Summary: A series of short ficlet's with characters burrowed from various Ad Astras Authors verses.
Written as part of Stuff the stocking 2013 Gifts.
Categories: Original Series, Alternate Original Series, Next Generation, Expanded Universes Characters: Borodin, Branch (Colony Alien), Crusher, Beverly, Icheb, Lady Q, Number One, O'Connor, Maren, Q, Scott, Montgomery (Scotty)
Genre: Friendship, Holidays, Humor
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 7 Completed: No
Word count: 7904 Read: 23008
Published: 21 Dec 2013 Updated: 05 Jan 2014
Story Notes:
A Big thank you to Lil Black Dog for the Beta Read Check and Guidance.
1. Prologue by FalseBill
2. Chapter 1 (SLWalker-Verse #113) by FalseBill
3. Chapter 2 (McKenzie-Verse #087) by FalseBill
4. Chapter 3 (Jespah Verse #122 & 145) by FalseBill
5. Chapter 4 (Kes7 Verse#031) by FalseBill
6. Chapter 5 (trekfan #167 & #181) by FalseBill
7. Chapter 6 (Bluesman #219) by FalseBill
Author's Notes:
Naurr tidies up after a successful Christmas Banana Multiversal Mixer
Naurr’s tail waved with delight as he loaded the dirty cutlery and dishes into the sanitizer. He wasn’t sure why the glowing non-corporeal Caitian in the red gown and black hat had appeared to him in the Ariane kitchen and told him he had to do the food for this Christmas Banana Multiversal Mixer or it would destroy all his human friends on the Ariane.
Put like that there was simply no way Naurr could refuse. He wouldn’t risk his human friends’ lives, but despite his initial fears the catering for this strange party had been great fun. He got to try out all sorts of new recipes from Philippe and Lil O’Day, plus some new ideas of his own out on the strange people from across the multiverse.
Having finished loading the sanitizer, Naurr walked out to study the party hall. There did seem to be rather a lot of inebriated beings now sleeping at, on or under tables.
Naurr moved round them and collected the dirty dishes and empty glasses. He noticed near silent groans from some of them as he moved them slightly to collect the dirty items.
The majority of them seemed to be wearing brightly colored uniforms and claimed to be associated with Starfleet from some point in its future, which fascinated Naurr. He hoped he’d get a chance to talk with Captain Gorrim or his chef pen pal, Lili O’ Day, about it.
Naurr finished his round and took the items back to the kitchen sanitizer, and he wondered aloud, –Should I start to prepare a full English breakfast for everyone as a hangover cure?â€
A strange stain on the wall answered him: –Fifty-five percent of those surveyed believe further sustenance would be agreeable, 20% request further water, 11% would like the room to stop spinning first, 10% would like confirmation on how the colony got drunk and the rest wish us to sing ‘Jingle Bells.’â€
–I’ll put some water out and then start breakfast; that should satisfy the major of voters,†replied Naurr.
–A simple majority of voters agree,†said Branch. Then the mysterious talking stain fell off of the wall and said, –Seventy percent of voters say now is the moment to start to sing ‘Jingle Bells.’â€
Naurr just smiled as a drunken –Jingle Bells†drifted up from the strange creature.
=//=
Chapter 1 (SLWalker-Verse #113) by FalseBill
Author's Notes:
The Christmas Banana Multiversal Mixer expands to cover characters from SLWalkers Pike Era USS Enterprise.
–Well Doctor Boyce?†asked Captain Pike.
–I’m sorry Chris, It could be Number One or it could be an ordinary banana,†said Doctor Boyce.
–That’s your best medical opinion?†asked Caitlin Barry.
–Other than that this banana has Number One’s face and uniform on it, my scans can’t identify anything that would say this is anything but an ordinary banana,†said Doctor Boyce.
–Do you really think Number One would vanish off the ship and just leave a banana in her place?†asked Barry.
–It would seem out of character for Number One, but it’s more believable than she just turned into a banana,†said Doctor Boyce.
The door to Number One’s quarters opened and Lieutenants Spock and Scott entered the room. Pike picked up on the tense look exchanged between Mister Scott and Commander Caitlin Barry.
–Report Spock,†asked Pike.
–Captain, the sensors recorded an odd power signature spike from these quarters at 12:53 hours ship’s time, approximately five minutes before Commander Barry found the banana,†said Spock.
–I see. Mister Scott is there anything odd with the ship’s systems?†asked Pike.
However before Mister Scott could reply he disappeared in a flash of light and in his place was a banana in an engineering uniform.
Caitlin let out a small yelp.
–Mister Spock, set yellow alert,†ordered Pike.
–That would seem an appropriate action Captain,†said Spock.
=/\=
The light faded and Montgomery Scott found himself standing in a large conference room with tables, chairs, a dance floor and various drinks. At one end was a raised stage and above it hung a banner, which read –Christmas Banana Multiversal Mixer.†Opposite it beside a pair of double doors marked with the word ‘Kitchen’ was a long buffet table laid out with some fine looking food.
–What the devil!†he exclaimed.
It took Montgomery a moment to realise he was no longer wearing his uniform but was dressed in a formal suit with his kilt on. He was also holding a card that read: –Welcome to the Christmas Multiverse Banana Mixer, Montgomery Scott of Verse #113. This is your reward for your endeavours over the last year. A bonus holiday day just for you where you can party all day with various heroes and friends of many realities. Regardless of your state at the end of the day you will be returned ten minutes after you left, fit for duty. Now go party! Season’s Greetings from your host!â€
Scotty looked at the card in confusion till he heard Number One call him. –Lieutenant, over here.â€
Scotty looked around the large room again and spotted Number One standing by a large window overlooking a nebula he didn’t recognise. She was wearing a formal evening dress with opera gloves and a tiara. She waved him over while continuing to talk to a short male Caitian in a chef’s uniform.
Scotty walked over to join them.
–Number One,†said Scott, respecting her authority despite the civilian dress.
–Mister Scott, which universe number is on your card?â€
–One thirteen, Number One,†said Scott.
–Good Lieutenant, that means according to the cards we’re both from the same universe,†said Number One.
–I’m not sure I understand,†said Scotty.
–Multiverse-Mixer are thrown by very powerful non-corporeal life-forms, for reasons that can seem either insignificant or when the fate of more than one universe is at stake,†said Number One.
–I see,†replied Scotty.
–Now, the cards and our new clothes would suggest that someone wants us to let our hair down. It is my intention that we stay professional.â€
Scotty gave a curt nod to indicate his understanding.
–So Lieutenant, the facts are, someone has abducted us from the Enterprise, and we have cards that say this is a party. I intend to ensure that we keep up our guard and discover all the facts for ourselves.â€
Number one indicated the Caitian chef. –Now the chef here, a Mister Naurr from universe number 139, says he was confronted by a non-corporeal life-form who told him to cater this event or it would destroy his ship the Ariane,†said Number One.
–Aye it dinnae sound a friendly situation. What would you like me to do?†asked Mister Scott.
–I’m going to go on face evidence for the moment, this is a hostile situation, both the crew of the Ariane and yourselves are prisoners of this unknown life form. So to avoid upsetting our ‘host’, Naurr will carry on preparing the feast, while we’re going to explore this prison, and check it out. Shall we go exploring, Lieutenant?†said Number One.
–Aye,†replied Scotty.
=/\=
Chapter 2 (McKenzie-Verse #087) by FalseBill
Doctor Beverly Howard sat back in her office chair onboard the Enterprise-E, despite the ‘E’ being a galaxy class like the ‘D’ that Captain Riker had sacrificed to stop the Borg. The chief medical officer just didn’t feel comfortable in this new office.
Beverly felt tired, after the recent medical mission to the famous cloud city of Stratos on Ardana. The door to her office opened and the ship’s executive officer Elizabeth Shelby entered her office.
–Doctor--,†started Shelby.
–Tell Captain Riker he’ll get his final updated medical report when I’m ready to issue it and not a moment sooner,†said Beverly.
Commander Shelby held her hands up in mock surrender and replied, –I’m not here to chase up any reports doctor. The Captain sent me down here to pass on his congratulations on a job well done.
–No Doctor, the Captain instructed me to ensure that you go and get some rest, and then go get some for myself afterwards, as reward for a hard job well done, and to tell you not to worry about the report,†said Shelby.
Beverly picked up her eyebrow at that comment and then face-palmed herself before saying, –Okay, now I’ve embarrassed myself.â€
Shelby just smiled in reply.
–Well if it’s a captain’s order, who’re we to refuse it? Still that order would suggest to me that you’re finally starting to get onto Riker’s good side,†said Beverly.
Commander Shelby just shrugged and replied, –We’re a good command team; that doesn’t require that we like each other.â€
As Beverly walked round her desk she put a hand on Shelby’s shoulder and said, –No it doesn’t, but it would make both of your lives a lot easier if you did.â€
–Thank you Doctor, but Captain Riker and I have different styles and so like oil and water, we might go together but we don’t mix,†said Shelby.
–Perhaps, I’m not convinced, anyway can I convince you to join me in Ten Forward for a job well done drink?†asked Beverly.
–For a seasonal hot chocolate drink, before bed? Why not, Doctor, we were ordered to rest, not sleep,†said Shelby.
–Yes, with extra marshmallows,†said Beverly with a smile.
Shelby just smiled and looped her arm through Beverly’s and led Beverly out of sick bay saying, –Don’t worry, I’ll scowl at Jack Crusher for you if he comes within four feet of our table.â€
–Thank you, Commander,†replied Beverly.
The two ladies walked down the corridor towards the nearest turbolift, but before they got there they were intercepted by Lieutenant Reginald Barclay. However, before he could tell the doctor and commander about his latest imaginary sickness, a white flash happened and he found himself in the corridor alone with two bananas. Barclay knelt down to study the bananas: they had on the faces and uniforms of the two ladies. In a blind panic, he hit his com-badge and reported this strange turn of events to a disbelieving Captain Riker.
=/\=
The Q flashes faded away and Beverly and Elizabeth found themselves in a ladies’ toilet, touching up their make-up and wearing glorious evening gown and tiaras.
They looked at their reflections, looked at the other one and then back at their reflections, then almost in unison screamed, –What now, Q!â€
The two women looked around but no reply came.
–Now what?†asked Beverly.
–If Q is true to form, we might as well see what we can work out from our immediate situation,†answered Elizabeth.
The two ladies dropped the make-up into the handbags provided. Beverly spotted the card first and said, –There in the handbags. There’s an invitation.â€
Elizabeth reached into the handbag and retrieved the card and read it out aloud: –Welcome to the Christmas Multiverse Banana Mixer, Elizabeth Shelby of Verse #087. This is your reward for your endeavours over the last year. A bonus holiday day just for you, where you can party all day with various heroes and friends of many realities. Regardless of your state at the end of the day you will be returned ten minutes after you left, fit for duty. Now go party! Season’s Greetings from your host!â€
Both women let those words hang in the air before Elizabeth added, –Elizabeth Shelby of verse number 087?â€
–I fear we’ve been dragged into a multiverse event,†said Beverly.
–A what?†asked Elizabeth.
–The ladies’ room door opened and Number One and Mr Scott walked in. They had been listening from the other side of the door. It was Number One who said, –A Christmas Multiverse Banana Mixer.â€
Elizabeth and Beverly turned to face the two people who had just entered. The two odd couples eyed each other.
–Bit of a Mexican stand off,†said Shelby.
–So it would seem,†replied Number One.
It took Beverly a moment to realise she recognised the young Scotsman with the raven hair: Montgomery Scott.
–Then I guess in the best traditions of Starfleet someone needs to make the first leap of faith, which I’m going to do now, in the hope I don’t have to heal anyone later,†said Beverly.
She stepped forward and raised her hand in the offer of a handshake before she continued.
–I’m Doctor Beverly Howard, the chief medical officer of the Federation starship USS Enterprise. My colleague is my vessel’s executive officer, Commander Elizabeth Shelby.â€
Much to Beverly’s surprise it was Mister Scotty who stepped forward and shook her hand in response and said, –Hello Beverly. Lieutenant Montgomery Scott, junior engineer of the Federation starship USS Enterprise. My colleague is my vessel’s executive officer, Commander -- well I’ve got to admit, that I dinnae actually know her real name, we just all call her Number One like Captain Pike does.â€
–Why should we trust someone who won’t tell us her name?†asked Shelby.
Suddenly in a Q flash the quartet found themselves transferred to the main party room.
–Because my dear Liz, there’s a good story why she won’t tell you her name,†said Mrs Q as she appeared at nearby table in a Q flash wearing a better dress and tiara than the other ladies. Then with a click of her fingers she made one of Naurr’s banana split dishes appear in her hand from the main table, which she then dug into with a spoon.
–Are you responsible for us being here?†asked Number One.
Mrs Q savored the food on her spoon before replying, –Now my dear don’t be impatient, the card told you the truth, this is a treat for being a good girl, so just relax and enjoy yourself.â€
–What are you up to this time Q?†asked Elizabeth.
–Throwing a party for you little Starfleet heroes, now go and get a drink down you, relax and try the food -- it’s mostly excellent, plus most importantly have fun,†said Mrs Q.
She clicked her fingers and glasses with drinks appeared in the four human hands. They were unable to stop themselves from taking a large sip from the glasses.
–See, that’s better. Make some small talk and I’ll catch you later as I need to go and get some more guests,†said Mrs Q, and with a click of her fingers she vanished.
They all looked at each other.
=/\=
Chapter 3 (Jespah Verse #122 & 145) by FalseBill
Author's Notes:
The Banana Mixer expands to incorporate Jespah TIC & AOS Verse.
A big thank you to Gatekeeper for the Beta read and spelling help on this chapter.
Time-ship H G Wells
3130
Verse #145
Lieutenant Genovefa Calavicci cried out as Doctor Boris Yarin the Human, Xindi-Sloth, and Klingon Hybrid gave her yet another anti-viral shot in the backside to counter whatever mirror disease she had picked up on her last trip to the ISS Defiant.
Meanwhile, Admiral Carmen Calavicci of the Temporal Integrity Committee stood on the other side of the observation window and tried not to laugh out loud at her mirror’s doubly embarrassing situation.
‘Well, this latest incident should keep Daniels away from her, for a little while at least. Still, we learned something new about Empress Hoshi, and completely by accident,’ thought Carmen.
Just then her internal communicator beeped and a familiar voice came over it
–Levi to Admiral Calavicci,â€
–Go ahead Levi,†said Carmen. Silently praying for something that wouldn’t be another total disaster for her to fix.
–Admiral, Otra is having a vision. We are currently down on the forward observation deck,†said Levi.
–Okay Levi, I’m on my way. I’ll be with you shortly. Check with Kevin to see if his temporal scanners or computers are reporting anything odd yet,†said Carmen.
–Yes Admiral,†came the reply.
Carmen activated a channel to Doctor Yarin.
–Doctor when Genovefa stops screaming, do please tell our Mirror Universe field representative that while technically her last mission was successful, I’m not convinced sleeping with Hoshi’s latest toy-boy was necessarily a good idea. Carmen out,â€
As Carmen turned to leave she saw Boris give her a signal that he had received and understood the message.
Then Carmen activated a site-to-site transport down to the forward observation deck.
When Carmen arrived Otra was surrounded by Levi, Crystal, HD Avery, and Sheilagh and Branch. All her crew was looking on while Milena was waving a medical scanner over Otra to check her vitals. Otra Chavecoi was acting bizarre and had also turned a bright banana shade of yellow.
–How do you feel Otra?†asked Carmen.
–Bananas!†said Otra suddenly.
–Take a moment to get your bearings,†said Carmen.
–Kevin reports that the computers report no temporal changes or anomalies at the moment and temporal integrity remains at 100%,†reported Sheilagh.
–How odd, anyway, people let’s give Otra a bit of space,†said Carmen
–I’m fine Admiral, but it was the most bizarre vision. You look better as a human rather than a banana,†said Otra.
–Um, thank you, Otra,†replied Carmen, taken aback by that statement.
–Everything in my vision was made of Bananas,†said Otra.
–Go on Otra,†said Carmen.
–Not just normal yellow or green bananas, but bananas of every shade under the sun, and a few colors I can’t describe, but those bananas made up all the people, ships, planets and stars,†said Otra.
Branch spoke, –Latest survey 60% of those polled feel this vision represents a multi-verse crossover event, while 30% believe that Otra is suffering a lack of potassium and should be fed some bananas, while the remainder feel this is a indication of a--–
Before he could finish the colony alien known as Branch disappeared and a turquoise banana appear in Branch’s place.
=/\=
Mars - Vulcan Sanctuary
December 2262
Verse #122
Eriecho sat at the table in the Sanctuary’s main hall sipping a Vulcan Mocha and looking at her PADD to try and not look directly at the old Vulcan matron, T’Bek, sitting opposite her.
Eriecho couldn’t concentrate on her Vulcan history lesson because she was feeling lonely as both Saddik and Sollastek were away on an extended assignment to the Callisto sanctuary and Valeris had gone this morning to help the facility medical team with an elderly Vulcan suffering from the surprise on-set of Pon farr. Eriecho didn’t really want to think about that too much.
–Well Eriecho, do you understand the lesson?†asked T’Bek.
–No, nor do I see why I should,†replied Eriecho.
T’Bek tapped the response into her PADD.
–Because this is a key part of a standard Vulcan grade-school education that sadly you missed out on while you were being raised in Canamar Prison. Until I can teach you to appreciate what a lack of emotional control did to Vulcan in the past, you will not be able to correctly engage with the mesiofrontal cortex of your brain to suppress your emotions,†replied T’Bek.
–Maybe I don’t want to?†replied Eriecho.
–Logically, if that were true you wouldn’t be here, regardless of Saddik’s or Colonel Shaw’s request,†answered T’Bek.
Before Eriecho could reply she disappeared in a flash of light.
–Curious,†said T’Bek as she studied the yellow fruit like object now in front of her.
=/\=
Naurr wasn’t quite as surprised as the others when a flash of light deposited the strange swarm colony creatures in the main hall, though his new female human friends Elizabeth and Beverly did seem to be taken aback.
–-- A banana multiversal mixer,†finished Branch. Then the colony aliens looked around and studied the unexpected new surroundings.
–Is that going to keep happening?†asked Elizabeth Shelby.
–Given the amount of food I’ve been told to cook, I would expect several more guests,†replied Naurr.
–What is that?†asked Number One.
–Given that it is wearing a white-tie suit, I think a better question might be who is that?†answered Beverly.
Branch recognized all the people in the room from his history files and conducted a pair of quick surveys.
–The overwhelming majority of those polled believe the previous question was directed at us, thus we now respond that this entity is commonly called Branch. The result of our second survey is less conclusive and a recount is now in progress,†said Branch.
–Thank you, Branch,†said Beverly.
–What second survey?†asked Shelby and Number One, almost in unison.
However, before Branch could answer another white light deposited Eriecho in the room.
Eriecho took a moment to recognize her location had changed. Then she realized she was no longer wearing her stone grey dress or teal green leggings; instead she was now dressed in finest robes of orange and white and across her chest was emblazed the green IDIC logo of Vulcan. There was some strange crystal hat object on her head.
She was being looked at by a small group of humans, a Caitian and something that she couldn’t easily describe, other than being a bit like a tall pillar of black flying things.
The male human spoke first. –Welcome to the Banana mixer, lass,†he said.
He didn’t seem that threatening, but he did have a very odd accent. Instinctively, Eriecho reached for her hidden spatula but it was no longer on her. It had been removed along with her normal clothes.
–Where am I? This isn’t Mars?†said Eriecho.
–None of us have a good answer for that one, yet,†said Elizabeth.
Falling back on old tactics H’Shema had taught her in Canamar, she looked for the smallest person in the room, which was the yellow haired human female who just spoke. Eriecho decided there were too many humans around for her to try and intimidate the human, so she instead walked quickly towards the small male Caitian, as there was only one of him plus, while he was taller than the yellow haired human female, he was still smaller than she was.
She was secretly pleased as the Caitian cowered away from her as she approached.
–Tell me what’s going on,†demanded Eriecho, with a confidence in her voice that she didn’t actually feel.
–We’ve all been abducted by a non-corporal creature apparently known as Lady Q. I’m supposed to cook food for the rest of you,†replied Naurr.
–What does this Lady Q want in return?†asked Eriecho.
Suddenly she was aware that the two raven haired humans had advanced on her, clearly indicating they would defend the Caitian from any actual harm.
–That is what the rest of us are trying to work out, so why not help us rather than threaten the chef?†asked Number One.
Eriecho looked at the taller raven haired female human and asked, –What do you want in exchange for my help?†asked Eriecho.
–Nothing but your help in any mutual escape attempt, lass†said Scotty.
–And to try the food. I do a good roasted sweet potatoes with blueberries, that T’Pol says is acceptable to a Vulcan palate,†added Naurr.
Eriecho looked at the strangers--one thing time at Canamar and the Vulcan Sanctuary on Mars had taught her was when people were on the level. She decided to accept that these strange people were being as close to truthful as she could expect, but she was going to watch the Caitian. He seemed to be the only one with something to offer and was giving it away seemingly for free.
–Fine, my name is Eriecho, what can I do to help first?â€
–Try the roasted sweet potatoes with blueberries, as all this good food, which I’ve worked so hard on, is going to waste,†said Naurr.
‘Yes’ thought Eriecho ‘the Caitian has a hidden agenda, I need to watch him,’
–Why not? Better to try and escape after a good meal so we’ve all got plenty of energy,†said Number One.
–Aye, it smells far too good to let it go to waste,†said Scotty.
–Yes, it is just what this doctor ordered,†said Beverly.
=/\=
Chapter 4 (Kes7 Verse#031) by FalseBill
Author's Notes:
Written by Kes7.
The Mixer expands to incorporate Kes7 verse and more of the Q family.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Maren O’Connor groaned aloud as she unexpectedly materialized in an unfamiliar hallway wearing a ball gown fancier than the dress she had planned to wear for her own wedding. On one side of the corridor, there was a set of double doors with a sign that read: “Christmas Banana Multiversal Mixer.” On the other, there was a mirror mounted on the wall just above a console table that held an elaborate floral arrangement. Catching sight of her own reflection, she could see that she was wearing a tiara, of all things - along with what looked like a fortune in diamond jewelry and way more makeup than she would have liked. Glancing down at her dress, she saw that even her bust had been enhanced. That’s when she realized exactly what had happened, and who was responsible for it.
She wrinkled her nose in disgust.
“Junior, what are you playing at this time?” she demanded of the empty hallway. She tried to put her hands on her hips to emphasize her indignation, but found them blocked by the gown’s awkward girth and let them fall awkwardly to her sides again. She stared up expectantly at the ceiling, but the only answer was another flash, and suddenly Icheb was at her side, impeccably dressed in a perfectly tailored tuxedo and blinking in confusion.
Maren met his gaze with a small shrug. “Junior,” she offered, by way of explanation. “You look amazing,” she quickly added, turning a shade redder. This was … awkward, to say the least.
The last thing she remembered, she had been holding a phaser to his head, all hell was breaking loose, and they were barely speaking to one another. She still loved him, of course; she had never stopped loving him. But she hadn’t told him that yet, in real time. If Junior was trying to get them back together … well, actually, if Junior was trying to get them back together, that would be the only decent thing he’d ever done, so that probably wasn’t why they were here. But it was a nice thought.
Icheb was gazing at her with an expression stuck somewhere between relief and disbelief. “So do you,” he said, his eyes widening visibly as he paused to take her in. To her surprise, his eyes suddenly filled with tears. “The last thing I did before I appeared here was start a regeneration cycle in your room in Sickbay,” he explained, voice quiet and trembling just a little. “You were unconscious and badly hurt, and now …” he trailed off. Look at you, his expression seemed to say, as he gestured toward her finery.
She stepped toward him and instinctively took his hand in hers, clutching it tight. “Shhh,” she said. “Stop. We need to find Junior and tell him we don’t have time for … whatever this is. What’s going on in real time is way more important.”
“You know he’ll simply return us to the same moment we were taken, regardless of his plans for us,” Icheb countered. He looked around the empty hallway, as if looking for his omnipotent acquaintance. When his eyes fell on the sign posted at the door, he read it aloud. “Christmas Banana Multiversal Mixer.” He frowned.
“It’s a party!” a familiar voice boomed behind them. Both Icheb and Maren spun around to see Q Junior sitting on the console table next to the floral arrangement, wearing a tuxedo even nicer than the one Icheb had on. With a little flourish, he produced two cards and handed them to the pair. “You haven’t changed a bit, drone boy,” he said. “You still wouldn’t know a party if it asked to pleasure your -“
“Shut it, Junior,” Maren interrupted, raising one hand impatiently as she accepted a card with the other. She glanced down at the card and read it aloud in increasingly doubtful tones: “Welcome to the Christmas Multiverse Banana Mixer, Maren O’Connor of Verse #31. This is your reward for your endeavors over the last year. A bonus holiday day just for you where you can party all day with various heroes and friends of many realities. Regardless of your state at the end of the day you will be returned ten minutes after you left, fit for duty still a couple of disasters in progress. Now go party! Season’s Greetings from your host!” She looked over at Icheb’s card, which said much the same thing, then gazed up at Junior incredulously.
“We don’t have time for this,” she protested. “You know perfectly well what you took us away from. Somehow I don’t think you brought us here to save the galaxy, so if you could please send us back now? Preferably with less of this?” she said, gesturing toward her chest. It was the second time in her life Junior had seen fit to give her a boob job, and she did not appreciate it in the slightest.
Junior responded by giving her a disappointed pout. “There was no way you were going to fill out that dress otherwise,” he explained with a shrug. He smirked. “Besides, Itchy seems to appreciate the view.” Maren glanced over at Icheb just in time to see him avert his gaze from her newly rounded bosom. She rolled her eyes.
“Junior, we have to go,” she pleaded. “You’ve got to send us back.”
“Don’t you even want to know why I brought you to this party?” he asked. “I bet you think it’s some kind of scheme to get you two back together, and you might not even be wrong. But it’s so much more than that! Your universe isn’t the only one with problems, you know. Inferior creatures like yourselves are suffering in multiple universes, making themselves miserable with their own stupidity just like the two of you. You all need a break. A night of fun. I asked Dad if I could break you guys out of sickbay for a little rest and recreation, and he said yes. So here you are. Enjoy yourselves. Have a drink and kick back, for Q’s sake.” He snapped his fingers and a flute of champagne appeared in each of their hands. “It’s not even synth,” he said, seeing Icheb’s worried expression. “Chateau Picard, 2359. The year you were born was a good vintage, Maren,” he added. It was the closest thing to a compliment he’d ever paid her.
Icheb and Maren exchanged a wary glance, negotiating silently with their eyes. I don’t trust him, Maren’s look said, and Icheb’s said he agreed completely. But what are we going to do? they asked silently, raising their eyebrows. Finally, they both shrugged. He’s omnipotent. If he wants us to party, we party … but carefully, they added, with warning looks. Negotiations complete, they turned back to Junior as one.
Maren raised her glass first. “To Junior,” she toasted.
The young Q grinned. “Now, that’s more like it!”
Icheb raised his glass to Maren’s. “To Junior,” he agreed with a nod. They clinked their glasses and took simultaneous sips, then locked eyes and shared a genuine smile for the first time in years. Icheb offered her his arm, and she took it, still smiling. Without a single glance back at Junior, they opened the double doors and joined the party.
****
So far, they were the youngest attendees there. While neither Icheb nor Maren recognized the Caitian Chef by the food table or the blonde Vulcan female and the flying black colony of things in a suit he was serving, Maren immediately recognized Elizabeth Shelby, who should have looked completely out of place in a ball gown and tiara, but somehow didn’t. Beside her, Icheb pulled her closer to him. He clearly recognized her, too. “Shelby,” he whispered, with a frown.
Maren grimaced. Shelby’s hatred for the Borg was well-known, and she had been one of the most vocal opponents of letting Icheb into the Academy. In her time and universe, Shelby was a famous starship captain, one of the most storied in the fleet, and much older. But here, she was only in her thirties and strikingly pretty. “Look how young she is,” she told Icheb, trying to comfort him. “Maybe this version of Shelby is from before Wolf 359 ever happened, or from a different universe completely.”
“Maybe,” Icheb conceded, but he didn’t sound convinced.
Next to Shelby was another beauty, a woman with flame red hair whom Maren was able to place after a moment as Beverly Crusher, the current head of Starfleet Medical - albeit also obviously taken from a much earlier time. But as impressed as Maren was by the two famous women, she gasped aloud when she saw who they were talking to. A dark-haired man in a kilt stood beside a stunning woman with piercing blue eyes, and she recognized them both from history vids.
“My God, it’s Scott and Number One,” she breathed, squeezing Icheb’s arm. “Oh, my God. Oh, my God.” She was nearly hyperventilating with excitement over meeting her hero, Montgomery Scott. He had become something of a recluse after his surprise rescue from a distant Dyson Sphere when she was just a kid. She had hoped all through her Academy years that he would come to speak at the school or something, but he seemed to prefer to stay out of sight, quietly making new breakthroughs that made her feel like an idiot even after winning the Daystrom Prize at 20. Still, she had read all his engineering logs and waited eagerly for each new tidbit of news about the man she and so many others considered the godfather of modern engineering. Now she was finally in the same room with him. “Oh, my God,” she whispered again.
Icheb gave her a bemused grin. “As far as I am aware, his ‘miracle worker’ nickname does not confer upon him the status of a deity,” he said, with a tiny smirk. “And I believe your religion frowns upon idolatry.”
“You’re just jealous because you know she’d leave you in an instant if she had a chance with him,” another familiar voice chimed in. Junior’s father, Q, snapped into existence in front of them, blocking their path to the others with a condescending smile on his handsome ‘human’ face.
“Please. He’s nearly two hundred years old. I don’t want to sleep with him. I just want to …” Maren trailed off as she gazed longingly over Q’s shoulder toward the famed engineer. “Assimilate him,” she finished, unable to think of a better explanation for what she wanted to do in the presence of Montgomery Scott’s brain.
The statement elicited a stunned raise of the eyebrows from both Q and Icheb. Then Q smirked and stepped aside. “By all means,” he told Maren, motioning the couple onward with a sweep of his arm. “Just be sure to let him know that resistance is futile.”
=/=
Chapter 5 (trekfan #167 & #181) by FalseBill
Author's Notes:
Thanks again to GateKeeper for the beta check on this chapter.
The Mixer expands again and brings in characters from trekfan verses.
Verse #181
T’Kel sat alone in her quarters trying to meditate on the issue of her relationship with her long-term colleague Paul Bearrian. He had recently started a relationship with the ex-Borg drone Seven at the suggestion of Paul’s sister, Victoria.
The resentment Seven generated, as an ex-Borg drone, from poorly informed members of the general public, was worryingly high and it had already lead to Paul being injured in a bar fight.
Yet as T’Kel focused on the warmth of her meditation stone in her hand, she couldn’t reach her inner peace for once, as a strange emotion, one she didn’t recognise or understand, seemed to rise from some dark corner of her soul and demand she tell Paul to end the relationship with Seven.
Yet T’Kel’s logic told her that a) it was not her business who Paul chose to have a relationship with and b) why shouldn’t he have a relationship with Severn if he chose? The views of outsiders should have no bearing on who Paul dated. So why did this relationship stir this strange hateful emotion within her? T’Kel pondered.
T’Kel heard laughter in her quarters. She opened her eyes and saw a strange redheaded woman in an Admiral’s uniform sitting on her dressing chair. More bizarre than the unknown intruder were the two snowmen who stood next to her.
–Computer--intruder alert,†called T’Kel.
However the computer didn’t respond.
–Sorry dear, but I’ve taken the room service phone off the hook, since you seem to be suffering from a pit of green-eyed jealousy at Paul’s new girlfriend--such an un-Vulcan feeling, isn’t it?†said the redhead woman.
–I do not have green eyes, and my emotional control is intact, thus your logic is flawed. I also do not believe that you are Starfleet, Admiral, and thus you’re intruding into my quarters--– started T’Kel.
–Such an atypical Vulcan but still trying to pretend she is no fun, huh boys?†said the woman to her snowmen, which to T’Kel’s surprise nodded their agreement.
–However, I see clearer than you. It’s no wonder jealousy has got inside you. What you need is a party to take your mind off it and meet new people plus have some fun. Lucky for you, I’m throwing one and you’re on my guest list,†said the redhead.
–I can assure you, I need no such thing, now identify yourself or leave,†said T’Kel.
–Silly Vulcan, I’m Lady Q and you will go to the ball,†Lady Q said, then she turned to the snowman on her left and said –Bag her up please.â€
T'Kel knew enough about the Q’s to know she had to escape and raise the alert, she made a dash for the door but the snowmen pelted her with snowballs and knocked her back. Then the Snowmen bounced up to her and threw a bag over her. T’Kel embarrassed herself by letting out a scream of panic as a living snowman bagged her up for Lady Q.
=/\=
Verse #167
Captain Steve Garrovick sat in his Chair on the Bridge of the USS Farragut. Yeoman Billie Minuet handed him a PADD with the latest fuel consumption and power usage report.
Steve thanked her, he quickly glanced at the report, and everything seemed to be within normal tolerances. So Steve signed the report off and was just about to hand the PADD back when she, in a flash of light, turned into a banana.
–What the--,†said Steve.
The bridge crew all turned and looked at the captain and then at the banana that had yeoman Minuet’s uniform on.
–Get Doctor Piper up here from sickbay,†Steve ordered.
Lieutenant Kershaw at the science station pulled out a field tricorder and linked it to the main ship’s computer, she then rushed over to start scanning the banana in the yeoman’s uniform.
–Captain, Sickbay reported Doctor Piper has also turned into a banana,†said the ensign at the Communication station.
–Set yellow alert, and get me a headcount. I need to know if anyone else has turned into a--– but Steve didn’t finished the order as in a flash of light he turned into a banana.
=/\=
As the light cleared from his eyes, Steve found he was no longer on the USS Farragut but rather in what seemed like a large starbase hall. He also found that his uniform had changed for a smart suit.
As he glanced around the room, he spotted Yeoman Minuet standing nearby holding a tray of drinks. Indeed, there were several yeomen of all races and gender in their dress uniforms holding trays of various drinks.
There was a group standing near a petite red headed Yeoman. He decided to ignore the smell of food and started to walk towards the group. As he got closer he spotted his chief medical officer, Karen Piper, in an evening gown and tiara she was taking the red headed woman’s vitals with her hands.
He was prevented from moving forward by the sudden appearance of a bag in a flash of light. It took a moment, then he saw the bag had a struggling person inside, and hearing a muffled cry, without a second thought, Steve opened the bag and found a tall, striking, dark haired Vulcan female in classic Vulcan robes and tiara.
–Thank you, where am I?†she asked.
–Beats me, one moment I’m on the USS Farragut, and the next I’m here,†replied Steve.
The Vulcan looked at Steve, and then she made the Vulcan hand salute and said
–I’m T’Kel of USS Pearl, it would seem logical we join forces to investigate our joint abduction. Do you agree?†replied T’Kel.
–I do agree T’Kel. Let’s start by asking my missing chief medical officer what’s going on,†replied Steve.
–That would seem most logical,†replied T’Kel.
Steve and T’Kel advanced on the small group of people. Karen looked up from studying the redhead and rushed to hug Steve.
–Steve, it so good to see you,†she said, hugging Steve.
Steve hugged her back and said, –It’s good to see you, too, Karen,â€
–Steve, it seems we’ve been abducted by a powerful non-corporeal entry known as Lady Q. Worse, these poor yeomen,†Karen indicated the row of people holding trays in various uniforms, –Have also been abducted and reduced to drink serving automatics with none of their normal personality,â€
–Thank you, Karen, barring this Lady Q, who’s in charge here?†asked Steve.
A tall Raven haired woman and a small blonde haired woman stepped forward clearly in a state of competition over the group leadership.
–Ladies, do either of you hold rank equal to or higher than a starship Captain?†asked Steve.
–No,†they both said.
–Fine, as the most senior Starfleet officer, I’m now assuming command of all Starfleet personnel till we either escape or a more senior officer relieves me,†said Steve.
–That is your right as the most senior officer present, but if you give me any order I find against my universe’s Starfleet regulations or morale I’ll not obey,†said Number One.
–Your Universe’s Starfleet?†asked Steve.
–Steve, it seems the people in this room have been collected from various different universes by this Lady Q,†offered Karen.
–I see. Well, hopefully our universe’s differences are not so major as to make any objections necessary Ma’am,†Said Steve to Number One.
=/\=
Chapter 6 (Bluesman #219) by FalseBill
Author's Notes:
Thanks to GateKeeper again for the Beta Reader help on this chapter.
Captain Rick Dylan stood next to Doctor Veronica West in the turbo lift of the USS Lexington.
–Any ideas Ronnie why my ship’s yeomen are being turned into bananas?†asked Rick.
–Not a clue, I suppose it could be some kind of alien virus,†said Veronica.
–So Ronnie, why bananas and not some sort of alien fruit?†asked Rick
–Rick, it could be something in the junk DNA of humans, but without hard facts or scans of those affected, I’m guessing in the dark,†said Veronica.
Then to Veronica’s shock, Rick turned into a banana with his face on it and still wearing his uniform.
–Oh--,â€started Veronica before she too turned into a banana.
=/\=
–--My,†said Veronica as she found herself in a large hall now wearing a beautiful evening gown and a tiara, and holding a small black handbag.
–Ronnie, you okay?†asked Dylan who was now wearing a finely tailored white-tie suit.
–Where are we Rick?†asked Doctor West.
–I’m not sure, but it seems to be some kind of party going on, according to this invite I found myself holding,â€
Rick and Veronica both looked at the piece of card that read,
‘’Welcome to the Christmas Multiverse Banana Mixer, Rick Dylan of Verse #219. This is your reward for your endeavours over the last year. A bonus holiday day just for you where you can party all day with various heroes and friends of many realities. Regardless of your state at the end of the day you will be returned ten minutes after you left, fit for duty. Now go party! Season’s Greetings from your host!â€
–A bonus holiday Rick?†asked Veronica.
–I’m not sure Command would look kindly on us taking a break from our duties on the say of some unknown host,†replied Rick.
A tall woman with red hair appeared in a flash of light in front of them, and she was wearing the mini-dress uniform but had Rear Admiral stripes on her sleeve cuffs.
–Why do you Starfleet types find it so hard to relax and accept a reward?†she asked.
–Cause and effect, even in the Federation, you get nothing for free,†said Veronica.
The woman laughed and then said –Silly human female, you’ve got it backwards, As your wonderful host, Lady Q, I can tell you the cause was you’ve been good little heroes and heroines, so the effect is you get to attend my wonderful banana mixer party, now let us get a drink or two down you and see if we can get you to relax,â€
She clicked her fingers and Rick and Veronica suddenly found they were holding glasses with some kind of bright liquid inside and pieces of fruit. Unable to help themselves the two friends took a long sip of their respective drinks.
A loud Scottish voice said –There she is again, get her!â€
Rick found he couldn’t move other than to continue to sip his drink and watched as the group of people advanced on the mysterious host Lady Q. She seem totally oblivious to the people advancing behind her.
Then a smirk crossed Lady Q’s face and she said in a loud voice, –Yes, time for a party game! Let us start with musical statues! If you’re moving when I turn round and I see you I’ll turn you into a musical statue,â€
Then she swung round and, as Rick and Veronica looked on, only Naurr, who had dived under a table and was cowering behind a table cloth, T’Kel whose Vulcan muscle control meant she had stopped moving in time, and Eriecho who was at the back eating the roasted sweet potatoes with blueberries and thus outside the game in Lady Q’s mind weren’t changed into statues.
Lady Q turned back to Rick and Veronica, and said with a sinister smile,
–Now you two go enjoy the food I’ve arranged or you can become part of the room decorations, like the others,â€
Then she clicked her fingers and vanished in a flash.
Rick and Veronica found they could move again.
–Guess we should go try the food then?†said Veronica.
–Yes Ronnie, for now that seems the best course of action,†replied Rick, his mind whirling.
T’Kel chipped in –that would seem logical at this time,†then she rapped her knuckles on the statue of Doctor Piper’s head. T’Kel raised her eyebrow as the statue that used to be Karen Piper MD started to play earth music, that all three recognised as Merry Christmas Everybody.
=/\=
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.