Brenok it seems Karama and Kapoor have a lot of potential as a pair. Hee, hee. Again, really fun and impressive stuff giving a wondrous look into life aboard a Cardassian ship.
Author's Response:
I'm glad you found it funny, as it was supposed to be humorous.
Kapoor, as a stranger, gave me a great opportunity to show a lot of my Cardassians' world and culture. Through her eyes, I can show all those differences between us, the Earthlings, and the Cardassians. And she will enjoy it...for the most part ;)
Date: 13 Aug 2011 21:00 Title: Day 1
Wow. What a beginning. The two Feddies were just plonked straight into the middle of it. A real deep end of the pool, sink or swim experience. And it made for compelling reading as they came up against so many unknowns and a complete culture shock to the system. Everything is so different on the ship - how things work, protocol on so many levels, communication, departments, expectations, etc. So much to get use to. So much to learn. Man, that's a formidable mountain to climb.
Kapoor has the much better attitude to the entire experince, viewing everything in a postive light and filled with curiosity about the ship and the crew. It's an admirable trait and it will stand to her. She sees past the surface and sees for example how Jarol is actually worried about their health. And of course, she sees how attractive the long haired Brennok is and notices how curious Karama is.
Nice interactions all round and it should be interesting to see how things develop. There's subtle hints here about the future relationships without signposting matters. Very, very good.
Author's Response:
In spite of Kapoor's fear, one cannot say she's a coward--she bravely entered the lion's cave and she...enjoys it! She embraces the differences, even if sometimes she worries that she could do something really offensive.
Thanks for reading :)