ACT TWO
FADE IN:
10 EXT. DEEP SPACE NINE
Focusing on the habitat ring...
11 INT. DS9 - QUARK’S QUARTERS
QUARK potters around his room, wearing his Ferengi pyjamas, getting ready for bed after a long day on his feet.
COMPUTER
Incoming subspace signal for
Ambassador Quark.
QUARK
Ugh - fine, accept.
Quark slumps to his computer console, presses the button, and the screen reveals SPODE (12x11 “Death of a Salesman”). The intrepid Ferengi reporter launches straight into it:
SPODE (screen)
Ambassador Quark! Spode, FCN.
You’re on live for our viewers
across the Alliance.
QUARK
...I’m in my pyjamas.
SPODE (screen)
And very flattering pyjamas they
are, Ambassador. Now, what can
you tell us about the rumours of
Zek’s miraculous survival?
QUARK
Oh, for the love of Gint. This?
Don’t tell me FCN is taking this
nonsense seriously.
SPODE (screen)
Are you telling us you don’t
believe the rumours?
QUARK
Of course I don’t believe them!
They’re ridiculous! You filmed
Zek’s dead body yourselves.
SPODE (screen)
You performed the ceremony. But
what if the ceremony was faked?
That would place a big stain on
your reputation.
QUARK
An even bigger one on all the
businessmen - business people -
who bought a piece of him. Do
you really think I pulled a scam
on the entire Ferengi Alliance?
SPODE (screen)
We’re just trying to get to the
truth, Ambassador.
QUARK
I’ll show you the truth.
Quark gets up from the desk, disappearing off screen for a moment as Spode looks on with a fake toothy smile for his audience. Then Quark returns, carrying his MEMORIAL DISC of Zek’s remains. He brandishes it at the screen...
QUARK (cont)
There - that’s the truth. Zek’s
vacuum desiccated remains. And see
this? The Seal of Dismemberment.
SPODE (screen)
(unflapped)
So as an important figure in the
Ferengi government, will you be
opening an investigation into
where these rumours came from?
QUARK
There’s nothing to investigate.
SPODE (screen)
So you’re telling our viewers you
refuse to support FCN’s efforts to
uncover the truth - interesting.
QUARK
(facepalm)
What do you expect me to do?
SPODE (screen)
It’s not my job to tell you how to
handle your business, Ambassador.
We just report the facts.
Quark glowers, backed into a corner...
12 INT. DS9 - PROMENADE
RO strides down the Promenade, having been “summoned”. On her way, she encounters BASHIR emerging from the Infirmary.
BASHIR - any idea what this is about? RO - not a clue.
They continue together, entering...
13 INT. DS9 - SECURITY OFFICE (CONTINUOUS)
...where EVIK sits behind the security desk, working, with QUARK already in the guest seat, back in his day clothes. Quark jumps to his feet all gentleman-like at Ro’s arrival. Bashir notices this and smirks.
QUARK
Laren...
EVIK
Thank you for coming, Commander.
I apologise for the late summons,
but the Ambassador insisted.
RO
What’s going on, Quark?
QUARK
It’s this Zek business.
BASHIR
What Zek business?
RO
(not taking itseriously)
There are rumours he’s been seen
alive on the Ferengi homeworld.
BASHIR
That’s impossible.
QUARK
Thank you! But I just had a call
from FCN themselves wanting
my take on the story.
RO
What did you tell them?
QUARK
That it’s impossible, obviously.
But they implied their coverage
would not be favourable if I
didn’t look into it anyway.
BASHIR
What could they possibly say?
QUARK
That I defrauded everyone by
selling fake Zek instead of real
Zek. Do you realise what kind
of effect that could have on
my business portfolio?
EVIK
I’ve been checking through the
security records, Quark, and there
is a report from Constable Odo
that you were accused of exactly
that once before - a holography
entrepreneur named Plegg?
QUARK
That was never proven.
EVIK
(chuckle)
And the constable’s vexation over
that comes through loud and clear.
But he remained suspicious...
QUARK
Oh please, they’ll put that on his
tombstone - “Here Lies Odo - He
Remained Suspicious.”
BASHIR
Can’t argue with that. But I also
remember questioning how come
you wouldn’t let me examine Zek’s
body before the ceremony.
QUARK
And I told you it’s the Ferengi custom.
You never interfere with the body
before dismemberment - it risks
lowering the asking price.
BASHIR
Very convenient...
RO
Now hold on a minute. We were
all there, we all saw the body. It
certainly looked like Zek to me.
And don’t forget this is all coming
from the least respected news
outlet on Ferenginar - which
is saying something.
BASHIR
What, FCN?
QUARK
No - The Seventh Rule.
BASHIR / EVIK
(super-dramatic)
“Our ears are always open.”
Bashir and Evik both laugh - this is clearly a well-known catchphrase that does not inspire respect or confidence.
QUARK
Stop laughing! This is serious
- it could ruin me.
RO
Alright, you two, settle down.
Quark, what d’you want us to do?
QUARK
Open an investigation, of course.
Prove me innocent.
Quark digs in his pocket and pulls out the Memorial Disc, hands it to Bashir.
QUARK (cont)
Here - there should still be
enough DNA in this to confirm
it was his body, right?
BASHIR
In theory, yes.
QUARK
Okay then.
(to Evik)
Commander, you can check all the
records - death certificate, seal of
dismemberment, transport logs -
and prove it was all above board.
EVIK
Very well. But I’ll need complete
access to your personal files.
QUARK
Fine, whatever you need.
EVIK
Of course, you realise that if I
do find evidence of fraud, I’ll
have no choice but to pursue
it according to the law.
QUARK
Diplomatic immunity, remember?
RO
That only means we can’t charge
you under Federation or Bajoran
law. We can still expel you and
provide all the evidence to the
Ferengi authorities. If it comes
to it, Quark... you can’t rely on
our friendship to protect you.
QUARK
It won’t come to that, Laren,
because I’m innocent. And to
prove it, I want you to come
back to Ferenginar with me.
Oh Prophets, anything but that. Ro looks to Evik and Bashir - no sympathy from either. She looks to Quark - so earnest that she can’t really say no. She sags in resignation.
RO
I only just dried out properly
from the last time, but if you
need me... then I guess I’m
going to Ferenginar. Fantastic.
Off Ro’s extreme displeasure at that prospect...
FADE OUT
END OF ACT TWO