[Report This]Date: 15 Jul 2020 15:07 Title: Part 2
Okay - I love the second truck dialogue - I've had to bark that way on occasion - adds a touch of humor and verisimilitude in one go. And a bolian too nice to insist on being paid attention to.
Good aculturation too with the references to Tia and Brothers - giving a sense of a unique local mythos.
Also, quick resolves from the two questions leftover from the opening chapter - what is Horizon Protocol and why couldn't they just scan for the phasers. Critically important to make sure such potential plot-holes are neatly resolved.
Thanks!! rbs
Author's Response: Really glad you enjoyed the tone of this story, which is a bit of shift from my usual fare. As they say: Drama is easy, comedy is hard. I found that to be very true when trying man hand at it.
Date: 16 Jul 2013 01:35 Title: Part 2
I so much love the nod back to TOS canon, and the way the protocol got its name. I also particularly love the exasperation that Zolwat has to try to deal with, and the little misspeak of 'Goddess gracious', which I suppose is entirely valid as well.
I think, though, my favorite part was Orgun-Tia and the second truck. As dialogue goes, I could hear it ring out in my head, and it seems like a deceptively simple bit, but it captures... living interaction, I guess you could say. Not stilted, scripted, but what people actually sound like. Well done.
Date: 02 Jun 2013 16:07 Title: Part 2
Well we certainly have the lowest of the lower decks in play here don't we. It seems Val and Zolwat have quite the challenge ahead of them - perhaps even more of a challenge as she has to put up with Zolwat's rather cheery outlook and idealistic slant on things. Hee, hee, I like that contrast and it should prove to play off each other as this story develops.
I like too the chaotic business of the planet side relief efforts and the fact there is no real Starfleet or Border Patrol efforts in co-ordinating things. It merely is up to the inhabitants themselves to sort matters because the situation is that no one wants Starfleet on the ground anymore - the government (whatever remains of it) and not Starfleet itself.
“Those are our orders and I hear they come all the way from the top of the food chain. Apparently this is a real political hot potato and you won’t see a lowly ensign like me asking questions about it.”
Yup, a strange new world for the idealistic Zolwat here to learn that realpolitik plays a part in how Starfleet operates as much as it plays heedance to the principles of its doctrine. I rather imagine that by story's end Zolwat will have perhaps lost some of the sheen for how shiny and nice Starfleet and his job is.