ACT THREE

FADE IN:

24 INT. DS9 - QUARK’S BAR

It’s INTERMISSION time, and the crowd from the holosuite has returned to the bar. Quark and TREIR are both serving their hearts out. The entire audience is here at once, all clamouring for drinks and snacks.

CANDLEWOOD
Come on, Quark. This whole pre-
ordered drinks thing is supposed
to speed it up, not drag it out.

QUARK
Doesn’t help when everybody pre-
orders their drinks.

Quark finally hands two drinks to Candlewood and shoos him away. The bartender hasn’t got time to breathe before the next customer is demanding his attention.

Squeezing his way through the crowd, Candlewood reaches Prynn standing on the opposite side and hands her one of the drinks. She’s still a bit downcast.

CANDLEWOOD
Here you go – this should cheer
you up.

PRYNN
Thanks, John.

CANDLEWOOD
Are you ever going to tell me
what’s wrong?

She gives him a look like, “Ask me again and you die.” He rolls his eyes in exasperation.

Then Prynn’s eyes cheer up with mischief. Candlewood wonders what changed.

HETIK (o.s.)
Hi, John.

Candlewood CHOKES on his drink, spluttering all down his front. Coughing and dribbling, he looks up in humiliation and sees HETIK standing there, trying not to smirk. Candlewood could just DIE from embarrassment.

CANDLEWOOD
(spluttering)
Hetik... hi...

HETIK
I was going to say, you look good
in your dinner suit. But then...

CANDLEWOOD
Thanks... yeah... I thought I’d
make an effort...

HETIK
You having a nice night?

CANDLEWOOD
I’m... with Prynn, Hetik...

PRYNN
Don’t you dare. Go. I’ll be fine.

Prynn shoves Candlewood towards Hetik, almost spilling his drink again. Candlewood is going to have to talk to him. He’s sweating with nerves, drink all down his front...

HETIK
So how’ve you been? Haven’t seen
you in a while.

CANDLEWOOD
Oh, not too bad. Umm, you know... stuff.
(false bravado)
I’m an important senior officer now!
Giving orders and everything. “You!
Drop and give me twenty!”

Hetik’s smile is strained. He has no idea what the hell that means.

FLASH

Candlewood stands facing the wall, with his head against the bulkhead, and he BANGS his head repeatedly against the wall. He throws his hands out as if to say, “Why?!”

FLASH

Back where he was, Candlewood gazes up at Hetik and gulps with nervousness. Hetik just has this effect on him.

At the bar, Quark is rushing around serving customers. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots Nog, hovering at the gap in the bar, wearing his giant headset stretched across his head. Quark just keeps on serving.

QUARK
I’m not talking to you.

NOG
(smirk)
Why not?

QUARK
I wondered what that was about all
night. I almost called the captain
to tell him one of his junior officers
had gone insane. But no – it was
just you humiliating me in front
of the whole station. I knew that
headset’d go to your... head.

NOG
Lighten up, uncle. It was a joke.

QUARK
Yeah? Well Lieutenant Tenmei
doesn’t seem to be laughing.

Quark gestures towards Prynn across the room – she stands alone, sipping her drink, not talking to anyone.

Then VAUGHN approaches her out of the crowd. Quark watches as the captain comforts Prynn. They talk MOS, he seeming to reassure her, she accepting it grudgingly.

QUARK
Any idea what that’s about?

NOG
Not a clue. Anyway, it’s time.

QUARK
(snooty)
I’m not sure I should. Why would
I do you a favour after the way
I’ve been treated?

NOG
Because you’re getting all this
business. Because your holosuites
are busier than they’ve been in
months. Because you’re getting
a cut of the ticket price.

QUARK
Fine.

Pouting, Quark lays down the bottle he was holding, hits a key on the computer panel behind the bar, and makes all the lights around the bar dim on and off rhythmically. Then he takes a deep breath and bellows at the top of his voice.

QUARK
Ladies and gentlemen! If you’d
like to take your drinks and proceed
upstairs to the holosuites, The Late
Show With Morn is due to begin its
second half in three minutes!
Thank you!

All around, people either knock back their drinks and place down their glasses, or begin to carry them back towards the spiral staircases and up towards the holosuites.

NOG
Thanks, uncle. See you after the show!

Quark grumbles as Nog moves away. Then his attention is caught by Vaughn and Prynn again. He can’t help wondering - what’s going on there?

Candlewood is still trying to sputter out words.

CANDLEWOOD
I’d... better... go.

HETIK
That’s fine. I’m working anyway.
Nice to see you. Have fun!

Candlewood can’t even process that, so he just turns away back to Prynn. Vaughn is just stepping back from her.

VAUGHN
Saved by the bell, Lieutenants.
Go on and enjoy the show. I’ll
speak to you later.

PRYNN
Seeya, dad.

Prynn and Candlewood head towards the stairs. On the way...

CANDLEWOOD
What the hell is wrong with me,
Prynn? All I wanted was a nice
sophisticated evening of elegant
entertainment...

CUT TO:

25 INT. TV STUDIO - SET

MRS ETHRAKOI (female alien, not human or Bajoran) picks up her chair and HURLS it across the stage in a fury.

MRS ETHRAKOI
You tried to steal mah neckliss!

MR ETHRAKOI (male alien, same species as his ex-wife) is also on his feet, raging right back at her.

MR ETHRAKOI
It ain’t yo neckliss! It’s mahn!

The two arguing aliens are up on their feet, shouting at the top of their voices, practically frothing at the mouth with hatred and anger at each other.

The chairs are set apart on the stage (or were, before they were thrown), with Morn between them holding a microphone. He’s struggling to calm them down – they pay him no mind.

MRS ETHRAKOI
You think you can do that? You think
I’d just let you get away with that?

MR ETHRAKOI
(sneer)
Nothing you can do about it!

The audience are up on their feet, CATCALLING and HOLLERING like spectators at a bloodsport.

MRS ETHRAKOI
I called the poh-lice on yo dirty
behaahnd once, I can do it again,
you son of a gumprat!

MR ETHRAKOI
Don’t you talk about mah mama!

The male alien LAUNCHES across the stage in a fury, aiming for his ex-wife, not caring that Morn is in between them. Morn gets buffeted about, battling aliens on either side of him trying to land punches and smacks. Neither hit their targets - they only hit Morn.

On the band stand, Vic gulps anxiously.

VIC
Now Mister and Missus Ethrakoi, we
asked you up on stage to calmly
discuss your marital problems –

MRS ETHRAKOI
We ain’t got no marital problems!
We ain’t got no damn marriage!
I divorced the son of a –

MR ETHRAKOI
Don’t you talk about mah mama!

And they’re off again, shirt-grabbing and slap-fighting and knocking poor Morn about between them.

VIC
Alright, that does it. Nath!

The security chief Evik Nath lumbers onto the stage to the sound of CHEERS and JEERS from the audience. They’re up on their feet, rhythmically fist-pumping the air as one.

AUDIENCE
Nath! Nath! Nath! Nath! Nath!

Evik forces himself between the aliens, pushing them apart. They’re still swinging and flailing and yelling all sorts of filth at each other. The crowd whoops with delight.

VIC
(rhetorical)
How does this happen every time?!

Evik finally succeeds in dragging the two aliens off the stage and into the wings. We can still hear their shrieking and cursing as they go. Morn is left behind on stage.

VIC
Y’alright there, big fella?

Morn pants as he recovers, holding a hand up to stall Vic, as if to say, “Gimme a minute here.”

VIC
Yeah, you just catch your breath.

The audience “Awwww”s with disappointment that the fighting is over, but eventually settles back down into their seats.

26 INT. DS9 – MAIN OPS CENTRE

In Ops, Cenn is stood at the central Ops table, trying to concentrate on his work. Glancing up at the screen with its raucous shrieking and caterwauling, he shakes his head in confused exasperation. Ro is wandering the stations.

CENN
Honestly, I don’t know why those
two don’t just move apart. Then
they wouldn’t keep getting into
fights all the time.

RO
I guess people just don’t know
what’s good for them.

Cenn looks askance at Ro – that was an odd comment. When Ro makes her way back to the central table, Cenn takes his chance and speaks to her confidentially.

CENN
Commander... What’s going on?
What’s this big news?

RO
Stop worrying about it, Major. It’s
nothing that concerns you.

CENN
Then why can’t you tell me?

RO
Because it’s not my place to tell,
alright? Trust me, you’ll know
when you need to know.

That’s not good enough for Cenn. He takes a chance.

CENN
Can we speak privately, please?

Puzzled, Ro nevertheless nods and heads up towards the office. Cenn follows, beckoning an EXTRA to take over his place on the boards. We go with them, into...

27 INT. DS9 – CAPTAIN’S OFFICE (CONTINUOUS)

Ro lets the door close, and turns to speak to Cenn. She’s calm, not confrontational.

RO
What’s the problem, Major?

CENN
Commander, you may have called
me stupid in the past, but believe it
or not, I’m actually not stupid. I
know that you’re keeping something
from me. As your Bajoran liaison, I
have to say I’m insulted that you
don’t trust me.

Very delicate moment for Ro. She has to play this very carefully. She counts to ten first.

RO
Major... please. You need to stop
worrying. Yes, I have a secret.
But it’s nothing you need to lose
sleep over. There are only three
people on this station who do know
about it, so you’re hardly being
singled out as untrustworthy.

CENN
Evik, Nog, Bashir? They don’t know
either?

RO
They’ll know soon enough, when
it’s time. Just like you will. So
please relax. Shall we?

She gestures back out to Ops. Cenn reluctantly nods. Ro walks out ahead of him, but as she goes, Cenn pauses and watches her distrustfully.

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT THREE