Date: 28 May 2013 13:55 Title: Chapter 19
Something about this scene doesn't add up. If Hekon and his ship are the aliens, and they have the advantage, why is Hekon even responding to the Pearl's hail? Why doesn't Hekon just destroy the Pearl? Thus guaranteeing a war between the Federation and the Romulans, and this is what the aliens want. So something is not adding up here...
Date: 23 May 2009 14:15 Title: Chapter 19
Oh nice turn of events. Thought a war footing with the Romulans was bad enough but now we have interlopers too. This should make for some interesting developments.
Date: 29 Apr 2009 01:32 Title: Chapter 19
Well, I am now all caught up! The revelation of the nanoprobes was just very, very cool; it made sense, and then there's this very, "Oh, shit!" factor that goes with it. I thought Nick was a bit hard on Chris, but seeing the kind of pressure he was under, that's entirely forgivable. I think that the hostage negotiation (which was surprisingly light-hearted) was also a lot of fun.
The battle with the Warbirds was well-played, especially the slamming impact of the last line of Chapter 19. Overall, it's still a great story -- you do have a lot of minor spelling issues, ie, words that the spellchecker wouldn't catch (fair instead of fare) and that sort of thing, but it's still entirely well written. If you were to go back through and catch those word misuses, I could easily see this being published; while the Pocketbooks tend to be rather lackadaisical at best much of the time, this is a genuinely fun story that would win a lot of people over if given the chance.
Of course, getting that chance is hard. But regardless, you've done a marvelous job so far.