Date: 31 May 2013 03:27 Title: August
Wow! This is a great introduction to these three, especially for me since I come to this as somewhat of a novice where these three are concerned.
Poor Icheb - never at home anywhere, never truly accepted or loved, even by his own parents. I love how members of the Voyager crew seem to have adopted him as one of their own, and are genuinely sharing in his joy at finally finding his place in the galaxy. Too bad the Academy will also prove to be a difficult road to travel.
Poor J.Q. - I had no idea that his home life was so bad. No wonder he can't wait to be away from all of that; on a fresh, new path fraught with possibilities. It seems he has had to be in charge and fairly independent for most of his formative years - couldn't count on Mommy Dearest for help in that department. That makes it all the more poignant that at this moment he is doubting himself - Is this the right move? Can he handle things academically? Something tells me he's a much stronger person than he gives himself credit for.
And Maren - leaving a warm, loving, close-knit family. It's gotta be harder for her than she is letting on, but the siren call of space and all it has to offer one so intellectually gifted can't be denied.
It's no wonder these three become such fast friends: J.Q. and Icheb share some of the same issues, whether they realize it or not, and I find it hard to believe that even though she is following her dreams, that Maren can walk away from her family without a backward glance. There's gonna be a void there that needs to be filled, and it seems J.Q. and Icheb will step up to that challenge - each in his own way, of course.
This makes me hungry to know more about the trio - to understand the tentative beginnings to the friendship and love that will sustain each of them in later years.
Date: 31 May 2013 02:55 Title: August
A wonderfully realised warm and caring family scene. One imagines all the fights and carrying on that went on with Maren and little brother Seth. The interchanges were adorable. And of course, the true pain was felt by the mother here who can see no doubt since Maren was small that this was her path but it is a path that will take Maren away from their simple farmlife home, will see her go to the stars and because her mom knows her potential she knows that Maren will go to the stars and may never come back. As a mother she has to let Maren go but it pains her to do so.
And for all her own kindness and light wonderful character, Maren herself is hard here in that this path is the path she wants and she feels not too much guilt about going away. It is something she has to do. Yet, the goodbye does hit home a little harder than she expects, sobering her thoughts and yet I do not think Maren entertained not for a moment the thought of deferring, of not going. In a way she has been deferring since she altered the playground equipment.
Date: 31 May 2013 02:48 Title: August
No wonder JQ questions himself. Questions himself when taking command, questions himself about how good a friend he is being to Icheb, questions himself about his feelings for Maren and whether to act on them. All his life he has been constantly questioning what mess was his mom going to be in? who would raise him? how would he look after her? question every bald lie given to him by her.
No wonder that for the bravado and confidence he isn't really that confident and brave. Yeah, he'll quickly prove himself as a security officer. He'll charge into the fray, get hurt, take the pain, cos let's face it he's got that all his life. Going in prepared for it, trained for it, equipped for it, purposed for hurt, that will make a difference.
And even when I read him looking around the room I sense that he's looking at it for the very last time. He's saying to fuck with this. This is done. THis is my past now. Done. Dusted. Then in the next line he tells him mom he is going to call her. Has he caved?! No. But he is making the lie to her face. Just to make it easier all round. The pretense is that he'll be back. It saves them both the grief, the hassle, the hysterics or bitching or complaint.
No wonder he finds his own connection with a disconnected Icheb. He's as much an outcast from his own mother as Icheb was. Add to that it's hardly awonder that in the loving, happy, life is good, people are good, heart warming Maren he finds solace and heart and wants to love her too. She makes life in possibly words to paraphrase JQ so much less shitty.
You evoke such a wonderfully real world. I'm not sure how you do it. But they are living breathing people with feelings shown and feelings hidden, with depth and realisation. Fully formed, I almost imagine there are three tiny little people who walk about your kitchen top.
Date: 27 May 2013 23:20 Title: August
This is beautifully believable. And now I'll tell you why.
Icheb - from his almost mechanistic behaviors to his quick gaze at Seven to B'Elanna hugging him, he is very much a stranger in a strange land. As a reader, I was quickly pulled into the narrative, and it was easy to sympathize with someone who is in a lot of ways a reformed enemy.
JQ - oh, to be the teenaged child of an alcoholic. That is an incredibly hard row to hoe. He has had to be the parent in the relationship ever since his stepfather left. And now his mother has damaged all he had left of the stepfather, and has clearly done it out of spite. Like thousands of ghetto kids before him, who were gifted in music, or math, or athletics, or art or anything that they could monetize, he has found his ticket out, and he obviously means to make the most of it.
Maren - from the sibling banter and physicality to her mother's bittersweet feeling of the nest emptying, to her looking forward to fulfilling her ambitions, Maren is a girl on a mission.
For all three characters, the immersion is perfect. These people feel real and true. I have seen a lot of sketched characters in fan fic (I've written some myself), but these people are three-dimensional and are fully realized, already, right out of the box.
Extremely well done, and the biggest thing is that I want to keep reading. You are making me want to turn the page.
Date: 26 May 2013 21:36 Title: August
Blown. Away.
I think we have talked about this before, but I am a huge fan of The West Wing and of its creator Aaron Sorkin. For some reason, your writing reminds me of him. As I read this, I can imagine a new episode of a new TV series, following these characters and as I have with every single one of his shoes, I feel immediately that I know these people, that I like these people and that I want to read more about them. So well done with that.
On top of that, you have managed to pull off three completely different character studies in one single chapter. First we have Icheb, giving us a glimpse into the world and characters we love. It was so great to see this aftermath of the return of Voyager, to see Seven and Icheb and how they were treated, to see Tom and the others. Especially B'Elanna. You nailed her character and I couldn't help a laugh when she barrelled in to save Icheb from the "swarm".
Then you take us to the opposite end of the spectrum with John and his tragic home life. It is nice to see this side of the Star Trek universe, to get a glimpse at the darker world and the fact that there are still problems. The scene where he stands on his street and thinks about his life there was realistic and true. I believed in him and what he had been through and how happy he was to be escaping.
And finally Maren. Her family seemed so nice, if a little constricting on her mum's side. The relationship with her brother seemed like something I could have lived through with my two sisters. A touching farewell with a hint of what was to come.
A fantastic start to what I hope will be a long story (or series?) After all there is more than one year at the Academy right? :)
Date: 24 May 2013 20:57 Title: August
Well in a recent ficlet review I spoke of wanting to know some of the blanks for Seven and Icheb in the aftermath of their arrival in the AQ. Here we get a big look into some of that. And it isn't pretty. Confined and restricted, virtually like priosners with all the suspicions of Starfleet directed towards them as though they are some secret weapon (how ironic in the case of Icheb).
Given the depth and affection in which you can portray and enrich the characters of VOY it is always surprising that you be so nervous about tackling canon characters and anyone else with your skills would have kept to writing and expanding VOY. Thank god though that you opted to write your own little universe expansion. It was like a little reunion to see some of our faves back for this - such as Seven and Torres. You do some mean Torres. And now Icheb can get to fulfil his ambition to serve in Starfleet and go to the Academy and of course a future at Utopia Plantia is waiting for him. Strange how much his path will weave before even that point and how much he will have to endure. The suspicions won't go away and he will have to truly adjust to Federation life now free of restrictions of confinement and the nature of attending the Academy. Means to say that there is going to be a lot for him to contend with and his confinement has probably been a buffer of sorts though absolutely horrid treatment.
We see here that when it comes to the Collective former drones are essentially seen by many as things, property or something to be experimented upon. Quite the ugly side of Starfleet and 'humanity' there in his treatment contrasted with the warmth of his 'family's' loyalty and love for him and Seven in the court.
And it has to be repeated or made more clear how much I love the connection you make between Icheb and Seven. How important that link is (the neural link metaphor especially good and effective at conveying some sense of how alike and important and connected they are).
Author's Response:
This is why I harass you so. Where else can I get such epic feedback on just one-third of a chapter? Because I'm greedy, of course I want to know what you think of the rest. ;-)
I'm glad this rang true for you, particularly the more established VOY characters. I do worry about writing them. This scene was easy because of the chaotic nature of the place and event -- we just get little glimpses. As this story continues, there will be longer scenes with almost all of them. I hope to do them justice.
And yes, Starfleet shows its ugly side, here, but can you blame them? This is the Borg we're talking about. We know Seven and Icheb well, but those who were on Earth the entire time do not, and what most know of their stories was filtered through the shattered lens of classified documents, inaccurate rumors, sensationalized news reports, and all the other things that make us think we know a famous (or infamous) figure when we don't, not really, not at all.
Thanks so much for the (as always) insightful review. You're the best. <3
Date: 22 May 2013 05:56 Title: August
Okay, finally I get to read this. First, Icheb. I want to wrap him in a big, fluffy blanket and take him home with me where he'll be safe forever. Since this isn't possible, though, I'll just say that his part in this beginning is very well done. His disorientation was tangible. I loved the glimpses of the Voyager's crew, and that you managed to make Seven likable, and that Torres came to rescue him. I like the atmosphere, in all of it; you took three different places, and just by writing the characters, you invoked the place.
John sort of breaks my heart. Boy, do I get screwed up young men from screwed up families, and you portray his anger and frustration and heartache extremely well. I love that he's from Alberta. I love how you made his house stand out, and how he was half-resigned, half-shattered by the t-shirt being destroyed. That one, I have a feeling, has a long road to walk to deal with a mother like that.
And then, Maren. You wonder why people love her: It's because she's bright. She shines. She has that rare quality that not many OCs have, of being bright and fully-realized and breathing. Her interactions with her family are gorgeous. Her straight-forward, never-wavering attitude is also gorgeous. I could picture the farmhouse, and little Maren laying in the grass looking skywards.
Overall, this is a purely engaging, beautifully written start. Keep going.
Author's Response:
What a treat to get such a wonderful review from the undisputed master of the Academy/coming of age/friendship story!
Thank you so very much, Steff. <3
Date: 15 May 2013 20:32 Title: August
Call me a sucker for good origin stories. This one is off to a great start.
What's fascinating of course is how completely different backgrounds these three people hail from. The contrast between John's toxic household and Maren's loving family is particularly stark.
I liked that the O'Conners are spiritual and that apparently so was Maren once. I wonder if she lost her religion or if she simply chose not to advertise it on Tesseract.
Author's Response:
Thank you, CeJay! Many moons ago, you were the one who suggested I write an "early years" series, so this is all your fault. ;-) I hope you continue to enjoy it.
Date: 15 May 2013 16:15 Title: August
First off: I love these guys. They're awesome.
Onto the chapter at hand. Icheb getting the court to rule in his favort was, as one can expect, a big moment for him. The reactions of the crowd, of Icheb, and especially the VOY family were genuine from start to finish. I enjoyed the look he exchanged with Seven, as we all know it was more than a look, and I really felt Icheb there ... he had his freedom. No longer was he a prisoner.
And then we have John. JQ's narration is, as ever, an entertaining read. The way he had to leave his home though illustrated well just how much he needed to get out of there and how broken his home was. His mom, as usual, is not a very sympathetic figure, especially after what "the sonic laundry" did to his shirt. I can't blame JQ one bit for wanting to get the hell out of there but I felt like as he looked down his street, one last time, there was a bit of regret there that he wasn't leaving behind better memories. He had a rough childhood but he should be fine at the Academy.
Then we have Maren, who's scene is full of family sweetness. The goodbyes and hugs squeezed my heart. I loved her interaction with Seth ... a very honest sibling moment. Maren's self-described journey rang true to me as well ... I could easily see her laying on the grass, staring at the stars, wanting to get out there. Her scene overall was touching and warmed me.
Well done. I look forward to more.
Author's Response:
Thanks, TF! I'm glad the story feels true to you so far, and that you're enjoying it. It won't be one of those phasers-blasting, stuff-blowing-up stories (well, with the exception of holodeck training simulations), but I hope the pull of the characters and their youthful trials will be strong enough to keep people coming back for more.