TEASER
FADE IN:
1 EST. FERENGINAR
The Ferengi homeworld’s capital city - if we could get a different view from the usual that would be nice - although still as overcast, rain-sodden and downright damp as ever.
2 INT. FERENGI SUPERMARKET
A local corner-shop grocery market with three aisles packed with all types of standard Ferengi foods - the kind of place one might drop into on the way home from the office to pick up a couple of essentials you forgot earlier.
The door SLAMS open and two Ferengi males bustle in, eager to get out of the RAIN that hits the commercial-filled windows of the store. These are JOQ and BINDU, the two bickering work colleagues from 9x11 “Sale of the Century”.
SHOPKEEPER
Hey! No getting my floors wet!
The SHOPKEEPER peeks out from behind his plastic shield to point angrily at the machine on the wall beside the door. Muttering, Joq and Bindu both wrestle a SLIP OF LATINUM out of their wringing wet jackets and pop it into the slot.
A HATCH opens and the machine SPITS out small hand-towels. The two Ferengi fumble to catch the towels, then use them to pat down their big bulbous heads and their work suits.
The used towels go back into the machine, which tries to SNAP their hands off as it closes. Muttering, Joq and Bindu move into the shop and start browsing.
BINDU
I can’t believe I let you drag me
out into this thloppering weather.
JOQ
I told you, I need some ungaberry
sauce to put on my ChiggaBurgers.
BINDU
I don’t know how you can eat that
Betazoid filth. Plus the prices in
this place are ridiculous.
A nervous glance towards the Shopkeeper, who of course overheard and is glaring at them unhappily. Bindu puts his head down and moves on, as Joq inspects the shelves.
JOQ
You pay for convenience, Bindu.
This place is right next to my
apartment block.
BINDU
I don’t know why you didn’t just
order from the train and have
Donk’s Deliveries bring it right
to your front door. It would have
been there by now, and I wouldn’t
have got thloppered on.
JOQ
They don’t have the kind I like.
Bindu sighs and shuffles on down the aisle, not really paying attention.
JOQ
By the way, did you hear about
Lump getting fired? They caught
him embezzling from the annual
Gint Day party fund.
BINDU
How many times - don’t believe
everything you hear, Joq.
JOQ
It makes total sense, though. I
mean, how many times has Lump
got caught? He’s an embarrassment.
Everyone knows if you’re going
to embezzle, you do it from the
manager’s birthday gift fund.
A sound from the next aisle over - the high-pitched and supremely irritating GIGGLE we first heard way back in 1x11 “The Nagus”. It sounds exactly like former Grand Nagus ZEK.
Joq pauses in his shopping, his big round ears perking up.
JOQ
Did you hear that?
BINDU
Of course I heard it. So what?
JOQ
That sounded like Grand Nagus Zek.
BINDU
Now you really are losing your
lobes. Zek is dead, Joq.
JOQ
So FCN said. But you just said not
to believe everything you hear.
BINDU
I think a planet-wide vid in which
you and I both watched his body
get desiccated, chopped up into
two-hundred-and-eighty-five pieces
and sold off to the highest bidder
is pretty conclusive evidence.
Joq creeps up the aisle, shuffles a step at a time to the end, and peeks secretly around the corner...
...where a FIGURE in a heavy cloak stands in the next aisle with a jar in each wrinkly hand, comparing them. The cloak hood hides most of his features, but it could be Zek...
Joq peers around the corner like a super-spy, oblivious to the fact that his giant ears are clearly sticking out.
JOQ
He’s looking at the beetle snuff
aisle. Everyone knows Zek loved
beetle snuff.
Bindu stands openly in the aisle, utterly unimpressed with Joq’s secret mission or this mysterious figure.
BINDU
Zek also ran a bulti-billion-brick
business empire and never stepped
foot in a rip-off merchant’s place
like this his whole life. Plus, did
I mention he’s dead?
The figure GIGGLES again, still comparing the two jars of beetle snuff and apparently vastly entertained by them.
Bindu spots what he wants on the shelf, grabs it.
BINDU
Here’s your ungaberry sauce. Just
buy it and let’s go, okay? “The
New Adventures of Slug Boy” is
on in an hour and I haven’t even
insulted the writers online yet.
Not waiting for a reply, Bindu grabs Joq and drags him right past the figure towards the Shopkeeper’s counter. Joq tries to sneak a look under the hood without being seen. Bindu slams the ungaberry sauce packet onto the counter.
BINDU
He’s paying.
The Shopkeeper disdainfully rings up the purchase. Joq is still gazing at the cloaked figure - Bindu punches his arm. Joq pulls out his wallet, flips through all his cards.
JOQ
Right. Do you take Plinkie Points?
SHOPKEEPER
No.
JOQ
Crump Card?
SHOPKEEPER
No.
JOQ
Torg Tokens?
SHOPKEEPER
No.
JOQ
Love 2 Scrimp?
SHOPKEEPER
No.
JOQ
Dibble’s Discount?
SHOPKEEPER
(grudging)
...Yes.
JOQ
Great!
Joq hands over a certain card - the Shopkeeper takes it like it’s targ dung and swipes it into the cash register.
INSERT - CASH REGISTER
The total figure is displayed in FERENGI SCRIPT. As we watch, it counts down - by the smallest possible amount.
BACK TO SCENE
Joq seems nevertheless delighted by this. The Shopkeeper hands him back his card, shoves the ungaberries at him.
JOQ
No bag, thanks.
(beat; re
cloaked figure)
That guy over there - do you know
who he is?
SHOPKEEPER
Never seen him before.
JOQ
Don’t you think he looks like Grand
Nagus Zek?
SHOPKEEPER
I think he’s been trying to pick
his beetle snuff for ten minutes,
and you’re frinxed in the head.
BINDU
We’re leaving now. Sorry to bother
you. Thanks for the ungaberries.
Bindu grabs Joq and drags him impatiently to the door.
BINDU
Will you shut up? You go around
telling people you saw Grand Nagus
Zek buying beetle snuff and you’re
the next one who’s going to get
fired - and you’ll probably find a
way to drag me down with you.
JOQ
I’m telling you it’s him.
Bindu mutters, unconvinced. Joq shoves his berries into his coat, Bindu opens the door, and they both plunge cringingly back out in the rain, the door SLAMMING closed behind them.
In the aisle, the cloaked figure GIGGLES again...
FADE OUT
END OF TEASER